• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Richer19


A simple writer/ game designer/ brony/ dragon fan.

E
Source

Big Mac has to go to Canterlot for an event which leaves Applejack to deal with the upcoming Applebuck season. Lucky for her, Twilight has agree to help and now Applejack feels that with Twilight's magic and flight; they could get the harvest done in no time at all. However, Twilight has other things in mind as she states that she is determined to help Applejack through Applebuck season without using wings or magic. Can Twilight stick with that goal and can Applejack figure out the reason why and still have time to complete the harvest?

Cover Art doesn't belong to me. Came up with this idea while talking to some other writers during Bronycon.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 56 )

He is going to attended an event that is something he had to go.

So eloquent.:ajbemused:

Punctuation could use some help. In the beginning, you seem fond of the phrase "the thing is/was". Nothing wrong with that, except it's used twice pretty close together, which kind of breaks up the reading. There's also a tense issue (it switches from past to present then past again), do I'd fix that up. Other than that, the story show great premise, especially for TwiJack shipping (not sure if that's your intention, but it's certainly mine :twilightoops:). Have your fist thumbs up and fave!

Edit: I was the first view, but I'm a slow reader. I tried, right?

I'd be willing to be your pre-reader if you are in need of one. I very much like the concept and I like this first chapter, even if could use some expansion here and little bit of polish there. Overall solid.

Interesting story, it's nice to see past the mistakes and to see the story... Interesting one keep it up and I'm watching u

It looks like Twilight is going to tap into her Earth Pony Magic™ :twilightsmile:

I'm interested to see where this is going, but seriously Twilight?
Offering to help when you clearly have both wings and magic, and then not using them is like going to help someone dig a ditch, driving up on a bulldozer, but insist on using shovels. AJ is not amused:ajbemused:

I really like the concept, but your writing needs work. You have a lot of grammar problems, such as switching verb tenses mid-sentence, and vague poorly phrased sentences (the example 4801431 highlighted was just one of many). I strongly recommend finding a pre-reader or at least an editor. Here are some fimfiction groups that could help you with that.

Twilight needs to learn how to use her earth pony magic somewhere and from some pony might as well be Applebuck season and Applejack. :heart:

Other than actually doing something about the actual REASON Mac has to leave instead of some vague reference, color me intrigued. I really can see why Twilight would go to Applejack instead of Pinkie. Now don't get me wrong now I like Pinkie as a character, and I've known a few folks like her in RL, but you really need to keep that kinda insanity down to moderate doses or you just go bonkers on someone like that. And in general, since we see mostly spike in the kitchen I imagine that twilight isn't that great of cook let alone baker.

Good premise, I could barely read it though, please learn how to use proper grammar.

4802792 Yeah, but as the title spoils she's trying to learn EP magic. So really it's like digging a ditch for your health and muscle building, and so you don't use the bulldozer.

4809372 yeah, but i'm sure Applejack is a bit disappointed.:twilightblush:

well, let's see where this leads!

Yes update by any chance can you make the chapters longer.

4815822 I can try but I'm building myself up to that point by writing a certain amount everyday.

I like this story so far. You might want to proofread but other than that it's good.

"Third..." :twilightoops:

:facehoof:

"Okay, I've got the method down, so now I'd best try to figure out how to improve my efficiency!" :twilightblush:

"Without cheating..." :twilightangry2:

"No, really Twahlaht, Ah don't mind if'n y' magic th' orchard done!" :ajbemused:

"Without cheating..." :twilightangry2:

Well Twi, good luck, you really have no idea what you got yourself into :rainbowlaugh:

Well Twi does have earth pony magic too, not just Pegasus and unicorn magic.

4819284
I think it was established by lore that Alicorns do not have earth, unicorn or pegasi magic, but there own kind of magic during Twilight's Kingdom. Mainly Terik stating their four differnt types of magic, with Alicorns seeming have charterstics of the other three types, but it has its own that is differnt type.

4821457 It was established that they have something extra, but since Cadance got unicorn magic (ailcorn magic looks different) and started off as a Pegasus, it's reasonable to assume twilight got Pegasus and earth magic.

Intresting story, you swirch from present to past tense though, pick one and stay with it. I'm intrested to see where this goes.

I wonder when Applejack will ask why Twilight is not using her magic. Well good start and hope to see more soon.

4862770 I'm guessing twi wants to see from a(n) earth ponies point of view, I guess? :facehoof:

4862770 She did, it was in either chapter one or two, but AJ already asked that question.

Well let's see how long will Twi be able to keep it up:rainbowlaugh:

4863015 Or maybe it's because AJ yelled at her for using magic during winter wrap up, and she wants to prove to AJ that she can work without the aid of her magic and wings. I think.

whoa i love this story,glad that your back buddy

Chapter enjoyed :twilightsmile:
Quite the sad is the conflict of someone new learning how to do stuff a new way, but at the same time form the outside the slowness of the progress is affecting everything else.
Quite the conundrum. Well, I bet if AJ develops a bit of pressure, she could get Twi to do everything in a jiffy :rainbowlaugh:

Twilight is nearly as new with farm work as she is with earth pony magic. Another day or two and she should be bucking trees like an old pro. :twilightsmile:

Never mind the hiatus. I'm still reading. On fin fix I've grown used to re-reading the previous chapter to remember what's going on for the new one.

Well hey you're alive! :pinkiehappy: Anways thanks for the update I thought this story was dead appreciate that you still uploaded the unedited version of it :twilightsmile:

6105386

My stories never die...they just get frozen in carbonite more often then I like.

Ah, I wondered if an editor looked at it, there were a few mistakes which I noticed.
Besides that, good to see a new chapter of this :twilightsmile:

While there go her legs

6221297
I agree


:ajbemused:Welp... A.J is gonna be angry.

Odd, I thought her Earth Pony Magic™ would be augmented with her being an alicorn...

... Nice!

Hmm... Something feels off....

Ah! You don't make new paragraphs for new bits of dialogue... And you fuse descriptions of speech with action...

Hmm... Gonna try and get used to it, 'cause this seems interesting enough... Good Job!

Hmm... liking the character interactions and all the world-building that's going on.

Your dialogue could use more commas, like "Well, shoot." instead of "Well shoot".

There's a few places in the beginning, where you have "use" instead of "used".

Finally... "lively hood" -> "livelihood".

Wonder when the actual magic of "Earth magic" is gonna arrive... Well, I'll find out...

Oh... hey... she's getting better! :twilightsmile:

I sorta want Pinkie to help out... but not likely... Ah well...

Typos...:

"experience" -> "experienced"

"use to working on a farm" -> "used to working on a farm"

"AppleBucking" -> Applebucking"?

Well... that's one way to cripple yourself. Good going, Twi.
Unless you didn't cripple yourself, in which case, again, good going, Twi :rainbowlaugh:

:twilightsmile: I couldn't leave you to do all that work like last time.
:rainbowlaugh: Hey, AJ, you need some water for that burn?

Just as Big Mac and Granny Smith were just making their way to the dining room

Isn´t Big Mac in Canterlot ? :rainbowhuh: did he come back real quick just for breakfast ? xD
Otherwise nice story so far

Just perfect. What a perfect way to end a 'book':twilightsmile::eeyup:

Wow it may have taken a while but this was a great read! :twilightsmile:

Haven't read, but: Is "Epoligue" a word?

I found this story well-written and interesting and all, but it also kind of feels like it doesn't go anywhere. We never really find out what greater reason Twilight has for doing everything manually and no actual "earth magic" is learned. The entire thing seems to stop halfway through with nothing resolved.

Comment posted by BellyAdmirer19 deleted Aug 13th, 2019
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