- Member Since 21st Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Apr 9th, 2018
Knight Toland of Astora
Don't like the show. Came here cause I like the stories and fan art.
Knight Toland of Astora
Joined 21st Apr, 2014 ·
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color me intrigued
There's some grammatical errors here and there, but it's great. The errors are sparse and don't take away anything from the story, so that's a plus.
COMMENT EDIT: Also, the story looks rather heavily based off of Cry of Fear. I must inquire: do you plan on adding a crossover tag at some point during the later chapters of the story?
4789968
II wasn't based off of cry of fear at all actually, I have a question though, why did you think it was based off of Cry Of Fear?
Good god this is great!
4790032 With how the story opened up, and how the protagonist was described, I immediately thought that.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/124/2/f/cry_of_fear_simon_with_a_lantern_by_tlsaudrl2548-d4yh979.png
Kinda looks like this, except with a flashlight and fire axe, both of which are present in the game I mentioned earlier.
4789927
Which color, green or blue
4790081
Green
I always preferred it to blue
4790090
That's racist.
4790147
Im not racist, I hate everyone equally
4790147 Nigga don't be telling me about racism, fucking niglet
4790388
lol stfu fkn hore
4790557 Nigga what you say to me? Ill kick yo beaner ass
4790574
1v1 me m8 I sware
4790583 Nigga Ill REK U BEITCH
4790632
oh ok
This story iz gud m8. dun't stawp writin m8. haz muktch putential k m8. On a serious note, it is decently well written, but it could be written better. For instance, having more details really does make your story longer, for example the second pony. I didn't know what color it's coat was. Those are minor issues though, but it's something that you should consider. Don't worry though, for what you wrote it was great.
This is human, and doesn't involve any mlp characters. Please explain to me how this is a FIMfic?
Nvm...
4813061 There's a pony.
4818770 lol.
aw man, he ded.
Love this so much!!
Im thinking pinkamena
Moar!
interesting will read more
Okay, let's review this...
I like this story. The idea is interesting and the description is good enough. This is also well written, at no point I spotted mistakes or got confused.
However, there are a few details that demand attention. First of all, who is the protagonist? How old is he? What does he looks like? It's really hard to care about what happens to him when he's just a generic Anonymous. Also, while his reactions are mostly ok, you could add a few details on what he thinks about the situation.
Hope this helps.
4968628
Thanks for the review, and no, he is not a anon, I'll reveal his name at one point in the story
Okay let's see the second...
Once again, I enjoyed this. However, I did spot a few mistakes, nothing serious though. Also, the protagonist seemed way too calm during the fight scene. For someone who just woke up in a destroyed hospital, surrounded by bodies and now fighting for his life, you would expect more adrenaline.
Hope this helps.
This story reminds me of the Hospital level in the game F.E.A.R Extraction Point
5011745
AKA now you can kill the fat bastard level
5011753
Exactly! I sticked two sticky bombs at that Norton guy and blowed him to hell with his bag of cheesy pops!
Shit is goin' down. Well, I wouldn't want to be above the 19th floor, from the looks of those...barricades.
What exactly is going on in this?
You have an interesting gallery, and I haven't really read any horror stories (unless I am wrong on this story) but I will put it on the read later to see how it goes. Anything I might need to know about said fic?
ALRIGHT GUY'S I MIGHT REMAKE THIS STORY! BUT IN SPACE AND SHIT!