• Member Since 11th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen May 16th, 2018

MeetSouder


I like the ponies. And da fallout. -United States Air Force ROTC, Cadet 4th Class, AS100

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THIS STORY HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR REVISION, FIND THE NEW STORY HERE

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 65 )

The hell are there dislikes for? This story has loads of potential! And great reading material! Not to mention look at all those words that need reading!

Through, could you PLEASE separate the huge paragraphs into smaller ones? That's probably what's driving everyone away. It's sort of an eyesore to read.

4771416 I'm so glad you like it! And you're the first person to comment on my story! I'm probably way too excited for how normal this situation is, but who cares!

Yeah it's kind of disheartening to see so many people dislike it already, but meh, art is art, I can't expect everyone to like my story.

Also I will try to not make things so wordy as I go, but the first chapter is just a mess. Repairing it would take far too much effort compared to simply apologizing and redirecting to my new material, which is far better written.

But thanks so much for the input, this is the kind of stuff I look for to help drive my story to greatness!

4771564
Yeah I noticed. The following chapters after the first one are much more readable! But I know your feelings man, getting a review for my stories is like being a child given a cookie, so good!

Wish you luck!

4771416 4771564
I can tell you two why there's dislikes, it's two little words really, and those are, "Fallout Equestria," understand writing one is a minefield, and you'll get at least a few for the simple reason that, people hate it for what it is.

But those 13 are real, those are fans who want to help you, those who enjoyed the story.

Understand, there's so many that some just assume that any FoE is bad, and they do it to try and dishearten authors (or just to be dicks), but you have an entire community backing you up.

Kkat gave us this sandbox, this open field to play in. We have a duty to do the best we can, so don't listen to the dislikes, a dislike without a reason is just a troll.

Sad, but true, but there's people like me who are more then willing to make sure you don't quit because of idiots who won't give something a chance simply because they dislike the concept.

You have a community backing you up, and we are stronger together then apart.

4771606
Wise words my friend, and all too true.

I have much experience in writing, been writing for two and a half years, almost three now. My expertise is in crossovers, specifically Dragon Ball Z. Some people dislike it, without giving no reason for their actions.

But those who help, the community, they're the ones your truly writing too. Looking back at my first story, Saiyan of Equestria, it used to have a big tug of war of both Likes and Dislikes at the start. Much like yours right now.

Now, it is 2nd most Popular Dragon Ball Z story on the entire FimFiction website! And being and OCs story about children. That really is saying something! The Like bar looks like a green lightsaber haha!

I also have Multi-crossover stories, where people just dislikes it for being a Multi-crossover. But overcoming that, there are many more people who give it a chance, and like it, and that's who I write for.

Wish you well on your journey of Authorship. God's speed.

4771650 4771606

Wow thanks you guys, seriously those words made me feel so good about all the effort I'm putting forth into my work.

I'm honored to have the support of you two and the community as a whole, I've always been a part of the FoE community, but now stepping up and becoming an author; It's daunting. I'm competing with hundreds of other authors to get my name out there, but with people like you two, it doesn't seem nearly as impossible as I first thought. Thanks so much you guys!

daaaaw. thaths tho sthad:twistnerd:. You should blow up the generators and elect yourself overstallion! Anarchy!:flutterrage:

The Dead Will Be Avenged. is this be a passive perk. it could still work regardless of knowing? what about scarlet? does she lvl up?

4772540

Indeed it is! And Scarlet doesn't level up yet, you'll see later when things start to accelerate in pace.

4772540

Also! Your comment reminded me of two huge errors I forgot to add, not only did I forget to add the level gains at the end of chapter 3, but I also failed to explain why the clouds aren't over Transylvania. I edited Aurora's explanation, and the "too long, didn't read" is written within the perk granted to Midnight.

Thanks for the question and unintentional input!

I like how this prologue's lack of vagueness of what happened during the war, informing the audience about the arms race, the Stables, and even the coal dispute (did you read Project Horizons before working on this?).
The paragraphs were rather big (each paragraph also needs to be indented, aka [tab]), and I could still find some grammatical errors having to do with using the wrong synonyms and forgetting to hyphenate.
I'm willing to forgive this story's errors, though, because I haven't seen anyone tackle the batpony species in the FoE universe up to this point, so I'm eager to see where you go with this. :pinkiehappy:

4775456

Thanks!

Yeah I've read far too many FoE sidefics... I find myself writing canon that may not have come from the original, so I have to be careful on what content I include vs not.

Also bear with me here, I'm writing in smaller paragraphs currently, yet still retaining the same content. I found in many cases I stay on the same subject at length but I never separated the sentences to help clarify to the reader.

As for the grammar... Heh, I mainly write between 2am and 5am due to my scheduling. It tends to suffer around that time, your input has been duly noted though.

But I digress, thanks so much for having interest in my story! It really means the world to me that you like it so far. :twilightsmile:

Haha! I can't get enough of Midnight, he's like Flare from FoE: Heroes, so spunky :pinkiehappy:! Phew, definitely following this story. The format of the paragraphs are a lot better than the last chapter, though grammar quirks are still present here and there (would you like an extra proofreader, 'cause I'd be glad to help).
Also: a protagonist who isn't a unicorn mare? Alright, that's 4 out of 6 stories (Fallout Equestria, Viva Las Pegasus, Pink Eyes, Project Horizons, Better Days)! Wait, 4 out of 6? Um, I guess fillyfooling mares don't dominate the FoE-verse like I thought it did. Huh.

*reads about Midnight's elevation to Overstallion* Huh, I've been hankering for a FoE fic with an Overstallion for a protagonist, but description says that they end up outside of the Stable, so how- *reads on* oh. Oh dear...Stable 17's gonna end up like 99, isn't it? :facehoof:

“Stop right there criminal scum!” A gruff stallion’s voice sounded from down the street, heavily laced with a Braytish accent.

Ghoul or alive, you're coming with me!
RoboCop references aside, this chapter was pretty solid. The chase scene with the ghoul made a nice segway into Middy and Scar stumbling into Renaissance, so the two got a hands-on experience of how dangerous the Wasteland is before the exposition dump by Borealis (thumbs up for using Scar's drowsiness to lighten said exposition dump and to make yet another satisfactory segway to the couple getting to their room).
A problem I'm having, though, is the abrupt change of POVs. If you're going to be doing this throughout the fic, I'd suggest taking some inspiration from The Elder Scrolls: Equestria, where the name of the person whose POV a particular part of the story is in is clearly shown (I'd check it out for yourself). Still looking forward to more chapters. Toodles!
P.S. Whenever there are interactions between Middy and Scar, I can't help thinking about Comet and Angel from The Golden Armor. Squee!
P.S.S. Given the title of this chapter, and the fact the chapter takes place completely at night, I guess you could say it was a...Star Trek Into Darkness! *badum tish*
Also, I've been thinking: Wow, Middy's test score was a surprise. It couldn't have been staged by somepony/ponies, could it? :pinkiegasp:

Edit:I actually looked up what the guard said, and found out the quote actually comes from TES: Oblivion. Oops.

4777302

Hahaha I love your comments so much! They're supportive, informative and laced with good humor!

I'm so glad you're enjoying it, and I absolutely love The Golden Armor it was that very story that inspired me to write about the bat-ponies.

Also I took note of what you said about the POV change, however, I intentionally wrote it so that the reader would not immediately know who's perspective it was. Call it tricky and complicated, I don't like the fact that there would be sidelong information flat out telling the reader whats going on.

I like to think of it as if Midnight and Scarlet were retelling the story in a narrative, filling in the gaps for one another from their own perspectives.

As for an extra proofreader I'll keep you posted on that, I do have two of my close friends currently holding that position, but I'm beginning to like your input more and more. I'll definitely keep you in mind however, in the event that I become overwhelmed in my story. Which is sure to come soon, as the plot-line becomes more complex.

You know, I really can't believe how the like/dislike/view ratio looks right now. How can that many people out of all the views dislike this amazing story? It's written a lot better than some I've seen with less dislikes!

4778317

Yeah it's a bit disheartening, but I know the people who like this story truly appreciate my work, so I take gratitude in that.

Also thanks so much! I'm glad you like it! :twilightsmile:

4778317
See my comment, that more or less explains the like to dislike.

Honestly I'd bet money that at least five of them (the normal dislike amount for a FoE fic) didn't read a sentence, though I could be wrong, could easily be more.

Scarlet's pov shift was a jarring change and took me a minute or two to realize it had shifted the first time, but she's quite adorable. So I forgive you. :pinkiehappy:

I did notice a few errors here and there like the Pipbuck saying his left wing was crippled when Midnight and Scarlet were both saying it was his right wing, and a few names not being capitalized. Nothing that really detracted too much attention away from the story, at least for me. Though I wonder how blind the town guards were to not have seen the Pipbucks on their forelegs?

More please! :pinkiecrazy:

4778655
4777302

After many an input regarding this subject, I've edited it so that the * symbol represent's the POV from Midnight while the <> represents the point of view from scarlet.

Hopefully this will eliminate the partially intentional confusion I induced open my beloved readers. Hahaha.

Woot, level up! Keep up the good work. This story is too good to pass up.

We stood there in the middle of the forest, frosty wind lightly ruffling our manes and tails, lip locked in a passionate kiss for what felt like an eternity, before we finally separated for our much needed air. The vapor puffs from our panting were carried away together down wind as we stared lovingly into each other’s eyes.

Reminded me of a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, where two of the main characters, in the middle of an intense battle between pirates onboard ships, kiss for about 10 seconds with no interruptions by anyone else fighting. By Celestia, who knew if the ghouls Middy and Scar had just killed were the only hostiles within the vicinity. The kissing couple would've been caught unaware. :facehoof:

Also, regarding Middy use of a healing potion on Scar's leg, did the bullet that hit Scar just badly nick her or did it hit her square on? No mention of the bullet was made after Scar was healed, so I'd have to assume that either it nicked the leg or is still embedded in her leg. I don't think healing potions have the power to dissolve bullets, so either Scar's in trouble, or you have a plothole. :trixieshiftleft:

Now, this doesn't have to do with this chapter, but I was just wondering: Since Transylvania isn't as directly affected by megaspell/balefire radiation as the Wasteland is, is gardening and farming legit here? I was prompted to ask this when Midnight and Scarlet were eating the "demon cakes," which would seem like normal fare in the Wasteland.

4785401

I was kind of going for that random spontaneous romance in battle. So good call!

Also the bullet passed through her leg missing the bone, I didn't mention anything about the bullet because, quite frankly, I felt queasy describing a bullet lodged in my favorite character's leg :rainbowlaugh:

And to answer your question about the farming, yes they have the capability, but it is limited. I heavily implied they were capable of it, but I was going to explain it later.

4785589 then maybe the next time you have somepony shot, have it be someone other than Scarlet, or just get used to your favorite character getting shot at. This is story set in a world with raiders, ghouls and the like. Oh, and guns, can't forget about the guns.

Standing behind the desk was a Transylvanian mare, she had armour identical to Aurora's, sporting the inlaid mother of pearl rose on her chest plate. The difference however, were the two red crosses on her shoulder plates. She had a white mane and tail and a light grey coat to match.

“Okay, consider yourselves temporarily under my command, welcome aboard the Renaissance Rose Medical Guard. RRMG for short. I’m Captain Angel” She paused to let both myself and Midnight to soak it in.

A batpony named Angel? :rainbowlaugh: Take away the description of the mare, and you have the definitive nail in the coffin that this fic's so inspired by The Golden Armor. :facehoof::unsuresweetie: What's next, the Black Daylight has a pegasus lieutenant name Comet?

I sighed and flapped my wings once more, taking off into the night sky and redirected myself back towards the field hospital. Captain Angel better be damn pleased with my work for how much effort I put into this bloody task.

Bloody task, eh? I see what you did there. :pinkiecrazy:

It's funny, I was just watching Attack On Titan when I decided to check on FIMfiction. Seeing this, I immediately dropped watching the anime, which is rather poetic (or ironic?), because I was at the point in the anime where *SPOILERS?* the cadets were fighting the Titans in the Attack On Trost *end spoilers*, while this chapter covers the entirety of the Black Daylight's attack on Renaissance.

Granted I consider it to be a more minor battle than the aforementioned Attack on Trost (or Luna forbid, the Fourth Great Shinobi War :facehoof:), but I appreciate that you kept this fight within a standard-length chapter, as you said, you have "pretty plans" for your ponies, so it would be good to get a move on. :twilightsheepish:
...
Errgh, sugar-coated pickles with a side of cobbler, of course Aurora had to die! :fluttercry: Saute me in buttermilk for wondering if he would while I was reading this. :fluttershbad: Why am I cursing in such a weird manner? :ajbemused::ajsleepy:

4834015
Good anime, Attack on Titan, maybe I should watch it again when the second series is dubbed. Through for Naruto, I want to know about what the Third Great Shinobi War is like, they always tease us with bits and pieces :(

Anyhow, good chapter, I eagerly and patiently await the next one!

4833831

Now that you pointed that out, I realized I just named one of my characters Angel, and she so happens to be a bat-pony. I can guarantee you that was 100% unintentional.

I do find it ironic, however, since I like bat-ponies because of The Golden Armor, and I was inspired to write about them. Though maybe some part of my subconscious told me "Angel" was a good name. Damn XD

4835587 an anime I'd recommend would be Log Horizon. It blows Sword Art Online out of the water.

I like this story, I am looking forward to the rest of the story:twilightsmile:

What a fuckin good story! :pinkiehappy:
I really fuckin like this blyat! Can fuckin please write it fuckin faster suka! I would apreciate! I want moar!:twilightsmile:

I'm looking forward to the next chapter soon:pinkiehappy:

6546151
Yeah! I'm glad to hear you guys are still interested! These comments seriously give me the motivation to continue!

It's great to see more of this story again. I always love how the batponies are portrayed in theses stories. All doe I do have a few issues with the story, namely the personalty of Scarlet that I have a hard time imagining her with such a childlike naiveté that is difficult to consul with her fascination with guns in general. That which at times can be a little annoying seeing in how many dangers she has be in I have a hard time understanding why she keeps being so helpless all the time, seeing that she has a proficiency with fire arms. I like Midnight personalty in general as he pretty much act like a cocky teenager that he is, and his antics are a lot of fun to read.

6560307

I totally understand what you mean about Scarlet. I'm sorry it annoys you occasionally, but I guess I never mentioned her knowledge of firearms doesn't necessarily reflect her ability to use them in combat effectively. The reasoning behind this, is it allows her character to grow as she gains confidence in combat and gets a little bit of a thicker skin. Who knows, maybe it's only for now that she has bouts of helplessness.

I'm glad you like Midnight, he's always fun to write because I can let loose a little and relax the vocabulary and syntax. Not to mention I won't be penalized for using some subtle humor with him.

6562675

I know right? :pinkiegasp: I even surprised myself!

So, after just completing chapter four, and before continuing on, I thought I drop in a few words.
First off, excellent story so far. :pinkiehappy: Detailed, fluid, and well written, with only the odd misplaced letter to which I care about not at all. To me, the STORY is the thing, and I'm seeing a great deal of potential already.
Technically Midnight is still the OverStallion, and the only one who can actually free his former stablemates, if her ever chooses to go back. The emotionally roller-coaster between he and Scarlet has been a realistic portrayal given their ages. (Also it's so freakin a-DAWWW-able, it's killing me). My only worry is, of course, that since they have discovered their love so early, I can't help but worry that something horrible is therefore going to happen to one or both of them...
Of course, the very fact that you have me concerned about characters that I have only been reading about for such a short time speaks volumes to your abilities as an author.
Okay, continuing onward... Thank you for an excellent story so far!
Mr. E.

6567037
Woohoo! Thanks! I'm so glad you like it so far! It's really encouraging to get feedback like this, I appreciate it more than I can ever express.

Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

6658183 your welcome, feel free to join the group.

6691491

Haha they're coming! It's just finals are coming up soon, I don't have tooo much time. Chapter 8 is about a quarter of the way done though!

So if Scarlet ever decides to do the 'do' with Midnight, would that technically be considered bestiality?

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