I Want to Dance with Somepony
As the clock quietly ticked beside her, Twilight shook hoof after hoof. "Yes. Lovely to see you. Welcome."
It did not mean a thing. She did not know any of these ponies, she did not care particularly what they were wearing or how they had done their manes. But she was a Princess now. It was her duty to make everypony feel good about themselves and the state of the kingdom.
There was only one pony here that she really wanted to spend time with.
On the other side of the landing, Celestia stood, shaking hooves and delivering equally meaningless greetings. Ponies were eclipsed by her... her gorgeous mane flowed down around her head and shoulders, her strong but delicate wings tucked neatly at her sides. Her eyes were always so kind and soft, and her whole image seemed to glow continuously.
Twilight looked quickly away, continuing her dull task of greeting the guests.
None of her friends had made it that night. They had families and loved ones, now. It had been a long time since they had come here together.
Celestia, although always happy, seemed less so tonight. Her glow a little dimmer.
Twilight turned to look at the clock in a gap between parties. Nearly eight. At eight, Celestia would leave to lower the sun, and guests would stop arriving. The doors would close, and Twilight would be alone.
Luna was off on royal business. She would be for a year. She had left just last week.
You could tell that this bothered Celestia. It was like missing a part of herself. She was back to raising the moon herself, as Luna was busy, deep in negotiations with the Griffon kingdom.
Twilight thought about Applejack curled up in a comfortable chair, probably with Winona in her lap, talking and laughing with her family. She thought of Pinkie playing with the Cake twins, of Rarity working with the help (and sometimes hindrance) of Sweetie Belle. Even Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were spending the night with each other, watching the fruit bat migration. They'd be up all night together, under the stars...
The clock struck so suddenly behind her, Twilight nearly leaped away from it. As predicted, this small party was the last. No more carriages were pulling up.
Celestia and Twilight used their magic to close the great, purple doors.
"Goodnight, Twilight." Celestia flashed a half-baked smile, then walked slowly across the large hall.
Twilight watched her leave, then sat down on a small bench in the large foyer. Her hoofsteps echoed emptily inside the enormous room.
She could still hear the clock ticking.
As the sun went down, Twilight felt a lump rise in her throat. Just a few years ago, her friends had spent a wonderful night at this very celebration, even though everything seemed to go wrong. The nostalgia made her eyes water, and she smeared a careless hoof across her face to get rid of them.
She was older now. She was wiser. She knew that, even though friendship was strong, there were sometimes ties that ran deeper than that. In this case, family seemed to take precedence over her silly party.
Twilight was older enough now to be thinking about her future. A future away from her friends, a future ruling beside her beloved teacher and her dear sister.
She had grown, as well. She was taller, a little more slender. Her wings were certainly much larger than they had first been. Her horn was elongated and her snout was a bit more dainty and lady-like.
Her friends had grown, too. Not as much as she had, but they all seemed to have realized their positions in life. Taking care of their families or the businesses was often times more important than being friends.
She did not want to admit it, but they were growing apart.
Twilight stood, stretching her wings for the first time in hours.
She wanted to have fun again. She wanted to feel that joy of being with her friends. Not tonight, though. It couldn't happen tonight.
Of course, she knew of one pony who would be looking for some company.
Twilight sighed, heading out into the cool night air. Celestia would be in the back room at Donut Joe's, her secret haven away from the hustle and bustle in the lives of the royal.
As she walked through the empty streets, Twilight's thoughts drifted back to her friends. Lately, there had been something else stepping between them...
"Love."
Twilight jumped and spun around.
"Oh... Princess."
"Your friends are falling in love, aren't they?" Celestia asked. There was the shadow of a knowing smile on her face. "That's why they weren't here."
Twilight shuffled her hooves. "I think so."
Celestia put a hoof around Twilight's shoulders. "It's hard sometimes to see friends enjoying the company of others."
"Yeah..." Twilight inched closer to Celestia.
Celestia grabbed her in the embrace of a wing, pulling Twilight into her side. She said nothing, just offered her warm company.
Twilight tried to start a sentence, but instead sputtered "Celestia?"
"Yes?"
"Why... why were you so sad earlier?" she finally asked.
Celestia chuckled. "I wasn't sad."
"But you were. I know you were. Why?" Twilight looked into the face if her mentor. They were nearly the same height now.
Celestia chuckled lightly again. It was a beautiful sound, her laugh. "Oh, Twilight. You haven't changed at all since you were a foal, you know that? You're every bit as perceptive and curious as you were all those years ago."
Twilight kept staring.
Celestia sighed. "I... Twilight, it's not something I want to talk about."
"Oh." Twilight looked down at her hooves.
Celestia's embrace relaxed. "I'm sorry. A... a difficult choice has recently presented itself to me. It's rather consumed me..."
"I see."
Celestia took a few steps away from Twilight, looking off into the distance. "It's hard to be an icon. You know that now. Every choice you make is dissected and debated..."
"Of course. I understand."
"And you know about The Rule, don't you?" Celestia murmured.
Twilight's eyes narrowed. "Which one?"
"The Rule. It's... it's a traditionalist's law, to be sure, but... well, Twilight, didn't you ever wonder why I pushed you so hard to make friends?"
"Because I would have been alone for the rest of my life if you hadn't?" Twilight suggested.
"Then why not preach about love as well? Romantic love..." Celestia hung her head. "Twilight, there's something I haven't told you. The Rule says..."
"What?" Twilight came to her teacher's side.
Celestia turned to look at Twilight. "The Rule says that any Princess that falls in love must... must relinquish the throne of Equestria."
Twilight was silent. "But what about Cadance? She got married, and she is still a ruler."
"She rules over the Crystal Empire, not Equestria. Technically, she shouldn't have the throne at all, but because The Rule was written so long ago, it only truly applies to Equestrian thrones."
"Then get rid of the rule," Twilight suggested.
"I can't... it isn't in my power..."
"What do you mean? It's--"
"It's part of the original Constitution of Equestria. To change it, I'd need the council to vote, and they agree that having a lovestruck mare in the throne is... well..." Celestia shook her head. "I shouldn't be concerning you with my problems."
"It matters to me, too! But, really, what's the big deal? Luna and I can rule just fine. Plus, it's not like you'd be gone. You could still advise and--"
Celestia cut Twilight off again. "That isn't the point. As an older sister, I promised Luna her freedom. It's the job of the older sibling to make life better for the younger. I'm sure you've seen it with your brother, and with your friends."
Twilight shook her head. "Then both of you go! I can do it, I know I can! I mean... I've never really enjoyed that kind of thing, anyway."
"No, Twilight. That isn't... This is my burden, and mine alone." Celestia forced a smile. "But thank you. It has helped to talk about it."
"But-- but--"
"This isn't something you can fix, unfortunately. But I thank you for your caring, as usual." Celestia took off, leaving Twilight in a daze.
Was it really illegal for a Princess to fall in love? This wasn't the dark ages anymore. Upholding laws regarding love was stripping away a pony's most basic freedoms.
But Twilight could fix it. She had saved lives before, surely she could get a law changed.
Twilight started trotting off into town, ready and determined to solve this new challenge.
Then something occurred to her.
Princess Celestia must be in love.
She wasn't sure how this simple fact had escaped her thus far, but Twilight felt her stomach do a flip. Her teacher? Her oldest friend? In love?
With who?
Who could possibly be good enough for the great, wise, beautiful Celestia?
It's not like she mingled with many ponies. She preferred quiet, inside activities with her sister, or Twilight and her friends.
Maybe an ambassador? Those were really the only other ponies she had private time with. Although, it was usually all this political stuff... didn't really seem like the appropriate time or place for romance to be blooming.
Regardless, Twilight was losing her last friend, her best friend, to romance as well. Even though she wanted to help her... she would practically be pushing her away with a pat on the head and a well-wishing.
The best thing to do would be to find the object of Celestia's affections.
But how to do that?
No sooner had the question occurred to her than she had the answer:
Luna.
~~~~~
Twilight tapped gently on the door Celestia's bedroom, making sure that the Princess was not present. Twilight knew that, while Celestia made a big deal of her sister being away, she could keep in contact with her through magical means.
There was no response, so Twilight snuck inside.
It was... neat. There was a large pillow on the floor, but no bed. There was a fire burning in an ornately caged fireplace, and a small desk by a window where she responded to our letters and sent out royal proclamations. Also on the desk was a small, pyramid-shaped device. It wasn't decorated beyond an image of Celestia's cutie mark engraved on one side.
Twilight trotted eagerly over, knowing that this was her way to speak with Luna.
She had to be quick, though. She didn't know where Celestia was or what she was doing. She might return at any moment.
Twilight made haste, sitting in a comfortable chair facing the device. She used her magic to power it up, and an image flickered to life.
Luna was fast asleep.
"Luna!" Twilight hissed.
She snorted, but kept sleeping.
Twilight tried a different method. "Luna..." she cooed, trying to gently wake the snoring alicorn.
"Luna!"
She sat bolt upright, looking around for the source of the sound. "Tia?" she murmured, facing away from the device.
"Over here, Luna," Twilight said.
She twirled about, her wild mane swirling around her head. After she brushed its untamed strands away from her face, she finally saw Twilight. "Twilight Sparkle. Where is my sister? This is meant to be our private line."
"Sorry... I just needed to talk to you."
Luna sighed. "Well, there is no better time than the middle of the night, when I am attempting to create hundreds of thousands of dreams, most of which will never be remembered, anyway."
This was clearly meant to be a sarcastic comment, but it was said in a serious tone, which threw Twilight for a moment.
"Erm... it looked like you were sleeping."
"Touche..." Luna further tamed her mane while she continued to speak with me. "As the young ponies say, what is up?"
Twilight frowned, but shook her head and kept talking. "Well, Celestia dropped more than a few hints today. I think she's got a crush on somepony. I figured, of all ponies, you might know who."
"Well. I'm not sure. Tia is far from invulnerable to passing fancies, but if she was talking about it with anypony but me, she must be serious."
Twilight tried to picture Luna and Celestia as giggling teenagers, discussing recent crushes, which stallions were the hottest.
She soon stopped trying.
"But do you know who?" Twilight asked.
Luna shrugged. "Who else was with you when you talked about this? Just you and your friends?"
"Just... just me."
"Hm... and why did you start discussing this?"
"Well... well, I noticed she was sad at the Grand Galloping Gala, and so I confronted her about it," Twilight explained.
"And she just started talking to you?" Luna confirmed.
"Pretty much."
Luna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "That isn't normal... Tia normally bottles it up, even around me. Was she with anypony in particular earlier?"
"Just me. We were greeting ponies at the Gala. I mean, we weren't talking or anything, but... we were together."
Luna's face contorted into a look of shock. "It was just you two, the whole evening? Then she looked sad, and you noticed, and she started spilling her innermost feelings out to you?"
"Um... yes?"
Luna's mouth dropped open like in a cartoon.
"What?"
"For such a smart pony, you can be incredibly ignorant."
"Hey!" Twilight frowned.
"It's you, Twilight!" Luna exclaimed, waving her hooves in the air dramatically. "You're Tia's secret crush!"
Twilight froze for a moment, then started laughing. "Yeah, right. Nice try, Luna, but you still can't do the sarcasm thing."
"Twilight--"
"I mean, could you imagine? Celestia... liking me?" Twilight laughed some more. "I mean, first of all, I'm like a thousand years younger than her."
"Two thousand, about," Luna corrected.
"Yeah! Plus, if we got married, I'd be your sister-in-law! And then... then Cadance would be your sister-in-law-in-law!"
"I'm not sure it's cumulative... wait, you skipped right to marriage?" Luna gave Twilight an odd look, but she just kept going.
"I mean, I've known her since I was a tiny blank-flank foal! Wouldn't... wouldn't that be weird?" Twilight's tone was transforming from joking to panicked.
"Well, you have grown quite--"
"And-- and according to her rule, that would leave you in charge of Equestria!"
Luna frowned. "It isn't like I could not handle it..."
"But-- but--" Twilight stuttered, trying to think of another fact to panic over. Before she got that far, though, her cheeks flushed. "Wait... the Princess has a crush on... me?"
"That is what I said, is it not?" Luna reminded Twilight.
"My teacher?"
"That... yes."
"Are you sure?" Twilight asked.
Luna sighed deeply. "I like to think that, after two thousand years, I know her pretty well."
"Oh... oh my gosh..." Twilight put a hoof over her mouth. "What do I do?"
Luna shrugged. "That's up to you. But, of course, now that you're an alicorn, you two could spend your lives together. That is probably why she let her crush go so far. Usually, she gives up when she sees how fast other ponies age compared to her. Of course--"
"I have to go see her!" Twilight jumped up, cutting Luna off mid-thought. She got halfway out the door before returning. "But... what if you're wrong? What of she has a crush on... I don't know, Donut Joe?"
Luna chuckled. "You realize that Donut Joe is not an alicorn?"
"Well-- what about Cadance, then? She's an alicorn!" Twilight exclaimed.
"She is married. To your brother. Remember that?" Luna was getting tired of this conversation.
"What about you, then? What if she has a crush on you?" Twilight shouted.
"She is my sister!" Luna stuck her tongue out in disgust.
Twilight nodded. "So... so it must be me, than? Right? Right?"
"Yes! Now, for goodness' sake, let me sleep!" Luna rolled over rather dramatically, yanking a blanket over her. The connection was lost.
Twilight stared at the empty space above the pyramid where the picture had once hung. her mouth had already formed another question, though she had just as quickly forgotten it as it had come to her lips. She closed her mouth, looking worriedly about the room.
What could she do?
Well, lots of things. But what should she do?
Twilight was consumed by thought for another minute or two, but a smile started to creep across her face. It tugged at her mouth, as though battling with her concern. Finally it overtook her, spreading all the way across her cheeks, bringing her dimples into full view.
A tiny giggle escaped her. She bit her lips together, thinking about how silly she was being. But another giggle came. Soon, she had slid out of the chair and laid down on the floor, belly up, shaking with giddy laughter.
How had she not seen this before?
Luna was right. For being so smart, she could be so ignorant!
When she was near Celestia, her heart lifted into her throat, while her stomach did a flip. She could never tear her eyes from that beautiful mane, always being lightly tussled by an unfelt breeze, always glowing with a soft light, like that of a star or a candle. And her eyes were always sparkling, always happy, with those little crinkles at the corners from smiling so hard, but so soft at the same time.
She was unmatched through all of Equestria. She was unique in every way... perfect in every way.
Twilight skipped out into the open streets, leaping into the air and fluttering along every few steps. Everypony was inside by now, all the shop fronts dark. All but one, of course.
Twilihgt pounded on the door to Donut Joe's shop.
"We're closed! Can't you read?" he shouted, gruff and stubborn as usual.
"It's Twilight! I need to talk to the Prin-- to Celestia!" Twilight screamed back, determined but still happy.
"She's not--"
"Yes she is! Let me in!" Twilight pounded a few more times.
Donut Joe opened the door. "Okay, okay! She's in the back."
"Thank you." Twilight marched past him, heading behind the counter and into his back room.
Celestia sat there, in a chair that was too small for her, slowly swirling a spoon in a steaming mug of tea. She wasn't sad, just... still.
Twilight felt a pang in her chest, like she always did when she saw that look on her teacher's face. It meant that she was thinking hard, trying to make a very difficult decision.
Celestia looked up at her visitor. "Twilight. What are you doing here?" she asked in a flat tone.
"Um..." Twilight fell silent. All the confidence she had had just moments before drifted away. It was much harder to do something for real than it normally seemed in your head... "Well..."
Celestia blinked slowly. "What is it?"
"I... um..." Twilight swallowed hard.
"Is something wrong?" Celestia's voice flowed and floated like music.
"N-no... I'm sorry..." Twilight turned to leave, defeated.
"Wait a minute, Twilight." Celestia grasped Twilight's shoulder. "What did you want to tell me? Don't be afraid, I don't bite." She chuckled.
Twilight turned to look at her. She was smiling at Twilight, not looking down anymore, but instead looking straight into her eyes.
Twilight took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry I'm so dense, okay? I finally get what it was you were trying to tell me."
Celestia looked confused.
"I talked to Luna about it, and we figured it out. Well, she did, but..." Twilight bit her lip, afraid to finish. What if she was wrong?
Soft music played over the radio in the room, filling the silence with a gentle song. It was slow, but uplifting.
The two ponies looked at each other a little longer, just staring right into each other's eyes, listening to the gentle plinking of a piano buzzing out from the speaker.
"Twilight?" Celestia finally whispered.
"Yes?"
"I... I want to dance with somepony."
Before Twilight could respond, Celestia laid her neck beside Twilight's, resting her cheek on Twilight's temple. She wrapped a hoof around Twilight's chest, and began to sway back and forth to the music.
Twilight's ears and cheeks burned, but she allowed herself to be held be the alicorn, let the music fill her up.
They stood for a while like this, leaning into each other, just barely waving to and fro, until the music faded away.
Celestia took a few steps back, still smiling. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I... I was worried about what might happen."
Twilight nodded. "I know. But... but we can change this! Love is a freedom! We deserve it!"
"I don't know..." Celestia shook her head, then turned her gaze to the floor.
Twilight's heart leaped up and down, her chest seizing inward as she saw her chance.
She lifted Celestia's chin with a gentle hoof, smiling at her as gently as she could. Celestia closed her huge eyes, opening her mouth slightly.
But Twilight didn't want to waste this time. She needed to rid herself of this strange ache in her chest, yes, but she needed other things, too. She needed an understanding.
Celestia was starting to breathe faster now in anticipation, leaning closer, trying to force the moment sooner. To Twilight's surprise, she was the one in control right now. Celestia was falling head-over-hooves, and Twilight had to slow the descent.
She came forward, past Celestia's mouth, pressing their cheeks together and rubbing gently.
Celestia pressed back, turning her head, trying to make Twilight move faster. Twilight felt almost dizzy with joy, and she was certain Celestia was feeling the same.
It was the first time either of them had been kissed. Celestia draped a hoof around Twilight's shoulders, and Twilight leaned forward, their chests meeting.
When they finally broke, all they could do for a while was giggle, drunk with delight and charm.
Each of them was nearly crying, just so filled with glee and satisfaction that it needed to spill out.
"We should go," Celestia finally managed to say.
Twilight nodded, worried that opening her mouth would cause her to laugh and cry at once.
They left Donut Joe in a dazed confusion, walking back to the castle side by side. Every once in a while, one would nudge the other, or nuzzle a cheek, just to remind the other of her happiness.
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And then...
SEX HAPPENED!!!!!
Just kidding. Or am I?
..wow. Im speechless.
A wonderful read. It would be interesting to see this continued. Especially if there were some resistance in changing, "The Rule".
The pros:
There are few enough spelling errors that it isn't bothersome and can be read with some speed.
Twilight seemed characterized well enough up to the halfway point, but other than that there isn't a whole lot I can say I like about this story.
The cons:
The setup feels very contrived. The gala, while a major event, is not a national holiday which is spent with loved ones. Even if that were the case, Twilight could easily have invited all of them. I guess this is countered by your supposition that they're drifting apart (unlikely but to each their own head canon.)
Luna leaving for a year is very possible, but it in no way explains why she can't still raise and or lower the moon (she could even do so while negotiating if need be, and I doubt gryphons are awake 24/7)
Some of the sentence structure and word placement is out of place enough that it starts bothering me and pulls me out of the experience, which might be helped by getting a proof reader or two to go through it.
The gala is nonexistent? The doors close at eight after which Celestia immediately bids Twilight goodnight? I would think such an event lasts until deep into the night at the very least, and if guests stop arriving it should give Twilight time to talk to Celestia.
The rule. Wait what? Are we supposed to accept that without any explanation?
The story breaks down completely after Twilight contacts Luna and everything is forced down the reader's throat rather than progressing naturally.
There is no resolution to the problems posed in the story itself. (Yes the problems are contrived anyway, but resolving them would at least make them have some value.)
Conclusion:
Luna revealing the punchline rather than Twilight figuring it out for herself is a shame and probably the biggest letdown of the story which was only made worse by the conversation that followed. I will admit that I had already lost interest in the story by that point however, since there is absolutely no tension of any kind; everything is just so because of writer shenanigans rather than any actual interaction between the characters.
In short: Not the worst idea I've ever seen for a romantic story, but pretty darn close. The writing was mediocre, and there was no suspense at any point which made the entire thing fall flat almost from the word go.
4777501
What if all of Equestria is corrupt? What then?!
4777918 then corrupt becomes natural, therefore no one is corrupt.
Hey, nice work! This is superbly written, and a cute story indeed. I really like your style, and also your characterisation - of Twilight and Luna in particular ("What is up?"
) I'll be sure to check out some of your other stories. Keep up the good work 
4777860 I actually liked that Luna did the reveal (it threw me for a loop and sped the story along nicely), and also that the Gala was ignored so quickly. It gave the story a needed quick pacing and tone and made the character writing between Twilight and Celestia front and centre. The story progresses so quickly from "Celestia is lonely" to "Celestia has a crush on Twilight", with the conflict being that Twilight does not know how to approach that crush, that the tension was upheld nicely. That said, some throwaway lines about why both of the Gala's hosts were allowed to abandon it so quickly (maybe it's being held as a charity drive, and there's a different host? Maybe the event is shorter because of some second occasion being held later that evening? Either way, Celestia should logically have to stay the night in the same way she did in The Best Night Ever (she even says she has to get back before anypony notices she's away once she's done talking with the Mane Six together) would do wonders for the story.
Also, I completely agree about The Rule. It felt contrived and out of place in the story, and didn't really alter the plot in any meaningful way (Celestia could just raise the arguments laid out by The Rule as reasons why she logically couldn't be in love with Twilight). It completely changed the tone from the private affair interrupted by others that the story was so nicely achieving.
But even then, it was a good story. Good pacing, novel tone, good characterization, enjoyable content. I'd give it a sold 7.5/10.
4777860
Thank you.
I wanted to try something different, writing romance without much of a plot, in which case not much of these comments make any kind of impact on me (sorry).
I am not going to try to argue these points, (to each his own, after all) but I will say that everything I was trying to accomplish seems to have worked out from most readers' point of view, so I'm not too worried about it.
However, in the way of proofreaders, I did have one go over this. Maybe I need to get a new one.
That picture looks familiar. Isn't this the one Bri-sta drew for my story?
4779699
I wouldn't know. I typed in 'Twilestia Dance' and it came up.
4779858
Eh, if it's Twilestia, I don't think Bri-sta would mind, I suppose.
If you want, though, you could ask the artist. She has an account on Fimfiction here: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Bri
4780660
Thanks, I'll check it out.
I will admit that I haven't read this story yet, but based on the description, I find I must ask something. Why is this in Crowley's Shippingverse?
4781368
I... sorry about that. I guess I thought it was something else.
4781371 That's okay, it's an honest mistake that anyone could make. I will admit that I've made the same mistake before.
Awwww, I wanted to "see" them dance.
4783135 Yeah me too.
here's hoping there's more
Cute little story, I like the characterization but think that Twilight might be stretching things a little to much in the second half but it really depends on how far along things have come for the newest princess. She grows up rather quickly in the show after all... .
And now for a slight tangent on the matter of word / phrasing choice.
A common enough phrase, but having read this I was knocked out of the story for a good while with the thought "Equestria practiced (or practices) crucifixion?" which is where the saying comes from; having to bear the cross you will be executed on to the sight of said execution, without anyone else able to help you least they be punished as well. This is the power of language.
The equivalent, but without such a morbid connotation, phrase of "My burden to bear." works just fine.
4786097
Hm. Good point. Honestly, the phrase is so common I din't think about that.
I'll fix it up. Thanks for pointing that out!
This is good fic.
Excellent Fic.
Stupendous Fic.
Stopping just below the bar of 'better than Marmalade' fic.
Well done good fellow.
4786105
It's just a little thing, I'm sure the majority of your readers didn't even think about it. But for people like me, who read a lot and seek knowledge of words and phrases and their origins, it's the little things that matter the most because no one else bothers and "someone has to".
Thank-you for such a wonderful story, and thank-you for for sharing a love of words with others.
4786711
Aw, thanks! It seems I've found a kindred spirit when it comes to linguistic mysteries!
4779112
You, sir/ma'am could make whole story out of these.
This story made me feel all warm and toasty inside.
Very enjoyable.
4788227
Ha, you found my inspiration.
damnit why do you fuckers keep making awesome twilestia fics. i freaking hate that tyrant. but here again i read a very touching little piece that makes me like her. twiluna will always be best but god damnit this and the others I've caught recently make me want to *shudder* join a twilestia group.
4789068
No one said you can't ship Twilunestia.
4789068 I always find it sad the polarity that the Luna worship and Celestia hipster-ing forces upon the fanbase. You have to be Solar Empire or Lunar Republic, as if somehow the two don't love each other. As if somehow a years-past division should be emphasized above all, not the heartbreak it brought them both.
Why can't Celestia be a cold, loving and lonely old woman and Luna a petty, spirited and neglected young girl? Why do they have to be a tyrant and a rebel or a traitor and a good queen? Why can't they be family?
4790360
I agree. I think more fiction needs to reflect this point of view. People change overtime, and a thousand years is an awful lot of time.
4790360
4790777
Honestly my celestia view is based on the show. in the show she is a manipulator of staggering proportions who knowingly and constantly thrusts ponies in to things that the uninitiated should never face and she constantly trolls the hell out of her heroes.
Kinda kim jong ill in pony form.
that being said luna is almost Che Guevara who was equally monstrous,just in a different way.
Ultimately its whitch monster you prefere, the rebel at the front or the manipulator in the back.
4790843 What show are you watching? Tia has thrust ponies into situations they aren't ready for, yes, but she does so because she has literally no other option. The Elements of Harmony stopped working for her. She needed somebody to take on the role, so she trusted the character on the show next most powerful and personally close to her. King Sombra's reappearance was something that she had already tried and failed to stop, and something that a show of pure force from herself and Luna had failed to stop before, so she didn't bother, knowing that the county's premier experts in magic and defense (Twilight and Shining) would be the best qualified to deal with the threat. She willingly puts herself between her citizens and the Monster of the Week numerous times (Discord, Chrysalis, NMM), and it's only when she fails that she resorts to Twilight.
The only time she even approaches a manipulative troll is with the dragon, and even then it's because she knows Twilight has experience with dragons and that the land was on a timer by virtue of the cloud of smoke that she could not afford to run. The negotiations only grew dangerous because Rainbow Dash resorted to physical violence, something nobody anticipated, and something that is entirely on RBD's head (and she never apologizes for
).
I can't help but think of Careless Whisper right now.
I'm never gonna dance again, these guilty hooves have got no rhythm~ -- Anyway, cute story. Nice open ending.
I have no words
4790843 there's only one episode about Luna...
That was less than good.
I would like to point out that not only is 'The Rule' a contrivance that does nothing useful for the story, it makes zero logical sense. Half of politics during the feudal age were based around marrying off children. There is no way the lords and ladies would even consider something like that. It would make it impossible for them to attach themselves to the princesses.
4798326 "Less than good" is a little harsh, but I think the audience has spoken as far as The Rule is concerned--it seems silly and contrived.
So The Rule doesn't apply to Cadence because she's ruler of the Crystal Empire? See, I always assumed the Crystal Empire was an Equestrian territory, sort of like how Puerto Rico is an American territory, and therefore is part of Equestria.
And honestly I don't think my assumption is all that crazy due to the fact that Equestrian ponies overthrew the previous ruler and their princess is from Equestria.But hay, it's your story. And other than that minor flaw in your logic, it was a great story.4798326 The reason rulers around the world have to marry off their children is because they need to continue the royal bloodlines. However, this is not required when the rulers in question are immortal.
4798719
Well, the idea was that ruling over the entire world (be that of ponies or the planet, depends on your headcannon) was too much for somepony who was 'distracted' by love. Any smaller pieces were okay, like the Crystal Empire. This means that, yes, Celestia and Twilight wouldn't be entirely removed from rule, but they would be moved to smaller towns/cities/empires/countries. The problem with this was that Luna would be the only one left to rule, and if she was 'corrupted' by love, there wouldn't be anyone left to rule (besides Blueblood. I mean, who wants that idiot on the throne?).
There is actually a common rule that disallows inter-office relationships, and it gets harsher the higher it goes so that favoritism doesn't play a factor. In government, having an affair is enough for someone to get impeached over. I really based The Rule off of this.
4798867 But the princesses don't rule over the whole world, just Equestria. Nopony can rule over the whole world.
4799298
That's what I'm saying. If your headcanon is that Equestria does not include griffons and dragons, then The Rule applies to the 'country' of Equestria. If you believe that Equestria is the name of the planet, then rule over the planet. It all depends on what you believe.
Also, let's keep in mind that this is a cartoon where harmony is widespread. I think a few ponies ruling the planet isn't out of the question.
4798687
[1] Weak sentence. Shortening to as few words as possible would add oomph. "It meant nothing."
[2] Useless adverb that detracts from the sentence's strength. (Should also be before 'care' but that's more of a personal preference.)
[3] Starting two sentences with the same word in the same paragraph is distracting and should be avoided as much as starting a sentence with 'but' or 'and' for many of the same reasons. Should change to 'Now that she was a Princess, it was her duty to make everypony feel good about themselves and the state of the kingdom.'
[4] That is not a princess' job.
Perhaps I have high standards for what I read, but I don't consider that a flaw, and I stand by my statement.
4799517 That's not a "less than great" story. That's a story that needs an editor. Grammar does not lower the quality of the story, it lowers the quality of the writing. And while it is jarring and occasionally ruins dramatic tension, even a grammar Nazi editor like me can appreciate a story regardless of grammar issues.
4799676
Those four points I made have nothing to do with grammar. There is no grammar rule about any of them. I don't really care about misplaced commas, improperly used semicolons, misspelled words, or incorrect homophones, but if every other sentence leaves me feeling as though the author didn't care enough to try crafting the best sentences he could, why should I care enough to read them? When you add in that that is all in the first paragraph, he's lucky I made it all the way to Twi's first conversation with Tia.
4800059 They are all to do with word choice, which is grammar (or at the very least the job of an editor to correct, which is what I initially said ("grammar Nazi" is a figure of speech)), besides the last one, which is characterization being manifest (note Celestia says "duty" not "legal obligation" or "employment") and you taking it as a factually incorrect statement. If nitpicks on word choice (the harshest editors in the world would let a "repetition" like the one you were talking about in your third example slide) truly ruin a story for you, maybe fanfiction reading isn't the hobby you wish to pursue.
Also, it's pretty rude of you to declare that the author is not putting effort into their writing. Can you read their minds? Do you know how good at word usage they are? How personally do you know this author?
As for how much a sentence personally pleases you (i.e. your quote, and all of the times you talk about how you feel reading the story), that's all fine and well, but it don't mean a damn when it comes to the objective quality of the story being told. You disliking something and something being of inferior quality are two different (though obviously overlapping) areas.
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4800059
Guys, I am here to work on my writing, not to beat everyone to creating the best story (be that through my writing or the tale I tell).
A lot of this is about personal taste.
Honey Mead, if my sentence structure and writing craft isn't something that you enjoy reading, you don't have to read it.
I do understand that at some point in this conversation you were attempting to help, and I am thankful for that.
Knight of Cerebus, I appreciate you fighting for my side, but you are wrong. I did not try my hardest on this story.
In actuality, I wrote this to shake off the cobwebs. I didn't give it a read-through, I just finished it and sent it off. I'm sorry if you were expecting the best and this story didn't meet your expectations, I really am. If you want to pick it apart, I won't stop you and I won't argue with you.
The only thing I will argue is that I am a girl, not a boy.
4800264 4800059 I never said you did work your hardest. I said it was impolite of him to assume you were cutting corners without evidence. I stand by that statement.
Also, I will further stand by my assertation that his declarations don't match up very fairly given the nature of his reasons for making statements about the story's inferior quality. It's fair enough to say "this story has some problems" or "I found the word choice to be a crippling flaw", but not to say that a single running problem makes the story inherently within an inferior cast of stories because that error tends to bother you especially.
And don't worry, Honey and I know each other well enough, and are no strangers to criticism of each other both as writers and as critics. I don't think either of us is taking this super personally (though he has been a bit more blunt than I know him to usually be).
Lastly, your point of contention is why I always use gender neutral pronouns.
4800319
Thank you. Good to know that this argument isn't quite as intense as I thought it was.
I was trying to douse the flames there...