Bombastic Bookpony's Bazaar of Oneshots

by Bombastic Bookpony

The Cool Crusaders (The Cutie Mark Crusaders- And their good friend Twist!-, Comedy)

Ponyville, Equestria. Last Sunday AC. That was the day that Equestria’s three-

“Four!”

Three greatest heroes were born. Three ordinary filles, Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle, also known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, were off on another misadventure.

“Accompanied by their good friend Twist!”

This misadventure led them straight to Ponyville’s recently opened power plant. Through a series of amusing events involving a snake, a power outage, and inexplicably, a large amount of honey, they fell into the radioactive sludge. But this did not kill them. Neigh, it made them better than before, for it gave them superpowers!

Scootaloo gained super speed, able to use her wings to propel herself forward faster than the speed of light. She donned the persona of The Dash, a completely original name not in anyway influenced by her idol, flying extraordinaire Rainbow Dash.

Sweetie Belle gained sound manipulation, able to manipulate sound waves to fly and able to bring any villain to their knees with her even stronger pipes. She became The Silver Bell(she’s a kid, cut her some slack for the name)!

Apple Bloom gained super strength, able to knock down a building with a single strike. She became The Apple Bruiser(again, just a kid)!

“And Twist gained the ability to stretch, or twist you might say, heh heh, far above any pony’s normal capabilities!”

Kid. Stop. You’re ruining the flow. And stretching? Kinda lame.

“It’s not lame! It’s super cool!”

Anyway, the three-

“Four!”

Formed an elite group called...

THE COOL CRUSADERS

This is part one of an average day in their lives....

---

“Alright team, Diamond Tiara has been quiet lately. Too quiet.” The Dash had just watched an action movie marathon with her idol, and thus had the misguided impression that such lines were “cool”. They are not. “I say we go to our source on the streets, find out what’s going on.”

“But we foiled Diamond Tiara yesterday!” Apple Bruiser whined. “She was just stealing some candy from a baby! I want somethin’ more exciting!”

“Don’t blame me! Dash and her friends take all the cool, dangerous villains. We take what we can get!”

“Well I think what we did yesterday was super cool!” Silver Bell exclaimed. “Babies need rescuing too! And she was so cute, sucking on her lollipop!” Silver Bell recalled that image, cooed, and was sent tumbling into Babyland for a moment. Her compatriots patiently waited for her to snap out of it. “Errrr,” she intoned, shaking her head to clear it of adorable babies, “What were we talking about?”

“We were talking about how you are absolutely right, Silver Bell! It doesn’t matter who we save,” she began, her posture suddenly slouching and her voice lowering to a gravelly tone, “Or what crime we stop. Baby, candy, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is justice, and justice starts with the smallest acts! All it takes is one pony at the right place at the right time doing the right thing, and eventually it leads to all criminals being captured by the cold hoof- or claw if you’re a griffon or dragon- of justice!” The marathon before had also included some Batmare movies, giving The Dash the impression that such speeches given in a dark voice were “inspiring” or “intimidating”. Again, they are not. Nonetheless, it managed to rowdy up her partners.

“You’re right, Scoo- I mean, The Dash! Let’s give that Tiara what for!”

“CUTIE MARK SUPER HEROES!” They bellowed.

---

“Wait, you guys are going after Diamond Tiara? Why didn't you tell me sooner?”

“You’re a civilian, Twist,” Sweetie soothed, “We can’t put you in danger.”

“What did I tell you guys!? I have powers too! I can stretch! Or twist, you might say,” she said with a wink. The Crusaders were as unamused as the narrator was.

“Twisting doesn’t count, Twist. It’s stupid,” The Dash informed her.

“Not stupid!” Applebloom hastily corrected. “Just.... unique! It doesn’t suit our current power palette, see?”

“But my mom spent ten hours making a costume for me!” Twist shouted, stomping her hooves.

“She spent ten hours on that? I thought you just stitched random pieces of garbage together,” The Dash said, confused. She was hurriedly shushed by her team.

“Look, Twist. You are a great, important part of the team!” Silver Bell comforted, putting on the charm, “You’re our informant! We’d get nowhere without you!” Her teammates nodded furiously in affirmation.

Twist sighed, slumping in defeat. “You want to know where Diamond Tiara is?”

“Yeah!” they shouted in unison.

“I’m right behind you, blank flanks!” The three turned sharply and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were armed with cannons stocked with fruit. “Daddy bought it for me. I told him it was for a game. You like? Filled up to the brink with carrots.” The three gasped. They knew that AJ could sniff carrots on ponies a mile away, and anypony she caught who smelt of them was banished from Sweet Apple Acres for a whole day!

“It’s a set up! Twist, how could ya do this?”

“Because you said I was lame! Let’s see how lame being covered with carrots will make you!”

Will the Cool Crusaders escape? Or are they doomed to a whole day of banishment? Stay tuned! Same Cutie-time, same Cutie-channel!

Author's Note:

Prompt #83: The Crusaders go crusading.

Ahhh. This is one of my favs. Comedically, it may be my best. The tone(“I’m right behind you, blank flanks!” The three turned sharply and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were armed with cannons stocked with fruit. “Daddy bought it for me. I told him it was for a game. You like? Filled up to the brink with carrots.” The three gasped. They knew that Applejack could sniff carrots on ponies a mile away, and anypony she caught who smelt of them was banished from Sweet Apple Acres for a whole day!”), the narration(“This misadventure led them straight to Ponyville’s recently-opened power plant. Through a series of amusing events involving a snake, a power outage, and inexplicably, a large amount of honey, they fell into the radioactive sludge.”), the lines(“She spent ten hours on that? I thought you just stitched random pieces of garbage together,”). It’s all just fun. I’m tempted to give this the full story treatment, one day.