chapter 1
SWEETIE CONTRACTS TELEFLU
"Sweetie time to get up dear, it's past nine, breakfast is ready."
The young unicorn groans and drags herself out of bed.
"Ooh, my head" she mutters to herself as she walks unsteadily towards the dresser on the side of her bedroom.
"and my nose is blocked up too. Come on, why must this happen on a Saturday?"
ACHOO!!! "Wow, that was weird I never sneeze like that."
Sweetie Belle shakes her head and looks in the mirror on her dresser.
At least that what she tries to do.
Instead she finds herself looking at the tree outside of Carousel Boutique.
"What the-ACHOO!!" Sweetie Belle sneezes again and finds herself two meters in front of a very confused Rarity.
"Sweetie, since when can you teleport? That is very advanced magic!"
"I don’t know," the young filly stammers, looking around in shock.
"I woke up this morning with a cold and every time I have to sneeze I HA HA..."
"Sweetie, quickly push your tongue against-ACHOO-the roof of the mouth…oh dear…"
Rarity looks around but sees her sister nowhere.
"Sweetie darling, can you hear me?"
"RARITY, HELP ME!" a panic-stricken voice sounds from outside Carousel Boutique.
Rarity runs through the front door but sees Sweetie Belle nowhere…
"UP HERE, I AM SLIPPING!"
As she gazes upwards Rarity sees her sister hanging from the gutter and barely holding on.
''HEEELP MEE!!' The filly yells as her hoofs start slipping away.
Quickly Rarity grabs her in her telekinetic hold and brings her sister safely down to the ground.
"Sweetie's, listen if you feel another sneeze coming push your tongue against the roof of your mouth."
"That helps a little; now let’s see Twilight Sparkle," Rarity says while levitating the young unicorn onto her back.
"Twilight? Why not a doctor?" Sweetie Belle asks while trying not to sneeze.
"This is clearly a magical disease, she will know more," Rarity says as she gallops towards the library.
''Just try not to- ACHOO!-Sneeze… oh dear," Rarity says while looking at her now empty back…
Sweetie in the meantime tries once again to hold on to a roof; the one of Sugarcube Corner.
"What are you doing?" a joyful pink mare asks while standing next to her…
On nothing…
"Pinkie? What? How...Never mind just help me before I fall!"
"Okie-dokie-lokie" the party pony says while extending her hoof to help the struggling filly.
"Ehm, Pinkie you’re standing on nothing; it’s a little disturbing," Sweetie says while looking at the mare's hoofs.
"Oops, sorry for that," Pinkie giggles while stepping on the roof.
"But why are you hanging out on the roof? That doesn't look like filly-safe fun, only adult-safe fun!”
"I don’t know what is happening to me," Sweetie cries while trying to keep her balance.
"Every time I sneeze I teleport somewhere. I can’t control it!"
"Sweetie? Sweetie where are you," a panic-stricken voice asks from the street below.
"Big sis, up here!" Sweetie calls out from the roof while waving her hoof at her sister.
"Thank Celestia you are safe; I was so worried about you," Rarity says while lowering her sister down and placing her gently on her back.
"Now let’s find Twilight," she says while galloping towards the library.
"Yeah, she knows what to do, I hope..." Sweetie says while holding on to Rarity’s mane.
"Spike, Spike! Oh where is that lazy dragon assistant of mine," Twilight laments as she trots to the library door.
Opening it to the sight of a nervous Rarity and Sweetie Belle.
"Hi Rarity, hi Sweetie; what brings you here? '' Twilight says, greeting the pair with a smile.
"THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! The white unicorn swoons dramatically while raising a hoof to her
forehead.
"MY SWEET LITTLE SISTER HAS A TERRIBLE AFFLICTION THAT MAKES HER TELEPORT ALL OVER THE PLACE... PLEASE DO SOMETHING…"
"Okay calm down I remember reading about that somewhere, Spike! Where did you put my copy of Perplexing Pony Plagues? Spike… oh, where is that dragon?" Twilight mutters to herself while looking around the library.
"I am here Twi," Spike says while stepping into the library.
"I went to buy new quills like I told you.? We were almost out of them, remember? Oh hi, Rarity." the young drake blushes as he sees his crush.
"Spike, the book please…," Twilight says shaking him from his daydream.
"Oh right…Perplexing Pony Plagues you say…aha! Here you go, Perplexing Pony Plagues!"
"Thanks, Spike," Twilight says as she searches through the pages.
"Hm, horn mold? No… horn… aha; teleflu that’s it,"
"So what do we do about it?"Sweetie says from her sisters back.
"It’s really annoying-ACHOO!"
"Oh not again," Rarity sighs.
"Don't worry, I am up here," Sweetie's cheerful voice sounds from the second floor.
"I am fine,"
"well, what's the cure? It's not a needle, right? Please say no!" the filly asks, a little worried as she trots back down to the ground level.
"Don't worry darling, I'll hold your hoof if it comes to that."
Rarity says as she puts a reassuring hoof on Sweetie's withers.
"It won't come to that..." Twilight says.
"Because there is no cure; you have to get better all by yourself!"
"And according to the book that takes a day or two at least, maybe more..."
"What ever should we do!" Rarity gasps while her sister roles her eyes at her antics.
"It's not that bad I just have to not sneeze for two-ACHOO-...oh come on! no fair!" The Yong unicorn says to no-pony.
"Ok, where am I this time, the everfree? Some other scary place?"
"No, you are standing on my market stall for some reason,"
"Ehm, why are you up there?" A pony with a red mane and tail asks while looking upwards.
"Sorry miss Roseluck, but I am sick so I teleport al over the place every time I sneeze..."
By the mentioning of the word 'sick' Roseluck's eyes go wide and she screams: "PLAGUE! Everypony run!" as she bolts for her home.
Leaving Sweetie Belle alone on a empty market in ten seconds flat... (pun intended)
"Oh come on! It's just a cold... Sort of..."
"Sweetie, darling were are you?" A very stressed Rarity yells, running onto the market place followed by Twilight and Spike.
"I am here big sis!" Sweetie says while jumping down from the flower stall.
"I'm OK but I might have frightened some pony's,"
"I say," Spike says looking around the empty square.
"Let me guess; you talked to one of the flower sisters?"
"Yes, to Roseluck how'd you know?"
"Oh, no reason," The drake answer smiling widely.
"Focus everypony, Twilight says while stamping the ground.
"We need to think about what to do about Sweetie's problem,"
"Darling, I hate to say it but would a hornblokker work?" Rarity asks quietly.
"That might kill her as she doesn't control her magic," Twilight says as she shakes her head.
"Besides, those things are for criminals not for sick pony's,"
"Yeah, I haven't done nothing wrong!" Sweetie belle says a bit angry.
"I'm sorry darling, but I don't know what to do anymore, "Rarity says with a sigh.
"Well, I just don't sneeze for two or so days...simple right? "asks Sweetie Belle.
"I just blow my nose extra often, I.. I...- ACHOO- OH BUCK !!" the frustrated young unicorn yells angry.
Hearing the B word Applejack's scolding senses tingle.
"What did ya just say, young filly?!" Applejack asks with raised eyebrow while Apple bloom looks at her with a very shocked face...
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Because Rarity is a doctor.
Regardless, Your story is littered with technical mistakes, too many for me to bother pointing out. I suggest checking out ezn's guide to fanfiction.
LOL!
Telecough? Don't you mean Teleflu? Besides, she's sneezing, not coughing...
4914938 oops fixed
Every word in your tilte should be capitalized:
Sweetie Belle Contracts Teleflu
Also the description isn't grammatically correct either:
Everyponys favorite filly contracts a weird magical disease.
Now have a nice day
Ugh...PLEASE get yourself an editor.
Considering your description states that you're a Dutch carpenter, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that English isn't your first language. That's fine, though!
I do recommend getting another editor, however, preferably one with a better grasp of the English language. Aside from the multitude of grammatical errors, you have a nice concept so far.
4915440 What do you mean with
the description isn't grammatically correct either:
Everyponys favorite filly contracts a weird magical disease?
have a nice day to
4915901 no it is not
4915716 are you available?
Sorry, I'm helping 4 other authors at the moment.
4919496 thats ok
Poor Sweetie Belle~
Lol just lol
5499723
4919496 r u still helping 4 other arthors or can u help me edit my story
5499802
Still terribly busy, sorry.
Out of curiousity, did anyone edit thy long description?
5799189 No,why