What is a pony supposed to do when he manages to get his cutie mark only to find out that it's against the law? He runs away, he travels from town to town living as a nomad with many different names. When he gets caught he gets hurt and scarred by the people who fear his talent and he runs again. But eventually he comes to a small town called Ponyville and becomes a lot more involved then he ever intended to be.
Made this story because it wouldn't get out my head and I needed a break from my HiE fic.
Chapters (8)
That pic looks like it's from FMA. Philosophers stone ftw? I'd love to read your story but I don't handle sad too well. I can't afford to be crying for a week after reading a fanfic, I hope you understand.
This definitely seems interesting, my only qualm is that there needs to be more
452977
It's a little sad I guess but I never really had the heart for a despairing ending either. The sad tag is there more to cover just about all the bases I could think of, besides it's more of a 'starts off sad, ends happy-ish' kinda deal.
453015 I guess I'll give it a go. I just hope I don't cry. Lol. Mah weak heart doesn't take tradgedy/sad too well (as I already said :3)
Really good. I love it so far! Please continue!
holy crap this stories freakin sweet
This is lookin' pretty fantastic so far. You're just missin' some punctuation here and there.
I'm incredibly curious as to why he doesn't want them seeing her.
Cool. You leave a lot unanswered, so naturally, I'm wondering what happens next.
Errant grammar tripped me up sometimes, but it's otherwise good.
Interesting. Very interesting. I hope you plan on writing a whole lot more!
454617
Would you kindly point out what you noticed? No prereaders and writing regular updates for another story means that quite a lot can slip through. Thanks for your time. -N64Fan
456711
You can probably find an editor in one of the various author groups. I'm open to be an editor too, if you want me to.
The author group i'm in is http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=244
456711 Mmm, if you wish. I'll be editing my corrections into this comment; please be patient.
More corrections coming up shortly.
Corrections go here(I'm only putting the corrected paragraphs/sentence
down to keep this from being an overly large wall of text) VYou seem to have problems with commas and periods, such as in this paragraph:The market in Ponyville was bustling along with the shopkeepers eagerly selling off their goods to any approaching customers. As the morning ticked by, many customers came to see Applejack as she sold off her goods, occasionally one of her friends would come by and chat for a bit while business was slow.“Excuse me miss,”came[b/] a high pitched squeak from near the ground in front of the apple stand. “May I buy an apple please?” The apple farmer leaned over the counter to see her customer, a small pink unicorn filly, standing there. AJ recalled her as being the daughter of Ditzy Doo, the town mailmare.“I only have onebit, miss.”Just as Applejack was about to lower the price for thefilly, astallion walked stiffly in front of the stand.457666 Erm, is the site crossing it out because it's part of your story, or did I do something wrong?
I can read it fine, thanks for the help I have fail craft working on it as we speak
457892
yay
i wub you new chapter!
457927 If you want, there's still more errors I could correct; I enjoy doing this, so it's no problem.
If I expected this to be anything, it was not this. I'm glad I was wrong.
you will write more and i will read it. there is no negotiation on this point.
This is why I hadn't seen an update yet. You wouldn't know how many ideas have passed through my head.
well colour me interested!
I'm going to track this so hard
Ah yes, an update.
Big fan of your work by the way
Well since i read both of them, i dont notice.
new chapter? yay
yay new chapter
one mistake though: The stallion replied under his breath to noone in particular,
520743
Yeah I haven't been able to get in contact with my editor today, sorry about that.
disbelief = disbelieve.....
WHUT
525788
oh just be your amazing editor self and fix my horrible writing
526224
wait what?
Oh.... OH CRAP....
I changed my username again lol....
OOPS
DON"T KILL ME OMG
Shit man loving this story, I only have one nit-pick.
I want moar
'Silence fell once again and Inventor looked upwards at the sun that hung suspended at about midday.'
i think you mean Monochrome
570496
I recommend rereading the story after the A/N appear that tell you it has been edited, Me and v-dub occasionally add stuff during the editing phase.
570640
FIXED, THANK YOU.
The stories are starting to flood into my brain, the fourth walls that my brain established to keep the universes apart are blending together in my frontal lobe, soon we'll have a Gary Stu human being messing with a semi-serious form of Celestia, and then what would happen?
Awesomeness most likely, and then the end of the world. Maybe not in that order either.
I am loving this story!!!
Ok, lets do it.
- Do i sense shipping possibility with fluttershy? Careful there, thats stu territory. As long as you evolve it like a natural relationships with problems and such, not just her liking then loving him damn near unconditionally regardless of whats going on then it'll be fine.
- I understand the symbolism behind what you did with Monochrome weathering the pain spell but come on!
He is no soldier, i just cant buy that he took pain meant to interrogate a GRYPHON SOLDIER standing up with a perfectly straight face. Then he got smart with celestia? 
The punishment scene wouldve been more powerful if you showed his resolve shining through despite weakness of the flesh. If when the spell started he tried his poker face only to have it fail as he started to wince and make some expressions denoting pain, then have him drop down on a knee head to the floor gritting his teeth only to struggle, and stumble back up with his best poker face(but still obviously wincing in pain), and a few tears..then stare Celestia down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH36TUaHeMo
You see how it took everything he had to do that and he was trained to do that. Yet Monochrome performs something similar with not even a change in expression? being angry, on the run for most of your life doesnt give you that kind of fortitude.
572658
I understand you're apprehensiveness in regards to this, but I am going to have to ask you to wait.
Unlike what happened with Techno-Babble I have a plan set in place and his pain threshold will be explained, heck I kinda foreshadowed it slightly at the end of the chapter, or, at least, I assume I did.
572915
If he's got a legit reason then dont worry. Actually i'll go reread the end to see what the foreshadowing was.
Okay i see it.... carry on.
I cant wait for the next chapter when is it?
580207
Whenever I can find time to update it in between my other stories.
new chapter yay cant wait for the next
Y U TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE AMAZING STORY!?
706598
707915
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M WRITING ABOUT!
Alright, now that we're done with that. Where exactly would you like to see the story go to plot-wise?
-N64Fan
708164 Well trying to get Alchemy legalized
708182
Hmm.... *Taps chin* That weaves in really well with an encounter I had planned,
708164 so would this be accurate
img.ponibooru.org/_images/3f62010864f31de37625e859b73621af/131220%20-%20artist%3Akoeper%20i_have_no_idea_what_i'm_doing%20meme%20meme_origins%20rainbow_dash.png
718738
To the dot admittedly, to the dot.
718738
Wow, dat scene. You should add a bit where Monochrome and Dash have a chemistry competition. Whoever can make the most awesome thing wins.
!
I imagine napalm, thermite and toxic gases everywhere
What interesting stories we weave, when we have no idea what we're doing.
Sound about right? As far as where I think it should go... Alchemy legalized (with restraints), Monochrome issues (what did he do with himself, is there any hope, etc), and ...that's about it...
I will enjoy what you write here.... indubitably....