Cadence
“Sombra,” I breathe, scarely able to credit what my eyes are telling me. Sombra. The name sends shudders down my spine. I’ve seen and felt the results of that stallion’s cruelty. I’ve read his meticulous notes on his bloodcurdling experiments on helpless innocents. I’ve stared at my predecessor’s remains, murdered by his own hoof.
And he’s in my bedroom.
I don’t think. I go with my instincts. I’m an alicorn princess grown, in the very heart of her domain. The love of my subjects, my friends, my family… it gives me strength. I’m not the comparative pushover I was when last we met. I lash out.
A lance of pure, blue magical energy launches itself from my horn. It slices through the distance between us faster than blinking, and spears straight through the evil king’s heart.
So why is it the wall behind him that explodes?
An enormous hole is blown into the wall separating our bedchambers from the bathing, sending chunks and shards of crystal flying in all directions. Had somepony been in there, they would have been cut to ribbons or crushed utterly. As it is, the bathing room is ruined.
But the stallion stands there still.
“Impossible,” I take a step back. “You can’t be here. You’re dead.”
The king… raises an eyebrow at me? “Well, yes,” he says, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I would think you would have known as much, considering you helped to kill me.” His form is a little misty where my attack hit him, but quickly restores itself to apparent solidity.
Damn. What spells do I know for dispelling hostile spirits? I wrack my brains hurriedly, but nothing immediately comes to mind. It’s not like we have many plagues of angry ghosts in the Crystal Empire.
Sombra takes a step forward. “I am not here to fight you, princess.”
“I don’t believe you,” I snarl before lashing out with another spell. This one takes the form of an expanding pink sphere that quickly envelopes the room. Sombra’s form wavers briefly as it passes through him, but it repairs itself as quickly as before.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Perhaps this would be better suited for conversing with you?”
His body breaks up into a grey-black mist, before reforming a few seconds later into a tall, dark grey unicorn stallion. His mane is still black, but has lost its flowing properties and is simply long and combed back. His horn has lost its unnatural curve and red overtone. His eyes are a dark green, surrounded by whites. Normal, healthy pony eyes. When he opens his mouth again, the teeth are ordinary pony grinders, not the vicious pointed things they were before. His face… it’s different, but the same. I can tell this is same individual, and yet not. All his armor and regalia are gone as well.
Sombra – it’s still him, I’m sure – gives a slight bow at the neck. “Is this more to your liking?”
Now that I think about it, this is probably how he looked before the dark magic exerted its influence on his form. It’s actually rather handsome, come to think of it.
Wait, what the hell am I thinking? Get it together, Cadence, you have to banish this ghost before he does anypony anymore harm.
“Are you going to listen to me or are you going to try throwing things at me next?” he continues, his tone somewhat impatient. “Before you do, I am already deceased and there is little you or I can do to harm one another.”
“Listen to you?! Never!” I hiss, the memories of his atrocities against ponykind bubbling up in my head. “Get out of my castle! Get out of my Empire! The ponies here are free now, and they’ll never be your slaves again!”
“I do not desire such things any longer,” he says, looking down at his own hooves.
Am I crazy, or is that an expression of… guilt on his face?
He looks up at me. “I have changed, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. I am no longer the pony I once was.”
“Liar!” I point at him with a hoof. “Ponies like you don’t change!”
“Really?” He raises an eyebrow as he dissolves back into mist. “Some ponies,” he says, in the form of Nightmare Moon. “Might disagree with such an assertion,” his voice comes from Discord’s mouth.
“You are not them.” I snarl angrily at the ghost as I continue to wrack my brains for any spell that might harm or chase away a spirit. If this is really Sombra, I need to get rid of him as soon as possible.
He sighs again, resuming the form of the handsome stallion. “I have not come to argue with you. I have come to help you.”
“You can help me by scurrying back to whatever hell we sent you to last time!”
“My hell has been to endure nearly five hundred years as a powerless shade wandering in darkness. Nopony but my own thoughts for company. I caught glimpses of the Empire under your rule from time to time. I could affect nothing, but I saw. It was hateful and humiliating to me at first but in time it became… beautiful. I began to regret what I had done.” He shakes his head with a sad expression on his face. “I can never reverse what I did, but I can aid you now.”
“How could a disgusting villain like you help me?!” I retort, still unable to think of an appropriate enchantment to attack this thing with.
“By warning you, princess.”
“Warning me of what?”
“Your Shining Armor, of course.”
I freeze. The blood goes cold in my veins. Has this… monster done something with Shiny? Is that why he’s missing?
“If you’ve done something to him…” I manage, anger building in my gut. The floor starts to shake slightly under my hooves.
“I have done nothing to your beloved, but I am here to warn you that if you do not arrive at the old library in the next… oh, I’d say about forty-five seconds now, you will never see him on this side of the veil again. Better hurry.”
Who the hell does he think he’s kidding? I was firing up my best teleportation spell the moment he gave me a destination. Buck Sombra. If Shining is in trouble, that’s my first priority. I’ll deal with that shade later.
I reappear in the Crystal Empire’s historic main library. It was the only one that existed when Sombra came to power, so it’s the only one his alleged ghost could have been referring to. It’s deserted at this time of night, well past closing time. Even the most fastidious of workers will have gone home to get some rest.
I dart throughout the shelves, calling at the top of my lungs. “Shining? Shining?! Shining?! Where are you?! Shining?! Where are you?!”
My calls echo and rebound across the great dusty place, but for a moment there’s nothing else. Was this a trick? An illusion to lure me into an ambush, perhaps? Or some spiteful treachery by a long-dead king? Why did I listen to him?! You can’t ever trust a pony like Sombra, no matter what they-
Wait. I hear something. Words. Soft. Distant. Repeated.
An incantation.
I don’t even bother to run, simply opting to teleport down to where I estimate the sound to be coming from. My eyes widen as I see what’s going on.
Shiny is standing in the center of an immaculate runic circle carved into the library’s floor. In front of his face is a book, and he’s repeating a line over and over.
“Vincula dissolvit. Vincula dissolvit. Vincula dissolvit. Vincula dissolvit,” he repeats again and again in a strangely dispassionate voice.
“Shiny?!” I call out to him, terror making my blood run cold. If that spell does what I think it does… “SHINY?!” I scream at him. It gets no reaction.
I don’t hesitate any longer. I don’t dare. Telekinesis grabs his body and that book and tears them from the circle as fast I can manage. I catch his terrifyingly limp form in my hooves, even as a lance of energy obliterates the circle altogether, along with a considerable portion of surrounding floor. The shockwaves topple numerous shelves and spill books all over the floor, but truthfully I could not care less.
Shining Armor looks up at me with a strange expression on his face. His eyes don’t look normal, and he sways as if under the influence of alcohol. But that’s not possible for him.
“Cadence…” he mutters in an odd, distant voice. “So sorry… I couldn’t…” His eyes roll back and he collapses altogether against me.
“Shiny!” I scream, shaking him. “Wake up! Please!” He does no such thing.
Shining doesn’t have traditional vital signs to check. The only way to tell what’s going on with him is to peer into the Aether and examine him on a magical level. Thankfully, I am well-practiced at doing just that. What I see horrifies me.
The ties binding Shining Armor’s soul to the body we created for him are terrifyingly weak. To put it in material terms, they’ve frayed, weathered, and molded down to the last few threads. There’s barely anything at all keeping his soul from passing from this world and beyond the veil, where even I hold no power. It was as I suspected – he was trying to kill himself.
My eyes water. I could Shiny’s limp form close. How… How… How could he do this? What have I done wrong? Was it because I didn’t spend enough time with him? Did I not do something? Did I do something he hated? If I had been a better researcher, would it have not come to this? What could I-
Wait. A dark male voice I’ve heard recently whispers in my ear. Look closer.
I don’t know why, but I do.
I peel through the magic surrounding Shining Armor’s soul. It’s dark magic, powerful chains meant to enslave a dead pony repurposed to hold one to his body. But… there’s something more. It’s a subtle spell, but I can just make out traces of it. What is it? I dive even deeper into the webs of magic, searching for the source of this strange element. It’s… an enchantment.
A compulsion.
I open my eyes in the material realm again. Somepony enchanted my Shining to do-
I spy something in his jacket. An envelope. I pull it out with magic. It’s addressed to me. There’s a letter inside:
My dearest wife, my princess, my Cadence,
I’m so sorry, love. But I just can’t do this anymore. Day after day, month after month, year after year, without end. Nothing but hollow emptiness remains for me here. Even your touch, my love, has no more comfort for me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this, but I worried you would try to stop me. I can’t live like this anymore, Cadence. I’m sorry for failing you again, but it’s true.
If you love me, if you really care about me, you’ll treat my last request with respect: move on. Mourn me, bury me in the ground beside our children if you would like, but let me go. I can’t make you happy as I am, and without your happiness there’s nothing left for me in this world. But there is still so much in it for you. It is with a heavy heart that I go on to the next life, and it is my hope and prayer that you will be strong, pull through, and maybe someday even learn to love again.
Love you always,
Shining Armor
More tears pour from my eyes at the very thought. It’s Shiny’s hoofwriting, alright, but it doesn’t sound like him. He’d never spring something like this on-
The wheels in my head must be slow tonight. It takes my brain a few seconds to put the whole thing together:
Somepony put a compulsion on my Shining Armor.
With no warning, my Shining tried to kill himself.
Somepony tried to make my Shiny kill himself.
Have you ever had a moment where your mood radically shifts with no warning or pause? Have you ever felt anger so intense you could swear the air around you was shimmering with heat? I now have the dubious privilege of experiencing both simultaneously. My sadness is gone, replaced by an overpowering, utter hatred unlike anything I’ve felt before. My scream is loud enough to shatter every window in this library and knock even more bookshelves over. But I do not give a flying buck about windows or bookshelves.
Shiny and I vanish from the building in another blue flash.
When we reappear in our quarters, the guards have finally shown up and are investigating the room. After I’ve blown an enormous hole in the wall, faced down a dark spirit, and teleported away? That’s when the worthless foals I pay to guard my home show up?! Useless idiots, all of them.
One of them, Lieutenant Crystalline Star if I recall correctly, seems to be the pony in charge. The guards level their spears and spells when my husband and I arrive, but quickly lower them when it becomes clear who it is.
“You majesties,” Lieutenant Star says with a bow. “Thank the gods you are safe, we were just about to-”
I cut him off with a hard smack on the face. He skids back a couple of feet and bangs his helmeted head into a night table. When he unsteadily rises back to his hooves, I can see blood on his cheek. I don’t sympathize.
“Your highness?” he asks, in a more suitably cautious tone.
“You incompetent morons!” I openly snarl and bare my teeth at them. “There was an attempt on the LIFE of YOUR PRINCE, and YOU did NOTHING!” My Royal Canterlot Voice comes out. The guards cringe and one or two covers his ears.
“But… your grace-” another one begins.
My hoof swings again, and he goes flying into the nearest wall. “SHUT THE HELL UP!” I roar at them, punctuating the order by punching the floor hard enough to make a hole several inches deep in pure crystal. They bite their tongues and bow before their princess. Good. “Now,” I continue, in an almost sickly sweet tone. “You ponies can make yourselves useful for a change by following my instructions to the letter. As of now, the Crystal Empire is officially under martial law, by order of the princess. An attack has been made on royalty, and nopony is to enter or leave the Empire without my personal say-so. Understood?”
The guards around me nod meekly, not daring to say anything. The last one I hit is still unsteady on his hooves.
“Good,” I smile like a benevolent schoolteacher. “I’m so glad you get it. Now, if you would kindly head downstairs and inform our guests that they are hereby confined to their quarters for the duration of this lockdown, I would be quite pleased. Tell them that it’s for their own protection, lest our mystery assassin strike again. Is that clear to you all?”
Again, meek nods. Everypony seems mostly recovered now, but I seem to have successfully established the gravity of the situation with them.
“I’m happy to hear it. One last thing: nopony but myself and my husband are permitted in these chambers unless personally accompanied by one of us until further notice. I trust you gentlecolts can manage that?”
More nods.
“Excellent! Then kindly go and get to it.”
The guards file out rapidly, clearly eager not to be the next to provoke my wrath. A very wise decision on their part.
When the door closes behind the last of them, I set Shiny gently down on our bed. Oh my love… I’m so sorry I let them do this to you. I don’t know who did this to you. I don’t know how long they’ve had you under some spell. I don’t know what they wanted you dead for. I don’t know what would have happened if Sombra of all ponies hadn’t warned me in time. I don’t know a lot of things, and I’m truly sorry for it.
What I do know is that somepony is going to pay for this.
The anger and hatred within me is more than enough to power the dark magic I memorized so long ago. My horn glows black and my eyes fade as I recite the incantation.
“Vincula nigro media nocte, o anima.”
Chains of midnight black, bind the soul.
I can see the magic working in my Aether-sight. Tendrils of blackness wrap themselves tightly around Shining’s soul, reinforcing the enchantments and pulling it back into the body. It does little to resist the pull, and in a few moments I have reattached my husband to his form. Recovery may take some time, at least if the prior experience is a valid comparison, but he shouldn’t be at risk of slipping away now.
I open my eyes and dispel the faint remnants of dark magic that try to cluster about my horn, useless parasites now that their function has been served. Now that I’ve stopped Shiny from dying, the issue then becomes one of punishment. I need to know who did this.
I mouth a silent apology to my nonresponsive husband. I don’t like violating his privacy as I’m about to do, but sometimes a princess has to do what a princess has to do. I tap his horn with my own and cast a spell to bring out his memories.
Not his deepest darkest secrets, you understand. I would never wish to pry so. What I want are his most recent memories, going back to whenever he had the compulsion cast on him. This is quite illegal without consent, but I make the law and in any case I’m sure would agree if he were awake to do so.
His immediate memories are clouded. It’s like seeing the world through particularly murky water. That only confirms my belief that he was not acting of his own free will, but rather magical coercion. Somepony tried to force him to kill himself. I do not think anypony can grasp just how utterly furious that makes me, but it’s enough to say that the tower, the palace itself, starts to quake in apparent empathy for its mistress’ anger. I go back further and further into the night, waiting for something clear to show up. The last thing he remembers before being magically enslaved. What is it? What is it? What is-
It’s an image of the greenhouses. And Lady Rose Quartz.
Our palace starts shaking even harder.
That’s it. No more Mrs. Nice Princess. I’ve had enough of the crawling little invertebrate. Trying to talk me into replacing Shiny is bad enough, but to try and make him commit suicide? And leave a letter instructing me to “love again”? Lady, you are going to regret that for the rest of your very short lifetime.
Several protective spells work themselves around Shining’s limp form. Shields, wards, and alarms to bring me running if somepony so much as gets near him. I’ll care for him personally, but first I have royal justice to dispense.
I may be more furious than I can ever remember being, but as I vanish from the room yet again I can’t suppress a feeling that this is going to be fun.
Lady Rose Quartz of the Crystal Empire is presently occupying a sofa in a rather large and well-appointed waiting room. With her are her son, Gleaming Jewel, and her not quite out of fillyhood daughter, Radiant Brilliance. The former is presently engaged in playing with the latter, while their mother looks on with a benevolent expression on her face. Under most circumstances, I’d describe it as sweet, reminiscent as it is of Shining Armor and little filly Twilight. Of course, under most circumstances, I wouldn’t be there to kill a pony.
To her miniscule credit, when an obviously wrathful alicorn princess appears in the center of her waiting room, Lady Quartz’s eyes go first to her children.
“Run!” she yells, immediately. “Run! Now! Before-”
Too late.
My horn flashes, and the lady’s two children vanish in a flash.
“NO!” she screams, tears in her eyes. She flings herself off her reclining sofa and collapses at my hooves. “From a mother to a mother, please, don’t harm them! They had nothing to do with anything! I swear it on my life and on the souls of all my ancestors that they know nothing-”
“About the fact that their mother was trying to murder their prince in cold blood,” I finish for her. My tone is not particularly sympathetic.
Lady Rose Quartz wilts and sobs, continuing to grovel at my hooves. I simply take a moment to enjoy the beginning of my retribution before I speak up again.
“You may consider yourself fortunate, Lady. Your children are unharmed. Unlike some ponies, I do not target the innocent.”
Her children truly are quite safe, I assure you. I’m no monster. I simply teleported them to a bed and put them to sleep. They will wake in the morning with no memory of what happened. I doubt it will be a particularly pleasant morning for them, but they shall live to see it. Unlike a certain other pony.
“Thank you, your highness,” she says earnestly, tears in her eyes. “I-”
I throw her across the room. She impacts hard against the wall and slides to the floor in a daze.
“I will not be extending that same courtesy to you.” I pick her up again, she floating helplessly in the iron grip of alicorn telekinesis.
She blinks away the last of her daze and manages to look me in the eye. Her face has an odd expression on it. “You are going to kill me this night, are you not, highness?”
I don’t bother denying it. “Yes,” I answer bluntly. “You committed a crime punishable only by death, and I am here to carry out your sentence. The only thing in question is how much you are going to suffer before you die.”
“I… see.” She sags visibly, and I can sense the feeling of defeat pouring from her.
“Feel free to scream all you like. I can assure you that I’ve taken measures to make this room a very private one.” I throw her across the room and into a delicate-looking cabinet. The glass shatters under the impact, cutting into her flesh and ripping much of her dress off.
Rose moans in pain. I pull her right back out through the glass, cutting her still more, and directly up to my face. My wings are out, my eyes are a solid white, and my mane is whipping about like it was caught in a hurricane. I make for a rather intimidating sight. She cowers, instinctively trying to make herself seem small and nonthreatening, as if that would somehow do any good.
I can identify on sight that none of her wounds have touched anything important, and that she’s unlikely to bleed to death soon. Good.
“Answer my questions promptly and in full, and I may grant you a quick death. Fail to do so, and the consequences will be… most unpleasant,” I say, with a rather wide grin.
Lady Rose shudders, then squeaks out a tiny “Yes, majesty.”
“And be warned: I will know if you lie to me. You don’t want to lie to me,” I put a hoof under her chin and force her to look me in the eye. “Do you?”
“No, majesty,” she manages.
“Why did you do it? Were you truly so stupid as to believe I would even consider wedding any spawn of yours if Shining were out of the way?”
She swallows. “Everything I did, I did for my children. Surely as a mother you can relate to-”
I slam her hard against the ceiling, then against the floor. She’s bleeding all over now, and I think I may have broken one of her hind legs.
“You will not speak except to answer my questions, honestly and in full. I will not spare your life no matter what happens, so please cease your tiresome efforts to make me show you mercy.”
She whimpers.
“Now, let’s try another one. Who are your collaborators? I know that an earth pony like you isn’t capable of casting the charm I found on my husband. Somepony had to cast it on you first. And I would bet they knew full well what they were doing.”
Her eyes bulge and her mouth falls open, only to close itself quickly again. She pointedly says nothing.
“Doing this the hard way, then? Very well.”
At my command, all the bones in her right rear leg shatter. Lady Rose Quartz screams in agony. She writhes helplessly in my grip, contorting and flailing uselessly at the magic binding her. It’s no good. Even if I were to put her down, she’s in no shape to make it far. She’s completely powerless to fight – I am a god, and she an ordinary pony. I decide what happens here, not her.
“And that’s hardly the worst I can do to you,” I say when she’s quieted a bit. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have your flesh set aflame, only to grow back as it burns? Or to be eaten slowly from the inside out, feeling every last bite? I can do that, you know. Or,” I add with a particularly malicious look. “I could make you love me.”
I can see from the puzzled expression on her face that she doesn’t get the threat of the latter.
“My dear lady, have you ever wondered what it would be like to love a pony so much that you would willingly kill yourself so that they could have your corpse for a hoofstool? Because I can make that happen. Rip your very mind and will from your grip, and make you my utterly willing slave until the sheer presence of the magic in your head drives you mad.” I give a predatory grin.
That’s a bluff, by the way. My love magic doesn’t work like that. It reminds ponies of what and why they loved something, and brings dormant emotions to the fore. I can’t bring into existence what never existed, nor can I make a pony into my slave. But I’m willing to bet Lady Rose Quartz doesn’t know that.
“No,” she whimpers and pleads, waves of fear coming off of her. “Majesty… please… don’t do that to me. Leave me my mind, at least.”
I pull her up to my face and force her eyes to look directly into the glowing white pits that make up mine. “Then tell me,” I growl, “What I want to know. Which ponies are helping you? Who cast that spell that let you do that to Shining?”
“Majesty…” she’s openly weeping. “I… can’t…”
“Yes. You. CAN!” I scream. I want all the traitors, not just this one.
“Please…” she begs me through her pathetic sobs.
“You have five seconds.”
“It’s somepony… very high up… I can’t tell you…”
“Two seconds,” I interject pitilessly.
“Majesty…”
“Time’s up. One love-slave, coming right up.” My horn begins to glow a bright pink, softly a first, but brightening by the second. I reiterate that I can’t actually do what I’m threatening, but the sheer terror she has at the prospect of having her mind violated in such a manner is itself a useful tool.
“NO!” she wails, covering her head with her good legs. “I’ll talk! I’ll talk! Please!”
I let the glow in my horn fade. “Last chance. Name. Now.”
“P-P-P” she stutters badly, failing into a mumble so low it’s unintelligible even for me.
“What was that?”
“P-Pri-Pr-P” she mumbles again.
“I can’t hear you!”
“P-Princess Celestia!”
What.
Beep---Beep---Beep This is an emergency broadcast of the Alicorn Rage warning System. This is not a drill, Cadence is about to go nuclear on Celestia. Evacuate this plane of existence now. This planet will be atomized in five seconds. Beep---Beep---Bee......
I'm sure now would be the time to calm down and think rationally instead of doing something stupid in highly emotional state. No? Guess that's expected.
Ah, so it was the real Sombra. That's interesting. And convienient. Wouldn't be surprised if there was foul play going on here as well. He'll help around and soon enough starts asking favors.
some major fecal matter is about to hit both the proverbial and literal fan very soon!
Wow. I was honestly rooting for Rose Quartz there. These are some gray areas, all right.
And then Cadance kicked Celestia's ass all the way back to Canterlot. The end.
But seriously, I can't see this ending well for anypony. Even if Shining gets his new body, Cadance will never trust Celestia again. Twilight might be a wildcard but I don't see her siding with Celestia when she discovers that Celestia tried to kill her brother. And don't get me started on the relationship between the countries.
I mean, Celestia tried to commit regicide in an allied kingdom. The crystal ponies love their prince and princess, so I don't think they'll take this in stride.
All in all, I think I'll be needing a lot more popcorn for next chapter.
Uh... yeah, this was a major flaw in Celestia's plan. Like, did she really think Cadance wouldn't go beast-mode to find out the answers? I'm almost ready to call bullshit on this, because Celestia would be smarter than that, but whatever.
4850141
Well, if all had gone according to plan, Shining Armor would be dead by his own hoof, with a suicide note to match. Cadence would have had nothing but vague suspicions towards Celestia's associate, if anything at all. It only failed because of circumstances outside of her ability to anticipate. I mean, really, would you rate "Sombra's ghost tattles just in time to save one of the ponies who killed him" as very likely in the design stage?
And as to the other part, she more or less expected Cadence to, if anything, slaughter Lady Rose in a blind rage. Because that's what she would do if somepony did this to Luna or Twilight. I imagine the severe emotional repression she engages in makes the periodic outbursts far more intense than they might otherwise have been.
4850141
Well everyone is a tad OOC. Kind of have to be in order to get the dark tones right. But you are right. She knew that Cadence would probably kill Rose but not that she would make her talk? Meh... still a good story.
That fact the Sombra shows up to save Shining supports my theory that he's influencing the situation. Tho I'm no longer sure if his soul is living in Shining's body.
4850193
Or better yet, have her put a gaess on Rose, so she literally couldn't remember. Then, Cadance peers deeper into her mind, to the point where she almost kills her, and notices the signature of Celestia.
Just saying that I think Celestia would have a few more links in between her and the act. She's pretty smart.
4850253
You're sure that Lady Rose isn't under some magical compulsion not to speak? She doesn't seem like the type who would stand before a murderous alicorn and not talk unless she had a very good reason not to.
Remember, all magic is fallible.
4850283 \
Once more, I think this is a mistake Celestia wouldn't make. She's obviously been planning this for a very long time, and that seems like too simple a mistake for her to make.
Still, it happened. Not the best way it could have, but it did. So, onwards!
4850319
If that's how you see it, ok. But I would like to take a moment to point out her choice of words:
Not, "I won't", but "I can't". Then I would invite readers to remember that in the MLP-verse, even brainwashing from the likes of Discord can be overcome by sufficiently powerful emotion.
4850354
So Celly brainwashed a subject to never speak of her plans huh?
Welp. this story is going to end in one of two ways. Cadance will attack a 'I would never do that' Celly OR a 'It was for the greater good' Celly.
OR
She'll simply banish Celestia from her kingdom under pain of death if she returns. I can imagine Celly taking that about as well as salt to a wound, but it's an option.
Either way, I'm really hooked onto this story. Here's hoping for a swift update tomorrow!
Aw snap. Cadence, get Twilight in on this! She'll be almost as pissed as you. You'll need her help to take on Celestia (who'll probably have Luna backing her).
I'm glad that Shining didn't die at least, though he's probably hovering on the edge of death. Sombra is likely trying to get a war going for his own advantage.
Though who was this alicorn stallion mentioned to have an interest in marriage with Cadence?
4850556
It was most likley a lie of somekind. She was using an enchantment on Shining after all. Although it could also be possible that Celestia promised Rose she would make her son an Alicorn.
4850556 - Yea, Sombra's addition to this story starts to change things. Not necessarily for the better...
I keep thinking that Sombra has somehow infected either Cadence and Shining Armor, or Dark Magic in genera. That it's his voice which comes to both of them. I'm still not sure if it's Sombra himself, or some sort of mental divergence that takes the form of Sombra, a strong negative figure for both of them, closely aligned with Dark Magic.
Ghost Sombra seems a bit odd personally... and who knows if his 'redemption' is genuine or faked in the home of obtaining something out of this conflict, perhaps a new lease on life? An Alicorn body?
It definitely makes some of Celestia's fears justified... potentially anyways.
why is celestia "right" as so many have put it? why does death have to be absolute? Is she mother nature and mother superior? Is she a god in this world who decides right from wrong? what right does she have to be the arbiter of morality?
4849982 yes, the mob holds more sway than any ruler ever expects, and their ignorance of that power is usually their downfall.
4850141 4850193
I'm going to agree with Jake for once. There's no way Celestia, political chessmaster of the highest order, possibly one of the most intelligent and wise beings on the face of the planet, left a flaw this glaring. Not THIS bad. There should be spells in place, countermeasures. Even your regular-old indoctrination so there's no suspicion. Perhaps a brew. Anything but "Oh I'm sure Cadence won't use mind-affecting magic which is the very basis of her alicorn powers as the Princess of Love to find out who did this and then make them give up my identity."... it's... no. It's not possible. I sit here and think of the ways that it could come to this, emotional quandries, a willingness to just see it done and wash her hooves of it - nothing. Not in any Celestia characterization that is created through logical extrapolation or even in the way you wrote her so far in this story does this, in any way, make sense.
No politician of worth. No ruler, no leader, no wiseman, no hyperintellectual ever creates a naked plan. Everything has layers. Contingencies. Backups. Failsafes. Especially when the only result is war and familicide. Especially when the whole reason why she's doing this is to PREVENT bloodshed, she would so openly invite it by making a mistake so massive that it could eclipse the blasted sky itself? No sir, there's no explanation that covers that adequately. This was a foul. You can say the fear and emotion broke whatever spell might have been placed on Rose, but Celestia is how old? How strong? How experienced? She's the former Element of Magic by canon. She's had to rule the greatest nation in the world and prevent wars for longer than Cadence has been alive. You're telling me someone like that can't cast a spell that makes it impossible for the person to remember her identity? Or a spell that so completely dominates the mind that emotion can't snap them out of it? If that was the case, anyone she cast it on would break the spell under even basic torture - which is far worse than what Cadence is doing. No spymaster or agent would be safe to trust. No diplomat protected from spilling state secrets. At the very least, a kill-switch to off Rose the moment she broke and tried to spill the beans. Fry her brain on the spot, leave no magical trace.
These are things any of us can come up with on the spot, and we're not thousands of years old or one of the most powerful and intelligent beings on the planet save potentially Discord. Without ire or disrespect, I request a rework. I feel you can do better than this, and don't have to sacrifice reason to bring things to the point you want to be at. You've shown enough skill so far to accomplish that with ease and creativity that is more befitting an author of your ability.
4851484
First off, I thank you for taking the time to read and so thoroughly review my fic. Now, to respond to your post:
As I thought I made clear, Celestia's main mental weakness is that she expects every alicorn to act like she would in any given circumstance. It's why she never saw Nightmare Moon coming. It's the reason she was caught off guard by Cadence and Twilight working together to do what they did. It's why the issue of her niece committing suicide in the event of Shining's death isn't even a blip on her mental radar. She would never do such a thing, and has a hard time imagining another alicorn acting differently.
The second thing is that her plan was meant to be the political equivalent of a quick, humane euthanization of a target. Minimum of fuss, moving parts, and time. And you're forgetting: it worked just as she'd intended, right up until circumstances she had absolutely no way to anticipate popped up. It's like she executed a plan to become mayor of Tokyo, only for the city to get randomly trashed by Godzilla as she was being sworn in.
Thirdly, we have yet to see what the spell Lady Rose is under even does, though I doubt it will be pretty. And yes, I am saying that Celestia is both less powerful and less ruthless in her spellcraft than Discord, whose brainwashing, if you recall, can be broken by emotionally-charged letters.
4851707
There's just a thousand ways she could have done it better (and with your characterization of her, should have), and yes - I took all of that into consideration before posting. I'm going to be completely honest with you. It felt like a cop-out. You essentially dumbed down someone who has the capacity to be the most convoluted antagonist in a story to 'expectations'. Does this mean that in her thousands of years of life and politics, she's never planned for things to go against her expectations? That's not wisdom. That's not intelligence. I'm not sure that's possible from even a statistical standpoint.
My point remains, as I had thought on everything you brought up just now beforehand. I still feel that you are a much better author than this, and could have made Cadence coming to the realization it was Celestia a longer and much more interesting, involved affair. Intrigue, emotion, character development, world-building, so much could have been done that would do your skill justice just with trying to track down who was responsible. I will continue to read the story, but note my displeasure that that scene was beneath you and still sacrifices reason for an expedient plot-vehicle. I'd been looking forward to more... at this point Cadence doing and hiding her research is far more meticulous and careful than Celestia is.
4851778
Well, I always prefer my readers to enjoy my work, so I'm sorry this particular chapter wasn't to your taste. I hope future ones are more to your liking. And I'll take your criticisms under advisement as I continue this story and any future sequels.
Celestia's blindspot specifically is about alicorns. The vast majority of her insights are right on the money, particularly when it comes to other races, but she has an intellectual deficiency regarding her own. If I were a psychologist, I would suspect it's a complex stemming from the loss her parents to their dutiful fight against Discord at a young age and being subsequently forced to be the big, dutiful sister for thousands of years. For most of her formative years, all she had for role models of her own race were her dead parents and herself. Even the likes of Tywin Lannister have their blindspots where emotions trump reason.
SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN SO HARD
Decided to pick this back up at this chapter. Really glad I did.
Awesome stuff.
B*tches be crazay.
I'm loving this XDDD!!!!!
I just died laughing when Cadence thought "What." at the end XD!
So far I only wrote two short and stupid comments, so here is my actual thoughts on this so far.
It's. Bu**ing. AMAZING! This is so sad and tragic, but all this just now was just hilarious for my sick mind (I believe that's why I enjoy something as horrible as this torturing. It's not normal, right?). But all that aside, I'm pretty sure this is what I will be wasting time now. I just can't get enough of this! I wonder if Cadance will actually figure out how to make Shiny a proper body... Don't spoil it yet though! Another thing, I'll probably be moving over to the sequal right after I'm finished reading this.
There was a missed opportunity in this chapter. You had a far stronger setup with Cadence having a spy network in the noble houses hired help alerting her that something was going down rather than the Deus Ex Sombra happening. It would have been a lot stronger having a vague tip and Cadence turning the castle upside down searching for Shining Armor over Sombra being there and just giving her the information for no good reason.
I knew it.
Powerful phrase, that, in many ways.
Oh, shit. Cadance...
Oh, phew. For a moment there I thought—
Well, shit, Cadance. Surely if you can come to this (reasonable) conclusion, shouldn't you show just a little more mercy?
Cliffhanger of cliffhangers. You mean I need to read the next chapter to see if Cadance followed through with her promise?
Urgh. Lucky I was going to anyway.
By the way, I've noticed a slip in editing with this chapter. I'm seeing more frequently that a lot of your word choices and sentence structures are quite odd; it actually reminds me of how I used to write before I had regular prereaders. Here are four examples, but there are many more.
Is there any other way to snarl?
Again, what else is she going to point with?
"launches itself" implies that the energy has its own consciousness and is acting independently, when in fact it was Cadance who directed the energy. Better to just say something like "I thrust a magical blue lance, burning with the purity of love." Or something similar. a) we already know she's using her horn to fire her laser beam, so we already have that imagery, b) even using the word "blue" might not be necessary; we should all know what colour Cadance's magic is, and c) you don't place a comma before a colour.
Another example of the independent limb here. "I swing again" still gives the same imagery.
5557825
I know this is an old post, you've most likely finished this story long ago already, and that I'm only up to this point... but there's a perfectly good reason for the "deus-ex-Sombra" appearing to warn Cadance. We already know from Celestia that dark magic is festering and growing within Shining Armor('s crystal body), and that it is attracting other dangerous magic to itself. A dark beacon, as she put it. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to assume that the growing darkness inside his body attracted what little life force remained of Sombra, perhaps long ago, and that Sombra's apparent remorse for past actions and attempt to "warn" Cadance about Shining's suicide attempt are both just part of his own method of self-preservation.
Here is my rationale: Sombra couldn't give two shits about Shining Armor or Cadance as ponies, and fully intends to take over again. But he does presently need them both to sustain his own survival, and so attempting to be remorseful and on their side works to his advantage.