Sixteen: A Week Later
One week went by quickly after the gala, mainly because during that time existed a lack of objectivity for Trixie. She had her upcoming show Princess Celestia had assigned her to prepare for, and that was about it. In just three days of that one week, she already had her line of tricks and spells ready.
In just two more days, she’d have them practiced and suitably acceptable for her performance. All except one that is, which she’d been putting off all this time to better consider which stage she’d be occupying.
At this time in the late morning, Trixie could be found at her old caravan along with Moon Dancer in the chariot houses. Instead of her armor, and instead of Trixie’s cape and hat, they both wore blue and purple sweaters. It was cold enough, but the idea was because of Trixie, and Moon Dancer tagged along just for fun, and to stay warm.
“Did you decide on a stage yet?” Moon Dancer asked while adjusting her sleeves, knowing good and well Trixie hadn’t.
“Well, like Trixie said yesterday, she’ll probably decide on the one at the northern gate. It’s the best choice when you think about it.”
Moon Dancer sighed. “Finally! I kept telling you the northern gate was the way to go. It’ll get the word across town the fastest, and it’s easy to bring everything there, but not too easy like the one at the front palace doors will probably be someday.”
“Trixie will be needing Druid Shield’s assistance for the safe deliverance of this equipment… Where is he? Trixie thought you said he was just about done with the morning shift.”
“He was.”
“Here I am,” Druid Shield cut in, a frown on his face. “My apologies. I was talking to Princess Luna about some weird deers and their buck leader wanting passage to the city. They apparently had very foreign products to sell, but wouldn’t allow me to see their merchandise.”
Trixie shuffled. “You went all the way to Princess Luna for that?”
Druid Shield shook his head, and finished his story. “Actually, they wouldn’t show me because they were here to sell these things to Princess Luna. That’s why I had to go get her.” He growled, “Never even got to see what was inside those wooden crates, because even if I glanced, that buck would warn me of the cultural violations. Something important, though, because Luna sure was interested when I informed her about it.”
Moon Dancer walked over from next to Trixie, and hugged her stallion with one of her wings. “I understand that you’ve had a long day.”
“But, Trixie needs assistance.”
“Oh, right,” Druid Shield said while scratching the back of his head with a hoof. “I’ll get all the heavy stuff.”
Trixie smiled masterfully at how strong his powers were, and had a thought cross her mind. “Say, Druid Shield?”
“Yes?” he asked after setting a load of things down into the cart they intended to use.
“You’re good with magic. Help Trixie with her spell. It’s the one that makes the tip of your horn glow.”
His horn had dimmed, and his expression was like stone. “I will, but Trixie, if I’m not your guard pony anymore, then I’d appreciate it if you asked me for my help when it comes to these sorts of things.”
As shallow as that was, Trixie was close to admitting he was right when Moon Dancer said first, “Actually…” Trixie looked over. “Princess Celestia said-”
“Crap,” Druid Shield abruptly, and loudly whispered.
“Hey! What? She did!” He stayed silent. “She said that you were to still go on escort missions with Trixie and I.”
He leered his vision up to her. “What?”
“So, and considering I’m your marefriend and everything, I’m the boss.”
“Hmmmm…”
“Do as Trixie says, especially in my presence. She’s your friend.”
With her work done, Moon Dancer finished up by muzzling poor Druid Shield for a change, and departed from the two briefly before meeting Trixie at the location they were to perform at. All alone, something that they hadn’t experienced in what seemed like a long time, Trixie and Druid Shield worked together to get all of Trixie’s most important things into place. “Be very delicate,” she said.
“Yes, Trixie, I know.”
“You needn’t be so formal. The Great and Powerful Trixie didn’t mean to be so bossy, but Moon Dancer is right. You’re still my friend. Right?”
He looked from the entrance of the caravan to Trixie, and said, “Yeah. I, uh, just want you to know, I don’t have any romantic feelings for you anymore.”
Trixie hummed. “Is that so?”
He looked off to the left, and down a little. “Yes…”
“Why does Trixie feel as if you’re lying?”
He snarled. “Stop this, Trixie.”
She simply rolled her eyes, but had a stern face. “Trixie has many admirers. Trixie knows when somepony likes her a bit too much, you know. It’s just… you have somepony. The only reason Trixie plays with you like this, Druid Shield, is because she just wants to remind you that Moon Dancer loves you. She loves you a lot, and Trixie knows you love her back.”
He breathed as best he could, which wasn’t all that well. “I love her more than anything…”
Trixie smiled. “You may admire me like anypony else, Druid Shield. That is your choice… Just, if Trixie ever gets too close, she expects you to stay a gentlecolt. Okay?”
He blinked. “What do you mean?”
Trixie craftily explained, “Do you remember bringing Trixie to her first day’s training with Celestia in that ballroom? Trixie had begun becoming attached to you, and you… didn’t mind. Not one bit. Remember?”
He bit his bottom lip. “I didn’t know not doing anything was wrong.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. Once she stopped, she quivered. “To Trixie it is. You should’ve pushed Trixie away or something when she’d gotten so close, or mentioned you have a marefriend.”
Her voice was for the most part calm, but it echoed, and once it fell silent again, Druid Shield asked, “What are you saying?”
Trixie sighed. “Just that you’re an attractive pony, and that Moon Dancer deserves you. Don’t make it to where you don’t deserve her.”
He got back to work, unmoved. He knew this was already what he needed to aim for from then on. The point Trixie wanted to make was already known. It was just necessary for Trixie to finally discuss in detail with him. After a moment to himself, he finished up helping, and said, “Yes ma’am. About that spell.”
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Great work.. however:
"about some weird dears and" should it not be Deers?
6741283 The word should be deer, no s at the end, not even for the plural version of the word.
Anyway, as for the story, it's okay. I'm still reading and, so far, will still read, but I suggest focusing a bit more. The love triangle seems kinda forced, putting Trixie's other relationships with Celestia and those she harmed in the background. Moon Dancer becoming Trixie's guard also seemed forced, given that Moon Dancer did nothing but cower on their one mission together. I do hope we see more of Wolf, by the way. It'd be a shame if we never saw him again after that somewhat unnecessary mission, which just seemed like a way to get Trixie's smoke spell to work without putting the effort in practicing (which just seems like a waste of a mystical artifact, to me). Lastly, I remember Trixie mentioning that she sometimes doesn't think Twilight actually forgave her for what she did. I'd like to see that explored.
That said, there are good things about this story. I've always had a soft spot for redemption stories, though this stopped seeming like a redemption story some time ago. I like Trixie's interactions with some of the main cast, though there could be more of that, I think. Overall, I like Trixie. I don't really care much for Moon Dancer, though. All I'm saying is that I think this story could be more focused. I mean, we're in Chapter Sixteen, and Trixie hasn't even had her first performance/examination yet.
Anyway, those are my two cents. Spend them how you will, and good luck in you're future endeavors.
6741283 Three times I made sure that was right, and all three times autocorrect changed it. The fourth edit on site, I missed it.
Fixed. Thanks!
6741603 Lesson learned, don't use auto correct
6741323 A definite problem I have is, of course, focus. This story isn't regularly updated, obviously, and that's because of my daily life. The reason I'm updating it so much right now is because of my time off from work, which unfortunately doesn't last long.
Now, this is to everybody... The love triangle you keep going on about is a filler. It's there to create interactions with Trixie, because otherwise as I'm sure you all noticed, it would get rather lonely just her studying by herself, and going to and from places with no escort of any kind. No stage assistant. Just Trixie, yay... Moon Dancer isn't supposed to be near as important as Trixie, and neither is Druid Shield. Their characters are there to basically be friends with this new student of Celestia, and that's all I have them planned for. I couldn't just have it be all bubblegum and popsicles between the three, though. It needed a situation, so yes, maybe these parts are a little rushed, but I'd hope the fact that this being a near 50K long story makes up for poor pacing at times.
As for Wolf, he will return next chapter. He has not been forgotten. Chapter 16 was merely a filler, dear audience, to inform you of the time jump, and that nothing special happened during that week of Trixie's preparation.
Uh oh....the dear... or should that be deer?
6741792 I fixed that a long time ago.
6741793 Sorry, I musta loaded it before fix
6741948 You're good.
Just hope you're enjoying the story.
6741720 Why have filler, though? Why add something to the story if it's not important to the story, especially if that something is a chapter of filler? I know it can't be rainbows and butterflies every chapter, but why add two characters who really aren't important to the plot? You could've added more conflict with Rainbow Dash, or explored Trixie's relationship with Twilight or Celestia. You could've expanded on that journey to Wolf's cave, with Moon Dancer escorting and protecting Trixie in dangerous territory, rather than having them get there and back with no real danger. That would've both been exciting and justified Moon Dancer's skills and existence as a character.
Now, I know this is your story, and I know you don't have to listen to a word I say. I, however, think it'll greatly help this story to do so. But, again, that's just my two cents.
6742555
Fillers are used often, probably more than you realize. The fact that I'm pointing it out and admitting that's what it is... That's what's probably diminished the story, and I apologize for that. Overall, it's a way to keep the story going. I'm telling you, without these interactions, the story would turn shallow. It would've ended a long time ago, and it would've been bland. I really don't see the problem here. It's not a chapter filler, by the way. This filler has been used throughout the entire story, from chapter one, and it was used when a filler was needed. As for Rainbow, Twilight and Celestia, I have more plans for character development on the way. Now, you're right about Moon Dancer's character. Thinking back, she was without a doubt a bit too cowardly. I will try and address that in another chapter. I'm reading and understanding every comment, but uh, can you not be so harsh? I'm a rusty-with-writing, busy, young man with a distracted personality. This, all of this story, is for fun. I'd like my readers to try and have fun with it. If you've got a serious gripe, can it be PM'd? Thanks.
6742608 Sorry if I'm coming off as harsh. I'm really not trying to be. I guess I'm a bit miffed at this chapter because you did admit is was filler here:
You're right in that filler is used a lot and that in can be useful. I guess I'm just looking back at shows I used to watch that would interrupt the action with pointless filler episodes. I'm taking it out on you, I suppose, and I apologize
.
This friendship with Moon Dancer and Druid Shield is a good use of filler, I will admit, because you're right: something is happening here to affect the story.
Lastly, I'm glad to see you've got plans for Twilight, Celestia, and Rainbow. I'm very much looking forward to that.
Eh, filler chapter is filler.
The love triangle IS beginning to feel forced because, as all three characters here say, Trixie knows Druid loves Moon Dancer and doesn't want to break that up and discourages Druid away from her. Trying to keep Druid's infatuation with Trixie sustained for dramatic purpose is starting to feel tired.
...
Could be worse.
Cover Change #5!
It's like the Cha Cha Slide Part 2, but more annoying...
6748578 but at least trixie knows best
6741792 oh that comic with the forest hippies . The comic was so meh to
Any chance of getting another chapter of this any time soon?
Yay, back to the good stuff. I'll be back later to read this awesome fic. But thankfully I caught up to where I was last time. And have a note to avoid the gala chapter next read through ... which beside the protective rage for Trixie that comes up when fics put all the blame on her. This and all the previous chapters were gold.
Sorry if my last post was a tad ranty. But I did mention that I love the fic ... just really hoping now that Trixie 'apologized' the Mane 6 will find it in their hearts to apologize / make it up for ruining her life / their part in things. Still, look forward to reading the rest of this fic later today.