• Published 1st Aug 2014
  • 2,310 Views, 29 Comments

Life of Sin - Thyrai



Rainbow Dash keeps a short diary after she returns to Ponyville.

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I.

When I was a filly, I loved when my dad would read me bedtime stories. Every evening I would look forward to the time when he would trot into my room and ask me what adventure we were on that night. This all came to an end abruptly one day, not necessarily because I wanted them to, but because I grew up. I’ll never forget the night I yelled at him about how I wasn’t a filly anymore, and I wouldn’t stop screaming until he left. He looked sad and hurt, and it made me feel sad and hurt, too. He didn’t read me anymore stories after that day, but I know he would have if I’d asked.

It wasn’t his fault. I was insecure, and I learned the hard way that it’s never a good idea to let anypony know too much about your personal life if you care what they think. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I think I got teased for being a baby because I let my dad read me stories at whatever age I was at the time. I decided from then on that I’d make sure nopony ever saw any side of me that could be seen as uncool. I never read anything since then until Twilight came along.

It’s winter. Everypony hates winter because it’s cold, dark, the snow gets in everyone’s way, and the days are too short. I like winter. The snow seems to calm everything down, and it’s like the world just gets a bit more quiet and peaceful. Twilight says that’s because snow is porous and absorbs sound. Twilight is really smart. I wish I was smart. I’ve never admitted it out loud, but I think it’s pretty cool that she knows how the world works and can talk about really complicated science stuff in what seems to be coherent sentences. She used to talk excitedly and with big bright eyes when she got on topics like how reality gets all messed up and complicated when you look at really small things. Things, I thought, as small as my brain. She didn’t think it was very funny when I said I’d donate my brain to quantum research when I die.

I didn’t really listen to Twilight a whole lot. No, that’s not the right way of saying it. I didn’t hear Twilight a whole lot. She loves to ramble, and I think she knew I never really heard much of what she said when she was in science mode. It didn’t bother her. She used me as an excuse to talk to herself without looking like a total dork. I think it helps her think about hard things when she vocalizes her thoughts. I liked when she talked to me when she was actually talking to herself. It didn’t matter at all to her that I didn’t understand what all those covalent differential ion quark compounds were or what they were used for, but I liked to listen to her voice. It’s really sweet and relaxing, just like winter. I never told her that, though.

It was weird when I came back to Ponyville. I’ve been gone for about two years, and I kinda expected life here to pause until I got back. It didn’t. Pinkie Pie had a party for me, but it really didn’t help the shock of going from the life I’ve been living to being a regular pony again in a slightly different version of my old town. Rarity spends most of her time in Manehattan these days making dresses and stuff, Twilight has like a million princess things to do every day, and Fluttershy spends most of the year in Canterlot getting a formal education in veterinary medicine. Applejack and Pinkie are the only two of us that haven’t had any crazy life changes.

Applejack built a new silo while I was away. I don’t like it because I wasn’t around to help build it, which would have been to add my very helpful comments while I would watch AJ work from my napping spot in one of her trees. The tower feels foreign, like it shouldn’t exist yet. It’s like a towering memorial of how much things change in just two years. I guess you never really notice much change when you’re living in it, but you sure do when you’ve come back home from being away awhile. Every day I see a thousand little reminders that time has made sure our lives won’t ever be the same as they used to be.

I met some new ponies while I was away, but not many I’d consider close. Soarin’, Fleetfoot, and Spitfire were both my teammates and my friends, but they weren’t friends like my friends back at home. I can tell Fluttershy anything and she’ll never make me feel judged, and I can tell Pinkie I’m having a bad day and she’ll literally move a mountain or two if that’s what it would take to cheer me up. I can always get honest advice from Applejack, fashion advice from Rarity and accurate knowledge from the talking encyclopedia we call Twilight. It wasn’t the same with my team friends. I think Soarin’ liked me. I liked him, too, but not in that way. It’s not like we would have even had the time to date, anyway.

Every day I was gone I thought about my friends, and that’s what got me through the long months away from home. It was okay for awhile, but I knew that life wasn’t really for me almost as soon as I said my goodbyes and spent my first night wide awake thinking of how long two years was going to be. I’m grateful for the experience, though. It gave me a new perspective on my life, about where I am and where I want to be. I have a clearer idea of who I really am now. I’m a weather pony, honorary sister and the only pony in Ponyville with her own fanclub. This is my home, and this is where I’m the happiest.

Speaking of my friends, I’ve started to notice something really concerning. I don’t see nearly as much of them as I used to. I know our friendship is always going to be there, the fate and security of Equestria sort of count on it, but I feel like our bonds have crumbled a bit. Our lives have gotten in the way of one another, with work and school and fame all competing for attention. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when my friends start getting interested in romantic crap. All of us will take a back seat to some guy that just happens to strike my friend’s fancy. Then they might even have kids. Will I even be a significant pony in their lives anymore? I’m scared. They’re everything to me.