Bring Me the Heads of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!

by CCC

Cloud House

Daring floated through the air, drifting gently towards the cloud house. Tied to her barrel were dozens of helium balloons, holding her up, doing most of the work of her missing flight magic, leaving her wings free for steering.

Also tied to her barrel was a thick rope; this anchored her to a large rock, which rested on top of a little red cart that was pushed around by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

The net effect wasn't nearly as easy or manoeuvrable as her normal flight, but it did do the job of keeping Daring in the air.

“Where did you get all these balloons, anyway?” she called out.

“Pinkie's room!” squeaked the white unicorn. Sweetie Belle, Daring thought to herself. It was always important to get the names right, for her books. Though... there was no way that this chapter was going to go without some substantial editing.

She glanced down as she approached the cloud house, and saw the rope beneath her slicing through the floor like a cheesewire cutting through cheese. She winced slightly at the thought – cloudhouses did not come cheap, which meant that whoever lived here likely earned significantly more than Daring herself did. Still, the least she could do was minimize the damage.

“Alright, stop!” she called down.

The crusaders immediately stopped pushing the cart, and Daring swayed back and forth slightly, like the bob of an inverted pendulum.

“I'm at the door.” Daring called down. “Where did you say this badge was?”

“Go into the hallway,” called the pegasus from below, “third door on the left is her room, and you'll find it on the bedside cabinet.”

“Right!” Daring poked at the closed door – without pegasus magic, her hoof simply passed right through where the lock would have been, disintegrating it. She blew at the door, and swung back slightly as it opened.

“Forward!” she called out. The Crusaders pushed their cart, and Daring drifted slowly into the cloud house.

The first thing she noticed was that this place was clearly owned by a pegasus with a Wonderbolts obsession. There were posters, memorabilia, souvenirs, all with a Wonderbolt theme. The second thing that Daring noticed was that she wasn't alone.

“There's a flying turtle in here!” she called out, trying to fend the affectionate animal off before its spinning propeller cut through her balloon strings.

“Tortoise!” cried out three voices from below, all at once.

“That's Tank!” called the little pegasus. (What was her name again? Daring knew that this was going to bother her all day.)

“He's Rainbow's pet!” added the earth pony. Daring remembered her name – Applebloom.

“He prob'ly hasn't been fed since Tirek took over!” called out the pegasus. “D'you think you could feed him while you're there?”

Daring rolled her eyes. “Why not?” she muttered, under her breath. Then she asked, out loud, “What does he eat?”

“Lettuce!” called the pegasus. “Icebox! In the kitchen! First door on the left! Could you also fill up his water bowl?”

“Fine!” said Daring. “Forward!” With a few nudges of her hoof, she managed to persuade the persistent pet to back off a little, and took another glance around the room. There was a small bookshelf in the corner, filled with... ha! Her entire series!

Daring allowed herself a small smile, before remembering that she was cutting a line through this homeowner's expensive floor. Part of her mind suggested that perhaps she shouldn't mention that part in her book, but it was outvoted by the part that said it would be a bad idea to be dishonest with a fan.

...wait, not the entire series. One book was missing... her latest, Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny.

And then she glanced at the small cloud table next to the bookshelf, where Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny stood proudly displayed, surrounded by news clippings about a “sonic rainboom”*. Daring smiled again, at the memory of the brash blue pegasus who had stumbled into her home one day, and had played such a critical part in her following defeat of Ahuizotl.

There was a small photo next to the book, of Daring Do and Rainbow Dash hugging. Daring nodded – she remembered that photo. She didn't expect that there would have been many copies of Rainbow's photo – aside from Rainbow herself, only the most dedicated of fans would go to the bother of tracking down such an obscure piece.

And then Daring Do got a little bit closer to the picture, and saw the inscription written on it. It was short - “To Rainbow Dash” - but surely Rainbow would never have let go of the signed photo?

It was at this point that realisation struck. This wasn't just the cloud house of some anonymous pegasus, quickly ignored and quickly forgotten, a mere footnote in one of her books. This was the cloud house of a bright blue mare with lightning on her flanks, of a pegasus who didn't know what “stop” meant and hadn't quite grasped “slow down” either. A pegasus who would kick Ahuizotl in the jaw if she could get close enough, but who couldn't sneak if her life depended on it.

This... this was where Rainbow Dash lived.

Daring glanced down at the line her rope had cut through the floor again. Now that she knew whose floor it was, she felt even worse about it. And Tank – Tank was Rainbow Dash's pet tortoise. She looked up again, and -

“STOP!” she cried out.

Down below, the cart immediately stopped.

“Back just a little bit,” she called down, “I've gone past the kitchen door.”

* * *

Next to the road, atop a small hill just outside Fillydelphia, a yellow earth pony sat on top of his vehicle and took stock of his provisions.

“Three sleeping potions, extra strong. One plant growth potion. Two carnivorous flower potions. Three smoke cloud potions. Should be plenty.”

He rapped one hoof on the roof of his vehicle, making a metallic clanging sound. “What do you think, Boneless II? Can we take on the Royal Guard here as well? Or do you think they'll be better prepared than they were in Las Pegasus?”

There was no reply.

“Yeah, I agree.” said Cheese Sandwich, after a moment. “Whatever Tirek did to these guys, they're not exactly showing much initiative anymore.”

He hopped down into the party tank, closing the hatch behind him, and lowered a pair of goggles over his eyes.

“Let's party.”

* * *

“Look, I gave him some lettuce.” called down Daring. “You don't exactly get running water in a cloud house, you know. Rainbow's just got a small raincloud in the kitchen, but without pegasus magic, I can't get the water out of it.”

There was some rapid chattering down below, and then the sound of hooves galloping away.

“We'll make another plan to give Tank his water, then.” called up the pegasus. (What was her name? Scooter-something, wasn't it? Daring knew that she'd have to get it right for the book. She'd probably need to age up the brave leader of the Cutie Mark Crusaders a few years, but she didn't dare get the names wrong.) “Get the badge first, we'll come back to that.”

* * *

Down on the ground, Applebloom raced back towards Sugarcube Corner. She stopped in the doorway to catch her breath; without her natural magic, she'd found, she could hardly run worth anything anymore.

“Yes, dear?” said Mrs. Cake, spotting her. “Was there anything else you needed?”

Applebloom nodded, and panted a few moments longer. “Bucket.” she said, after a bit. “A bucket of water, please, Mrs. Cake. And If I could use a few more balloons and Pinkie's helium tank again... oh, an' another rope... an'... an' can Ah borrow a cart to carry it all in?”

“Of course, dearie.” said Mrs. Cake, with a maternal smile. The things these fillies used in their eternal cutie mark quest... but their hearts were in the right place, and she knew that Pinkie would have had no objection had she been present.

* * *

“Alright, I've got the badge.” called down Daring. “Do you think you can get me back out, the same way as I came in?”

“Sure!” said the pegasus. There was the sound of a rapidly approaching cart, and a panting pony.

“Just, wait a moment,” said the pegasus. “We're gonna take you past Tank's terrarium again.”

“I don't see how that'll help.” called down Daring. “I don't see any water I can get to up here.”

“No worries!” called up the pegasus. “We've solved that!”

Daring sighed. “Right.” she muttered to herself. On the bright side, while tedious, this cloud house was nowhere near as dangerous as most of her more usual quests...

* * *

“I'm here!” she called down, a few minutes later. Tank was happily, but slowly, munching on a lettuce leaf and looking longingly at his empty water bowl.

“Right!” called up the earth pony from below. “Here comes the water!”

“Where?” asked Daring Do – and then the clouds parted near her, and a bucket drifted up. There were dozens of balloons tied to the handle, and a rope from the bucket went down towards the ground.

Daring rolled her eyes. “I guess we've made enough of a mess of Rainbow's floor.” she muttered, putting the Wonderbolts badge down on a nearby bit of floor. Carefully, she took the bucket and shifted it near Tank's water bowl, and then, just as carefully, tipped it sideways. Water sloshed from the bucket into the bowl.

Unfortunately, this meant that the bucket got lighter – quite substantially lighter, since Applebloom had got Mrs. Cake's largest bucket. But the balloons attached to the bucket still produced the same amount of lifting force; with a result that a good deal more upward force was passed along the rope.

The Crusaders had tied the rope to the same rock as the rope that Daring Do was tied to. It was, on reflection, not quite as heavy a rock as it could have been. Had Maud Pie been there, she would have immediately identified it as consisting of mainly pumice; a rock known, among other things, for being light enough to float on water**.

The Crusaders had chosen it because it was easy to push around on their cart, while at the same time being large enough to look immovable. At the same time, however, without the water in the bucket, the combined lifting power of the various balloons was enough to lift said rock into the air.

“Hey!” called Daring, reaching down and trying to grab onto something solid. Unfortunately, the only solid thing there to grab onto was Tank's lettuce – the tortoise gave Daring a reproachful look as she drifted up through the ceiling with his supper in her hooves.

Daring, herself, just looked down at the Wonderbolts badge still sitting on Rainbow Dash's kitchen floor, until she broke through the roof and the drifting wisps of cloud hid it from sight.

* * *

“She's driftin' away!” called Scootaloo. All three Crusaders leapt towards the rock, hoping to provide enough weight to hold it down. Slow though it rose, however, the rock's speed was deceptive; it wasn't rising fast, but it was rising faster than anypony could expect; Sweetie's jump missed the rock entirely, and while Applebloom managed to get a grip on one side, the rock crumbled beneath her hooves and dropped her back to the ground.

Only Scootaloo's leap was successful, but her small pegasus body did not weigh enough to prevent Daring from drifting into the wide blue yonder. It only meant that she, along with Daring Do, was now at the mercy of the winds.

* * *

“Oh, dear.” said Mrs. Cake, looking out of the window.

“What's the matter, sugarlump?” called Mr. Cake, from further in the shop.

“Miss Dash's cloud house, sweetpea.” called back Mrs. Cake. “It seems to be... disintegrating.”

“Well, that's not good, muffincake.” said Mr. Cake. “Is the whole thing disintegrating, or just a few parts?”

“It looks like the whole thing, sugarmuffin. Her rainbow waterfalls have just gone. I hope there wasn't anypony standing underneath...”

* A very persistent pegasus legend. Apparently somepony had won the last Best Young Flier's contest by doing one. Personally, Daring wouldn't believe it was possible until she saw it herself.

**Maud had written thirteen poems about pumice.

Comments

[CCC]

4946881

Ah... here's the link.

I thought you'd appreciate a ponified A-team parody .

[Europa]

Well, looks like things are going according to plan-ish. And it seems, if Cheese is anything to go by, that the Crusaders are starting to inspire others!

[PixelFluttershy]

Imagine what everybody was thinking when they saw:
-A house disintegrating
-A rock tied to a cart that is tied to a ballon
-Daring do and CMC
The reactions would must be very funny

[Spirit Guide]

Pumice.
I am so glad I bucking love science
Thank you, Bill Neigh
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130812221718/mlp/images/9/99/Bill_Neigh_ID_S3E01.png

[Another Nopony]

Welp, only one thing to do. Blame the destruction on Tirek.

[Spaceman006]

4962993 Idk sounds like another Monday with the CMC around

[Draco Dei]

Tied to her barrel were dozens of helium balloons, holding her up, doing most of the work of her missing flight magic, leaving her wings free for steering.
-Clever!

Also tied to her barrel was a thick rope; this anchored her to a large rock, which rested on top of a little red cart that was pushed around by the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
-Even better! I wonder if Applebloom helped come up with the idea? Also, I assume that they would have tried this with a different pegasus if she had taken too long to arrive?

Then she asked, out loud, “What does he eat?”
-Or just ask him to follow you, since he's smart enough to do that... might not want to abandon his owner like that though...

He hopped down into the party tank, closing the hatch behind him, and lowered a pair of goggles over his eyes.
-That thing still WORKS? Bad-rump!

“Let's party.”
-Indeed..., also, based on the number of scene breaks I scrolled past, we are about to get a montage of the resistance.

She stopped in the doorway to catch her breath; without her natural magic, she'd found, she could hardly run worth anything anymore.
-This makes sense. It seems I guessed wrong above.

The things these fillies used in their eternal cutie mark quest...
-Does she realize what "Step Zero" of that quest has become for the foreseeable future? IE "Defeat Tirac"? I could see it either way...

It only meant that she, along with Daring Do, was now at the mercy of the winds.
-Just an extra victim, or is she going to climb up and untie some of the balloons? Or is this a way of transitioning them to a different city? Or maybe they drift into the Everfree?

“Well, that's not good, muffincake.” said Mr. Cake. “Is the whole thing disintegrating, or just a few parts?”
-Or just lure tank in with the lettuce and get him to turn off his propeller?

(Last Line)
-Did it turn them funny colors, or are they now trying to gouge their eyes out from the pain of getting that in them?

[CCC]

7129580

-That thing still WORKS? Bad-rump!

Yes, it still works! And, if you look closely, Cheese Sandwich is coming from Las Pegasus - which the Discorded guards have been claiming all story long they've lost all communication with - and going to Fillydelphia - and the next time Shining Armour mentions Fillydelphia, the Royal Guard have lost all communication with there, as well. Whatever he's doing, it's working.

we are about to get a montage of the resistance.

That would probably have been a good idea, but I didn't want to get away from the main plotline for too long.

-Did it turn them funny colors, or are they now trying to gouge their eyes out from the pain of getting that in them?

It just turned them funny colours.

[Draco Dei]

7130344
Well, Cheese isn't one for doing things on a small scale and can inspire whole towns to follow his lead at short notice...
But I hadn't noticed that about communication being lost.

Well, I can see your point about not having a montage I guess. Certainly not woerth editing in, although this story DOES end up making the... well actually no, that DOES do something towards the eventual victory in that it got Dirac to leave the castle nearly unguarded making getting in and out (and, more importantly holding Shiny down to show him wedding photos. ) much easier.

My real point with the montage is that an interqual might be something to consider.

[CCC]

My real point with the montage is that an interqual might be something to consider.

That is indeed worth considering.