• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 4th, 2019

N7_Spartan117


I am 20, Brony, and Christian(And proud of it!). Also I am a gamer to my bones.

E

After Rarity says something that breaks his heart, Spike snaps and storms out of her boutique. Leaving Rarity confused by the last words he said before he left. Discord appears and decides takes her on a little trip through time to show her how Spike really feels about her.



This story takes place during the events of Simple Ways and after the events of Twilight's Kingdom.

Edit: Cover art by dm29
Edit: Featured 8/1/14

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 892 )

This is going to be interesting.

A few typos here and there, but interesting. Calling Secret of My Excess as one of the stops?
Alright, lets see where this goes

Oh man, I would like to see where this is going! :heart::heart::heart:

Hmm...
Can't wait!
:derpytongue2:

Okay, this should be interesting. How about making up an episode where either Twilight or Sweetie have an in-depth talk about his feelings for Rarity?

Only nitpick is that Discord betrayed the princesses after the Trenderhoof ordeal, but otherwise I'm cautiously looking forward to more

This is going to be fun

4782904 I plan to.
4783615 I know this is one where this happened after the season finale.

A few errors here and there, but interesting enough to keep me occupied.

It's pretty good. I don't really like the concept of switching episodes in timeline, but it's your fanfiction and your right to do that. :raritywink:

Two things:

1.) I might be wrong, but wouldn't this be tagged with Alternate Universe, since this is a different outcome than the other Simple Ways?

2.) Secret of my Excess. Do that one.

4784569 idk it might I will put one on just in case. And all ready plan to do that, Inspiration Manifestation, and the IDW comics Nightmare Rarity story.

Any work that has the shipping of Rarity and Spike done well has my seal of approval. (I seriously need to get me one of those!) Although there is one major continuity issue with it: How can you justify something take place during 'Simple Ways' but after 'Twilight's Kingdom' (even though the former clearly precedes the latter. Also the word 'along' should be two separate words in that sentence and 'Tirek' is misspelled. Looking forward to more! :pinkiehappy:

You, sir, have my full attention here. I expect good things to come from this. I shall wait and see where this goes.

Tirek not Triek. Also, "Simple Ways" takes place before "Twilight's Kingdom" -- though you're messing with time travel anyway ...

SHL

Also, the Diamond Dogs episode, I can't remember its name right now.

This is an ingenious plot. You, sir, receive a favourite... and I barely ever hand those out. I may actually enjoy this one.

4784569 Re: 1.)
If not because the episodes come in a different order. Not that it matters anymore, though. <statingtheobvious>It already has an AU tag.</statingtheobvious>

"They don't make *entertain* like that anymore."

entertainment

"Oh my. Wherever did you get list?"

You may want to add "that" between get and list.

Well, those are the main typos/grammatical errors I noticed.

Now about the story itself:

This certainly seems intriguing...

I feel sorry for The Doctor and Derpy, being shaken around like that...

Anyway, thanks for writing! :twilightsmile:

SHL

4785763 You're welcome :pinkiehappy:

You need an editor, mate. Badly. Aside from the handful of grammar and spelling errors, most of the dialogue feels fake. Not necessarily out of character, just fake.

Otherwise, I like the premise. I'm glad Discord's sort of maybe kinda a good guy now as it gives everyone another character to play around with in canon.

List of episodes:
1. A dog and pony show
2. Suited for success
3. Secret of my excess
4. Inspiration manifestation
I hope this helps!
- Snapshot Design

I can't wait! I need more :twilightsmile:

How much time did you put into writing this?

I remember watching this part in simple ways and thinking that Spike was gonna flip out:twilightangry2: He seemed to take it a little too well in the episode, so I'm glad to see someone exploring what could have happened.

4786675 I had the same thought as well when that happened. I just thought the writers dropped the ball on that.

4786704 Just curious. Well, I actually asked a number of different people that. I'm writing a fic myself and I wanted to compare.

"How.. how could I? Why would she say something like that? I...I thought she knew that I liked her." thought Spike.

"Hey author," I said aloud, calling his attention to me. "You should probably use italics for thoughts." It's what most other authors do.

"What?" asked Rarity as wiping the tears from her eyes.

Dude, reread that.

glass dome

Two many spaces. Haha, sorry.

Trenderhoofs mane

Whose mane is it? Why, it's Trenderhoof's mane.

"Well that took longer than I expected." said the mane,

expected,"
use a comma

"And that's my quota," I announced snapping the book shut. "Maybe I'll finish the story; maybe I won't," I said as I swayed back and forth. Leaning to the side I whispered, "Those little errors really distract me from the text."

4786774 that was rlly weird. At least u undertsood the story. Doesnt have to be perfect if he doesnt wanna publish it

4784579 Interesting concept. I'm thinking 'Green isn't Your Color' should be referenced. If you are visiting the comics, however, let me know which chapters they are so I won't read them. I don't follow the comics in any way.

4786992 I will. It will be awhile till I get to the comics but I will put the episode/comic name for the chapter title.

4786919 Many writers profess great exactness in punctuation who never yet made a point. ~ George Dennison Prentice

What if I can't see the content past the punctuation?

He was trying to hold back his tears and be mature about the situation, but the pain the words caused was to much for the young dragon. As he watched her cry a tiny flame of anger started to burn inside his heart, he tried to suppress it but the more he tried the bigger the flame grew.

"too much" instead of "to much"; As he watched her cry, a tiny flame of anger started to burn inside his heart. He tried to suppress it, but the more he tried, the bigger the flame grew.

i see what you are getting at with the blue box thing, but why would the reader need to know the coat color and race of whatever ponies might be inside. just stating the voice's apparent gender would do just fine.

i would also consider looking through this once again, especially when it comes to how you wrote the sentences that are a part of the dialogue but aren't. they don't seem to be all that grammatically correct.

one last thing: from what rarity said at the beginning, i'm guessing that this is during trenderhoove's episode. having that in mind, discord's reasoning for helping out wouldn't make sense at that point of time. he could be from the future or whatever, that is one way of you dealing with that circumstance, but rarity wouldn't know about his motives if that were the case. it's just something that i picked up.

The premise seems interesting, but I suggest looking for a proofreader; the grammar is a bit lacking in places.

Still, I'll be waiting to read more of this.

Oh this is gonna be good. I hope Rarity feels emotional pain, it is my personal opinion that she totally deserves it.

Well first stop is obviously going to be the very first episode...

the fantasy in the one with the Diamond Dogs - Discord might be able to get to it
his birthday ep with the fire ruby
'Inspiration Manifestation'
Try one for 'Hearts and Hooves Day'

And there's gotta be loads more, but thats all I can think of...

Hope it works out :yay:

4787395 Well, the author could mean that Discord actually betrayed them 1000+ years ago. They could've been friends and he would've been a good guy until taking over Equestria. Or, he could be hinting that he belives the theory that Discord is Starswirl the bearded. Or I could be totally wrong and it's a mistake and I'm wasting my time on this comment.

Very well Brony, you have my attention

I like this, I'm interested, I'm eager to see the next chapter...

Doctor and Derpy!!! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by TheKitten deleted Aug 3rd, 2014

Alrighty bro, lead on.

Well, I'm very interested in this story now. It's a very interesting idea, and I'm glad to see Spike finally blow up. With all the crap he goes through it's only a matter of time.

There were a decent amount of spelling and other errors in the story though. An editor or pre reader might not be a bad idea.

The dialogue for Rarity and Spike felt quite quick and stilted. Almost like you wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as you could for the main event of the prologue. But it was a worthy main event, to be fair. You captured S-4 Discord perfectly, though not so much post-Tirek Discord (since he seems to genuinely want to try to be good to others as opposed to just doing good for them with tough words and nastiness), but as other commenters say because of the chronology of the episodes it should be S-4 Discord anyway. Rarity herself sounds solid enough, if a bit blunter and more to the point than usual, but you got her prissy and dramatic side down perfectly. The concept is very cool, too.

You've got a great potential here. Hopefully you'll find an editor and pace it out a bit more, but regardless you get an upvote from me.

4794757 thank you and i will try to find an editor and to pace it out some more.

4794859 Hope that goes over well for you.

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