Gonna work on that Kingdom Hearts fic at some point
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In another world, in another universe, Queen Twilight Sparkle has ruled over Equestria with love and Kindness. Within that time, she has token in the wayward young apprentice, Rumble, a Pegasus colt.
During the 999 year, Twilight sends the colt to Ponyville to oversee the Sunrise Celebration. Needless to say that he's not the only one making his first apparence in Ponyville.
(If this does well, this will be Book one of my Unlimited Series)
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interesting.
A very good start to the story! But is this in the future where Celestia and Luna went crazy or just a simple AU?
4845740
Another Universe
4845870 thanks for clearing that up!
This is a story that I thought would never. Not bad though, I'd see you should continue
I liked what you had so far, and I can tell this is going to be a Great book
This seems like a very interesting story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Good luck.
First AU I've seen with Rumble as the student of a princess and not too many use Twilight and you're shipping him with chrssy. i look forward to reading more of this. as you were.
With some grammar polishing this could be perfect.
4849454
Needs an editor!
4849416
I always go for different.
4849704 Indeed. If i had acess to a pc and you to google docs i could do something.
4849941
Well thanks for the offer in any case
Ok, so guessing the the other mane 6 are Duchesses or something then? Also assuming that Celestia and Luna were friends of Twilight's when they were younger turned enemies.
But I think this needs to be subjected to more research! Yes, I shall watch this most heartilly in hopes it leads to further breakthroughs!
Who is she talking about ?
The sun in the moon? Perhaps you mean the sun and the moon?
Whatever.
Very fascinating story so far. There isn't much to it yet, but you've done a profound job of establishing the world and lore within the first bit.
I'm interested to see how the elements and Ponyville will work out, if you have plans for them at all.
On a side note, I could edit for you. I can't say I've done much, but the offer still stands.
Have a moustache.
LOL u have the same twilight i use for my computer account picture
4851144
really?! That would help me a lot!
Huh. Interesting. I'm usually fascinated with Alternate Mane 6 stories. I was certainly surprised with Rumble taking on the role of canon Twilight. I wonder who the rest of this Alternate Mane 6 will be...
I like it, but there's grammar issues you need to fix. Also the incorrect use of some words like you used "coarse" instead of "course". Fix those up and you should be good.
4852629 Yeah, yeah, it's all good.
Guess we need a Google Docs thingy, huh?
4854671
I have one
Ouch. Yeah, the grammar is kinda bad. I'd gladly read this after you revise the first chapter, but until then, I'll let this sit in my read later list, as it looks like a good read.
4854976
Heh...sorry. I make great stories it seems, but my grammer is...less then subpar
You know what? This story made me smile. I'll keep an eye on this, and I was glad to read that you're getting an editor.
Something you might want to keep in mind for now is using italics to signify a character's thoughts.
In that paragraph we have a sentence with apostrophes that is defined as him thinking. Then there are more sentences, also with apostrophes, that begin with him thinking, but end with the idea that he was speaking those sentences. It's confusing.
Italics stand out. It clearly isn't dialogue, because there are no punctuation marks to suggest that. It clearly isn't normal narrative, because it's a completely different format from what he narrator is using. So what could be written besides dialogue and narrative? Personal thoughts.
4855842
Thanks buddy! I'll get on that as soon as I can!
Nightmare Moon and Solar Flare? This stays in my read later area but I would like more explaination on how Twilight is an alicorn Princess and all history of the sisters is gone.
4856273
of coarse. Its just starting after all. Some mystery is good.
4856402 that's why it's still in the read later area to see how it's explained.
OMG MOAR!!!!
4856514 WHAT YOU SAID but serously I need MOAR RIGHT NOW or soon
4856514
4857046
So much Luna... ( ;-;)
4859989
Luna is best pony
4860083
I cant choose between her or Celestia.
Plz halp.
4860086
\Go look up a song called Luna's Reply. If you listen to it you will appreciate and understand Luna on a whole new level that should help you decision.
4860095
All right...ill check it out.
4860095
Ugh...the feels.
For fucks sake...
...Its gotta be Luna, from now on!
4859989 luna is da best
4860383
Fo shizzle.
4860385 what? (If you takeout the w in what it is hat)
4860404
...Yes.
4860409 YAY FOR HATS COLECT ALL THE HATS
4860427 But dont buy them. That only makes you a N00B.
4860436 in tf2?
4860451 IN EVERYTHING.
4860463 oh
4860476 NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
Liked and followed! I wanna see where this is going!
4860477 ...