• Member Since 21st Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday

MetalBrony823


A brony that loves Heavy Metal, Africa, Rock, and Animals. Not to mention Ponies too. Fluttershy is best pony! \m/

T

Colin Fraser was just a normal six year old boy, living in Billings, Montana. He was a very happy kid, until one day, he lost his mother and father when his house caught on fire. All of a sudden, the heartbroken boy is transported to Equestria, with Ponies as the dominant species, and no humans at all. Will the ponies like him, or will they think he is some kind of monster?

Chapters (33)
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Comments ( 192 )

I just want to point out

his house became on fire

is unintentionally hilarious. It would read more appropriately as "his house caught on fire."

4798854

I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita; Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and, to impress him, takes on his multi-armed form and says, "Now I am become on fire." I suppose we all thought that, one way or another.

"Toby gave out a sigh a" Careful, your originality is showing.

Just kidding, I'll follow and see where this goes.

"I'm sorry, kid." said the firefighter. "They're dead."

Man, that's just brutal!! The fire department is never that harsh in Bozeman! :D

This fic had too many clichés.

4803397 I'm sorry, but English literature classes aren't my forte.:fluttercry: Look, I just wish that someone would help me with grammar.

4803961

Well, there are several groups on FIMfic dedicated to editors.

And he heard the thump thump of a certain bunny.:pinkiecrazy:

MetalBrony823 i got a question is fluttershy going to adopt Colin Fraser as her own son in this story

4940031 I don't think that's a valid question.:rainbowwild:

I've noticed a few errors, and when I get the time I will try and help you out with them. There aren't too many, but other than that a very good and touching chapter. :twilightsmile:

Happy Birthday Collin! You get new parents, a new house and new friends, and hopefully a fire extinguisher!

This story is great and has lots of "Feels" haha... when will there be another chapter?

5061424 I'm sorry if it's taking so long, but first things first, I'm working on the next chapter of Unexpected Pegasus Love, but don't worry, I'll get started on the new chapter of "A Boy's tears as soon as I can. I hope you understand

5061960 Oh ok good. I understand, i may give that fic a read to :-D

This was a sweet and cute chapter. :twilightsmile: I saw a couple errors, but nothing too serious. Also, the CMC were very nice and kind toward Colin. :pinkiehappy: Looking forward to the party for him. :twilightsmile:

Fluttershy and Toby were almost there. The pegasus looked back at Colin and she said "Colin, can you please put this blindfold on for me?"

Who the heck is Toby? ( Other than the youtuber )

5214387 He is the main character in the mlp fanfiction story A New Home by APoeticHeart

you said toby again when the cmcs appered at the party

5215059 Sorry, fixed it. I promise you all I got Toby and Colin confused. I am so sorry if I did, but please please please don't be mad at me, because I'm not plagiarism. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a dagger in my eye, I promise.

5215311 its ok lol i thought it was funny

So basically Colin wears his pajamas until now?

okay when Colin mentioned his Grampa owning an farm I thought of harvest moon. gg good sir gg :twilightblush:

At some points in the story there was Toby and I was like "dafuck is Toby doing here" and one part where is said that fluttershy and Colin returned to fluttershy's college..... good story though

LOVE this story, can't wait for more chapters:twilightsmile:

There's only one problem, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon!

What if Colin was double-jointed and showed everypony some tricks of his own?

5816006 Everyone and or everpony would feel sorry for any child losing their parents like that, and almost everypony would hug them to tell them that everything will be okay.

Ive read 6 chapters, and this story isn't for me. It just that we are reminded, and remind, and reminded that his parents are gone, he thinks they will hate him and so on. And he doesn't act or sound like a normal 6 year old. A 6 year old wouldn't know what a constellations means, and probably couldn't say it.

5844014 does that mean you hate my story?

5844171 No, but I don't like it. I don't dislike it enough to thumbs down it, but i don't like it enough to thumbs up it. Like I said, its just not for me.

It's a pretty decent start here. I would just recommend giving it another read through. I see a couple of spelling errors and some grammar issues. Just a few small tweaks and it should be better. Have someone take a look at it so you can have a second party opinion. Time to see what else this story has to offer.

BTW, fix that Toby thing. You have the protagonist's name as Colin, not Toby. Toby is APoeticHeart's character.

I do see potential!

Commas and end quotes are your best friend. Use them. Here's an example of how to use quotations:

"I can see the rabbit," says Jacob. "He's just hopping around."

-or-

"Well," Hilary starts off, "remember when you said I could borrow a pen?"

Just some examples. I'm not trying to criticize your writing, just telling you what could use some polishing.

Also, typically, thoughts are in italics, just try to keep that in mind.

Let's see what else this story has to offer.

5858309 Excusez-moi if my writing is not so perfect, but English Class is kind of a struggle for me (Not the actual language, but the Language) Désolé (Sorry) for the errors, really I am.

Same things I have said in the previous chapters are evident here as well. Also, check on capitalization. For example: when addressing or talking about Celestia, capitalize her title. It's Princess Celestia (same applies for all the other princesses). Also, how did everyone find out Fluttershy was taking care of a human being? Just something to go back to and add.

The piano music for Colin's tale was a real nice touch. Nice job on that!

Like I said, you have a real nice base line for what you're doing, you just got to go back, polish things up, maybe have someone look it over with you and you should be good to go!

Good luck!

It's time to bring out someone with courage.

cute idea but this is where i stop. it's lacking MANY MANY details and it's so fast paced it's like watching a video in fast forward.
misspelled words aside, this is also not how adoption works. in any world, or sentient culture with laws, you have to do TONS of paperwork to get through it. even if they had celestia sign off on it, there would still be paperwork to sign off him as adopted. not only that there is official citizenship papers needed, a check up or medical record in case he gets injured (he's a different species.i doubt ponies would understand his biology enough to heal him.), and a birth certificate for future businesses and papers.

avoiding the technical stuff is okay in a story if it'd done right.

*sighs* it really is a cute idea and i love stories like this but the writing flaws and some story writing is just making me cringe a bit. so i'm stopping here. i won't rate it. i feel rating a story is rude, especially if i just stumbled upon this story. i don't want to hurt anyone's feeling. it's my honest opinion on the writing.

Toby gave a little weak smile and said "Okay. I'll help. I really love animals."

Um?

Comment posted by xd77 deleted Oct 8th, 2015

5982239 are you almost done with the next chapter?

6026843 Don't worry, I have more than one story you know? I'll get right too it as soon as I am finished with my other one. I promise.:twilightblush:

Very very good, it's way obvius your inspiration come from Toby of "a new home"
I want to see how it goes.

P.S. Seriusly, you need to edit that "Toby" thing.

First of all, I liked this chapter and I like the story. but from my point of view, there was a huge mistake here

How did Twilight and the princesses knew Fluttershy was taking care of a new creature? I don't know if you plan to clarify that later but it felt too. . . convenient, very very convenient. if it doesnt get answered, the only answer I could think is "BECAUSE FRIENDSHIP, THATS WHY"

anyway, keep up the good work.

P.S. I don't intend to be rude, and I'm not planing to brag about grammar, if you read my first story, oh God, I'm the king of bad grammar. that's why I got me an editor for the sequel.

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