The End
Cadence
Celestia has what she wants now. She has my husband, my kingdom, and even my as-yet hypothetical future foals right where she wants them. And I have to back up her story, or else suffer an unidentified penalty from the geas, followed by whatever her mind can cook up. As I’ve heard some of my guards put it: she has me by the (metaphorical) balls.
It wouldn’t do for anypony to wonder why their princess looks like she’s been grilled for some barbaric griffon meat dish gone horribly wrong. I suppose that’s why Celestia taps my horn with hers and feeds my body some healing magic. In minutes, I can feel my skin losing its burns and rejecting the metal from my ruined jewelry. My pink coat grows back in, along with my multicolored, flowing mane. My insides still feel sore as new tissue replaces the old, burnt stuff. Even for an alicorn, this is very fast healing. I wonder where Celestia learnt a spell like that? And why she never taught it to me. My guess, judging I’ve learned of my adoptive aunt in the last few hours, would be to give herself another unexpected advantage. Just in case.
When it’s done, I’m superficially returned to my normal self, albeit completely lacking in the regalia department. On the inside, I can feel that my natural magic is almost entirely depleted. I’d compare unfavorably to an above-average unicorn right now, and probably will for weeks. I’m certainly in no position to try and fight, and I’m betting Celestia knows as much.
When my healing is done, Celestia returns us to my chambers without another word.
“SHINY!” I cry when I see him still in our bed, soundly out. I can’t help it – it’s such a relief to see that he’s still with me, even after all this. I rush over and embrace my husband, planting a kiss on his cheeks and trying to ignore the white alicorn in the background.
Buck Celestia, I’m having a personal moment.
“Ugh… Cadence?” Shining’s voice is weak and whispy, but it’s never sounded better to my ears. One of his eyes cracks open just slightly. “What… happened? Where… where…” He trails off, clearly not recovered from his near-death earlier this evening.
“Shhhhh…” I whisper gently, planting another kiss on his forehead. “It’s alright. You’re alright. There was an… incident, but everpony’s alright. I’ll tell you more later.” I pull the covers up over him with my mouth, even though I’m aware that it doesn’t do any more than sentimental good, if even that. I stroke his mane. “We’ll make it through this, you and me. Together, as always.” I kiss him on the forehead. “You and me, my prince. Together forever.”
“Mmmmm…” he mumbles, his eyes fluttering closed again. “I like that.”
I smile.
In the interests of objectivity, I must note that whatever else she may be, Celestia’s insights on the ordinary pony appear to be right on the money, cynical as they are. She and I have only to trot out of my quarters (in fresh jewelry in my case, naturally) and start giving orders, and my guards scramble to obey. In spite of my… harsh treatment of them earlier this evening, I don’t sense any ill-will from them towards me. In fact, they seem more concerned for my health than anything else.
That’s sweet, really.
Not even the fact that I admit outright to an effectively extrajudicial execution of a noble seems to sway their confidence in me. I mean, sure, as princess I do technically have the right to pass judgment on just about anything, but you’d think with the Crystal Empire’s history the ponies would be a bit more wary of that sort of thing in their leaders. But I suppose that’s an immortal talking; to these ponies the events of Sombra’s reign are but a distant thing that happened centuries ago to somepony else in textbooks. All this generation has known is peace under our rule, and they haven’t the slightest suspicion of the purity and justice of my actions. They trust me, completely and utterly.
And I’m lying to their faces. To protect a would-be murderer.
I am a despicable pony.
I order a formal end to the hours-long lockdown. It shouldn’t have been too disruptive – at least, I hope not. The delegates can come out of their assorted quarters now, though most are probably asleep by this time. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of complaints to deal with, come the morning. Maybe there will even be an invitation to an honor duel for the “insult” of making them stay where I could find them during a regicide investigation. I don’t like to send champions to such things, but under current circumstances I suppose I might not have a choice.
Celestia sticks to me the whole time I see to the Crystal Empire’s demobilization. I suppose she wants to be sure that I don’t try anything more. Or perhaps she’s simply eager to reinforce the official story: that she helped me to track down the would-be murderess at my request and personally witnessed the execution. Either way, she has that benevolent smile back on her face and says little when not directly asked, apparently content to leave the talking to me. She looks as beautiful and serene as she ever did, but after tonight I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to look at her the same way again.
Celestia
The final day of the week-long World Forum of Peace and Cooperation is, at least in comparison to the events that preceded it, rather tame. There is some pleasant music, another carnival, more speeches, a farewell dinner, and finally a concluding nighttime spectacular put on by my very dear little sister.
I confess, Luna has outdone herself this time. Not content with merely arranging for a full moon ahead of schedule and a cloudless night, she saw fit to even temporarily rearrange the constellations for this one night. A meteor shower, coupled with fireworks and full-blown musical accompaniment makes this show a treat the likes of which I haven’t seen in many, many years. There’s a serene smile plastered on my face as I look on at her display from the elite box reserved for only the highest of royalty.
But my mind is elsewhere.
I feel a bit guilty for mostly tuning out my sister’s hard work. But I feel much, much worse for what’s happened. I love my niece. I love my nephew. I truly do. I know it may sound difficult to believe after what I’ve done, but that is the honest to gods truth of the matter. I’ve watched them grow from little ones to ancients under my care, and I remember well every step of the way. Attempting to be rid of Shining Armor… was no easy decision. I put it off for hundreds of years before trying, and even then I allowed my sentiment to make me sloppy in the execution.
And now I’ve broken a very dear relationship forever.
Cadence hates me. I know it. I can see it in the subtle glares she gives me when she thinks I’m not looking at her; hear it in the slightly forced sound of her politeness when we speak in each other’s presence. But, more than anything, I can see it in the way she goes out of her way to place herself between Shining Armor – barely able to walk, but still managed to attend today’s festivities – and myself whenever we are near to one another. I don’t know if she’s doing it unconsciously or if she actually believes that there is a chance that I will publicly attack her beloved, but either way the message is quite clear.
Whether or not you believe it, I know well what it feels like to be hated. It’s not something I teach in my nation’s schools, but more than one pony has died cursing my name on their lips. Rebel generals, scheming politicians, and the occasional unfortunate innocent have all died by my hoof over the millennia. By my latest count, including Lady Rose Quartz, the number stands at exactly seven thousand five hundred and twenty eight sapient creatures of all kinds, from dragons to gryphons to minotaurs to unicorns. All dead by my will or actions over the course of my twelve thousand eight hundred sixty seven years, three months, one week, and two days of life. All had family, friends, and supporters. And, if they did not hate me, it was because they knew not from whence their deaths came.
But hatred is so much harder to bear when it comes from within your own family. Believe me, I know that as well. Luna, dear sweet little sister of mine, came to hate and resent me so much that she embraced dark magic to give her the power to overthrow me. And I was blind, expecting her to be as dutiful as I was, right up until she got in my face and declared her intentions. Even then, foolish sentiment overwhelmed my reason and I fled rather than fight, only to be struck down. Had little sister not been overcome by the sheer thrill of victory, had she shown elementary caution in assuring that I was truly slain, the world would have come to an end that very night, freezing and starving under Nightmare Moon’s unfeeling gaze. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but for a goddess duty must come before all else, even family. I banished little Luna, uncertain of whether I would ever even see her again. While that worked out for the best, thanks to dear Twilight and her wonderful friends, a hair’s breadth is not a margin the fate of the world should ever hang by. If I hadn’t learned it before that night, then my banishment of Nightmare Moon taught me the importance of doing what must be done, no matter what my heart may have to say about it.
I am glad that no more bloodshed was required to end this. Cadence gave me an out, and I took it. With any luck, I will not need to return to finish the job. Shining Armor will remain unharmed and ignorant, and Cadence may hate me for all eternity. I will bear it. I merely hope that, in a thousand years, when she sees the good I will do, that she will at least comprehend my reasons even if she does not forgive me.
If Cadence’s attempt succeeds… it could be just the answer I’ve been searching for. I am one of the strongest beings alive, but even I cannot be everywhere at once. There are many nations beyond Equestria, and many leaders. Mortal governments rise and fall in such short spans of years, and they often find it advantageous to their petty, short-term aims to pursue bloody warfare against one another. The foolishness that comes from a short-sighted perspective seemingly inherent to mortal life.
I glance at Cadence, sitting beside me, and Shining Armor beyond her. I recall her threats from earlier. Perhaps the foolishness is shared by even some alicorns.
I feel a bit like some baby snatcher, forcing her to promise me any future foals the two conceive, but it is for the greater benefit of the world. Indeed, it is a chance to do even more good for all the living things of our planet than almost anything even I have done in a very long time. If. If they’re properly trained, brought up to think rightly…
Imagine it, if you will. An alicorn advisor in every government of every nation in the world. A demigod to serve the rulers, personally tutored in politics and magic by the greatest and oldest of their kind. A gift of goodwill from Sol Invictus herself. Who could resist the advantages that would bring? Yes, they will at first be feared and spurned and hated as outsiders. Only the most ruthless and pragmatic or simply desperate will make use of them. At first.
But we are alicorns. We are immortal. Whether it takes one generation or ten for the foals to be accepted does not matter. When they are, whether out of a genuine comradery or simple greedy pragmatism, they will come to rule those nations. Whether in name or not, it is inevitable that an alicorn will come to dominate all that is around it unless restrained by an older, more powerful being. Such is our nature, such is our power, and such is our responsibility.
When all the nations of the world come to embrace the leadership of these right-thinking alicorns… when what was lost so long ago comes again… there will be no further need of war. No further need for blood-feuds and petty conquests fueled by greed. No more inane politicking with short-lived beings thoroughly convinced of their own trifling importance. Merely practical management of the world and all its peoples by benevolent demigods. Perhaps then I shall finally be able to cease these repulsive backroom deals and knives in the darkness. Or maybe that is too optimistic a projection.
But when I have my alicorns… when the legacy of petty mortal rule is banished to the dusty tomes of history… then, I know, we shall have peace.
So hate me, if you would, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. It will be my burden to bear. But give me what I want, and I will hold nothing against you.
After all, it is for the greater good.
Cadence
I watch my adoptive aunt – for almost all my life my mother figure, now my enemy – out of the corner of my eye. Celestia just sits there, staring up at Auntie Luna’s show. I don’t think my other auntie knows what I know. I’m certain little Twilight doesn’t. She still has that innocent gleam in her eyes, the sense of utter devotion to her teacher that she had when she was a little unicorn filly. I know her too well to imagine it would still be there if she knew how close her beloved BBBFF had come to death.
Poor dear. It would be hard to tell her, even if I weren’t unavoidably compelled not to. I hate to crush innocence.
Celestia still has her serene, benevolent, motherly smile stuck on her face. When I was young, that smile comforted me. When I became an adult and a true princess, it was model to follow. Now it just seems a hollow mockery to me.
How dare that witch think herself in the right?! After all she taught me about the importance of friendship, how dare she betray her friends like that? After all she taught me about the magic of love; she tries to have mine kill himself when she thinks him a danger!
Now her little smile just makes me angry. It’s a symbol of her treachery, her two-faced murderous treachery. Against her own family! When I have been nothing but loyal to her all these years. The Crystal Empire has wound itself tightly into Equestria, just as she asked of me when I first came here. I worked hard to demolish the prejudices of the generations and convince them of the virtues of our close friendship and alliance with our great neighbor. All I ever asked in return was to keep my husband rather than watch him rot away. And what thanks do I get for all that I did? A blade in my Shining’s back!
She’ll pay for this, I promise you. I don’t know how, or when, but Princess Celestia will live to regret the day she betrayed Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. I’m not strong enough now, and I can tell nopony of what has happened. But I’ll find a way. She won’t keep me as some sort of compliant vassal forever, and my babies are not for her to use.
So smile on, Celestia. Grow complacent in your victory here. It isn’t over between us, and you will yet suffer for what you’ve done.
So swear I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.
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Good ending but it leaves me wanting more! More!!!
Ahem but seriously, this was a great story and I'm looking forward to the sequel, whenever it may come out
There can be only one solution to the threat of Celestia, and that is the head of every alicorn on a pike, and a mortal on every throne. Victory will only come when Celestia's works have been shattered like glass.
Might want to mark it as complete.
4860874
Way ahead of you, pal.
I look forward to the sequel!
Hopefully it will all blow up in Celestia's face. Perhaps she hasn't considered the idea that although Cadance has agreed to give her foals to her, there are ways around Celestia having them wrapped around her hoof.
Cadance could just say not to trust Celestia. She may not be able to say why, but the implication is simple enough. From there her children will regard Celestia with suspicion. And the moment that suspicion peeks its head, well...
How will Celestia deal with an army of Nightmare Alicorns?
Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. Here's to the next story, bring it to us soon!
4860810
So... your plan to stop Celestia involves killing Cadence, Twilight, and Luna in addition to the mare herself?
Good luck with that.
I loved this story, since I found it around chapter 4. It's quite rare to see someone manage character turning bad so believably. Authors even in the most popular stories usually go with possessed route to some degree. Sombra's intervention seems a bit "deus ex machina", but it is probably building ground for later sequel(s).
As for the ending, I think Sunbutt is way over her head with this scheme of hers, she cannot even see it from down below. Yes she will get good deal of "twilights", but there will come "sunset shimmers", "nightmare moons" and "mia mores." Over the time she will make enemy among her puppets *ehm* pupils. Over the time they will outgrow her guidance and will seek to make living for themselves.
It will probably take generations to have some serious impact, but as she put it, generations mean little to the alicorns. In the end she will come to regret her actions this day and our beloved Princess Mi Amore Cadenza might even have nothing to do with it.
Arrogance, arrogance and cruelty beyond what I've come to expect from Celestia. She doesn't even attempt to hide the fact that she wants to use Cadenza and Shining's future children as political pawns, furthermore, she intends for them to suffer terribly for the 'Greater Good.' What a joke, Celestia has learned nothing from all this. Heck, she even admits that she expects these children (whom, unless she's willing to wait a long, long time for them to mature, have only experienced a mortal lifespan up till that point; not that age and experience are any true shield against the effects of isolation and depression) to experience the exact same conditions that led to the creation of Nightmare Moon over what she believes could be (and which is mostly likely a highly conservative estimate) several lifetimes; what the heck Celestia? Was once not enough for you?!
You'd be surprised.
If you really think that, then you're an idiot. People can, and indeed have, held onto their prejudice for thousands of years. Not to mention that you severely underestimate their intelligence, any leader worth their salt will know what you're doing. Beyond that, she seems to think that people will just up and elect her puppets to rule over them just because they're more technically qualified to do so, and that when it does happen they'll just accept having an alien absolute ruler that bows before yet another alien absolute ruler (of a foreign and quite possibly unallied nation mind you), giving up any hope (short of a bloody and impossibly costly rebellion) of ever having any say in their government again ever.
I'm sorry Celestia, but your 'cunning' plan has more holes in it than Swiss cheese. Experience doesn't equal intelligence, or some inherent 'rightness' that less experienced beings lack; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if at least a few of her political contemporaries started running metaphorical (and perhaps literal, just to be a troll) rings around her.
Okay, so first it's 'alicorns are better than puny mortals,' then it's 'well... maybe they aren't,' now it's 'okay, right-thinking alicorns are better than puny mortals,' which I assume is essentially a code-word for 'mini-Celestias,' you'd think somebody that 'experienced' would recognize the mental cartwheels she's pulling to sustain her inherently flawed worldview. Does she really think that she can raise children to be her obedient little pawns? She got lucky that Twilight tolerated her bullshit, most other students would've gone the way of Sunset Shimmer. She'll be left with several pissed off adolescent alicorn youths that hate her guts while she obliviously wonders what she did wrong, once again letting an important moral lesson fly right over her head.
I hope this is continued, and I seriously hope that we get to see Celestia receive the mother of all beat-downs. Maybe a thousand years banished to the sun would help give her perspective. After all, it's only fair, that's what happened to Luna when she embraced tyranny.
What a story. Definitely needs a sequel, Cadence has to have her revenge.
4861068
You know, while Cadenza promised her children to Celestia...Shining made no such promise.
But yeah, it seems like she needs to be hit by the Elements of Harmony herself.
I want to like this story. I can say I enjoyed it even if the ending wasn't the type of ending I would normally enjoy. My biggest issue with the story is that what feels like the central issue introduced in the first two chapters is not resolved. This feels like you're making promises to the reader and not fulfilling them. What I mean by promises to the reader is a reference to the Writing Excuses Podcast (linked here) that goes over that topic. The story feels like the focus is supposed to be on Cadance, her research, and Shining surviving with the lack of feeling and having to deal with the voice in his head. The research suddenly becomes a minor plot point and the voice is just dropped as the plot moves away from focusing on Shining and Cadance and moves to Cadance and Celestia.
Part of my inability to like this story is Celestia as a character but everyone has beat that horse to death (pun intended) in a much better way. I think my biggest issue is tied to what I said before: the ending feels incomplete as it doesn't resolve the issues I cared about at the beginning. Where you start leading us is not where you end. Heck, in the last chapter, there is no Shining perspective. He is who you started the story with and focused a good amount of the audience's emotional energy and suddenly he just stops mattering.
4861410
Hmmm... Understood. I'm glad you enjoyed at least some parts of it. I suppose some of the reason that I wrote the way I did was that i always conceived of this in terms of several stories, with this one serving as initial draw and introduction to the conflict that I plan to play out. I will keep your concerns under due consideration when continuing to write in this universe.
4861496
The thing about several stories or series is that the things that are important later are usually minor or introduced in the second half of the story they are included in. Things introduced at the beginning are seen are more indicative. Also, listen to at least that one episode of the podcast I linked as it offers some very good advice on making sure you understand the promises you are making to the readers of your stories. Then again, I'd recommend that podcast in general as it offers some pretty good advice most of the time.
I THOUGHT SHINING WOULD GET HIS BODY BUT HE GETS IT IN THE SEQUEL?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
1.bp.blogspot.com/-b3KVvuA-nP0/T3CR8_UXw5I/AAAAAAAA4FQ/ma_ZC28LxV4/s1600/baby%2Bscreams%2BNOOO.jpg
also look at these
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7371983616/h54ECFCE0/
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6194144512/hEF74403D/
Read this all in one sitting.
Really, really glad you're making a sequel. For the most part, besides some parts that I, and others, felt were flat out mistakes, it was a very enjoyable read.
Following you, waiting for the sequel.
I think that what this story addresses (intentionally or not) is the issue of power. A mortal monarch might have the sort of power that Celestia and other alicorns can wield but they wouldn't have the long term plans and the patience to carry out the sort of things that Celestia is trying. It's a different take on the old 'Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely'. Equestria is actually very lucky that Celestia is in charge rather than somepony else that might have less lofty goals in mind. Ponies might even like me as a ruler at first but then the camps would open and ponies would start to disappear and it would be downhill from there.
Even so, Celestia is utterly ruthless and will allow nothing to stand between her and her ultimate goals. Mortals have done that since the first dictator and will continue to do so indefinitely. Big difference here is that Celestia doesn't die in an eye blink of the cosmic clock, she goes on and on. She doesn't need to resort to firing squads and concentration camps; she can wait. She knows that, with a few exceptions, she'll outlive her enemies and eventually even their descendants will bow before her. Willingly bow most likely.
Celestia wanting more alicorns to fulfill her goals is a double edged sword. More alicorns means more interaction between alicorns. Eventually one of them is going to be at odds with another, maybe even with Celestia herself. Then what? Alicorns recruiting alicorn allies to fight each other? Involving mortals in the fray? If Cadance learns the patience that Celestia possesses, she may need not do anything to get her revenge. Eventually one of her children will to the job for her.
Maybe Celestia also wants a company of peers to assuage her loneliness after so many years. It may be delusional for her to think she can raise a group of 'right thinking' alicorns that she can relate to and then everything will be just peachy but she also has no doubt in her mind that she can do it.
Soo yeah...... Up the NLR! At least Luna will just kill you without trying to make you feel good about it.
4861410
Agreed. Here I was thinking the Evil Celestia vs Cadence subplot was going to be put on a shelf until the sequel and the focus of the story could get back to Shining and Cadence, and how their relationship develops as the Princess's research gains results (or doesn't and Cadence becomes noticeably strained while Shining Armour wonders why).
The one thing that bothers me is that Sombra appears but it isn't expanded upon, I do hope you expand upon his return and actual help of her later on.
Somba is the wildcard here. He knew. All of this has far less a vibe of helping Cadance than of forcing her into this position for leverage. Her Overton Window has moved. Cadance is willing to do things she never would have. Sombra also has the ability to break the geas *IF* he was present when it was laid. It was also fairly poorly constructed. Sombra could have constructed a much more effective geas I do not doubt.
Cadance... I think she was a fool to go after Sol Invictus anyway. You can not take down Celestia by force. It requires subtlety.
So, Celestia's plan is, in essence:
"Cadence! Breed an army for me to train to rule the world! Surely, Alicorns trained by me, will be loyal to me and not their mother. They will still be loyal even after they find out I tried to kill their father and mother! Or what ever evil I do from now till then that could send them into a blind rage like our kind go into so often. Its not like I had a hard time fighting one Alicorn, and fighting Cadence's no doubt 50-60 foals all at onces when they are grown would be hard.
You know, saying that plan out loud, doesn't sound nearly as nice as it did in my head. Better work on the brain washing spell, just to be safe."
4866354
Well Celestia could always bind them all the same way she did to Cadence. Gain their trust while teaching them a bit and once they trust her enough.. bind them to her will in some way.
Anyways... this is truly one story that made me actually hate on Celestia. The other ones I have read were more like things that could be forgiven but, this... wow.
Well....I can't favourite it. I'll be honest, I utterly hated Celestia in this and was kinda hoping that she'd get whacked by some of Sombra's old magic or at least barred from the Crystal Empire permanently at the end of things, but oh well, I suppose this was a bit more realistic. Now I'm off to read something a tad more light-hearted.
Protip: If you have a demigoddess in a period of partial psychotic grief, It would be better to talk and negotiate with her and show that you actually care rather than beating her into submission.
In the long term, this is just gonna give Celestia a permanent immortal enemy rather than ones who pass by like dust to her.
4945917
When all is said and done... what makes you think Celestia's revised plan ends with Cadence still alive and/or free? As self-appointed purveyor of Necessary Evilstm, well...
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
I must suggest fixing the formatting, though. It feels like you are reading a wall of text each chapter. More spacing and maybe a better indication of a scene break
Well since you asked so nicely for feedback, I'll give it my best shot.
Overall I think the story is quite good. It's a fairly unique take on dealing with Shining's mortality and the royal couple's marriage afterwards. They both obviously hate the status quo for different reasons, but accept that the alternative would have been worse, and so drag themselves through misery for each other. It's sweet, and tragic.
Unfortunately, in large part because of how well you wrote Shining and Cadence, Celestia feels very flat. Even though she pays lip service to her emotions, none of her thoughts or actions really make it feel like she actually has them. At best, I'd say she reads like a high-functioning psychopath following her brain because she doesn't have anything else to listen to, and at worst I'd say she feels like she was just written to be the bad guy that everyone would hate. The only time it really felt like she has emotions at all is when she was being forced to feel them, and even then that only lasted a few lines.
Still, very solid piece of writing, and I definitely enjoyed the ride.
4986758
Added more spacing between paragraphs. That do it for you?
5013021
I hope you'll read and enjoy the sequel just as much, if not more so.
Glad to hear that you liked it.
Alright, as promised here is my review. I wanted to finish what exists of the sequel and process my thoughts before commenting. Warning: spoilers ahead, if you just want to know if the review is positive or negative with no spoilers: This story is great and you should read it immediately.
It is a very rare thing for me to alter my top 15 stories on my User Page, which includes both better known stories like Stardust and Past Sins, and hidden gems like Outside the Reaching Sky. Together Forever makes the 'hidden gems' category.
Right from the beginning, I loved the inner voice of both Shining and Cadence. I loved Shiny's self loathing countered by duty as he doggedly refuses to abandon his wife as long as she needs him.
I loved how honest Cadence was with herself about her own selfishness and the wrongs she had done to her love. (Obviously in a world without souls it would be different, but this world seems to have proven the existence of the soul and a very pleasant afterlife which changes the dynamic nicely.) Yet she continues to commit those wrongs in a way that is so believable you can't help but feel for her.
As for Celestia, well, this is the most evil rendition of Celestia that still fits with canon. Plenty of stories on this site have a tyrant Celestia who is mustache twirlingly evil, (*cough Conversion Bureau *cough) but Together Forever's 'do anything to achieve my perfect world' Celestia manages to be both a sickeningly depraved monster, and still be the seemingly benevolent ruler we get glimpses of on the show. The fact that her 'perfect world' is a nanny state nightmare that any libertarian worth his salt would fight to the end to stop just makes her self righteousness all the scarier for a fantastically frightening villain. After all, every tyrant in our history was convinced they were the good guy, many of them made the trains run on time and ensured the people were fed, so what if they had to crack a few eggs? Great job showing us the mindset believably.
The only real hiccup I have is how the hell did this Celestia ever wield the element of Honesty when she deals with her problems using assassins and misdirection? At least Cadence is completely honest with herself when she does the wrong thing for selfish reasons.
It is a testament to how well you handled the character's inner voices that I really, deeply felt the sting of Celestia's betrayal, I felt Cadence's anguish at her defeat, and fear of losing her husband, as well as her grief at selling her unborn children to a monster. Most fanfiction is quickly forgotten, but the ending of this one got my dander up and I could think of little else for hours.
That is an impressive feat.
From a structure and grammar perspective, if I don't find myself taking notice of the construction of the story then you are doing it right, and that is the case here. So, well done.
Other things worth mentioning, a large number of people on this site hate the Alicorns as Gods, gods, or demigods. I say that it isn't inherently wrong, but is rarely done well. You have done it well, good job.
Now I believe it is important to point out the flaws, even in the things you really enjoyed, so here goes.
Here and there the prose comes off as a tiny bit too casual. It is first person so casual is fine to a point, but there were one or two moments where it irritated me. Not a big deal though, and certainly not worth changing anything.
There are a few points where Celestia comes off as a wee bit too sociopathic to really be the beloved Princess she is. While Cadence and Shining's emotions burst off the screen, Celestia's feel mostly subdued to the point of being non existent. She acknowledges that the emotions are there (or at least should be,) but I didn't believe it, which keeps her from being remotely sympathetic.
I was also annoyed that Sombra dropped off the face of the Earth after his warning. I realize he is there for the sequel, but that is a rather HUGE plot point to leave with not even a word of acknowledgement by the story's end (admittedly, Cadence had bigger fish to fry at the time.)
Still I hesitate to even call those flaws and more like design choices. I loved this story and will eagerly follow the sequel.
Now then, please pardon me while I make an arse of myself online through pasting a summary of character developments, with review elements I wrote up for Together Forever. You may feel free to disagree with me, my opinion is my own, and shouldn't affect how anyone else thinks. Here's to you, Snake Staff!
Together forever is a darker story, An alternative concept based upon Depressive fics based upon Shining Armor's aging/death And Cadence's reactions to his degrading health/death. Instead, what had happened is that Shining's soul was bound to a golem/statue by Cadence using dark magic.
Together Forever follows Shining Armor, Cadence, Celestia, Twilight, and Other primary and secondary characters, each one portrayed rather well, from a personality-analysis standpoint.
Shining Armor became an eternal being, but at a heavy price, His existence is just that, continuing to exist, with little to no benefits. He's essentially a walking statue, and because of his status he suffers from long-term-isolation-like symptoms, literally due to "living" in a state of which forces him to be unable to feel, save for limb movements. For Whoever knows what I'm taking about, think sensory deprivation, in terms of touch, smell, and taste for over 200 years. He's socially considered a freak of nature, and, if he wasn't the princess' companion, would be shunned from society. The depressed voice that flickers through Shining's mind seems unnatural to his own articulation, and isolated from his feelings, coming up at conflicting, and supprtively happy/depressing times (in terms of the point of origin for these unusual secondary conflicting inner thought) rather than naturally occurring thoughts. It could very well be some form of extreme inner duality caused by his hardships, or by an external source. (hint hint)
Cadence is, well, a mess. She clearly spread herself out too thin between her royal duties and trying to make an alicorn body for Shining. Although it is quite interesting to see her embody the darker, over-possessive side of love, it sometimes feels like an unusual developmental path for her, and has potential to become rather interesting. The potential for an obsessive character turning mad, or a person in power corroding away until it reaches a breaking point is great, and both scenarios are always fun to watch pan out. Aside from that, she still remains self reflective, and a dynamic character, changing to the situation (somewhat) and changing through the story's progression if by increments, however still haunted by her mistake throughout the text.
Celestia... god, I'll have to spoiler this one. I'm censoring this because celestia's appearance in this story is core to the storyline, to some degree. Just warning you guys, this one is spoiler heavy. Celestia has a colder side to her in this story, a greatly colder side. She gives off her usual affectionate, "I love my little ponies" air, but feels, and probably is less compassionate overall in this story. While she takes everything calmly, it feels like she's a slight too casual about things at times (leading a mare to her death by using her as a pawn of sorts, nearly obliterating Cadence into a pile of ash, having a count in her mind of how many sapient creature's she's lead to dying, etc) (then again, thousands of years alive can do that).]and while she does show a handful of emotions, it feels unusual for an idol, a publicly accepted god, known as kind and benevolent, to come off as cold and calculating on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I love cold and calculating more than the next guy, but it feels like it's a bastard-sword level of hybrid between evil/tyrantlestia, and her canon appearance, It's a better compromise than just chimera-ing a bunch of their traits randomly together, but it still feels a tad... diffferent, for lack of a better word, than other portrayals of her character. But it's a neutral different so it's neither good nor bad, another unusual design choice, I could say
Twilight doesn't really seem as jaded as the rest of the cast, and is a strong, if out of place feeling secondary level character. Among the rest of the main cast of jaded, and darker personalities, her natural yet slightly subdued personality quirks both fit in, and is an unusual contrast to the cast.
With little to no solid grammar errors, and a quick release looking back at the dates, This story is one of the most beautifully written, quick;y released pieces I've read yet.
So, after my review dying, me stuffing it in a statue, and then realizing it didn't have a soul in the first place, I'd have to give this story a frosty and refreshing 9.5/10. With it being an original premises, and being well written to boot, plus some kudos of mine to the author for speedily producing passable work of art, The 9.5 is well earned.
P.S. To be honest, when Adin commented his review/opinion, he pretty much summed up everything I had to say, so I'm scrambling to write what I can, while still seeming original. He did a better job of summarizing my feelings than I myself could have. Apparently, we noticed some common traits.
Just read start to end. It's true, Celestia is definitely ruthless, and can be hated for that. But I don't get the feeling of hopelessness and overpowering threat that Truly Evil Celestias such as from Lines and Webs do.
This is a mare who is ruthless and willing to do anything to ensure the safety of her subjects. Not for herself. Not evil. Just... willing to do anything for the long lasting good.
I really do feel for Cadence.
It's a good story.
Matrix failed, and so will Celestia's plan. The most dangerous are those who are so set in their way that progress is no longer visible to them.
A closed, one minded system leads to death. Evolution is the only way forward
I don't even remember the last time a fic made me hate Celestia as much as this one. Especially the potential for a redeeming moment, where Celestia then swears Cadence into essentially sell off her future kids as commodity. And it's only made worse by her seeming genuine concern for the world.
And the hopeless situation Cadence finds herself in at the end, even with the hope she has...
Have an upvote, you absolute bastard.
Congradulations for this!
Truly excellent work on this story. I haven't read very much fanfiction with political scheming, but hooooly cow was this impressive.
Great job with the characters, especially (as weirdly as it sounds) the ones off-screen most of the time. I really felt Twilight and Luna's presence in the story despite the lack of focus on them, and the world you created felt incredibly deep. And of course, the voices of the three main characters felt both distinct and in-line with the show's characterization. Celestia comes across as truly monstrous in the best possible way - no one believes themselves to be the villain.
I'll echo the sentiment about Sombra: I wish that plot point had been fleshed out a little more. Hopefully, we'll get to see more of him in the sequel.
I'm definitely watching you from here on out.
Oooooh dear. Celestia has, at this point, messed up and messed up badly.
...the full extent of said mess-up will likely not reveal itself for several centuries. But alicorns have long lives and long memories and Cadance will never trust her again...
So, yeah. Long-term, I foresee trouble coming.
Well that was a disappointing end. I suppose it's to be expected, even if there were a continuation this would be a logical point for a break.
Here and I thought Celestia might have taken leave of her senses, but clearly I was wrong she never had any. She pretends to want what's good for everypony, but she thinks that she has the answer in alicorns ruling everything. What she fails to realize is that this cannot go on forever. For each new alicorn she will have to endure this again and unless she is as cold and ruthless as those she claims to be monsters, she will be brought lower each time. She would be fortunate indeed if even one recognized her madness and succeeded in ending her and keeping such madness in mind whenever they do something.
Her survival has been helped along significantly by good fortune.
It seems the immortal is just as good at failing as the mortal, they just have more time and energy in which to fail in ever more spectacular ways. The inevitable outcome, in my mind, is that someday the species of the earth will rise up to overthrow the alicorns and if they win, they may well end the ponies as well just to be sure. If they lose, there will eventually be no sentient life left.
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-WE- don't know if there were better ways. We can only assume that. A character who is several thousands of years old and has seen most everything the world has to offer is much more likely than we are to know the best way to handle a specific situation. The best we can do is guess, but there isn't much we can do as mortals - we can barely keep our day together, let alone a week - an immortal responsible for the whole world to a slowly-growing degree and the future of all its inhabitants who is forced to plan centuries in advance? That's not something we can accurately judge, let alone act so assured and smug to say they are wrong just because the characters we're emotionally attached to are suffering, like so many were doing when I was still here explaining the situation. Which is frustrating to me, the level of sheer hubris and certainty a good many of the readers acted with in saying who was right and wrong - showing they were acting on their emotions rather than logic, despite what they thought to the contrary.
Now, I really have other stories to argue on and that post of mine was fifteen weeks old. Please let me get back to my arguments/explanations/defenses/attacks/wasting my time.
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I find it difficult to agree. Mortals are willing to try things that could help, while an immortal would merely assume that their past experience was a case of IF x THEN y. If they were omniscient that might be more trustworthy, but they'd still view the world through a limited lens. It's clear that Celestia does not know everything. She might have more to offer or she might be trapped in her own patterns of thinking and action. Simply attaching no natural death to a character doesn't really make them that much better than a mortal ultimately and, in the context of this story, I'd Celestia isn't really any better than anyone else. She could have simply sat idly by while Cadence exhausted her magic. There was no need to reduce her to a incinerated wreck besides wanting to force her hooves. A top down view suggests that she orchestrated all of this just to get a hold of some new alicorns by an easier route. For someone that claims to want the good of all ponies, the good of Cadence is clearly not her concern, no matter what she may present outwardly.
It's hard to accurately judge a character who is fictional and therefore somewhat 1-dimensional at best and even more so when the "universe" in question does not function entirely the way ours does. She isn't responsible for anything, that's just a feeling she has and is acting on and keeps using to justify her actions which she does for her own reasons. What you are touting about immortal characters is pretty flimsy logic at some level, to be honest, as are any arguments about things with which none of us have any experience, but then if we thought about things that way none of us would comment on much. There is no reason that someone who didn't die normally wouldn't act the same way as any other character who is far enough away from death to not be immediately concerned.
** You can get back to whatever you want whenever you want. You are certainly capable of ignoring things and if you aren't you should fix that. What you do is up to you.
P.S.
Rereading that whole geas thing, is there anything keeping Cadence from imprisoning/killing herself or getting someone else to? What's to keep her from writing two copies of everything she does and mysteriously losing one of them somewhere? Telling someone else isn't the same as arranging for an indeterminate someone else to find out about something last I checked. If she made successfully made Shining Armor but made sure he'd be impotent she could try her hardest to make children and never have any success. I'm really a bit curious as to how effective these geas spells really are and how they work, because if they operate more on the literal the letter of a statement rather than the exact intentions of the party casting it/having it cast on them then there are a million and one loop holes. Things like experimenting on your own children so that they are, functionally, only unicorns or pegasi. Maybe set up some biological time bombs in there so that casting a particular spell causes them to explode and vent all their magic in a destructive fashion. A little magic-based genetic modification anyone? Highly unethical and very immoral, but promising as a way to get back at Celestia if you don't mind harming your own descendants.
All worth it really, this Celestia needs to go down hard, and maybe die. Especially given the below.
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You know that there's a sequel, right? This story ain't over, not by a mile.
5309867
I didn't, so thanks for informing me. I look forward to reading it.
P.S.
I probably would have noticed eventually, but it's always nice to know without looking.
On the one hand, this was a very well written, so I did fave it. On the other hand, after having just powered through this in one sitting, I have to say, Celestia needs to go down. And go down hard.
And Cadence, Shining Armor, and Twilight need to be the ones to do it. Celestia is effectively attempting to be Agent Smith, or perhaps seems to think she's going to create something akin to the first, "perfect" version of the Matrix.
Reality beat that construct to death damn quick.
Celestia needs to see her plans fall apart even before they begin to get off the ground, and see what it's like when the things she's done begin to bite her in the ass in a brutal fashion, wonder where she went wrong, and in general have a Villainous BSOD. In that order. Now granted, that probably isn't what will happen, but holy shit is it ever what needs to happen in my opinion.
Hand to God, I wanted to do things to her that would make the Joker think was too far. The JOKER. Thinking something is too far. Imagine the concept of that, assuming you've ever read any Joker stories in the Batman books. Then think about just how much I came to hate this version of Celestia that I wanted to make her suffer in ways that would terrify the Clown Prince of Crime.
All I can say is I'm looking forward to the sequel, and praying to the god of fanfiction that this Celestia fails epically and falls hard from not simply grace, but power as well.
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Uh, you do know that the sequel is already out, right? There's also a side story, if you're interested.
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I actually just discovered the sequel about twenty minutes after I wrote the review and have started reading. I'm up to chapter nine. (8, if you count the prologue as something other than a chapter). I was NOT aware of the side story though. What's the title?
5311056
"Immortal Beginnings". Be ye warned that it is from Celestia's pov.
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I'll check it out at some point once I finish Winter Storm. Or at least up till where the story is currently, anyway.
I still wanna do things to the Celestia in these stories that would make the Joker feel sick though.
So there is going to be a sequal. YAY. KICK CELESTIA ASS... FLANK CADENCE.
Wow, this fic was so dark, i needed a flashlight to read it.
Dear author. You win.
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Well, yeah. I didn't add the "Sad" and "Dark" tags for nothing, you know.
5314233
What's my prize? 
Hurray!
5314459 Point taken, i saw the tags but i just can't remember ever Reading a fic that's as dark as this one, but it was still really good.