I believe, above all else, in the power of stories. The only thing in all the world that comes close is the power of a kind word, a good friend, or a smile. Welcome to my world, please enjoy yourself.
21 June 1003 - Eight months after her transition into alicornhood, Twilight finds herself on the brink of becoming a full fledged goddess. In the midst of this transformation, an ancient power awakens to attempt to reassert itself, threatening the status quo even as Twilight struggles with her budding abilities. Now Twilight and her friends are tasked to stop Spring before she topples the modern world order - A challenge that proves to be much harder than anticipated...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like what your doing here. I am sad that so many writers don't make Cadence a full alicorn( though it is cannon according to Hasbro) . But, this is you story and she could be half sheep for that matter. I can't wait to see what develops.
@Tales Trails - Don't worry, no half-sheep here.
Keep building that World! I can't wait for the ride.
Just realized that the italics don't copy over from my master document. Fixed it in this one, but, man, those last two chapters must have been confusing. I'll fix them straight away.
I like it. I can't wait to read the rest.
I think the footnote are fine. I would worry about changing formats. In my head Springs voice sounds like a cross between NMM and Chrysalis . Both drenched with aragonce.
Plot Armor! Finally, somebody else understands! I usually call it the 'character invulnerability shield'
Ooh, a code. I'll get back to you once I've solved it.
*Prologue.
5064651 Yes, it is, isn't it?
This is an interesting story so far, but I believe that a common failing is happening. The OC who is central to the plot, is also becoming central to the -story-. It's early enough in the story that this could easily be remedied, and I'm looking forwards to future chapters.
5069186 She supposed to be rather central. That's not a mistake. The story is about her as much as it is about Twilight. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. If you're not willing to put up with a OC as the second most important character, you should get out now. It's not a judgment, and I'm neither angry at you nor do I believe that you are angry with me. But that is the point of the story. I don't want to fix it. I don't think it's broken. That's what I wanted. That is the story I wanted to tell.
I can understand if you don't like that. I expect that. But I do think it a little close minded to consider it an automatic 'failure', at least from a writing perspective. It's perfectly reasonable to consider it such for your own personal enjoyment, but not as a style of writing. There is nothing wrong plot wise, writing wise, grammar wise, tone wise, character wise, mood wise, setting wise, or structure wise in having an OC be a main character as long as that is what the author intended, which I do. It can certainly make it impossible to be enjoyed by you. That's perfectly reasonable. But it's not a general failure. It's a style choice.
Please don't be scared to bring something else up! This is just one of those few things that I can't compromise on. I want to make this as fun for all of you as I can, but I'm not changing the basic premise of my plot! It is still my story when all is said and done. It would be like telling J.R.R. Tolkien to not concentrate as much on Frodo and Sam because you like the parts with Aragorn more. It's perfectly fine for you to not like the Lord of the Rings because of it, but it wouldn't have been the Lord of the Rings if he had. I could concentrate on Twilight more, but it won't be the story I want to tell if I do. I hope that, even if you can't agree with me, you can at least understand where I'm coming from.
Um Celestia didn't make Twilight an alicorn. Twilight did to herself. At most Celestia directed Twilight along the path but the magic came from INSIDE Twilight.
Celestia did a hancock.
And Celestia did not create Equestria the tribes did well before they showed up. They only assumed control after Discord. Really need to rework your timeline abit.
5195268
Um... While I am more than open to criticism...
And I am truly glad that you took the time to comment on my story...
You do see the 'alternate universe' tag at the top, right?
The gray one. Farthest to the right? One of three? Has the words 'Alternate Universe' written in it in white. That one.
That means that the timeline in this world is different. That's why it's 'alternate'. You know, the word which is the antonym to 'same'. It explicitly defines itself as not being the same as the show. It's supposed to be different.
That doesn't mean you can't hate it for that. That's fine. You are perfectly allowed to hold any opinion you like, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. But if you want to tell your opinion to others, you better have something to back it up. Your criticism is simply not valid given the information which you have free access to. I would love to hear some valid criticism from you, seeing as you do obviously have a keen ability to identify issues, but this... I don't know what this was.
This story is excellent. It's such a shame there are so few views on it.
As a way to improve it further, here are some small mistakes I found.
"supper intelligent" - should be super
" therefor, I" - should be therefore
" Well, by then!" - should be bye
"down at her self" - should be herself
"her for refunding" - for should be from
"plate(According" - According should be uncapitalized
" very might have" - should be very well might have
Also, as a more general correction, when placing parenthesis within a sentence, there should be a space between the last word before the opening parenthesis and the opening parenthesis.
5579283 Thank you very much for your kind words! I don't beleive I deserve them, but it is kind for you to say them regardeless. Unfortunately I'm very ill right now, so I won't be able to fix this immediately, but I will try to address these issues as soon as possible!
okay seriously .How did spring pull that off? She was fairly injured and Luna and Celestia were still fresh.
5798107 What, stun and then immediately teleport away? That isn't really that hard to do. She put teleport blockers on them, not the other way around. All she needed was a good two seconds or so to beam herself out of there. It's not like she went and beat them. She just sort of ran away.
5798107 She used an immobilization spell on them
This is a very interesting story, should have more popularity even with the hiatus. Hope to see more eventually!
6416124 I'm glad you think so. Sorry about the whole probbaly never going to finish it thing.
I dispute that, considering it seems, for all intents and purposes, identical to the type she's used to. Different vocabulary? Yes. Different grammatical syntax? Hell no.