Everypony knew how Equestria worked. A magic ran through the land, making it a better place, like nothing could go wrong. But none knew why this was. There is a Spirit of Equestria, who embodies happiness, harmony, and most importantly, friendship. This spirit is ancient, and has unlimited power, and has been threatened before, and when she was, she gave her little ponies the means to protect themselves and Equestria.
The Pegasi had greater speed and agility, along with the ability fly and control the weather, even being able to create the strongest of hurricanes, the most ferocious of tornadoes, keeping Equestria safe from the skies.
Earth Ponies had greater endurance and strength, along with the ability to grow plants exceptionally well, making walls of plants out of almost nothing, their unbeatable strength able to take out the strongest of giants with a dozen blows, thus keeping Equestria safe from the ground.
Finally, the Unicorns. They had the greatest minds in general, along with direct contact to the Aether, the realm of magic. From their horns came great feats of power, along with some powers, that should not have been released.
Alicorns were granted the highest power, those who had proven her worth to Equestria were given this honor. They were stronger than the strongest Earth Pony, faster than the fastest Pegasus, smarter than the smartest Unicorn.
Equestria has been sieged many times, but those times were long ago, long before Celestia and Luna, or even Discord. It has been so long, that each of the powers that Equestria had given her Ponies had dissolved, into the small, passive abilities that each of the races now posses.
The Pegasi, who could control a hurricane with a single buck, now need over 50 to guide it away from populated areas. Earth Ponies, who, with a single hoof stomp and a seed, could create an entire forest, now need to spend the time that a Pegasi, or a Unicorn farmer would. Their strength and endurance had diminished, to the point where they are only slightly stronger than a Unicorn and a Pegasus. The Unicorns, who are still able to control the powers of the Aether, are nowhere near as strong as they were. And the Alicorns, while still the strongest race, now are weaker than the weakest Unicorn of old.
No other being had ever been granted the abilities that had been granted to the Ponies of old, something that made other nations very resentful. Even if the abilities had been forgotten by all, some rulers, whose line lead back to that time, before time, felt some anger, resentment, hatred to the kind, peace-loving ponies, even if they didn't realize why. No Griffon, Dragon, Diamond Dog, Changeling, or any other species had ever set foot in Equestria with hostile intent towards the nation itself for over 200,000 years, until recently.
When the Changeling’s invaded Canterlot, The Spirit of Equestria awoke for the first time in the long, long years. She was, however, dismayed to realize that she could not do anything to save her little ponies. The power of love was able to stop them, but Equestria realized that the nations who once conspired against her, were stirring once more. She began to bide her time, waiting for the strength to be able to help her little ponies.
She realized that if she waited, however, that the nations would conquer Equestria, and harmony would be lost. The power she did have, was enough to help one being, but not a pony, no. She would pick a being from a species, who, as a whole, were not the nicest, but a being who was pure of heart, even if he himself did not realize it. This being would become Equestria’s savior, bring her little ponies back into the force they once were, and make himself whole again…
2 years after the Changeling invasion of Canterlot.
Twilight Sparkle groaned as the rays of sunlight invaded her fortress of sleep and dreams and blew it up from the inside. Muttering under her breath, she slowly got out from under her covers and sat up, stretching her stiff joints. Gazing around the room, she stretched her wings as she looked around. Her desk, once a deep brown color, was now a royal purple, with some cracks and burns, an open spell book laying on the top. Twilight sighed, she would have to fix that later. Her window sill, despite being made of wood, had a dent in it from a sleepover, four to five years ago. She smiled at the recollection, her friends used to bicker so much back then.
Getting off of the bed, she looked towards the little basket that her Draconic assistant Spike slept in, only to find it vacant. She thought nothing of it however, Spike, who did like to sleep in from time to time, usually got up early to make breakfast and get a head start on his chores. Hissing slightly as she began to walk downstairs, her attention was drawn to a thin scar on her flank, crossing right over her cutie mark, a memento of when the Changeling’s invaded Canterlot. Whenever she thought back on that day, she realized how lucky she was.
It seemed to her that only by sheer luck that none of her friends had gotten seriously hurt. The worst injury that she and her friends had gotten that day was a broken leg. Her friend Rainbow Dash had tried to take on four regular Changelings and a brute, which is a stronger variant of a regular Changeling. She had managed to take out two of the smaller ones, but the brute had managed to pin her to the ground while the other two regular Changeling began to beat on her. They managed to slam a rock on her leg before Fluttershy of all ponies scared them away. The snap that rang out from her leg still gave her the shivers. Shaking her head, Twilight got down the stairs without much more pain.
The scar was a source of annoyance to Twilight. It appeared to be only skin deep, magical scans said that it was just a scar, but it hurt at random points, just a searing pain in her left flank. It was given to her courtesy of Queen Chrysalis, ruler of the Changeling hive that invaded Canterlot as a parting gift. No pony could tell her why the scar was hurting her. She went to Zecora, who upon seeing the scar, went tight lipped, and refused to talk. This infuriated Twilight, but she left after thanking Zecora for her time. She never understood why Zecora wouldn't tell her, but she figured she must have a good reason.
Walking into the kitchen, Twilight smiled at the sight of Spike at the stove, making some pancakes. “Good morning Twilight.” Spike said, looking over towards her.
Twilight inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of fresh pancakes and syrup. “Mmmm… Good morning Spike.” Spike made the best pancakes in her opinion, other than Pinkie Pie. “How do you do it Spike?” She wondered aloud as she sat down at the table.
Spike chuckled, knowing what she meant, “Years of practice, that and, if you had done it, Canterlot Castle would have probably been burnt down years ago.”
Twilight blushed, “I was focusing on my studies, I always had you or one of the chefs make food for me.” She mumbled.
Spike chuckled again, “Don’t worry about it Twilight, maybe since you have more time on your hands, I can teach you.” He flipped the pancakes once more, before sliding them on a plate in front of Twilight. “Enjoy.” He said, putting the pan down and going into the main room.
Twilight looked up from her pancakes and glanced at Spike’s retreating form. “Aren't you going to eat something?” She asked him.
“I already ate.” Spike said, not turning around. “Lot’s of work to do…” He muttered half-heartedly.
Twilight giggled, before turning back to her pancakes. She picked up her fork and took a chunk of the pancake, and right before she put it in her mouth, she heard a crash, then a yell from Spike. Throwing her fork back on the table, she rushed into the main room, only for her jaw to drop. Laying on the remains of the library’s main table, thrashing about as if in a nightmare, was a creature that Twilight had never seen before. It was tall, maybe about 17 hoof-lengths high. It had no hair on it’s body, except on it’s head, which was a dirty blond color that only came to it’s eyes. It wore a black shirt with a blue box on it, surrounded by what looked like a flag. The box on the top said “Police Public Call Box”, and pants on it’s legs, for whatever reason. 'Maybe it gets cold without hair?' Twilight wondered to herself before shaking her head, 'Focus! This is no time for a scientific observation!' She chastised herself, 'It’s unconscious, it probably needs help.' Twilight lifted it up in her magic aura, before bringing the still thrashing creature upstairs.
Spike followed her up, a worried expression on his face. “Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea Twilight?” He asked worriedly. “We don’t know what it is, it could be dangerous.”
Twilight gave the dragon a look, “Even so, it’s unconscious, it needs our help.” She said with a determination that made Spike nod.
“Ok Twilight, I trust you.” Spike responded as they entered Twilight’s room.
Twilight placed the creature on her bed, putting a couple blankets on top of it and doing her best to stop it from moving so much, the spasms were receding, but it started to shiver intensely. “I wonder what it is?” Twilight wondered. 'Is it hostile? Where did it come from?' All this she wondered and more, but there were more pressing matters at hoof. “Spike, get some damp cloth towels. Hurry!” She said, Spike running off to get it. Her horn lit up as cast a scanning spell on it’s body. 'He’s male,' Twilight thought to herself, 'Nothing seems to be broken', She thought to herself in relief, 'No internal bleeding, no bleeding of any kind, go- wait…' She was shocked as she began to scan his brain. 'His brain, there’s something, different about it… not exactly wrong…' To her annoyance, no matter how much she scanned his brain, she couldn't figure out what was different.
Spike rushed back in, the towel in his claw. “Here you go Twilight.” He said, passing it to her.
“Thanks Spike.” She said, taking the cloth in her magic as she felt his forehead, “He’s burning up!” Twilight said in shock. “When I scanned him before, he wasn't sick or anything, so what’s causing it…” She muttered to herself. She placed the towel on his head, before doing one final scan. “Still nothing wrong… What’s causing him to be burning up and thrashing around…” She muttered, scratching her head.
Spike looked at Twilight, “We won’t know until he wakes up.” He told her.
Twilight looked down at Spike, “You’re right, I’m going to send a letter to Princess Celestia, could you go down and clean up the table?”
“Sure thing Twilight.” Spike nodded, going down the stairs as fast as he could.
Twilight gazed at the strange creature, before going back to her still purple desk. Pulling out a piece of parchment, she placed it on a desk before dipping a quill in the ink pot and beginning to write.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am writing to inform you that a strange creature has appeared in the library, unconscious, thrashing about as if experiencing a nightmare. He (For my scans showed he was male,) is a bi-pedal creature, about 17 hooves tall, with hair only on his head. He wore clothes, it seems out of necessity instead of comfort (Him having no hair except on his head leads me to this conclusion). When I ran some scans to determine if he was hurt, I discovered an… abnormality within his brain. Despite my repeated scans, this abnormality refused to reveal itself to me. While he wasn't sick, he was very heated on his forehead, leading me to wonder what is going on inside of his brain. I plan on keeping him here until he is feeling better.
Yours truly,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight finished the letter, rolling it up with her magic. She tied a red scroll around it, along with the royal seal. Her horn lit up, and the letter vanished with a flash. Twilight sighed and leaned back in her chair. 'This certainly has been a very stressing morning.' Twilight thought to herself. 'I still have pancakes to eat.' She thought to herself as her stomach growled intensely. Wincing as she got up, she began to walk towards the door, only to be stopped by a confused muttering.
“Wh-where am I?”
I don't know how to respond to this story yet. I need more chapters before I can judge it. However, from what little I do know is that it looks good so far so keep up the good work.
Is this a self insert? Please tell me this isn't a self insert. Because, if it is, you will be baked.
And then there will be cake.
Moar?
4755814 Patience is a virtue, I'll be starting the next chapter later today or tomorrow.
I am pleasantly surprised however how much of a positive reaction this story has gotten.
First story ever that someone that I don't know as asked for more.
Achievement unlock.
Thank you all.
4755823
no Problem.
i liked it so far and wonder what his reaction will be.
The premise is interesting and your writing is beautiful. Upvoted, favorited and I'll check out what else you've written so far.
Well done and keep up the good work!
4755951 Beautiful? My writing has never been called that before.
4755985 Aside for some misplaced commas and the occasional mistake I think you've got a good rhythm in there. There's a certain "flow" to writing and you keep it going for the most part.
4756052 Thanks, that means a lot to me.
Guess whats in the popular stories section on the front page.
4756403 No way!
4756441
Yeah. I just looked.
Is this some kind of crossover with Dr. Who?
4756691 Not at all. If you want that, see my story the princess and the lord of time.
4756693
Nah man. I just saw "police call box" and jumped to the conclusion.
4756710 I like the show, I actually own that shirt.
4756716
Alright, glad to have that cleared up. I never could get into the show and I can't find it in me to like the crossovers.
4756733 Well, Not a crossover. I love the show, but I respect your decision to not like it.
just for the love of god, don't screw this up!
4759353 Believe me, going to try my damned hardest not to.
Well... another human in equestria story... that I will be waiting for ages for each chapter...
4760459 I'm doing my best.
I am just so surprised that this story is doing so well, I'm taking as long as it needs so that it's up to snuff.
4760514 I hope this story would turn out like unturned did on steam (17 year old made a game and got it into the top ten played games daily for a few weeks now). Yes it is high hopes, but it could still happen.
Found you on the side bar thingy, I'd like to see where this goes.
fave'd.
4760930 This story has gotten way more attention than I ever thought it would,
This story carries a lot of firsts for me, first story in the popular lists, first story to have it be asked for more, first story to have more than 25 likes.
This story, even though it is brand new, holds a special place in my heart.
I'm going to do my damned hardest to make this my best story.
4761109
Deserved attention, your first chapter is interesting, so i don't see anything strange about you getting some likes, faves and the ever so humble, cry for MOAR.
While i can't speak for everyone here, i bet some few would really want another chapter asap, but i hope you don't rush this, it would be a shame to have a chapter tomorrow or the day after, that doesnt hold up to what you have so far.
Don't you dare rush this, cuz this shiet has potential
4761179 It's just... never happened before. None of my stories have ever gotten this much attention. It's mind boggling, I'm almost ashamed for playing Dead Island when I could be writing.
EDIT: I actually wrote the first chapter in a day.
4761199 It feels good, doesn't it? To see your story in the Popular tab, to see the Favorites and comments... Use these, fellow author. Use them to fuel your pride, to fuel your fingers, to write more!
4761992 I don't need pride, pride leads to overconfidence, which leads to my down fall.
This praise will fuel my work, Thank you, everyone who faved and liked, this is why I started writing, to have people enjoy my work and want to see it advance.
Also, the one person who didn't like? Please tell me why, All criticisms make my work better.
You're comma-addicted aren't you? Goes to show that you can't use ', and' to continue/fuse a line. Combined with the iffy language and the 'jump right into it' plot hole, (Spike immediately going along with whatever Twilight said in that one paragraph. Not that it's out of character, it just shows you rushing.), I can see the hits of a new writer.
Biggest plot(shit) hole of them all: 'Pure of Heart'. We're talking 'bout a human here, right? I hope you don't plan to make one of the dime-a-dozen 'Human-is-transported-to-Equestria-defeats-villain-and-gets-the-girl' stories, huh?
Oh, if anyone asks, tell them I wasn't here.
4763175 not new, just a tad out of practice.
Thanks for the criticism mate, I'll do my best to fix those errors in future chapters.
it's too early to judge you on your story. so i'm gonna keep my criticisims on hold. i can't spell it right, but whatever. anyways, continue writing another chapter and i'll make my judgements.
4763946 You got it!
4763175 Also, thanks for adding me to the group you formed.
4764002 This is a human story, right? It's my job to tag those. Feel free to attempt to tag more. Our rules are on the front page.
this is the most cliched thing in this chapter
Aside from the rather cliched intro, with the discussion on the necessity for a new race of pure heart, seems pretty good so far. I don't generally read human stories, but this one looks like it'll be fun.
Your writing has a nice flow to it, and is consistent throughout the piece.
Love the explination, I can't wait to see what's to come.
The story has my interest, however the paragraphs are a bit too large. Try separating the long paragraphs into smaller ones, that way I don't got to narrow my eyes to read it. Good start through.
4771157 I'll do my best.
4764683
4766877
Sorry for the cliché, but to be fair, near every story has at least one.
Damn this is interesting so far. Too bad I know you only have like three chapters of it so far, but I am going to absorb that three chapters like a friggin sponge.
Eh, I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping it would be about humanity as a whole in Equestria, while this just seems like a self-insert.
Also, this doesn't seem very promising...
68 inches. Also 5 foot 8 inches.