Trixie Lulamoon, the Multiversal Explorer!

by Gol D Colt

Prologue

“Alright then, Miss Lulamoon. One last check up before you are ready for your first debriefing from Princess Twilight Sparkle,” said a grey unicorn stallion in a lab coat.

“Trixie doesn't need anymore check ups. She was training for two whole years already. Trixie is ready,” huffed the azure unicorn mare while rolling her eyes. Trixie Lulamoon, once a showmare, decided that it paid better to work under Princess Twilight's newest project than desperately trying to bring viewers back to see her now disgraced shows. And after finding out what this project was about in her long and difficult training, she decided that she would prefer sleeping in the streets.

The doctor meanwhile looked at Trixie with a deadpan expression. “Miss Lulamoon, multiversal travelling can be very hazardous to your health. You might end up in a third world Equestria where healthcare is very difficult. Or worse, you might also find yourself in a nuclear wasteland where it can cause radioactive poisoning in your body. Even just travelling can cause health hazards in the form of hyper-distance teleport stress. These health checks could prevent you from these hazards.”

Trixie winced with every hazard the doctor mentioned and relented. “Fine, you win. Trixie will let you check her health,” Trixie huffed impatiently.

The doctor nodded and proceeded on checking the wards surrounding Trixie and the device giving her the wards. Nodding and smiling with satisfaction, the doctor started to explain. “Now listen carefully and remember this, Miss Lulamoon. This ward-giving device is built to withstand contagious and fatal diseases, radiation and multiversal travelling stress, but the ward can get damaged every time they happen. Once the ward gets less than fifteen percent, the device will automatically send you back here. Do you understand?”

Trixie looked bored and was busy making tiny illusions of herself fighting and defeating a dragon. When hearing the doctor's cough, she immediately dispelled her little illusion and looked at the unamused doctor with what Trixie hoped would be an innocent smile. “Er... you were saying?”

The doctor stared unamused. “I asked if you have understood what I told you about the ward-giving device I gave you.”

“I’m sorry, doctor. But everypony mollycoddled Trixie too much in these last two years. Trixie can manage to take care of herself, thank you very much. Trixie doesn’t need more warnings, she learned about the dangers during training,” she replied cockily.

The doctor looked at her disbelievingly. “Miss Lulamoon, it is very important that you should understand everything I am telling you. This is your own health we are talking about! Surely after two consecutive years of training you should have known the importance of us medical experts helping you to prevent multiversal hazards,” scolded the doctor.

Trixie looked insulted at the doctor’s scolding. “Of course Trixie knows the importance! She just doesn’t feel it necessary to keep treating her like a delicate foal.”

The doctor looked dejected at his patient’s stubborn pride and his left forehoof found itself stuck on his face. “How can this total nitwit get qualified to work in this project?” he muttered miserably and got to repeat his explanation, while he also made absolutely sure that the azure imbecile in front of him was paying complete attention.

***

Further up the crystal palace of the ruler of the newly independent Principality of Everfree Valley, was a laboratory. Inside the laboratory was full of advanced technology consisting of computers that could scan and read alternate universes, keep track of the multiversal explorer’s health and whereabouts and let the staff speak to the explorer, a multiversal teleport pad, tools needed for multiversal exploration, and the staff including multiverse scientists, mages from the Order of Starswirl and of course Princess Twilight Sparkle herself. The project took five consecutive years to complete and the staff, especially Twilight, were eager to start. All that was missing now was their explorer.

Twilight trotted impatiently around the laboratory while waiting for their azure explorer. “Come on, Twilight. You have to be patient. Trixie will arrive soon, I know it,” assured a gangly dragon wearing a lab coat.

Twilight looked at her now taller dragon assistant and spoke her mind. “I know, Spike. But we worked on this project for five whole years and we are at the point of starting it and we need Trixie to be here before we start it. I told her to be here at noon, it is already thirty past noon and yet she’s still not here! She. Is. Late!” Twilight said frustratingly.

Spike opened his mouth to continue reassuring his sister figure when the door opened to let in a proud azure unicorn mare and a grey unicorn stallion. Trixie Lulamoon walked inside very slowly while the doctor behind her had his forehoof pressing his face in embarrassment. Spike was snickering while Twilight rolled her eyes on the display and said, “Okay, Trixie. You can stop walking in slow motion now.”

Trixie looked dejected at that. “Aww, but Trixie wanted to give a dramatic entrance,” she whined.

The doctor gave an exasperated sigh and looked at Twilight. “Your Highness, excuse me for being disrespectful and blunt, but can you please tell me how could that imbecile be qualified for this highly dangerous and advanced project?”

Spike turned to Twilight. “Doctor Prescription has a point there, Twilight. How could Trixie be qualified for this project?” he pointedly asked. Twilight looked back at the conversation two years ago.

***

Two years ago…

“Erm… Trixie, are you even qualified to work with us in this project?” asked Twilight with her eyebrow raised.

In front of her was Trixie Lulamoon, disgraced showmare and explorer hopeful. She also looked like she slept on the streets for weeks. Despite her unkempt appearance, she sniffed proudly and said, “Yes, Trixie is sure that she is qualified for this job. Trixie will prove it with this certificate.” Trixie gave Twilight her old looking certificate and Twilight took it. While Twilight was reading Trixie’s certificate, her eyes grew wide with surprise.

“Trixie… I didn’t know that you took Master’s Degree on Magic! You don’t look it!” exclaimed Twilight. She checked the certificate for any forgery and fallacies, but found none. She put the certificate aside and looked at the smug look on the azure unicorn’s face. “Well, I guess you got the job now. Congratulations, Trixie. Now, tomorrow you may start your two year training. Good luck!”

***

Present day…

Twilight turned to Prescription and Spike and told them, “I can assure you, she is definitely qualified. I wouldn’t let anypony who are unqualified work with us in this project.” She turned to focus on Trixie, “Alright Trixie, now it is time for your debriefing before we start our Multiversal Exploration Project. What you need to know is that all universes are different. There can be worlds where we might not be ponies, we might be stallions instead of mares, Equestria might have never been founded, or you might even be married with lots and lots of foals.” Twilight snickered at Trixie’s repulsed look at the possibility of her bearing many foals and continued on her briefing, “The point is that you might gain some mental instability during multiversal exploration due to seeing so many changes. That is why every time you finish your exploration on a particular universe, you need to return here for your psychological check ups. The multiverse can be a scary place and can cause psychological breakdowns after too many explorations. While exploring an alternate universe, I want you to write down all the notes about that particular universe. And last but not least, always follow our orders! If we tell you to return immediately, do it. No questions asked. Our words will be final. Any questions?”

Trixie thought for a moment before asking, “Trixie has one, how will Trixie communicate with you?”

Twilight gestured at one of the computers. “Using this communicator, we might be able to communicate with you. We will also be using this computer to track your injected chip so we will know your status and where to find you. Any more questions?” At Trixie’s head shaking, Twilight clapped her hooves and started talking excitedly. “Okay then! Let’s get started!”

Twilight led Trixie to the teleport pad with the members of the Order of Starswirl and started handing her more devices. “Now this device will let you speak to us. If we decide to communicate with you, you will hear this tone,” Twilight explained. She gestured at Spike to start calling Trixie’s device and Spike responded with a thumbs-up. He started operating the communicator and Trixie’s device started to give short repeated beeps. At Twilight’s gesture, Spike deactivated the call. “This device will also let you hop universes. You can use it to travel back in this lab. Now, if you are sure that you are ready, you may climb up this pad,” Twilight told Trixie.

Trixie obliged. With Twilight’s nod, the unicorns from the Order started up their magic and pointed it towards the teleport pad. Twilight told Trixie her final words before Trixie started her exploration, “And remember, you will arrive at a random parallel universe, so your first universe might turn out to have large differences to our universe.” Immediately after Trixie’s nod of understanding, she disappeared to infinity and beyond.

Comments

[Fervidor]

This actually looks like it has potential to be kinda awesome.

I have a few suggestions of the technical side, though:

Or worse, you might also find yourself in a radioactive wasteland where it can cause radioactive poisoning in your body. Even just travelling can cause health hazards in the form of hyper-distance teleport stress. These check ups could prevent you from these hazards.”

Trixie winced with every hazard the doctor mentioned and relented. “Fine, you win. Trixie will let you giving her check ups,” Trixie huffed impatiently.

Right off the bat, I can tell you have a bit of a problem with redundancy. Try to avoid repeating yourself. In the above example you use "radioactive" twice very close to each other: Instead of "radioactive wasteland," you could use "nuclear wasteland" which means the same thing. You also use "check ups" and "hazards" a lot. Try to be more varied.

"These check ups could prevent you from these hazards" doesn't seem right. Perhaps you meant to write "protect you"? Similarly "Trixie will let you giving her check ups” isn't grammatically correct, it should be "give her." Or, even better, have her say "Trixie will permit this procedure" or something like that.

Twilight was impatiently trotting around the laboratory

This is called using passive voice. What you want to do is use active voice instead: "Twilight trotted impatiently around the laboratory." This makes the narrative sound more direct and keeps the text from becoming cluttered. Passive voice has it's uses, but when writing fiction you generally want to stick to active voice.

I'm also not sure I agree with your characterization of Trixie as being kinda dense. Granted, this is an AU version of Trixie, but while I could see her not listening to the doctor, I don't see her failing to understand him. Canon implies rather heavily that advanced magic requires a lot of studies, so while Trixie certainly isn't Twilight Sparkle, she's probably relatively smart.

That said, I do like the forshadowing you have going on here. You do a pretty good job of establishing that Trixie is probably in over her head and not actually as qualified for this mission as she thinks she is. The only question, I guess, is how she made it through two years of training if she's not competent. Still, good forshadowing.

Finally, we only get a glimpse of her home universe and the ways it's different from the canon one. You mention Everfree Valley but not how Twilight ended up ruling it or what it's relation is to Equestria. This is not really a problem if you plan to expand on it in later chapters, but you might want to drop a bit more world building so we know what we're looking at.

Over-all, this could use some editing, but it's still a pretty decent first chapter that does kinda make me curious. So, keep up the good work.

[La Vallett1]

4789223 Thank you, your comment will help me fix the chapter. But not now, using a tablet to type stories can be hard. But that does not mean that I will not consider it.

Though, you are right. I think I made Trixie too dense when I meant to make her very cocky like in the show. And about the world building part, as much as I really wanted to expand on Ponyville's region becoming an independent principality, I had to keep it low so that the reader would not feel that I am wasting his time.

Thank you for your helpful comment and I hope you will enjoy it.

[Fervidor]

4789344

It's good that you are careful with the world building, a lot of writers do go overboard with that. I mostly brought it up because I couldn't see a clear reason why this had to start in a alternate universe as opposed to regular Equestria.

[La Vallett1]

4789462 I had originally intended it to be the Mainverse in the future, but as you said it turned out too AU-ey. So I decided to let it be as it makes the world more interesting and my imaginations more free.

[Mooncalf]

Off to an interesting start. I was going to comment on the grammar and such, but Fervidor pretty much covered everything I had, so no need to repeat myself.

I do have to agree that Trixie should not come across as quite that dense. Trixie is (unless you're deviating greatly from canon) quite a survivor. She's arrogant and likes to talk herself up, but she's actually quite aware of her limitations, much as she might not like them (she knew fully well that she couldn't defeat an Ursa Major, that was just something she said to impress the crowd). She'd probably pay closer attention to how her equipment works, since it's what will keep her alive out there. (Especially since she used to be a stage magician, and was relying on her equipment functioning properly for the shows.)

Of course, you could have her be bored because she's spent her time being coddled by excessive safety procedures and is getting fed up, and this doctor isn't used to her and assumes. I suspect you're keeping her unaware of the recall feature for a reason.

Not sure why the 'home' setting has to be so different from canon, but you have your reasons, I'm sure. I'm glad you didn't infodump; as is, enough comes across to keep us informed without obstructing the main plot. Later chapters could elaborate as necessary, I suppose.

Also, dramatic entry is essential. Twilight just doesn't understand.

Huh, guess I did have things to say after all. Still, looking good so far. Will watch.

[Super_Big_Mac]

4789223

Passive voice has it's uses, but when writing fiction you generally want to stick to active voice.

it's should be its, because when something is over by the wall, it's, or it is, over there, whereas when something is deemed useful, then its ability is the possessive of the item or idea we are referring to when using the word "it."

[Super_Big_Mac]

4789344 Also, this story's looking good!

As an editor for TSC: Fragments, I can honestly say that your take is going to be just as fun, if maybe a bit more "planned."

[Super_Big_Mac]

4789906 Dramatic entry is only outclassed by DYNAMIC ENTRY!!!

[La Vallett1]

4789906

I admit, my grammar needs a bit of work, but at the very least it is readable.

And don't worry, I am planning on making Trixie not dense. I tried just making her cocky, bored and a bit childish, but making her dense was never my intention. I will fix this chapter later. Later chapters will have her as non-dense as you may prefer.

Random bouts of sillyness such as Trixie's dramatic entry are one of my favoured kind of comedy. Expect some more from me.

And the AU home setting is due to my imaginations running wild and wanting to have advanced magitech for this kind of project.

Thank you for your comment and I hope you will enjoy more.

4790039

Oh no, my story could never compete with such high quality stories like TSC: Fragments. Mine is amateurish at best.

And this story is more planned as in imagining scenarios and inspirations while I'm at work distributing state-paid medicines to local pharmacies.

Thank you for your comment and I hope you will enjoy more.

[Super_Big_Mac]

4790477 Aye, and when I say more planned, I mean more along the lines of "Twilight has a bit of an idea of where Trixie shall end up," rather than it being "Trixie picks up purple stones and gets hurled through the multiverse without rhyme or reason."

And yes, dramatic entries are always good. Even when corny. because then they're corny AND good.

[Obsidian Raindrop]

Well super kami guru liked it

If you have a chane can one of your alternate reaqlities be of Trixie and shining armor be in love

[Fervidor]

4790029

I don't really care. I'm pretty sure he understood what I meant.

[Super_Big_Mac]

4791005 Yeah, I'm sure he did as well. But as an editor or even someone giving advice on how to type, you should take your own advice, shouldn't you? So don't be grumpy just because you had an error pointed out to you while you were pointing one out to someone else, mmkay? It's unbecoming.

[La Vallett1]

4790877 First I have to do alternate realities that I have planned months to make. When I am almost out of ideas, then I might consider.

[La Vallett1]

4789223
4789906

Ok, I heeded your advice and re-written the Prologue slightly to make Trixie less dense and more cocky and prideful. Will you both please skim it and see if the changes are satisfactory?

[Mooncalf]

4793448 Quite satisfactory. She sounds more plausible. Bored and dismissive and wants to get it over with already. Whether or not she does know the things he's telling her already or not is a bit ambiguous, but that works to your advantage, I think.