Prologue
"Oh Spike. How could you ever understand what it like to be in love with somepony only to find out they are in love with somepony else?" asked Rarity through her tears as she cried over her shrine to famous traveling writer Trenderhoof. Hearing those words felt like acid to Spike's heart.
"How.. how could I? Why would she say something like that? I...I thought she knew that I liked her." thought Spike. He was trying to hold back his tears and be mature about the situation, but the pain the words caused was to much for the young dragon. As he watched her cry a tiny flame of anger started to burn inside his heart, he tried to suppress it but the more he tried the bigger the flame grew. "Is that what you think?" asked Spike looking at the floor.
"What?" asked Rarity as wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I said is that what you think. That I don't know what it is like to love somepony and have them not love me back." answered Spike still looking at the floor, showing no emotions when he spoke, Rarity just stood there in silence. "Well you know what? I do know what it feels like, probably better then you." Spike then looked up at Rarity with an expression of both anger and pain on his face.
"What?" asked Rarity looking at Spike whose whole body was starting to shake.
"You heard me, I know what it feels like. I have been living with this feeling for years and every day that pain grows more and more." said Spike, sounding more angry.
"Well why don't you just talk to this pony about how you feel, darling?" asked Rarity, saying this only made Spike more angry. He then started to walk over to the door of her boutique.
"Why should I!? It's not like you ever noticed my feelings before!" yelled Spike before he slammed the door behind him. The boutique quickly fell silent after he stormed out.
"What did he mean I never noticed his feelings?" asked Rarity out loud to herself or so she thought. Then the small glass dome that contained a lock of Trenderhoofs mane began to shake and the mane started to speak.
"Well that took longer than I expected." said the mane, Rarity started looked at the mane strangely. She then came to the conclusion that she was just hearing things, and turned away from the mane and started to walk away from the shrine when the mane spoke again.
"Seriously. I thought the little guy would have blown his top along time ago."
"What in Equestria? Now I know I just heard this thing talk. Ugh Sweetie Belle if this one of your little pranks, it not funny." said Rarity. The lock of mane then began to change shape into the filly in question.
"Yes sis." said the mini Sweetie Belle. Rarity was very confused and was trying to comprehend what was happening. She then realized who it was.
"Discord." said Rarity through her teeth. Discord then began to laugh and change into his normal draconequus self.
"Hahahahahahaha oh this is to good. It really took you this long to see past my disguise and here I was thinking you were smarter than this." said Discord still laughing. Rarity was starting to get irritated with the draconequus that had somehow gotten into her shop.
"Why are you here?" asked Rarity in a irritated tone.
"Well I was in the neighborhood and I thought I would stop by and say hello." answered Discord as he teleported out of the small glass dome and appeared in front of her.
"I appreciate you coming by, but I am very busy. So if you would kindly see yourself out." said Rarity as she opened the door for him to leave.
"Why, so you can continue to wallow in your own self pity?"
"I was doing no such thing." argued Rarity as she tried to look at anything that wasn't the draconequus.
"Really? What do you call this?" asked Discord as he snapped his fingers to summon a screen that showed Rarity sobbing over she shrine, with a timestamp marked five minutes ago.
"You saw all that?" asked Rarity.
"The whole thing. You crying and the dragon's little outburst. I have to say that was quite a show, watching him lose it like that. It was worth me losing fifty bits to Luna over how long till he snapped." said Discord as he and Rarity watched as Spike yield at her on the screen.
"Why should I!? It's not like you ever noticed my feelings before!" yield Spike on the screen.
"They don't make entertainment like that anymore." laughed Discord as the screen disappeared. "Let me guess. You're trying to figure out what he meant."
"How..How did you know that?"
"It's written all over your face." said Discord as he made a mirror appear with a reflection of Rarity with the words "What does he mean I never noticed his feelings?" written on her face.
"So what if I am. What is it to you?" asked Rarity.
"Well what if I told you I can show you what he meant."
"How?"
"Why time travel of course. I can send us back in time and show you what he means." answered Discord as he played with a tiny blue police box in his hands. Inside the small box could be heard two faint screams crying for him stop shaking the box.
"Oi! Stop shaking my Tardis!" yelled a tiny brown earth pony from inside the police box.
"Make it stop." yelled a gray mare with crossed eyes. Discord then made the box disappear and waited for Rarity answer. Rarity was deep in her thoughts, trying to decide whether she go with him or not.
"Why would you do this?" asked Rarity. Much like her, most ponies were still cautions to trust him after the whole Tirek incident.
"I just want to help a friend." answered Discord with a grin on his face.
"What do you get out of this?"
"Why do you think I would get something for doing this?"
"What do you get out of this?" asked Rarity again.
"I promised the princesses that would help them with their jobs, in penance for betraying them." confessed Discord with a tone of sadness in his voice.
"While I will commend you for trying to rebuild their trust. I on the other hoof still do not trust you, so why should I trust you? How do I know this is not some type of sick game of yours?"
"You have no reason to trust me, but I promise you that is no game. I Pinkie promise" said Discord as he did the motions for the promise.
"NEVER BREAK A PINKIE PROMISE!!!!" yelled Pinkie Pie in the distance.
"Ok, but how do you plan to take me back in time?" asked Rarity
"With magic of course. I will send us back like I did with Twilight when I tried to take over Equestria the last time."
"And how do you know where to go?"
"Oh I have a list." answered Discord as a scroll appeared. He then unrolled the scroll causing the bottom of it to fall to the floor and roll out of the boutique.
"Oh my. Wherever did you get this list?" asked Rarity as she looked at part of the list that was on the floor.
"Luna gave it to me." answered Discord as he rolled the scroll back up. "So, are you ready to go?" Rarity looked at his extended lions paw, trying decide if she should go or not. She then started to remember the last words her Spikey-wikey said.
"Why should I!? It's not like you ever noticed my feelings before!"
"Ready." She then put her hoof in Discords paw. As soon as she did he cast his spell and started to send them back in time.
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This is going to be interesting.
A few typos here and there, but interesting. Calling Secret of My Excess as one of the stops?
Alright, lets see where this goes
Oh man, I would like to see where this is going!
Hmm...
Can't wait!
Okay, this should be interesting. How about making up an episode where either Twilight or Sweetie have an in-depth talk about his feelings for Rarity?
Only nitpick is that Discord betrayed the princesses after the Trenderhoof ordeal, but otherwise I'm cautiously looking forward to more
This is going to be fun
4782904 I plan to.
4783615 I know this is one where this happened after the season finale.
A few errors here and there, but interesting enough to keep me occupied.
4783191 ok will see what I do
It's pretty good. I don't really like the concept of switching episodes in timeline, but it's your fanfiction and your right to do that.
Two things:
1.) I might be wrong, but wouldn't this be tagged with Alternate Universe, since this is a different outcome than the other Simple Ways?
2.) Secret of my Excess. Do that one.
4784569 idk it might I will put one on just in case. And all ready plan to do that, Inspiration Manifestation, and the IDW comics Nightmare Rarity story.
Any work that has the shipping of Rarity and Spike done well has my seal of approval. (I seriously need to get me one of those!) Although there is one major continuity issue with it: How can you justify something take place during 'Simple Ways' but after 'Twilight's Kingdom' (even though the former clearly precedes the latter. Also the word 'along' should be two separate words in that sentence and 'Tirek' is misspelled. Looking forward to more!
You, sir, have my full attention here. I expect good things to come from this. I shall wait and see where this goes.
Tirek not Triek. Also, "Simple Ways" takes place before "Twilight's Kingdom" -- though you're messing with time travel anyway ...
Also, the Diamond Dogs episode, I can't remember its name right now.
This is an ingenious plot. You, sir, receive a favourite... and I barely ever hand those out. I may actually enjoy this one.
4784569 Re: 1.)
If not because the episodes come in a different order. Not that it matters anymore, though. <statingtheobvious>It already has an AU tag.</statingtheobvious>
entertainment
You may want to add "that" between get and list.
Well, those are the main typos/grammatical errors I noticed.
Now about the story itself:
This certainly seems intriguing...
I feel sorry for The Doctor and Derpy, being shaken around like that...
Anyway, thanks for writing!
4784911
thanks
4785763 You're welcome
You need an editor, mate. Badly. Aside from the handful of grammar and spelling errors, most of the dialogue feels fake. Not necessarily out of character, just fake.
Otherwise, I like the premise. I'm glad Discord's sort of maybe kinda a good guy now as it gives everyone another character to play around with in canon.
I am intrigued.
List of episodes:
1. A dog and pony show
2. Suited for success
3. Secret of my excess
4. Inspiration manifestation
I hope this helps!
- Snapshot Design
I can't wait! I need more
How much time did you put into writing this?
I remember watching this part in simple ways and thinking that Spike was gonna flip out
He seemed to take it a little too well in the episode, so I'm glad to see someone exploring what could have happened.
4786675 I had the same thought as well when that happened. I just thought the writers dropped the ball on that.
4786669 about a week. Why?
4786704 Just curious. Well, I actually asked a number of different people that. I'm writing a fic myself and I wanted to compare.
"Hey author," I said aloud, calling his attention to me. "You should probably use italics for thoughts." It's what most other authors do.
Dude, reread that.
Two many spaces. Haha, sorry.
Whose mane is it? Why, it's Trenderhoof's mane.
expected,"
use a comma
"And that's my quota," I announced snapping the book shut. "Maybe I'll finish the story; maybe I won't," I said as I swayed back and forth. Leaning to the side I whispered, "Those little errors really distract me from the text."
4786718 ok
4786774 that was rlly weird. At least u undertsood the story. Doesnt have to be perfect if he doesnt wanna publish it
4784579 Interesting concept. I'm thinking 'Green isn't Your Color' should be referenced. If you are visiting the comics, however, let me know which chapters they are so I won't read them. I don't follow the comics in any way.
4786992 I will. It will be awhile till I get to the comics but I will put the episode/comic name for the chapter title.
4786919 Many writers profess great exactness in punctuation who never yet made a point. ~ George Dennison Prentice
What if I can't see the content past the punctuation?
"too much" instead of "to much"; As he watched her cry, a tiny flame of anger started to burn inside his heart. He tried to suppress it, but the more he tried, the bigger the flame grew.
i see what you are getting at with the blue box thing, but why would the reader need to know the coat color and race of whatever ponies might be inside. just stating the voice's apparent gender would do just fine.
i would also consider looking through this once again, especially when it comes to how you wrote the sentences that are a part of the dialogue but aren't. they don't seem to be all that grammatically correct.
one last thing: from what rarity said at the beginning, i'm guessing that this is during trenderhoove's episode. having that in mind, discord's reasoning for helping out wouldn't make sense at that point of time. he could be from the future or whatever, that is one way of you dealing with that circumstance, but rarity wouldn't know about his motives if that were the case. it's just something that i picked up.
The premise seems interesting, but I suggest looking for a proofreader; the grammar is a bit lacking in places.
Still, I'll be waiting to read more of this.
Oh this is gonna be good. I hope Rarity feels emotional pain, it is my personal opinion that she totally deserves it.
Well first stop is obviously going to be the very first episode...
the fantasy in the one with the Diamond Dogs - Discord might be able to get to it
his birthday ep with the fire ruby
'Inspiration Manifestation'
Try one for 'Hearts and Hooves Day'
And there's gotta be loads more, but thats all I can think of...
Hope it works out
4787395 Well, the author could mean that Discord actually betrayed them 1000+ years ago. They could've been friends and he would've been a good guy until taking over Equestria. Or, he could be hinting that he belives the theory that Discord is Starswirl the bearded. Or I could be totally wrong and it's a mistake and I'm wasting my time on this comment.
Very well Brony, you have my attention
I like this, I'm interested, I'm eager to see the next chapter...
Doctor and Derpy!!!
Alrighty bro, lead on.
Well, I'm very interested in this story now. It's a very interesting idea, and I'm glad to see Spike finally blow up. With all the crap he goes through it's only a matter of time.
There were a decent amount of spelling and other errors in the story though. An editor or pre reader might not be a bad idea.
The dialogue for Rarity and Spike felt quite quick and stilted. Almost like you wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as you could for the main event of the prologue. But it was a worthy main event, to be fair. You captured S-4 Discord perfectly, though not so much post-Tirek Discord (since he seems to genuinely want to try to be good to others as opposed to just doing good for them with tough words and nastiness), but as other commenters say because of the chronology of the episodes it should be S-4 Discord anyway. Rarity herself sounds solid enough, if a bit blunter and more to the point than usual, but you got her prissy and dramatic side down perfectly. The concept is very cool, too.
You've got a great potential here. Hopefully you'll find an editor and pace it out a bit more, but regardless you get an upvote from me.
4794757 thank you and i will try to find an editor and to pace it out some more.
4794859 Hope that goes over well for you.