The Dogs Who Came to Beg

by TinCan

4. Boomer, Very Good Hound, Chief Ambassador of Diamondia

Everything was going perfectly. We had those ponies right where we wanted them!

I admit that even I do not understand ponies. Certainly, I know what I have to do to encourage them to do what I wish, but the why of it may forever remain a mystery to me.

How could they seize the reins of nature itself when they lack the desire to exert the softest power over their neighbors? Why do the lesser ones never challenge the giants even though the mutated ponies go out of their way to show weakness and condescension? Why did the Alphas, if Alphas there were, bequeath so much of their power to these indolent, lackadaisical nincompoops?

More to the point, why did their princess leap forward to cover me with her wings when the bolts began to fall? Me, a creature not of her herd, an enemy from time out of pony-reckoning? How much trouble she could have saved herself if she had merely allowed her subjects to blast us from her lands!

Yet she did not. I knew she would not. Ponies are irrational, but it’s a consistent sort of irrationality.

While Twilight Sparkle had defended me, she called for the pegasi in the clouds to stop the barrage. They had, but not before most of our party was laid out on the roadway, singed and twitching.

Now, instead of dictating terms, the princess was mortified by her complete and costless victory. Her subjects had attacked a pack of Diamond Dogs whose leader held a white piece of fabric, and that somehow meant we won. Why, the only way our position could have been stronger is if those lightning bolts had done something more permanent than merely singe and stun most of my dogs!

Pity that they hadn’t. I had brought extras along for just such a stratagem.

We were walking the halls of Ponyville’s well-appointed hospital, where the casualties among my pack were laid out on pallets in the halls and lobby, with pony physicians and the uninjured dogs tending the wounded. The princess and three of her retainers followed after me as I made a great show of checking the victims of the attack.

“I—please understand, mister ambassador,” the princess stammered, “What happened was just a big misunderstanding. They didn’t… I mean, I didn’t see in time what you were doing.”

“Please don’t declare war on us, um, sir,” said Fluttershy, a retiring yellow pegasus who appeared torn between the desire to flee the crowded place and her duty to remain here with her ruler. “We’re really sorry for everything.”

I stifled a laugh at that. War? As if any civilized race could declare war on ponies! Furtive, anonymous raiding, yes, and certainly, they drew the attentions of monsters craving their power as a lodestone draws iron, but creatures who live beneath the sky with their pack and pups? How could we hope to wage war against those who had enslaved the winds, the rains and the very lights of heaven?

According to her dossier, this pegasus was extremely sensitive and empathetic, even as ponies went. To exploit this, I took a whiff from the nearest singed dog, filling my nose with the awful reek of his scorched coat. Thus prepared, my eyes watering from the odor, I looked right into Fluttershy’s own eyes.

“Madame,” I said, making my voice quaver, “please, let there be no talk of further strife between our nations. We have neither the inclination nor the ability to cause harm to you and yours. I only wish to see to the health of my brother dogs right now.”

Her eyes filled with sympathetic tears, and she nodded silently and backed away.

Well, that was one pony won over. The princess also seemed favorably inclined.

However, not all of her hangers-on were so easily swayed. The white unicorn, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, a pale blue pegasus, both had history with the Diamond Dogs. They hung back from the rest of the group, giving me and my dogs hesitant glances. Of course, I had plans to allay both their suspicions.

Before further words could be exchanged, a noise from around the corner captured our attention. With a clatter of hooves, another of the princess’s lackeys, a pink earth pony, came galloping down the hall with a basket balanced on her back. Whenever she came to one of my fallen pack members, she slid to a stop on the waxed floor. She then introduced herself, welcomed the Diamond Dog to Ponyville, asked his name, wished him a speedy recovery and stuffed something from the basket into the dog’s mouth all in a single flurry of speech and motion.

“Uh, Pinkie? Are you sure that’s okay?” Twilight called to the earth pony. “It is okay, right?” she asked me. “She just likes greeting everypo—everyone, she’s so friendly, and I’m sure whatever she’s got in that basket…” The princess’s eyes widened. “Pinkie!” she shouted again, “there’s no chocolate in those, right?”

The pink pony skipped up to us, blowing a derisive raspberry. “What? No! Don’t be silly, Twilight. I got something way better, see?” She set the basket on the ground and withdrew a cookie, still warm, shaped like a stylized femur. “Here you go, mister ambassador! Welcome to Ponyville. We’re all really sorry about the mix-up this morning, so I whipped up some yummy doggy treats to help us get off on the right hoof… or paaaaw?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me and pressed the biscuit into my paw.

I bit into the pastry without sniffing, not wanting to insult our hosts, and, to my horror, tasted the bitter flavor of almonds beneath copious amounts of sugar. I froze with half the cookie in my mouth, staring in astonishment at the cold-blooded pony who had smiled as she had poisoned my entire company with cyanide. How could she…? How could a pony…? I must have been wrong about them all this time. That must be it. I had never understood what they were capable of, and now I would pay the price.

Pinkie’s face fell at my reaction. “Aww, you don’t like it?” she said. “Sorry. I know regular doggies shouldn’t have too much chocolate or other sweet stuff, so I tried to find something else, but all we had in the kitchen were a bunch of crushed almonds.”

“C-cruffhd… ahlmmns?” I asked around the cookie still in my mouth.

“Yeah. Not your favorite, huh?” She took another cookie from the basket, tossed it into the air and devoured it in one bite. “That’s okay. I’ll just get rid of these and make you something else then, alright? What’s your most favorite-est thing to eat? Favorite-est thing that’s not an animal, I mean.”

I remembered my training, wiped the fear from my face and finished eating the biscuit. “No, no, this is very good. I was simply amazed by the quality of pony baking.”

Pinkie beamed and blushed. “Aww, thanks! I’m just glad I could make your day a little better, mister dog, sir!” The others smiled as well. None of the ponies had made the connection. Such a thing hadn’t even crossed their minds.

“Well, um, whenever you think you’re all well enough to go the rest of the way to Canterlot, we’d be happy to see you off.” Twilight said. “It’s just a quick train trip up the mountain, and the princesses’ palace is the biggest building there. You can’t miss it!”

I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “Why do I need to travel further?” I asked. “Am I not already in the presence of a princess of Equestria? You are the princess of friendship, I understand. Diamondia is in dire need of a friend right now.”

The newest princess bit her lip, lowered her ears and pawed the floor, looking even more uncertain. She also looked distinctly flattered. “I don’t know,” she said. “I mean, I am a princess, but....”

“Oh come now, dear!” Rarity said. “The dog is right. You are the princess of friendship! Weren’t you so worried about not knowing what you were supposed to do for Equestria?” The unicorn gave me a knowing look. “This is it! If you can help this poor poochy-kins and make things better between ponies and dogs, that’ll be quite the feather in your cap!”

I smiled hopefully, even as I suspected the unicorn merely wanted to extract more jewels from us.

“We really should at least do something to make up for bucking all that lighting on them,” Fluttershy added.

Twilight Sparkle tilted her head one way, then another, apparently trying to make a decision. “Okay,” she said at last. “I’ll listen to whatever you’ve got to say, ambassador. Whenever you’re ready, bring whoever you want with you and we’ll meet at my castle.”

Rainbow Dash continued watching me with distrust, but with this concession from the princess, I deemed our quest to be nearly victorious.

Comments

[readsponies]

This is fascinating. Normally I can't stand chapters this short, but it just seems appropriate considering the narrators. I have never seen the ponies from quite this point of view before. Looking forward to seeing what you've got in store!

[sweet_dream]

Not sure how to word this, but he narrative "voice" is really well done and a pleasure to read. Also, this take on Diamond Dogs is both refreshing and enjoyable. I'm looking forward to reading more.