• Published 30th Jul 2014
  • 20,536 Views, 244 Comments

The Equestrian Blitz - Underpaid Carronade



Equestria appears on Earth with evil-intentions, sadly humanity ain't havin' any of it.

  • ...
64
 244
 20,536

The Other Side

Author's Note:

You asked for a chapter from the view side of the ponies, and I gave it to.

Time To Go to the Other Side!

Golden Quill, a young unicorn mare awoke from her sleep from an eardrum busting explosions, she threw the covers off her bed and made a run for the window. Grabbing the curtains with her magic she forcefully pulled them apart, a fiery orange glow filled the room. Outside, large fires raged across the city as ponies ran in random directions in panic.

Before she had to question what was happening, an ear piercing whistle-like-screech rand through the air, followed by another group of explosions. Her window exploded into shards of sharp glass, a large piece cut through her right cheek as smaller shards embedded themselves into her flesh. She cried out in pain, as blood slowly began to leek from the new wounds that had made their mark.

Her mind was thrown into a daze, falling on her back she covered her muzzle, this only caused the glass to sink deeper. She gave another cry in pain, tears began streaking down her bloodied cheeks. More screeches began to became audible as explosions tore through the air.

Her apartment complex shook from the force of the pressure waves. Meanwhile outside, it was chaos. The once peaceful night was broken by a torrent of bombs and roaring engines of metal beast that flew through the air, dropping their metal shells of death. The shells rocketed towards the ground on their own weight before slamming into whatever had been unfortunate to be under them.

Buildings were turned into rubble in a near instant, their windows shattering before fire raced out of the new found cracks in the structure. It's inhabitants would have been lucky just to have died from the shockwave itself, for if they hadn't they would have been bathed in fire or crushed by the building as it collapsed.

Streets had large craters punched into them, the explosion picking up concrete and dirt before throwing it skywards. Unfortunate skyscrapers that had been in the way of the onslaught were torn from the bottom up by bomb shells, causing them to collapse under their own weight, killing those who had gone to the "Prometheus School of Running Away From Giant Falling Objects".

A brown stallion that actually had some common sense ran to the side of the falling skyscraper, as he ran the ground shook as the skyscraper hit the ground, sending dust and derby everywhere. Taking cover behind a building that was (mostly) intact, the dust swarmed through the streets like water in a river. Leaving no square inch of space uncovered.

As he stood there, more ponies ran down the streets, coughing up the dust that was getting sucked into their lungs. He couldn't see anything past his muzzle, his sight gone he used his ears and hooves to guide himself around the obstruction. Only a few seconds in and bombs were falling on him, as he began to run he slammed into a wall. Trying to push out of his daze he was picked up by a shockwave from an explosion before thrown across the street.

Slamming against a wall his legs gave a loud crack before he fell to the ground, yelling in pain he looked back to his back legs to find them bent in a way they shouldn't. He laid their on his stomach, in pain as his nerves refused to let off the onslaught. Soon the bombardment stopped completely.

Golden Quill slowly got back to her feet... er hooves, she made her way back to the window. She looked across the once proud city, only to find a ghost of one. The statue that once in the harbor of the city was gone, replaced by a flaming pile of steel. She began to sob, not out of pain, but of what they had lost.

_*P*_*P*_*P*_

Princess Celestia was not having a good morning, reports had come in about the attack on Manehatten. The damage was catastrophic and death toll was high, how could she have been so blind?

She had a unicorn test magic on humans while in America, his notes said they had no effect. She ignored it as a possibility that the U.S. had captured him and was feeding false information. She should have listened and took Equestria back to it's homeworld, she didn't and now she was paying the price. She would return now, if she could. The magic needed for such a feat would take days if not weeks of charging.

Knowing the humans history proved that this wasn't going to be the last of the attacks, so she sent Twilight Sparkle to gather the energy needed in the Everfree, it's chaotic energy may be the only boost that they have to getting it done faster. She hoped she would be safe there, safe enough to cast the spell.

You may ask, "Why does Celestia hate humans so much?"

It's jealousy, humanity has been around a shorter time than ponykind and they have advanced for more quickly than any other species known to exist in this or any universe. Wherever you looked in the multiverse, you would see humanity. They were the like a plague, a vast majority of the multiverse supported them. Some more powerful than others, some more violent that others. Even the Combine feared them, targeting weaker ones than the stronger ones. Knowing that they too were only a small fish to a much bigger beast.

How this came to be was a mystery, but she new one thing.

She chose the wrong universe, next time she would try to convert one that actually had magic in it. That is if there will be a next time.

Comments ( 102 )

kill her

"And then kids," (The reader says after slamming the story book shut.) "This is why Celestia and her race of ponies could never take over the world... Thee end." *Clapping*

Adding to the "Will read later" list...

I know this wrong to say in a humane sense but...Humanity,Fuck Yeah!

If I could upvote this a second time I would.

killing those who had gone to the "Prometheus School of Running Away From Giant Falling Objects".

YES! Cinema Sins reference! That should teach those fools to not run to the side!

APS
APS #8 · Aug 1st, 2014 · · ·

Humanity,Fuck Yeah!

Assuming that the next universe she chooses wouldn't decimate them either on a magical level. Talk about having egg on their faces by being beaten at their own game

This is why no one should trust celestia.

I may sound pretty terrible about this but, I think this is what would probably happen if they did. :twilightblush:

Just one thing buddy. 'Excellent' story you got here.

4783089

I was wondering of anyone would get it.

Was that a reference to the Combine from Half Life 2 or am I missing something?

Anyway this was hilarious to read. Good job. :D

Comment posted by King of Peanut deleted Aug 1st, 2014

Explosions, Fuck yay! :flutterrage:

mankind rules, while others that try to screw with us get an express ticket to hell, Mankind f*** yeah:twilightsmile:

4775572

Your concept of how magic effects things is based on?

Well, it's his bloody fucking story. If he wanted Celestia's horn to be a dildo, it would be canonical for this story.

I stand by it that earth would loose a fight against things with magic.

Yo opinion don't mudafukin matter here!

Did you know there is dragons in Equestria that would simply bat the planes out of the sky like flies.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala I can't hear you! I'm using head canon in an argument!
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

Did you know that oxygen is toxic to ponies? They so totally wouldn't survive Earth.

...

Uh... where did I get this?

My ass.

We can keep this going if you really want to. You say something Then I poke holes in it,

Pssh, poke holes. My ass.

You make me laugh, comrade. Tell more jokes while I drink liquid gold! Vodka! Vodka for everyone!

Its nice to have a debate were nobody is trolling.

You can't have a debate if the opponents isn't using facts.

Now! Teal deer?

YO OPINION DON'T MUDAFUKIN MADDA HERE!

4775160

All they would do is use telekinesis and rip the planes right out of the sky. Or teleport the pilot to the outside of the plane midair or teleport the pilots heart to the outside of their chest. Face it If we ever went to war with beings with magic we would be screwed.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

Twilight is not an average unicorn and as such cannot be used as a base for the average unicorn. The same goes for Pinkie Pie and Maud with their strength, RD with her rainboom, AJ and Mac with their strength, or Flutters with her stare.

Now! Have this picture of a disgusted Twi.
i.imgur.com/i2R8ehx.png
She hates your guts!:pinkiehappy:

4774185

Anti Conversion Bureau.

"Prometheus School of Running Away From Giant Falling Objects"

I would have actually called it the Wile E. Coyote School of Running Away From Giant Falling Objects :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

4781929 Ok sure what ever I give up have fun in your silly op planes and op humans universe I give up

4785219

Says the one who promotes OP ponies and magic.

4785219

fun in your silly op planes and op humans universe

Topkek, coming from the person who says that average unicorns have the same power level of Twilight Sparkle.

4785256
Will do.
02varvara.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/01a-horseradish-vodka.jpg?w=800&h=1200
This vodka will put hair on your chests.

4785219
It's not OP, it's fucking reality. Get that through your brain.

4785351
Your anti-misanthropic arguments have gotten stronger, my friend.

4785219

Ok sure what ever I give up have fun in your silly REAL op planes and REALop humans universe I give up

Fixed it.

Too many spelling errors in this story. "New" where "knew" should be, and such like. I like the concept, but it is desperately lacking polish.

"peace-loving equines declare war" You say what now?

Remember when "ACB-themed" (can't think of a better expression) fics showed the good side of humanity? Me neither. I don't think they ever did.

Top Grade comment section, though.

4790337

They deserve it honestly, how many TCB fics have you read where humanity is helpless?

4789666

As with many TCB stories, the ponies try to destroy humanity, so they are asking for the wrath of humanity to descend upon them.

They were lucky the humans didn't just nuke Equestria to oblivion and leave it a lifeless rock.

4798322

Thanks for putting that idea in my head!

4785219
MATH TIME!
Assumption: Reality works pretty much like we know it does. Magic follows thermodynamics.
Calculate the strength of the shield cast
How much stronger is Celestia than a cutie marked pony? (I chose 10 times)
Calculating the strength of the shield that shining armor put up:
Assume Shining Armor merely reinforced the shield and it does not deteriorate with time. (ideal situation and easier to calculate)
Assume the amount of changelings attempting to break the shield to be 1000
Assume a changeling weighs around 100 kg and slams into the shield at 50 km/h
Assume the amount of time they have been ACTIVELY trying to destroy the shield (I chose 24 hours)
Assume the amount of times a changeling rams the shield in a second ( I chose 1 to give them a chance)
Let's combine these numbers: 100 kg * 1000 * 50 km/h (24h*1/s)
This results in 1.2 * 10^11 Newton seconds (since we only want instant amount we can ignore the second)
Lets calculate how strong celestia could make the shield
1.2 * 10^11 * 10
1.2 * 10^12 newtons
That's really strong of a shield there boss. Now how does it fare against human weaponry?
The b-52 in the story is presumably a non upgraded bomber with no nuclear weaponry.
The 750 lb bomb is presumably the mk 117that is made up of 183 kg of tritonal
Tritonal is 1.18 times more powerful than TNT
TNT has an energy density of 4.2 MJ
183 * 1.18 * 4.2 MJ
906.9 MJ
a b-52 can carry up to 51 mk 117 bombs
906.9 MJ *51
46252 MJ
This means a single b-52 carries 4.6252 * 10^10 Joules worth of explosives
How many b-52s would it take to penetrate the shield?
1.2 * 10^12 / 4.6252 * 10^10
Around 26 bombers would be needed to pierce the shield if all of the energy in the bombs was pointed at the shield.
Sadly this is not the case and because I don't know the size of the dome I can't calculate the curvature but let's just assume 1/3 of the
energy is directed at the shield.
So 26 * 3
78 Bombers
The amount of b-52 bombers USA had around the vietnam war was 72 with the mods required to carry the payload
This of course doesn't take into account the fact USA had built over 700 of these things.
In conclusion it should be possible to at least destroy the shield using ONLY b-52 bombers even if Magic did work in our world.

(MY BEAUTIFUL FORMATTING IS RUINED!)

4843395

Nah, I don't think I will. <3

She should try the warhammer universe. It has magic.:trollestia:

4960955

Actually, America has over 5,000 in total!

4785703 just wanna quickly say, "battle of Britain" was an INFINITELY better film than the borderline insulting trash which was "Pearl Harbor"

5068818

I didn't really care how this came out, I was drunk and thought "why don't I type a story about 'Merica blowing up genocidal ponies!"

4785219 If you notice in the show, the average weather-cloud's height is only 40-60 yards above ground level.
Also, in the Young Fliers Competition, Rarity fell for about less than 20 seconds (starting a great deal ABOVE the cloud colosseum), being caught merely feet from dying. When you take into account that:

How long does the skydive take?
For a solo level skydive or traditional tandem skydive, we take you to 14,500' (the highest in the Midwest!) Freefall lasts about sixty seconds, depending a lot on body-weight, surface area, and a number of other factors. You will then have about five minutes under canopy to enjoy the view and the ride.

you find out that a typical flight height for pegasi is a lot lower than an UNPRESSURIZED airplane's flight height.

Stapp also resolved many of the issues involved in high altitude flight in his earliest work for the Air Force, and subjected himself to exposure to altitudes of 45,000 feet (14,000 m). Subsequently, he helped develop pressure suits and ejection seats, which have been used in jets ever since. As part of the experiments, on August 16, 1960, Colonel Joseph Kittinger performed the first high altitude jump at an altitude of 19.5 miles (31.4 km) above the Earth's surface.

-lets you know that jet pilots use a jumpsuit rated at 45k ft-probably even higher today- to help give protection against:

At high altitudes (greater than 22,000 feet [6,700 m]), the partial pressure of oxygen in the Earth's atmosphere is low. Oxygen is required for human respiration and lack of pressure can lead to hypoxia. Also, rapid ascent in the jump aircraft without all nitrogen flushed from the bloodstream can lead to decompression sickness (also known as caisson disease or "the bends").

At an altitude of 35,000 feet, the jumper faces temperatures of –45 °C (–50 °F), and can experience frostbite.

It's neigh implausible-even with ridiculous OP enchantments-for a pegasus to mess with craft that high, without encountering any issues whatsoever, including exhaustion just from trying to fly up that high.

4779930
Said the guy who resorted to making demeaning impressions of his argument opponent as a last resort.

You make me depressed simply for the fact that you are also a human, you really do.

4785351 Are you saying that unicorns can't do magic..?

5329177

Now, where did I ever say that?

5329485 Just wondering...

You seemed to compare other unicorns to Twilight and made it sound like all unicorns were inept at learning advanced spells and other forms of magic.

5329530

Of course not. But none are comparable to Twilight.

It's canonical that most unicorns just aren't that powerful and their magic is usually confined to what their job or cutiemark is.

Login or register to comment