After ten minutes of walking, Twilight made it to the chamber at the far end of the castle, where she and her friends first defeated Nightmare Moon years ago. Coming to a stop, she cut off her connection to the bubble carrying her friends (and Black Mage) and placed them back down again.
...and was immediately met with some of Pinkie Pie’s rambling.
“...and so then once I perfected my lemon strudel recipe, I was finally able to throw my fourth ‘You’re awesome ‘cause you’re named after a dessert, so here’s the dessert you were named after’ party for Lemon Struel, before then moving on to my fifth ‘You’re awesome ‘cause you’re named after a dessert, so here’s the dessert you were named after’ party for...”
“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up,” Black Mage repeated, with fingers in both of his ears.
“So what happened then?” Fighter asked Pinkie.
“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up,” Black Mage continued, now directed at Fighter. After a moment, he took his fingers out of his ears and turned towards Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. “And how come you three aren’t just as annoyed at her inane/insane ramblings?”
“Oh, we are,” Fluttershy deadpanned.
“We just accept it and put up with it,” Rarity followed up.
“Well I will not,” Black Mage responded in a resolute tone. “To my dying breath and beyond, I will always stand firm in my stance against his idiocy. It shall never claim me. It shall have no sway over me. I will never see it as a charming quirk that introduces brief moments of comedy and brightness into my dark and dreary life, but as a constant, irritating knife, twitching into the skin of my soul that I can never truly escape; but regardless, I will never give in. I shall always meet his stupidity, which burns with the intensity of a Dark God’s butthole, with an equally intense rage that allows my soul no quarter, and...”
Twilight clonked him in the head with her hoof. “Moving on.”
I'm gonna read this but if there's not a single "Welcome to Ponyville/Canterlot/Equestria!" "I like swords." conversation, I'm going to be sad.
Without reading a single chapter.
Multiple pony towns and cities get destroyed. (And only HALF of them are Black Mage's fault.)
Black Mage conquers Tartarus, fights Tirek. Wins. But not because he blew up Tirek. Tirek eats his Hadoken... Gets an upset stomach. Turns out an ultimate destruction spell made of pure love is hard on the gut.
Also, every time Black Mage uses Hadoken, Cadance gets weaker.
Meanwhile, Fighter spoils a cunning changeling plan... Because he's too stupid to be tricked by Chrysalis and just Sword-chucks her in the face. Because sword-chucks to the face is the right answer to any cunning plan from a shape-shifting evil bug queen, right?
Thief steals everything that isn't bolted down while on a quest to find a working wrench in order to go back and steal everything that IS. Also tricks Sombra into signing a contract that gives Thief all of Sombra's shadow-fog power. Pisses off the Yaks with his elven superiority attitude. Accidentally's a war.
White Mage facepalms a lot. Seriously, she thought she was done when she saved the realm before. Luckily, the yellow Pegasus with the soft voice makes a mean cup of tea, and the chaos god of this world isn't out to end all life.
Meanwhile, Dragoon, oblivious to the fact that Spike is a dragon, discusses all the best ways to pounce on dragons and kill them. Spike is both terrified, and morbidly curious as to whether or not he can turn this guy loose on Garble.
Celestia is too busy with Damage Control to get out there and collect these maniacs. Has nervous breakdown.
I just spent ten minutes laughing hysterically at the Dark God's butthole rant.