• Published 6th Aug 2014
  • 1,031 Views, 25 Comments

Prince (Canon Pending) Will and Pinkie Pie in: Filly Cupcakes - Wise Cracker



Our intrepid heroes must deal with a strange visitor from another world. Only Pinkie Pie seems equipped to handle this new threat, this abomination, this... 'Fun-tasian'. Warning: no gore.

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Welcome to Ponyville, Hope You Feel Welcome.

Pinkie Pie escorted the Filly into Ponyville, hopping and bouncing excitedly. She didn’t mind that her friends had left; after all, that meant she had more time alone to get to know her new friend. Fluttershy had asked Will nicely to try and stay out of trouble, which he promised to do. Rarity had assured him that if he needed any sort of style advice, to come see her, which Will had accepted with a wide and polite smile. Rainbow Dash warned him not to try and fly around too much, or try to flee, because she was undoubtedly faster than him. Will hadn’t even considered running, since this new town looked amazing. Applejack had done her best to act polite, but the fact of the matter was she wasn't too happy about some of the things Will had said. She had bade him goodbye, but Will had made a mental note to try and do something nice for the blonde mare if he could, just to make it up to her. Applejack didn't strike him as the type he wanted to antagonise.

Princess Twilight had just left to go research a better -- meaning faster -- means of getting rid of him. In that respect, the feeling was mutual.

So there the two were, fresh off the train and trotting about Ponyville, when Will found himself at the receiving end of an ambush most vile and devious. He was pounced from behind by an adversary out to claim his head and bring him to justice.

Will wasted no time responding to the dastardly attack. “Um, Pinkie Pie? There’s a little girl clutching my leg, and I’m not sure if one of us is breaking any laws.”

Pinkie Pie looked to the Filly Filly’s attacker. As it turned out, it was a filly filly. “Oh, hi, there, Scootaloo! What are you doing?”

Will’s attacked had clenched her arms and legs around Will’s right hind leg, which didn’t do much considering she wasn’t even big enough to reach his head. The girl growled and kept on trying to throw Will to the ground. “I’m trying to get my changeling-chasing cutie mark.”

Will frowned. “You know this girl?”

“Sure I do, silly! I’m friends with everypony in Ponyville, and every donkey, too, and every cow! At least, the ones that talk back. I’m not sure about the ones that don’t. But anyway, Scootaloo, you can let go now. That’s not a changeling.”

Will frowned again. “What’s a changeling?”

Scootaloo let go, then glared at the black Filly with those odd white markings. “A changeling is a creature that would ask that question. And it usually has holes in its legs. Why don’t you have any holes?”

“Umm…”

Pinkie Pie waved a hoof dismissively. “Oh, don’t worry about him. This is my new friend. Why don’t you introduce yourself?”

The Filly didn’t need to be asked that twice. “Hi, I’m Will! I like acrobatics and food. What’s your name?”

“Um, I’m Scootaloo. Pleased to meet you, Will. Sorry I jumped you.” She extended a hoof up towards him.

He gracefully took that hoof and shook it in greeting. “Don’t worry about it, I’m sure I look a lot like a changeling and that changelings are very evil creatures. Wait, did you just say your name was Scoota-lieu? As in, loo?”

The girl arched an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, so?”

Will had to suppress an acute case of the giggles just then. “And you’re friends with Pinkie Pie, too, Miss Lieu?”

Scootaloo shrugged. “Uhuh. Since you’re new in town, you might as well know: Pinkie really is friends with everypony in Ponyville. And she does know everything about everyone around here.”

Will shook his head, surprised. “Wow, I thought you were exaggerating. You really know everything about everyone here?”

Pinkie Pie smiled. “Pretty much. And hey, if you like acrobatics, Scootaloo’s pretty good at that, too.”

“Really?”

Scootaloo nodded proudly. “Yup. I’m the fastest pony in my class.”

“She’s a daredevil, too,” Pinkie added, hoping maybe a display would snap the Filly back to where he came from. Though, all things considered, part of her hoped he’d stick around for a while, just to see what would happen.

“Daredevil, huh? I’m not sure what that means around here, but where I come from, you have to prove that kind of title.”

Scootaloo frowned. “Is that a challenge?”

Willow grinned. “Maybe. Would you mind showing me some tricks? I’ve got a few of my own, you know.”

“You’re on. Can you spin on one arm?” Scootaloo hopped to stand on her left foreleg, before spinning around. She stayed on that leg for a second to grin.

“That’s easy.” Will stomped one of his thick hooves into the ground and spun, before stopping just like she had and striking a pose. He set down, even matching the girl’s grin. “Okay, my turn. Can you do this?”

Will took off from the ground with a powerful flap of his shimmering wings. He hung high in the air for a moment, then twirled around and made a corkscrew pattern as he descended, giving the impression of a green drill in the air. He chuckled when he landed. “Well?”

The filly pouted at the Filly. “Um, no, I can’t do that.”

“Really? But corkscrews are easy! Come on, fly up and I’ll show you. It’s fun.”

Scootaloo looked away. “That’s not what I meant. I can’t fly.” She nodded towards her tiny chicken wings.

Will flinched. “Oh, right, sorry, I should have noticed. Guess it is kind of annoying to have to wait for your wings to grow.”

Pinkie Pie tensed up as the Filly was about to make his first major mistake in dealing with, well, fillies.

“No, you don’t understand. I can’t fly. At all.”

Will frowned, confused. “What do you mean? Are you handicapped in any way? You don’t look handicapped.”

“I just can’t fly, okay?” Scootaloo grunted.

Pinkie Pie patted Will on the back. “Come on, Will, it’s a long story.”

Will did not budge. “Why?”

Scootaloo’s ears perked towards him. “Why what?”

“Why can’t you fly? If it’s not the size of your wings, I mean.”

“It is the size of my wings, why do you care?”

Will put a hoof to his chest, trying to look and sound as gallant as he possibly could. “I care because I am trying to get to know this new world and its inhabitants, and you, Lieu of Scooter, seem like a very interesting pony. So, in the interest of helping me understand the ways and rules of this world, could you please tell me why it is that you believe you cannot fly?”

Scootaloo stared at the black and white boy. “Your new friend is weird, Pinkie Pie.”

“I know, isn’t it great? He’s from a totally different world called Funtasia!”

“Fun-tasia? Seriously?”

Will shrugged. “Wouldn’t make much sense to call it that it was serious, now, would it?”

To Pinkie’s surprise, that actually got a chuckle out of the girl. “No, I guess not. And if you really wanna know, I don’t know why I can’t fly.”

“Oh.” Will smiled, clearly relieved. “So it’s normal, then? Not a big deal?”

Scootaloo jumped up and managed to hover in front of Will’s face long enough to get her point across. “Are you kidding? It’s a huge deal! Everypony in my class can fly already. Well, you know, the pegasus ponies in my class can.”

Will thought that through for a moment. “Okay, and how many ponies are in your class, in total?”

Scootaloo averted her eyes. “It’s complicated.”

Pinkie Pie whispered in Will’s ear. “It depends on when you look.”

Will’s brow furrowed at that. “Wait, what? How does that even… never mind. How many pegasus ponies do you know who are your age?”

Scootaloo looked up at the sky, thinking. “Umm, five or six, maybe? And that’s if you count the boys, but they’re not around all the time.”

Will scouted the area as well. “Now that you mention it, Pinkie Pie, where are the boys in this town?”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “There’s plenty of stallions in Ponyville, silly.”

“Yes, I can see that, but where are the boys? I’ve seen a bunch of mares, a bunch of stallions, and a lot of fillies playing in the park, but only two boys since I got out of the train, and they were both unicorns. Are all the boys at a club or something?”

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Pinkie Pie suggested.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Scootaloo asked.

“Um, sorry, Scootalieu, but I’m just saying that five or six ponies aren’t exactly a good standard to know what’s normal for your age and what’s not. Have you seen a doctor about it?”

Scootaloo rubbed the back of her head, embarrassed. “Not really, no.”

“And what do your parents have to say about it?”

Pinkie nudged Will more insistently this time. “Ixnay on the arentspay, Will. It’s a touchy subject.”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t think your parents would be-”

“-It’s complicated,” Pinkie Pie interjected.

Will groaned. “Look, all I’m saying is: if you can’t fly now, that just means you can’t fly yet. Even if your parents are-”

“-Complicated-” Pinkie Pie interrupted.

“-Whatever, I can only assume there’s some pony taking care of you whose job it is to keep an eye on that kind of thing. Don’t children get medical check-ups in school? Or is that just on my world?”

Scootaloo started to smile weakly. Pinkie Pie grimaced. “Will, you don’t really understand how things work around here. We’re a little more laidback, you see. Things need to get really out of hoof before we try and get help.”

“Oh. So you never go see a doctor when there’s something obviously wrong with you, even when you feel bad because of it?”

Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Sure we do, but-”

“-And if a powerful wizard comes along and starts, I don’t know, pulling buildings out of the ground and enslaving the town or something ridiculous like that, you’d call some sort of police or an army to deal with that, right?”

“Yes! Yes, we most certainly would!” Pinkie Pie blushed furiously. “We would never, ever, ever let that kind of thing go unpunished.”

Scootaloo frowned and pointed towards the library. “But what about the time Trixie-”

“-Let’s get you to Sugarcube Corner, shall we?” Pinkie stopped nudging Will and started shoving.

“Well, okay.” Will didn’t protest much. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Scootalieu. I’m sorry if I said anything to upset you.”

Scootaloo trotted alongside him for a bit. “Don’t worry about it. You’re right: it’s not a big deal as long as it’s not official. And I guess if it is official, there’s doctors for it.”

Will smiled and winced in sympathy. “Doesn’t help you right now, though, does it?”

The filly chuckled and blinked to stop a tear from forming. “It’s okay. It was nice meeting you, Will.”

Will dug his hooves into the ground, even stopping the might of the pink Earth pony from getting him to move. “Willow.”

Scootaloo stopped. “What?”

“My real name’s Willow.”

Scootaloo almost laughed at him for that. “Um, around here, that’s a girl’s name.”

“Back where I’m from, it’s a girl’s name, too. It’s not the same thing, but, you know…”

“Yeah, I get it, thanks. See you around.”

And with that, the girl was off, rounding a corner to head towards the park. Pinkie Pie stopped shoving. “That was really nice of you, Will. I don’t think anypony’s ever had a real talk with her like that.”

Will grimaced as he watched her disappear from sight. “Do you have bullies in this world?”

Pinkie sighed. “Yeah, a couple. And Scootaloo does get picked on, but you already knew that, right?”

The Filly nodded solemnly. “Is she okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you said you know everything about every pony in this town. You said you were friends with that girl. So either you’re not, or you know, right? You can’t have it both ways.”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “We really need to get you to Sugarcube Corner.”


Mister Cake had put up with a lot from Pinkie Pie over the years. He tolerated her self-appointed position as ‘royal test-taster’, mostly because she had a knack for only ever eating the pies that were below royal standards. He tolerated her occasionally loud behaviour, mostly because that was part of her advertising. He tolerated the parties, because they brought in a lot of revenue. In fact, Pinkie Pie’s latest idea of a “One Hundred Days Without a Monster Attack” party had contributed a great deal to Pound Cake’s Flight School fund and Pumpkin Cake’s Magic School fund. And the party had so been so much fun, everyone had just forgiven her for starting the celebrations one hundred days early.

Bringing a stranger into the house? That was fine, considering she was an adult, and mostly responsible. Bringing a stranger from an unknown species? Again, Pinkie Pie was an adult, and the Cake family had no business being discriminatory. Even if they’d wanted to judge others based on race, which they never had, their twins had pretty much thrown that option right out of the window. Having a stranger of unknown origins sleep over? There was a fine line to be walked, especially with children around the house, but if it was just to stay for a few nights it wouldn’t do any real harm, surely.

But bringing in a stranger of an unknown species, from another world, whose magic had a slight chance to cause an apocalypse? This took some consideration.

“Pinkie Pie, are you absolutely sure this Will is safe?” Carrot Cake looked towards the Filly, who had just spotted two more potential friends. He was rubbing his mane back and checking himself out in the reflection in the window, while one of his new friends did the same.

One of said friends was a black stallion, about the same shade of black as Will (though colour didn't quite work the way it did on his homeworld, so it may have been a really dark grey), with a whitish blue mohawk. Will was more focused on the colt this stallion was with, though, because even though the boy was only ten years old, Will had to compliment him on his dashing, even dazzling, neigh, impeccable hairstyle.

“So how do you get your hair like that?” Rumble asked, glad to finally see some other pony with the same hairstyle as his.

Will pointed to his crown. “This thing keeps it back pretty nicely, and a good jump every now and again does the rest. What about you?”

Rumble jutted his chest out proudly. “I go up on Windy Hill while my mane’s wet. It just kinda freezes like that.”

Thunderlane rolled his eyes and ruffled his little brother’s fur. “And then he gets the sniffles and then he has to chew on a bon bon.”

Will noticed a mare in the background twitch at the mention of chewing bon bons, but he didn’t press the issue.

“It’s not that bad. It makes my breath smell nice, at least.” Rumble squeed.

Carrot Cake regarded the conversation between Thunderlane, Rumble, and Will. The strange creature with green sparkly wings certainly didn’t appear to be malicious.

“So what are you doing here, then?” Thunderlane asked. “You said you’re from another world?”

“Err, yes. I know it’s hard to believe, but-”

“-No, it’s not. Just trust me on this, we get a lot worse around these parts. And most of the time it doesn’t involve talking, either. You don’t want a milkshake?” Thunderlane pointed to his drink, before sipping it.

“I’m not entirely here, so I have to pass. I’m not sure how long I can be here, either, since time doesn’t work the same as it does back home. I’m not even sure if I’m totally corporeal, and even if I am, I don’t have any money with me. And to answer your question: I cast a knowledge spell using chaos magic. Basically, I’m dreaming and waiting to learn to something. I’m just not sure what it is.”

Rumble frowned. “Really? You cast a spell and you forgot what for?”

Will shrugged and smiled at the colt. “Well, I haven’t woken up yet, so I know it didn’t involve styling advice, that’s a plus.”

Mister Cake sighed. “I'll consider it on one condition. You have to Pinkie Promise that he won’t cause any trouble. He won’t hurt anypony, he won’t accidentally start a riot or open a portal or anything. Can you guarantee that?”

“Don’t worry, Mister Cake! Everything’s gonna be oki-doki-loki! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“Oh, hi there!” Will said to somepony Pinkie nor Carrot had noticed.

“I mean it, Pinkie Pie. If anything happened to Pound or Pumpkin-”

“Gah! Help! I am besieged!”

The two snapped their heads towards the cries for help. Will had been pounced from behind, for the second time that day. Unlike Scootaloo, this assailant didn’t bother with the courtesy of trying to grapple him, no, this veteran warrior knew better. Will now found himself locked in a deadly struggle against a bruiser who’d leaped up at him and struck a mighty blow to his head, then proceeded to pummel him into submission.

“Pound Cake, no!” Missus Cake cried out as she clutched her daughter closer and rushed to Will’s aid.

The little pegasus baby didn’t listen, at least not right away. He was having too much fun beating on this crown-wearing stranger. In years to come, Pound Cake would be told about this event, invariably in front of whatever girl he’d be dating, and it would be awkward. It would also usually be accompanied by the subtle hint that Pound’s political preferences leaned more towards the republic than the monarchy.

Right now, though, Pound just saw a nice-looking pony he didn’t know yet, and as such he had to greet them and make them feel welcome. He usually did this by flying out of his mother’s grasp in a moment of weakened attention -- enabled by his co-conspirator, the noble, devious, and elusive Pumpkin Cake -- and proceed to beat the living daylights out of whomever it was he wanted to get to know.

Pound Cake stopped when Will flopped to the ground, legs up in the air in surrender.

“I give, sir, I give! Might I know thine name before I am slain?”

Missus Cake walked over and picked the now giggling baby up. “His name is Pound Cake, and he doesn’t talk yet. I’m so sorry for this, he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Will winked up at the surprised cream-coloured colt. “Not at all, but a good surprise is a good surprise.”

The baby was befuddled by this turn of events. Usually ponies didn’t make so much of a fuss when he hit them, or at least they didn’t find it as funny. Having finally gone all the way, Pound felt that hitting things caused a lot of noise, and got him a lot of attention. A little too much attention, perhaps. It was only then the baby realised maybe hitting ponies wasn’t a proper way of introducing oneself, and perhaps he should try and check if his parents reacted better to some alternative means of introduction.

“This is Will,” Pinkie Pie said. “He’s from another world, and he’s here to learn from us. Is it okay if he stays with me for a few days?”

The blue mare looked to her two babies, who were both oddly fascinated by this strange pony-like creature. She looked to Thunderlane and Rumble, neither of whom was making any gestures to suggest it was a bad idea. Lastly, she looked to her husband, who was clearly just at a loss over the whole thing. “Well, sweetie, what do you think?”

Carrot Cake winced. “On second thought, I'm not so sure. No offense, Will, but it’s just that strange magics can be dangerous, especially when we don’t know what kind and with children around.”

Rumble yawned. “Hey, Thunderlane, I think I stayed up too late last night. Is today Saturday or Sunday? I kinda forgot.”

Right at that moment, a herd of panicking ponies ran past the window, shouting something about ‘the horror’, followed by what one could only describe as a pack of animated brooms dusting the streets. They were soon followed by a purple pony princess perusing the pages of, evidently, a particularly perplexing pony paperback.

Thunderlane held up his hoof. “Wait for it…” He looked out the window. “Huh, just Twilight. Definitely Saturday.”

This was all the perspective Mister Cake needed. “Okay, he can stay. But he stays in your room, Pinkie Pie. You pay for his food and drink if he can’t. Unless he wants to work for it, of course.”

Will sat back up from his sneak attack and smiled. “No problem, sir. I’m sure I can learn to make milkshakes. I’ve always wanted to see how an ice cream parlour looked behind the scenes.”

Pinkie Pie whispered to him. “This isn’t an ice cream parlour; it’s a bakery.”

Will’s ears perked. “R-really?”

The ponies in Sugarcube Corner all turned towards Will then. He made the strangest sound, one no pony had ever really heard before, yet they could all describe. If asked, they’d all describe it as ‘the sound of a blue box travelling through space’. No one asked, though, so no one could really place it. As he made that sound, Will’s body became transparent in waves, flickering in and out of the real.

Pinkie Pie poked him. “Did that almost wake you up?”

Will looked to his white hooves, pouting sadly. “No, not really. Just a little glitch, I guess.”

Mister and Missus Cake went towards the back of their shop. Mister Cake sighed. “Well, I suppose stranger things have happened. Welcome to Ponyville, Will. Hope you like it while you’re here.”

Will kept staring at his hoof. “Thank you, sir. I’ll try.”

Author's Note:

The "I like acrobatics and food" came from fellow Filly fan My Little Life on Mars, Consumer of Biscuits. I'm not sure if Biscuits includes Crackers, but I didn't want to get eaten, so credit where it's due.

Honestly, after seeing the S4 finale, I'm not sure if it's too soon to start making jokes related to the library being uprooted. But hey, I saw it with a delay, so it must be fine now.

I'll leave you to ponder the implications of Scootaloo being named after a parking lot.

I'd put up a warning about not causing a fuss over Scootaloo, but since this is already pretty much my trolliest fic yet, I'm just gonna sit back and if the comment section burns, I'll grab some marshmallows to roast over it.

While I'm not experienced in writing Pinkie Pie as, well, anything at all, you can't tell me Pinkie Pie would throw a "One Hundred Days Without a Monster Attack Party" one hundred days early. I'm sorry, that's just a given.