• Published 13th Apr 2012
  • 7,188 Views, 629 Comments

My Little Heartbreak: Creativi-Tea - Jet_Black1980

It's a week later and Twilight is nagging Heartbreak about her first letter to Celestia.

  • ...

Diet of Grass

Chapter 10

Diet of Grass.

I take a deep breath of the air outside. Unlike the air back home, it hasn’t been tainted by the tang of burning fossil fuels or the constant pollution of noise. There isn’t the hustle and bustle of people finding new ways to avoid each other, I’m sure there isn’t a high crime rate, or dwindling resources or, at least from what I can tell, overtly stupid religious debates flooding pleasant conversations.

Sighing, I drop my butt on the ground outside of the tea shop window. “Seems like everything that could go wrong with today has gone wrong.” I blink, that statement isn’t all together true. Among all of the uncomfortable things, there is still that shining moment where you actually got to meet Derpy Hooves. And better yet, get her to sign your brand new sketchbook! A sketchbook that was given to you by a rather creepy pony with an Edgar Allen Poe fetish.

“So,” Spike begins, looking up at me as I look down at the ground,“You really mean those things that you said back there?”

I take another deep breath. “Yes, Spike,” I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Sometimes I do actually say what I mean and mean what I say.”

“Uh...right, I know how you are going to answer my next question, but I feel the need to ask it anyway,” he says.

I look up at the sky, my eyes rolling slightly. “If it is, ‘How do you know all these things?’, then you should know that the answer is going to be ‘swirling vortex of insanity from which there is no escape.’” I reply.

“Do you actually know that it will or is that something you’re just saying to avoid the truth of your situation?” Spike asks me.

“Why can’t it be both?” I ask, noticing the tree behind me. Sitting in the dirt like this is becoming un-agreeable.

Now it’s Spike’s turn to roll his eyes. “Right, fine, but like I told Twilight, I think you’re doing that just to avoid the main problems that you are having here.”

I turn around and rear up against the tree. I carefully place my back right hoof behind my left one, and in one swift motion, I about-face. At least I learned something useful from the military. I let my front hooves drop and tap them against the tree, before slowly leaning back. “Ahhh.” I sigh. This is something familiar, something a bit more comforting. Spike gives me an odd look.

“What?” I ask.

“You have an itchy back or something?” He asks me.

“No. I just feel like doing this, Spike, alright?” I reply. “It feels more natural, alright?” However, I am already getting the feeling that this position isn’t going to last for very long as my back twinges and I feel slight pains coming from my tail.

“Sure it is, Heartbreak,” Spike says with a deadpanned look on his face. “You keep telling yourself that, and eventually, I’m sure it’ll come true.”

“Hey, I defended you back there in the tea shop, you know,” I retort.

“So what, you were just trying to earn brownie points with me?” He asks, scooting to my side and giving me an evil eye.

“No! I really did mean what I said back there. It’s just that-” I begin to explain myself, but then Twilight comes out of the shop and gives me a disapproving look. No shocker there.

“Heartbreak, Would you please stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing? Ponies are giving you funny looks,” Twilight tells me curtly.

“I’m a grown adult, Twilight,” I reply. I give her a gruff look. “And besides, ponies do strange things all the time here.” I feel my ear being tugged on and pulled down causing me to lose my balance and fall down on my rear. “Ouch!”

Twilight gets right up in my face while I am rubbing my rump. “You might have been a grown adult where you were from, Heartbreak, but you are acting like a bratty filly. So unless you want to be treated like a filly, you better start acting like an adult.”

I push myself up off the ground. “How am I acting like a bratty filly?” I ask, backing up and turning away a bit. I start walking in the direction which I think the Library is in. Spike walks along with us, writing in his note pad.

“Well for one thing,” Twilight says getting right up next to me. “There was being impolite to Ghost Writer-”

“I thought we were over this, Twilight. He was hitting on me,” I explain. ”First thing that happens to me when I come out of the library. Somep-pony starts hitting on me. How annoyingly ‘mary-sue’. And how would you have felt if AppleJack started hitting on you the moment you came to Ponyville?” I ask, only thinking about the first pony that Twilight had met, and not the context of the question.

Twilight looks confused. “Heartbreak. Applejack is a mare.”

I frown. “I know that, Twilight. It doesn’t have to do with the situation at h-h-hooph, but alright, fine. What if Applejack was a stallion, you just came to Ponyville and he started hitting on you? How, would you feel?” I ask.

“I guess I would be really uncomfortable,” Twilight replies.”But that still doesn’t explain the way that you treated Rainbow Dash!” Spike goes “hmmmm” and writes some more.

I try leaning over to see what he is writing, but he quickly covers it up. “We’re on this again?” I ask, noticing that Twilight is hovering the paper bag of tea in the air. I jump up and attempt to nab it from the air. “Rainbow misheard something I said, popped out of nowhere and I clarified myself. What did I do there that was so awful?”

Twilight looks a little annoyed. “For one, you didn’t apologize after you clarified yourself.”

I frown. “Why would I need to apologize? I didn’t do anything to insult her or cause any physical harm. I mean she was disappointed, sure, but she’s Rainbow Dash,” I say.

Twilight looks at me. “She has feelings too you know, Heartbreak.” She lowers the bag to my face level.

I pause my walking to open the saddlebag. I still don’t like the fact that I have to open it with my face. Twilight looks at me expectantly, I sigh and nab the bag with my mouth before placing it in the saddlebag.

“And then there was what happened in the teashop,” Twilight starts.

“What about it?” I ask. This is becoming exactly what Twilight does best: A lecture.

“I’m sure you were doing your best to be polite, Heartbreak,” Twilight starts. “However, you might want to try to get used to hay. It kinda happens to be a large part of a pony’s diet.”

“I think Pinkie Pie would argue with you on that point,” I reply, rolling my eyes and grumbling. “And there are many non-hay based food things that ponies eat as well. Like apples. I can live off of apples, right?”

Once again, Spike scribbles something down. I frown, I shouldn’t feel this pang of jealousy again, but damnit! He has thumbs.

“That might very well be, but even she eats hay,” Twilight says. “And besides, if you can’t eat hay now, what are you going to do when you’re given grass?”

I grimace and nearly gag. “Grass!? Bleh! I’m not going to eat grass, Twilight.”

“Ponies eat grass, Heartbreak.” Twilight sighs, rolling her eyes, I can hear her quietly counting to ten. “I didn’t want to say anything, but Subtle Brew thought that you were acting strange.”

I look around. Apparently we aren’t going anywhere near the library. I swore it was down this path. “Lots of ponies act strange here, Twilight. I’m sure that I’ll fit right in.”

“She said your, ‘Chi’ was off. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I think it means that you weren’t acting enough like a pony,” Twilight tells me.

I frown. “Ah, earth to Twilight?” I lower my voice. “Inside this body is something that isn’t a pony. Even Celestia knows that...”

“Princess Celestia,” Twilight corrects me.

“Fine. Princess Celestia,” I reply, sighing. “Geeze...All I wanted was some tea.”

“Well, sometimes we don’t always get what we want, Heartbreak,” Twilight says. “Which is why for lunch we’re going to eat grass.”

“I just told you, Twilight,” I say glaring at her. “I’m not eating grass.”

The clock tower strikes ten o'clock. “The clock up there says that you are going to be eating grass in two hours, Heartbreak.”

I stomp my hoof. “I’m not eating grass, Twilight,” I repeat angrily.

“Ponies eat grass, Heart. Break.” Twilight says, her composure breaking.

“I’m not eating Grass, Twilight.” I say glaring at her. “There are other things I could eat you know. Things like carrots, or peas, or leafy vegetables! You ever think about that?!”

“Ponies Eat Grass, Heartbreak.” Twilight repeats, starting to look heated. “And I would offer those things to you, but then you most likely would complain that there was hay in them!”

“Why would there be Hay in them, Twilight? The only reason I can think of would be if you had put it in there!” I retort.

“Guys!” Spike shouts.

“Spike, stay out of this!” Twilight and I say in unison.

Twilight quickly turns her head at me. “Don’t tell him what to do, he’s my assistant!”

I feel like I should be taken back by that statement. “If he’s your best assistant ever, maybe you shouldn’t yell at him for butting into something that’s clearly between the two of us!”

Twilight shoots daggers at me. “You know what? It is between the two of us! We’re not waiting until noon! We’re going to have brunch!” She looks at a tuft of grass growing near the sidewalk. Using her magic, she rips it up by the roots.”You’re going to eat the grass, Heartbreak!”

“What? Grass from off the sidewalk?! That’s even worse than just grass!” I state backing away from her. “You don’t know what’s walked on that grass!”

“Doesn’t matter! You’re going to eat it!” She says, pushing it in my face.

I stubbornly refuse and go tight lipped. “Nnn-uuh!”

“What was that? I couldn’t understand you, Heartbreak!” Twilight says in an attempt to try and get me to open my mouth by pushing the grass at my lips. This only makes me want to sneeze as grass tickles my nose. I snort it out and bat it away from my face.

“I’m not eating grass, Twilight. Especially grass that just came off the ground!” I say, running the best I can to the other side of the street. I think that I am safe for a moment but then I remember that I am dealing with a unicorn. Fucking unicorns. How do they work? It doesn’t take but a moment for her to teleport to the other side of the street and right in front of me. “Fuck, she must be pissed.

“One, all grass is from the ground! And Two! You’re going to eat grass right now, Heartbreak!” Twilight says ripping another tuft up from nearby. “Or so help me!” She says pushing me back. As she moves back and hurls the grass into my face, the sun, unexpectedly gets in my eyes.

“Gah!” I shout putting a hoof in front of my face.

“What’s the matter, Heartbreak? Did you get some grass in your mouth?” Twilight says angrily.

“No! The sun is in my eyes and it hurts!” I cry out.

“Well, maybe you wouldn’t have that problem if you would just let me buy you a hat already!!” She shouts at me.

Just then, a random face leans out and above me, scaring me nearly shitless. “Did Somepony say, ‘Buy a hat?’”

I scream in panic over the sudden pony-in-the-box jutting out at me. To make matters worse, within seconds, I find myself with a mouthful of grass. Yuck!