The ancient jungles of the Amarezon. Home to some of the powerful, and most otherworldly relics of all ponykind, Deep within the massive amount of jungle, lies a mysterious temple, home to a legendary artifact known as the Otherworldly Opal.
The fortress itself was rather aged, but still sturdy in its' current position, despite the number of vines that overgrew and went to work on this place. And like all Amarezonian temples in this forest, this one was laced with booby traps, left, right, and center.
The Mane-iac was here in the temple, attracted to the gem because of the stories she had heard of it. She was aware that only the chosen could harness the power of the Otherworldly Opal. She was certain that that one gem would be enough to defeat the Power Ponies once and for all.
"Soon it will be mine, the power of the Otherworldly Opal will feel so serene once I take it for myself!" She chuckled as she came to what looked like a corridor with dozens of tiles. "Oh please. This should be child's play."
Manipulating her hair to activate all the traps in the room for her, the Mane-iac made it through the entire corridor unscathed, yet her hair was another story. It was full of arrows and had been split at some areas, there were also some parts of her oversized mane which had been singed, yet the rest of it was fine.
"Uggghhh, my mane looks like a mess." She let out an exasperated huff before remembering her provisions. Opening the bag she had been carrying, she pulled out a can hair-fixing hairspray and applied it to the parts of her mane that had been damaged by the traps.
The damage to her hair now seemed nonexistent as she pulled out the arrows and tossed them to the ground, she then pulled out a hairbrush and used the fixed parts of her hair to take care of the messy parts. "Aah, much better!"
She placed her provisions back in her bag and walked a few seconds more, until she found herself in a giant hall with some oversized vines leaking through some giant holes in the walls and ceiling. These didn't concern her, what did was a gem, on top of the pedestal in the hall's centre.
"There it is, just as the legends foretold..." She marvelled at the gem, shining into her eyes in the sunlight. "The Otherworldly Opal. And now it's mi-"
"Stop right there, Mane-iac!" A voice said from behind her literally the second she raised the gem from its' pedestal. She was then assaulted by a pink blur, causing her to almost drop the gem to the floor. But she picked it back up and turned to face the voice.
"Power Ponies, we meet again." She sniggered as she held up the Otherworldly Opal with her hair, for all of them to see. "But I'm afraid you're all too late. I have already acquired the Otherworldly Opal, and with its' power, I now have the power to rule the world!"
"Oh yeah?" Zap was unconvinced by Mane-iac's words and held up her pendant for battle. "Just what can this Otherworldly Opal do, exactly?"
Before any of them could even speak another word, they found themselves constricted by Mane-iac's freakish follicles, this hair wasn't just for show, as always when they were dealing with the Mane-iac.
"You'll see soon, my dear friends." Laughing evilly, she used the rest of her hair to take her, and the Power Ponies up to the roof of the temple, where the Otherworldly Opal was now giving off a powerful white magic aura due to the increase in sunlight.
"Now then, let's just see what powers this opal has to offer!" She wrapped her open hooves around the Otherworldly Opal, caressing the aura of light it was giving off.
The other Power Ponies tried their best to strike the Mane-iac, but the hair that held them back was strangling them, so they found themselves gasping for air, fighting to get the hair off of them, but to no avail.
Suddenly, the Otherworldly Opal turned black as the Mane-iac pressed it against her spandex covered chest, and a powerful spell started to form around her. It was unlike anything she, or the Power Ponies had even witnessed before. It got powerful, stronger, dangerous.
"Wait, what?! What's going-" Suddenly, the Mane-iac noticed a black hole was forming on her chest, where the opal was meant to be. The black hole absorbed the Mane-iac whole, causing her to shriek in terror as the powerful void pulled her, her hair, and the Power Ponies into it.
As the last of the hair was pulled into the black hole, it dissipated, returning the Otherworldly Opal to its' original state. However, with no pony holding the opal, it merely fell to the roof of the temple and shattered into thousands of pieces of smaller opal.
Spike had just walked out of the Enchanted Comics comic book store, clutching the newest Power Ponies comic: Crystalline Calamity, in his hands. He took it home to Twilight's new castle, for some much deserved R&R.
After a train ride which seemed to last an eternity, Spike finally arrived in Ponyville. However, his curiosity got the better of him, and he just sat down on the nearby bench in the park, opened his comic and read it there.
He saw each and every panel, reading the words out loud, and doing his best (yet bad) impressions of each of the characters. The comic was depicting an opal with bizarre powers, rewarded only to those who can brave the temple in the Amarezonian jungle where it slept.
However, if this gem wasn't kept in the sunlight, unpredictable and dangerous things could happen to the pony holding it. So that really got him pumped up for the story ahead.
Spike eventually got to the panel where the Mane-iac's lust for power and lack of knowledge, led to the opal forming a black hole on her chest. One that pulled the Power Ponies into it, taking them to...
"Is that it?" Spike said as he saw that the rest of the book was completely blank, besides another small footnote. He wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to read it, as he remembered the last time he read a footnote like this one.
"The story you would think is over, but it's only just begun. Both dark and light fought this battle, but neither side has won." Spike was reading the footnote, it was different that the last one, so that was good. "For the opal's power has brought these 7 right into your world, take care of them with all your love, so the story can be unfurled."
A flash of light appeared once Spike had finished, just like last time, only this time, he wasn't pulled into the book. Rather, the light merely blinded him temporarily, and made him stumble backwards onto his scales.
Spike had been out for at least 3 minutes after the flash had hit him. He opened his eyes with great difficulty and had them opened up all the way by a tiny hoof in spandex poking his face.
"Oh man, what happened last night?" He opened his eyes fully now and sat up, looking around at what happened. He saw nothing but the natural Ponyville around him. He looked forward and saw a sweet looking earth pony filly with long green hair, as well as 6 little foals, all dressed in spandex jumpsuits of sorts.
"Hey, wake up." The filly said, walking up to him with a smile on her face. She was quite beautiful up close, and had a nice Cutie Mark depicting some shampoo and hairspray. "Wow, you were out for quite a while there. Was everything ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." Spike said as he got a better look on the filly who was talking to him. "Just one question though, who are you?"
"Me?" The earth pony looked confused as she brushed back her extraordinarily long mane so that it wouldn't get in her eyes as she spoke. "My name's Hair Raiser. What's yours?"
"Nice to meet you, Hair Raiser, I'm Spike. Spike The Dragon to be exact." He said, announcing himself to the bunch of children he had just met after that powerful blast of light. "You know, the 7 of you remind me of some ponies I read about a lot of the time. Yet I can't quite place my finger on it..."
It wasn't long after he placed one of his hands on his chin, when he heard one of the spandex dressed foals babbling at his copy of the comic which he'd left on the bench. She obviously looked excited as she glanced at the cover, which depicted 6 mysterious heroes and a villain with freakishly long hair.
"Ah, good to know my book's still there." Spike said as he took the copy and picked it back up. "At least it didn't disappear this time, huh?"
"What are you talking about?" Hair Raiser asked, her head tilted in confusion.
Oh, nothing. You wouldn't understand." Spike said as he put his book away for safe keeping. "It's quite a special and entertaining book for boys and girls my age. And while you'd get it, I'm not sure the foals would."
"Oh, that's fine then." She chuckled, throwing her hair back some more, so that her eyes were clear.
"Hey, I think you 7 could all use some accommodation." Spike said, looking generous today. It wasn't often when he offered someone something. "I bet you're all dying to get snuggled into the comforts of a house."
"That'd be nice." Hair Raiser smiled, her tone of voice very calm, very childish, and most of all, very accepting. "Since I don't remember ever having a mom or dad, it'd be nice to see what it feels like again."
"Alright then, but I'm not sure how I'm gonna get all 6 of these foals back to our place." Spike said, turning his head towards the spandex dressed foals, who were now playing with each other, and speaking in foalish gibberish. He couldn't afford foal transportation on the small budget that Twilight was paying him. "Any ideas?"
"Oh, don't worry about that, I've got this." She then used her hair to pick up all of the foals and rock them gently. Each foal babbled when they were picked up and were reduced to tired coos as Hair Raiser's hair rocked the costumed foals back and forth in her luscious locks.
"That's amazing!" Spike whispered once all the foals were asleep, making no attempt to wake them back up again. "How did you do that?"
"Honestly, not even I know." She said as the two of them began to walk to Twilight's castle, all the while Hair Raiser's hair kept the foals warm, snug, secure, safe, and asleep. "Let's not think too much about it, ok?"
"Oh, alright then." Spike merely smiled back to the filly with the extraordinary hair. "I think I'm going to like you, Hair Raiser."
"Me too, Spike." The two of them shared a laugh as the entered the town. It truly was a sight to see, an adorable filly with 6 cuter foals in her hair, walking next to a dragon who was willing to aid anypony. The townsponies merely shared 'D'aawws' as the two walked towards Twilight's castle.
The picture....
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/1/590417__safe_solo_twilight+sparkle_princess+twilight_derp_heart+attack_artist-colon-dm29_emblem_julian+yeo+is+trying+to+murder+us_diabeetus.png
Yay!
and on that day...7 ponies contracted diabetes and 2 got a heart attack: means of contraction....cuteness overload.
I like the idea here, but I have two complaints.
First, you really should spell out numbers, especially when they're as small as these ones. It's a small thing, but it really bugs those of is who care about grammar.
The second one is a bigger issue. You're making Spike way too stupid here. You even say that he was expecting something to happen when he read the fine print, so he really should be suspicious when a bunch of ponies show up out of nowhere. Especially since he should be able to recognize the Power Ponies' outfits, unless they've somehow changed or something. But even then, he has no excuse for not figuring out who Hair Raiser is after she picked them up with her hair. Spike's not an idiot. He should be able to figure these things out.
4810229 1: You only glanced at the cover of the story
2: There were other fics that did this not knowing until later scheme. One of them being "Fluttershy's Pet Breezie" where Dash (with some help from Zecora) transformed herself into a Breezie, to avoid the frenzy of weather desperate ponies. Also, she did it because Twilight kept that spell under lock and key.
4810229 that, and I think Spike has been taking things a little too seriously as of Season 4.
Remember Friendship Is Witchcraft? Such ignorant bliss which makes Spike seem awesome.
That and he's treated like shit in every FIW episode, including Seed No Evil (One Bad Apple)
naaaah i like it , maybe to short to tell how good it really is, but i understand if you had not enough time.
I definitly read more.
4810285
I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say. Are you accusing me of criticizing this story solely based on the cover art? Because I assure you, I did read the chapter.
I haven't read that fic, but that's not the point. Even if other stories have done it, that doesn't mean you should. Because at least in this story, it doesn't work. If the plot of your story relies on intelligent characters acting like idiots or missing the obvious for narrative convenience, then you should probably rethink things.
And while Friendship is Witchcraft is funny, it is in no way canon, and you should not be writing your characters like they were portrayed there. At least, not if you want this to be an even vaguely serious story.
I don't know what you're planning to do with this story, but I think that a few changes would fix these plot holes and improve the story. For example, after Mane-iac and the Power Ponies show up, the comic could disappear and erase Spike's memory of ever buying and reading it. Then he would have no reason to suspect their identities, even if he does notice the similarities. Or you could change this to an alternate universe where the "Power Ponies" episode never happened, or where this is an alternate way the episode could have gone. Then Spike could think that they do look like the comic book's characters, but but it would be easier to just chalk it up yo coincidence.
4810392 Personally, Spike doomed himself in Equestria Games. After that, I saw no respect for him at all.
He completely butchered himself when he tried singing the Cloudsdale Anthem, and after that. I was done, Spike is dead to me. He deserved Tirek's wrath in the Finale.
That, and Equestria Games was a shite episode for one with a 3-episode buildup.
>he's pretty famous , enough to mention by name , but not enough for me to put a link to his accounts....
4810409
Spike´s main role was to be the only sane dragon in Ponyville, and the voice of reason. Yet in the few episodes centered on him, the writters decided to drop his I.Q below 0
this intrigues me, you have earned a fave and a like...also a moustache
What are you blathering about? This has plenty of errors, not to mention horrid pacing.
Interesting.
Other authors have used, are using, and will use the excuse "I'm on an iPad/iPhone/Android Device to explain the horrid grammatical mistakes they've made. You, on the other hand, assert that the trend is actually the other way around...
Alas, I must agree with 4810229 on his two points: typing small numbers out (numbers twenty or under, usually) is grammatically preferable to writing the number itself. There is also no believable way that Spike was unaware of who the newcomers really are, as he just read the comic, and it was right there next to them. Most superhero comics have pictures of the heroes and villains on their front.
What is it with you and Ponies going back in time age-wise?
4810409
So you hate Spike, and yet you're writing a story with him as the main character? Well that's not giving me much confidence in this fic. It would be one thing if you were going to write this story with the objective of redeeming him in your eyes, that would be one thing, but it certainly doesn't look like that's your goal.
Umm... Spike just asked a random group of foals if they would like to live with him. If they said they had no where else it would be fine but he just offers them without even asking if they already have a home. I know its probably not what you meant but that is very creepy to me.
Also I can't wait to see how the mane 6 handle the power fillies. I am curious though, are they still colored like the mane 6?
4811473 I probably won't do anymore until I get home on Monday. But just be sure to stay tuned.
4810409
...I'm willing to give this story a chance I really am. I like the idea of it and it's cute. However, please consider very carefully about how you are going to continue. You say you hate Spike but clearly you are planning to have him as a main character...
I hope you can put aside your hate for him during your writing. Upvote and tentative Favorite.
Every its' (with an apostrophe) needs to lose the apostrophe. The word it just its if it is possessive, and it's if it's a contraction for "it is." Apostrophe after an S is only used for a plural possessive, which "it" can never be, and even then only for possessives that would be apostrophe-S if singular.
Also,
gem
Interesting story, I like the concept, but don't rely too heavily on automated spelling/grammar checkers. Get another person (or multiple) to look over it as well. (If you don't know anyone who does that, I'm offering.)
Edit: First paragraph: "powerful" should probably be "most powerful", the comma before "Deep" should be a period, and you can probably ditch the comma after "jungle".
4815261 you haven't seen the Futurama episode where Leela gets obsessed with killing a space whale, haven't you?
4815631
Can't say I have, no. Or if I have, can't say I remember it.
Interesting, I think I shall keep an eye on this story
If there's one thing people can't stand, it's making one of the main characters look like a downright idiot. Especially Spike in this situation, given his experience with these enchanted comic books.
Like that other guy said, change things so it doesn't come across as insulting. You want us to accept this bullshit justification for Spike not realising who those ponies are? How about no?
i think the one holding it, would fit better. saying person slightly deters the reader, since person means a human, not a pony. also, you used numbers in place of words. i've learn from personal experience that that can throw a reader off as well.
there should have been a " before she said.
also, how is spike not realizing who the filly and foals are? Pretty sure twilight will realize who they are, and she's only experienced the power ponies that one time.
other than those few gripes, i like what's going on so far. i will mark this to read later. can't favorite quite yet. have to wait and see where this goes.
4811473 He was meaning stay until they can find a real home like if they were lost
Few errors but still awesome beginning. Also I can empathize on writing stories on a phone or tablet
That should probably be gem.
5274874 nope, the OO is actually the Xbox 1
The issue I have for this chapter would be: If the Power Ponies and Mane-iac were truly age regressed, Mane wouldn't have her powers and neither would the foals, to a certain extent.
SO CUTE