Taking a Gander

by HackamoreHalter

Prologue: In the Beginning...

It is said, in ancient legends of origins long forgotten, that when the earth was young she was stricken with a most horrible fate: ennui. In this time before time, nothing yet lived but the earth. She was alone, her skies a void and her lands barren. There was naught to catch her eye or stir her blood to excitement. Her life, her heart, her very soul was empty.

When she could take no more of the emptiness, the earth let out a mighty breath that became the winds. These winds carried with them new life, forged from her own flesh and blood, and spread her creations across the lands. The grasses and trees burst forth from her heart, and all manner of creatures walked upon the face of her. No longer was she alone, this mother earth, for now her children teemed in great numbers.

The earth reveled in her accomplishment, yet still her ennui persisted. Though her lands were now filled with life, it was a life that seemed shallow and without meaning. Her children merely were. They had no passion nor purpose, no drive other than to see each day through. Their hearts and souls remained turgid, and likewise did their great mother's. Time passed once more, and she pondered what more she could do to ease her languor.

For all of the earth's timeless wisdom, it was not she who stumbled upon the answer to her dilemma. It was her children, who also suffered from the drudgery of existence and sought in vain to escape from it, and in doing so discovered the one great truth of existence.

The myths of this moment are many. It is a story told and retold, embellished and passed on, re-imagined with new outlooks for new ages. None can know for certain what happened, only what they believe to be the truth.

For some, the truth is that an age of Harmony ended.

For others, the truth is that the long years of listlessness and stagnation were to finally come to a close. Two of the earth's children found themselves with differing opinions that put them at odds with one another. This was astounding in and of itself, for such a divergence had yet to be seen since the moment of creation. What was to come would be even more unprecedented. For the first time, tempers rose and blood ran hot. The apathy that had plagued life was forgotten in the moment and, as a wildfire begins with but a single spark, conflict was born.

Along with conflict came challenge and conquest. The joy of triumph, the satisfaction of overcoming obstacles, the elation of improvement of the self. Mother earth rejoiced at this discovery. At long last, the emptiness of her soul was no more, filled instead with the thrill of contest. Life would finally have meaning and purpose.

Already, her children were putting to practice what they had learned, refining and making use of conflict to build upon what they were and become ever greater. The first hunters had discovered the ways of the Hunt, the thrill of the chase and the honorable end to a worthy prey. The first warriors founded the ways of Combat, a noble clash of wills to prove the strength of one’s soul. Each held the most profound spark of vigor sought by the great mother, and each strove to bring honor to their most beloved creator.

Of the mother’s children who followed the ways of the Hunt and Combat, two soon rose above all others in their pursuit of mastery in their arts. The mighty eagles soared in the skies upon the mother’s very breath, riding the winds as they sought their prey in solitary hunts. The stalwart lions claimed the lands, led by one chosen for strength in challenges of combat. The earth was pleased at their progress and all that they had achieved, but she realized that this was merely a fraction of their true potential. What the mighty hunters and stalwart warriors could accomplish separately was nothing compared to what heights they could obtain together.

And thus it was that mother earth conceived for herself a new species. Strength given form, forged without limits and honed to perfection, to hold dominion over both land and skies. Her chosen children would never rest nor slow in their pursuits, never find satisfaction in the murky dullness of constancy. Their wings would ever seek greater heights to ascend, and their claws would always thirst for greater challenges to overcome. The great mother had her champion at long last, and would forevermore be free of her ennui.

The griffon was born.

Comments

[Seether00]

Yay griffons!

[vren55]

Okay, since you didn't bother to follow my form... and also because I'm reviewing each chapter separately, I'll deviate from convention.

First off... the style isn't bad, but there's a major problem with this prologue.

TOOO MUCH HEADCANON!!!!!

Listening to a writers convention at Bronycan basically taught me something vital about Prologues/intros. There has to be a balance between information and questions. That's how you create a good hook. In this chapter we got a lot of your headcanon information... which does help us ease into the world you are trying to set... but there's no Equestria... no mention of it or any familiar characters or their celestial bodies, so we get... stranded. It won't make people hate on you, but it will certainly force some people to just throw their hands up and leave before finishing the chapter because they have no idea what the hell you are talking about.

Lemme be clear, mythos is good, but unfamiliar mythos is bad. Your headcanon may be astonishingly accurate or make a lot of sense, but if it ain't familiar, don't start off with it in the first chapter when its make or break to draw people into the story.

Anyhow, some odd erros. Mother Earth, should be capitalized all the time since its an entity not just plain old earth. It's... a good stylistic start, and if you were writing a novel... this wouldnt be bad, but you need more familiar information and less headcanon.

[Rakaziel]

That is glorious! Well thought out myth, really well written, and very evocative. Not too long and not too short. This is, and I am serious, one of the best introductions I have ever read.