When a Giant Jellyfish Visits Ponyville
When a Giant Jellyfish Visits Ponyville
A nonsensical adventure written by A Random Guy
Once upon a time, there lived a creature named Escalon. Escalon was your typical, average, gargantuan planet-eating jellyfish. His mother always told him he was a good giant gelatinous monstrosity, and his father taught him the life lessons needed to be a productive member of intergalactic medusozoa society. For the most part, his childhood could be called cliché. His parents met in high school and were falling over themselves in lustful passion by the time they graduated. He could fondly remember being raised in a log cabin his hard working father built in the Keplar 9 star system. He saw himself as a simple jellyfish, not needing much to be satisfied. He also saw himself as the type of jellyfish that didn’t deserve to be prodded in the tentacles by thousands of tiny little creatures, but that would be the case for anybody, right?
* * *
“Daddy, this sounds boring,” the little dragon piped up.
The big dragon looked down at the little dragon from behind the giant book he was reading. “I only just started the story, Silene. You can’t expect a story to be the most exciting thing in the world on the first paragraph.”
“Well, I can tell it’s going to be a boring sci-fi thing. Can we read something else? Read the one about Saint George and how he got beaten up by the dragon god!”
The big dragon groaned as he ran a claw across his face. “Don’t you ever get tired of hearing that story over and over again?”
“It’s certainly better than what you’re going to read.”
Silene’s daddy held up the book and tapped on the front cover. “This is one of the works of Hay G. Wells, one of the greatest sci-fi pony writers of all time! There is no way this could be boring.”
“Daddy, I saw you pull that thing out of your work-in-progress folder and slipped it in that big book.”
“I… well, um… Can you just be supportive of my works, please?”
Silene huffed as she glared at her father, who in return looked at her with pleading eyes. After a moment, the little dragon sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Read it. But don’t forget I need to get to my dragon ball match.”
“Yay! Thank you sweetie,” the big dragon said as his nose dove straight back into the book.
* * *
At one point in cosmic history, Escalon’s mother asked him to pick up a bowl of asteroids from the store a few star systems down the road. The moment she asked, he knew that she was going to make his favorite dessert, waxing gibbous moon! His tentacles salivated as he bobbed down to the store, a relatively quick and uneventful journey that was only twelve light-years away. When he got there, he picked out the most plutonium rich asteroids he could find, the ones that have an extra little kick. Mother’s going to love these! the monstrosity thought.
As Escalon skipped through the cosmos on his way back home-
* * *
“Uh, how does a jellyfish skip through the cosmos?” Silene asked.
“Well, um…” her father tapped his chin as he thought about the situation. After a moment he made a walking motion in the air with his talons. “You got the tentacles, and they move around like legs”-
“But they can’t do that since jellyfish do an umbrella motion thing when they move.”
“Well, they do, but… Be quiet, it’s a work in progress.”
* * *
As Escalon skipped through the cosmos on his way back home, he noticed he had rather large amount of extra asteroids in his bowl. These look really tasty, he thought. Surely mother wouldn’t notice if I ate just one. He wrapped a tentacle around a succulent looking asteroid that was sitting on the top of the pile, and plopped the rock into his gelatin. He let its plutonium rich flavoring spread through him as his jelly corroded and broke down the asteroid.
Man, that was a tasty rock. Why should mother have to put all these into her moon? Surely she wouldn’t mind if I partook a few more. So he decided that as long as he left enough in the bowl, some asteroid could be made into a tasty snack for his short journey. One after another, he plucked asteroids from the bowl and into his mouth, uh, wherever a mouth would be on a giant intergalactic jellyfish.
He was only a couple of star systems away from home when he looked into the bowl. He froze in shock when he saw that there were only three asteroids left in the bowl. Oh no! What will mother do when she finds only three asteroids for her waxing gibbous moon! He frantically looked around the star system he was at, trying to find anything that could fill the bowl and deceive his mother.
When he looked towards the star system’s sun, Escalon noticed a small green and blue planet sitting in a regular orbit. Rejoice! he thought. I can crush up that planet and pass the rubble off as asteroids. I hope it has some plutonium in it.
The giant jellyfish rushed towards the planet, hungry to fill up his bowl as much as possible. But as he drew near, something began rumbling and bubbling in his jelly. He slowed down as his entire body seized up in this new uncomfortable feeling. The sweet taste of plutonium betrayed him! Ugh, it’s a cramp. I shouldn’t have eaten all those asteroids. I need to lie down somewhere before I explode of crampness.
* * *
Silene shuddered as she listened to the last line. “Sorry Daddy, but that was terrible.”
“Give me some slack, I haven’t edited it yet. I just needed a pre-reader, and you’re the lucky dragon who gets the honor.”
“I can’t believe that you tried to pull this off as one of Hay G. Well’s works. He must be a terrible writer if you’re able to do that.”
“Okay, just for that, you’re going to bed right after this story.”
“But it’s only noon. That’s way too early!”
The big dragon wagged his talon at his daughter. “Little dragons that dis on Hay G. Wells get early bedtimes. Let this be a life lesson for you.”
“I thought this was a lesson on not getting into the cookie jar.”
“That, and eat your veggies. Now, back to the story.”
* * *
As his cramp grew and grew, Escalon wobbled and stumbled all the way to the little blue and green planet. And just like the planet, he turned green and blue as his jellies swished around inside him. When he entered the strongest part of the planet’s gravitational pull, he had become so ill that he couldn’t move by himself. So, he let himself fall into the planet’s gravity and hoped he would land somewhere soft.
After swinging around the planet a couple of times, breaching through the atmosphere, streaking through the sky for a minute or two, he saw that he was going to land on a patch of land with a bunch of small houses clumped up in a tiny area. Welp, that looks as comfy as anywhere else, I guess, he thought as he landed on top of the small clump of houses with a squishy sound.
Much-*burb*-better. Escalon relaxed as he oozed out across the land, though he still felt like he was being stretched out into seven dimensions. Despite his plutonium-induced illness, he could still make out the pretty scenery of the land he was resting in. There was a large dark forest to his south, a mountain range to the north with a cute little castle built into its side, and there were grassy plains in between. It was a pleasant place for a giant intergalactic jellyfish to rest for a moment.
He was dozing off into an uneasy snooze when he felt something tickle inside of him. He giggled as he felt something quite similar to hundreds of tiny feathers dancing inside him. Normally he wouldn’t mind a tickle-fest on a normal day, but today he had upset jelly, and this was making his jelly even more upset. Using his special eyes, or whatever the jellyfish equivalent of eyes are, he looked through his translucent self to see a bunch of teeny-tiny ponies swimming around inside of him!
* * *
“Seriously, you have ponies in there?” Silene asked
“What’s wrong with ponies? I grew up with them before I met your mom.”
“When are the dragons going to show up? You should have dragons be the main characters!”
“Well, I want to instill a sense of interspecies diversity”-
“The space jellyfish traps a storm of dragons, and then they tear it up and pop its jelly everywhere,” Silene said, popping an imaginary squishy ball in between her claws. “Then they rise up and purge the ponies into a new eternal draconian rule!” The little dragon jumped up and pumped her fist into the air. “Long live the dragons! Dragons rule all!”
“Dragons can live in harmony with ponies, you know.”
“We shall rise and devour the bones of all those below us! We shall enslave the pony princesses and make them an example of the opposition! Nothing will stop us, nothing! All hail the dragons! All hail the dragons!”
Silene’s father groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his claw. “Health insurance isn’t going to cover anymore therapist sessions.”
* * *
The ponies were a bit of a problem for Escalon, since they had a tendency to stir and scream around inside of him. Their stirring stopped being ticklish and became a massive headache inducer, which compounded with his cramp. He felt too ill to do anything about it, and the ponies that were swimming in his jellies weren’t helping the matter. At this rate it would take ten decades just for him to get off this planet, which was a problem since his mother expected him back in five. He didn’t want to be late for dinner again. He learnt his lesson last time he stayed out too late. What child would be so heartless as to not come home at a reasonable time and not worry her parents sick? Oh, the apathy of children these days!
* * *
“Cough, cough, hint, hint.”
“I get it, daddy.”
* * *
He was bubbling and gurgling with ponies stirring, when he heard a sweet, soft voice whisper in his… jellyfish hearing appendage. “Excuse me, Mr. Giant Jellyfish, you’re sitting on all my friends’ homes.” Escalon groaned in response as he looked to see what had made such a voice. “I would be so happy if you would stop oozing all over Ponyville.” That’s when he saw her, a tiny little yellow pegasus, looking at him with sweet soft eyes and a smile that a mother would give to her child. “Would you be so kind to move to a different spot, please?”
“Darling, you’re not going to convince a gelatinous monstrosity to move just by asking it.” The “gelatinous monstrosity” looked down to see a unicorn. He wanted to say that she was an ordinary unicorn, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, for she was the most beautiful creature in the entire universe. “Though, try to convince it to keep Flash Sentry.”
The feather of the purest dove took its color inspiration from the unicorn’s luxurious white coat. The lavenders that bloom in spring could only mimic the richness of the purple of her mane. The ocean could only dream of being as deep blue as her swimmingly gorgeous eyes. The rarest of minerals deep in the earth could-
* * *
“Hold up, this sounds like you whenever you’re writing poems about Mommy.”
“Well, I did take some inspiration from your mother when I was writing this character”-
“Mommy is magenta and pink. This is an entirely different person you’re talking about.”
Her daddy’s talons squirmed along the edge of the book. “I may have used a pony I knew in my youth as a base for the character, but”-
“Okay, I’m going to save your butt before mommy reads that. Does this character have any special purpose in the story?”
“Oh yes, definitely. She’s undoubtedly the most important character I think I’ve ever written about so far!”
“Is she only there to sit around and look pretty?”
“She, um…” The big dragon’s mouth made a variety of funny shapes that Silene didn’t know dragons were capable of making, though he didn’t make much noise apart from a couple of grunts. After a few moments of looking around, her father hung his head down with a long sigh. “Okay, you’re right.”
“Good to know. Now, get rid of any description of her in the story.”
“But, I”- The glare from his daughter told him that there was no chance he would win this, especially if her mother came into the room. “Fine. I’ll use her in a different story.” He grabbed a pencil and started scribbling wherever the unicorn was mentioned. Several pages and two trips to the pencil sharpener later, he placed the pencil down with a long sigh. “Happy now?”
Silene’s face scrunched up in a smug little grin as she waved for her father to continue on with the fictional work.
* * *
The yellow pegasus stroked Escalon along his membrane, cooing to him in her soft voice. “That’s not how this works, Rarity-I mean Undescribed Pony #1. This is a living creature, just like you and me, and he’s sick. He just needs a little love and care, that’s all.”
The jellyfish’s jelly shuddered when he heard a long whine come out of Undescribed Pony #1. “Then love and care for him faster! I need to retrieve several important items from my boutique.”
* * *
The big dragon’s talon rapped against his chin. “No, she wouldn’t whine. She’s too graceful for that.”
“Leave it.”
“Okay,” he replied submissively.
* * *
Escalon puzzled on how such a tiny creature could make him feel better. Although he had a few hundred ponies trapped in him screaming and panicking for freedom, the pegasus’s voice was the only one he paid attention to, despite being as quiet as a feather falling through the air. “Don’t worry, little guy, I took care of other sea jellies before. And I know a tummy ache when I see one. All you need to eat are some veggies, and you’ll be your old self again in no time.”
Despite the unconditional motherly love that radiated from the pegasus, there was one word she said that caused his inner essence to convulse in fear. It was an unescapable word that he would give everything in his life to run from. His entire body jiggled involuntarily at the mere mention of that dreaded, repulsive, god-forsaken word. He cringed as he thought about thinking the word, for it was a word that no sentient creature in the universe should have to be put against alone. She said the ‘V’ word, he thought.
Veggies, she wanted to feed him veggies!
* * *
Not to her surprise, Silene was getting in some decent practice for eye rolling today.
* * *
No, not veggies, anything but veggies! Escalon tried squirming away, but his plutonium induced cramp kept him stationary on top of Ponyville. He could see under that pegasus’s warm smile, which had a twisted, conniving soul wrapped up tight in that little yellow body. Such a torture method should have been banned at the Intergalactic Treaty, but was overlooked seeing how no one in their right mind would employ such methods. Yet the jellyfish could contest, after having multiple flashbacks of the tragic Brussel Sprout Incident of Last Tuesday, that veggies were not tasty whatsoever!
He could not fathom how such a sinister creature could have the outward appearances of a mother and talk to him in such a soothing voice. “Oh, I can see you’re just bubbling with anticipation! I bet you can’t wait to eat some delicious greens.”
Are you crazy, lady!? I am bubbling with fear of such intensity, I will explode and form another universe!
But due to the language and communication barriers that were in place, the pegasus ignored the jellyfish’s pleas and continued to pat him on the membrane for comfort. “Well, don’t you worry. Some of my friends are bringing in what you need, so you won’t have a tummy ache for much… Angel?”
As much as he felt betrayed by the soothing pegasus and her vegetable tyranny she was about to impose upon him, her voice flipping from comforting mother to concerned parent did make him a little worried for the little pony. She switched to the same tone of voice his mother used when she found him climbing up on top of a hot stove. As he was wondering what had caused the voice switch, the pegasus took the opportunity to ram into the side of his membrane and try to dig into his insides. “Angel! I’ll save you!”
The pegasus’s sudden outburst directed his attention to an area close to the surface of his membrane. Escalon noted that in this location, there was a bunny, smaller than the pony, that she was trying to dig towards. The bunny in question flailed about in his jelly as it squeaked for assistance from the pony. The pony, in turn, attempted a rescue mission, but she couldn’t produce enough effort to break through a meter of squishy epidermis. “Hold on Angel, Mama’s coming for you!”
As much as the jellyfish would have liked to reunite the pair, he still felt the bubbling and grumbling effects due the overconsumption of plutonium asteroids from earlier. He wasn’t at the point where he could help the situation in any way, and the ponies that were in the pickle with him were only making it bigger by swimming around inside him, which worsened the bubbling and grumbling. And the only pony that understood his situation could make it even worse by throwing vegetables into the disaster salad. Honestly, if these ponies could sit still for only a few decades, he could actually do something instead on sitting on their heads.
Judging by the pony’s stern eyes and stretched out frown, he figured that he wasn’t going to get the few decades he needed. “Listen here, Mr. Jellyfish. I know you don’t feel well, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to trap my friends inside you! Keep Flash Sentry if you want, but I want you to let my Angel go, oh so help me, I’m going to do something that neither of us are going to like!” The pony’s voice flipped again, and this time that voice was a hot nail of guilt driving into his soul. The fact that he couldn’t communicate through anything more and gurgling and bubbling and convey that he couldn’t do anything just twisted the nail even deeper. “What’s it going to be mister, free my friend or face the consequences?”
He found it odd that one pony could go from caring mother to concerned parent straight to mama bear ready to tear you a new one, all in a span of practically a minute. If he had to choose a favorite out of the three, he would pick Undescribed Pony #1. At least she’s consistent.
After a moment of urgling and slushing in a failed attempt to communicate, the pegasus became fed up of the lack of results. “Alright buddy, you brought this on yourself. I’m going to have to use the Stare!”
Escalon braced himself for the worst. He didn’t know what the Stare was, but his wild imagination led him to assume a bunch of terrible things. It could be a laser that could cook his insides in an instant. Or it could be a portal to the underworld that tormented the souls of anyone that dared to look into its depths. For all he knew, it could be a long flight of stairs that he was going to be pushed down, and then he would tumble to the floor below for all eternity, and then people will laugh at him as he passed by each floor, unable to stop tumbling down and stop the embarrassment.
* * *
“Daddy, have you been having that dream about getting pushed down the stairs again?”
The big dragon sighed as he tapped the corner of the book. “Let’s just say there’s a reason we’re homeschooling you.”
“Were you pushed down the stairs in highschool?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
* * *
Escalon clenched up as he prepared for the Stare and waited for its blow, unab le to comprehend the horrors that may or may not be more intense than vegetables! So he waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, still waiting, waiting some more, filling up words with waiting, and waited.
Then he noticed the pegasus hadn’t done anything. She was still in her previous spot, albeit with a more intense expression on her face. She was just… staring. The jellyfish relaxed a bit, relieved that he wasn’t going to go against some eldritch horror, although he was slightly disappointed that the Stare was literally a stare, which is rather anticlimactic.
“Fluttershy, dear, there’s a small detail you overlooked,” Undescribed Pony #1 said, who was doing undescribed actions. The pegasus broke from the Stare and looked down at her featureless friend. “I just want to point out that it’s a jellyfish. It doesn’t have eyes.”
“Oh, um… I forgot about that.” Fluttershy tapped her chin in thought. “What if we use the Elements of Harmony?”
“Do you think they will work now?”
The pegasus shrugged. “I don’t know, but they have to. All of Ponyville is trapped, and we don’t have any other ideas to get them out.”
“I guess this does count as a crisis of harmony. Let’s go find Twilight!” Undescribed Pony #1 trotted away with the upmost grace. “If we catch the train now, we should be able to meet her in Canterlot by noon.”
* * *
“Whoawhoawhoawhoa, hold on,” the young dragon interrupted. “Did you just pull out the Elements of Harmony? You have the biggest deus ex machina in history dealing with a giant jellyfish that only needs a little popping?”
“Silene, you got to learn that not everything can be solved with violence.”
“Um, hello! You’re bringing in the Elements of Harmony. There was absolutely no buildup to their logical concluding use!”
“You’re forgetting a big trend in storytelling.” The big dragon held up three talons above the book. “Everything practically comes in triples, not too few or too many. You never get the final resolution on the second try.”
“Doesn’t that sound a little cliché?”
“I just wrote about a giant space jellyfish that lives in a log cabin. You need some clichés to balance things out.”
Silene shook her head. “If you got something stronger than the Elements of Harmony… geez, there’s absolutely no buildup to the Elements, I doubt you have buildup to the third thing, so just skip to the third and save us some time.”
She may have been oblivious to her dad’s sulking, but she did notice his face light up with an idea. “Alright, I’ll resume the story at the Elements’ scene, and read on from there, and then you get to stay up a little longer tonight. Deal?”
Silene looked up as she contemplated the offer for a moment, and then gave a reluctant nod. “Deal. But work on your buildup afterwards.”
Her daddy smiled as he flipped a few pages ahead and traced his talon along the page. “Alright, though you should bear with me. I’m skipping over the introductions of some characters, so just pretend you know who they are. So, elements, elements, elements… Ah, right here!”
* * *
Escalon watched as Twilight Sparkle climbed to the crest of the hill, followed by her five friends who lined up beside her, all wearing their corresponding Element of Harmony. She stood proud as she stared down the giant gelatinous monstrosity. “Escalon, Eater of Worlds,” the unicorn called out, “You have one more chance to free our town, leave our planet and return to the cosmos, but you can keep Flash Sentry. If you do not comply, we will have to use our Elements!”
The intergalactic jellyfish replied like he always did, gurgling and bubbling in an attempt to convey the message that he was just lying down until his digestive track settled. To his surprise, Twilight pulled out a book that he recognized as the Pony to Giant Space Abomination Universal Language Translation Guide. The book floated in front of the unicorn in a field of purple magic. Her eyes vigorously scanned the pages as the paper flipped past in a blur. “Okay, was that a gurgle and a jiggle, or a gurgle and a fizzle?”
Undescribed Pony #1 observed the jellyfish as he tried to communicate in his language once more. “I think it was a gurgle and a bubble.”
Twilight flipped to another page, shaking her head as she read down. “No, that’s not it. The conjugation doesn’t work, or he’s saying ‘doggy eat bad, full fluids’.”
Escalon shuddered and slurped as he thought, That’s the Abomination version of the translator. You need the Monstrosity version. They’re practically two different languages!
“Shudder and slurp, what does that mean?” Fluttershy asked.
“Let’s see.” Twilight flipped through the book further before stopping at a page near the back. She only got through half the page before her jaw dropped. “Why would he… How dare he say that about my mom! She would never… Oh wait, whoops, I read the wrong line.”
Applejack sighed as she watched her friend skim through the book twice over again. “Sugar cube, I’m all for opening communication with horrors from across the galaxy and such, but I don’t think that book of yours is gonna help us in this situation.”
Twilight ran a hoof through her hair as she sorted through the blurring pages in front of her. “Just give me a moment. This language just has too many rules. The conjugates are screwed up, word meanings are sized based instead of gender based, ‘blarg’ and ‘blaarg’ are used everywhere and have thousands of different meanings, and the plurals are set on the basis of powers of threes and sevens! It’s maddening trying to say basic greetings! Gah!” The unicorn slammed the book shut so hard that the spine ripped near the edges. “Screw this, I’m through. It’s Element pew-pew time!”
The unicorn chucked the book at the jellyfish, which left a sizable mark on his membrane. Ow! That wasn’t nice!
“Alright, Escalon the Planet Eater, you’re time is up!” A small breeze conveniently picked up, which Twilight’s hair started flowing and waving in. “You may be big, you may have our hometown trapped in your ooze, you may have a tummy ache if Fluttershy is correct, and you may even have Flash Sentry, who you may keep. But I have something you don’t, and that’s a group a close friends, which includes Undescribed Pony #1!”
“Um, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, “What are you doing?”
The unicorn waved the pegasus off. “It’s a speech. I give one every time we use these things. So, Escalon, with our friendship, and a healthy diet of veggies, we can overcome anything, even if it’s a giant jellyfish from space. Now eat friendship lasers!”
The little pieces of jewelry the ponies were wearing flashed with brilliant pastel-colored light. The group of friends levitated off the ground as the light engulfed them. The rainbow that came spiraling out of the group was a nice touch, but Escalon figured the entire spectacle was just for show. Then, a giant rainbow beam struck him in the side, where it bounced off harmlessly, redirecting itself and hitting a mountain, blowing it up in an explosion of butterflies, rainbows, and glitter.
As the group lowered back to the ground, and the magical light show dispersed, Twilight looked up with mouth agape. “What the heck happened? The Elements always worked before, why not now?”
“Maybe they can’t solve every problem,” Fluttershy said.
Twilight shook her head. “No no no, the Elements can solve literally any problem. Everfree forest overgrowing? Elements can solve it. Giant monster attacking? Fire off the Elements. The lid of a jar of jelly stuck? Smash the jar with one of the Elements. They’re the Swiss Army knife of plot convenience!”
“But they didn’t work this time.”
“Well they should! Why else would we use them? I didn’t come all the way down from Canterlot just to see some pieces of jewelry have performance issues!”
“Maybe you should”-
“Maybe if we learn a big lesson on friendship, that should boost their power to eleven. Um, okay, I need somepony to have a gambling addiction, another one of you hold up a bank, maybe Fluttershy will lose her life savings and hit rock bottom, and I’ll hire children to preform slave labor. Normally it would take ponies years to solve those problems, but if we can learn a lesson from it all in under fifteen minutes, we should be able to barely reach maximum friend power for the Elements!”
“You don’t have to do any of that, Twilight,” a mysterious, and heroic, voice called out from beyond. “I have found the solution you have been looking for, and we will rid ourselves of this giant monstrosity!”
Undescribed Pony #1 swooned at the sound of the most awesome voice in all the land. “Who could be so heroic and brave that they could come up with a solution to our problems?”
Over the crest of the hill yonder, a masculine dragon in armor stepped above the horizon, flexing his muscles for all ladies to see. Escalon shuddered in fear as he figure stared into his soul with the eyes of a champion. “It is I, Spike the Noble! I come with a solution, but we must go on a quest of epic proportions to retrieve it! But not to worry, you shall be escorted by me, Spike the Noble, savior of all, Duke of Equestria, Manliest Specimen Alive, the one that young dragons can only dream of becoming, the Beacon of Justice for the lost souls in the Sea of Chaos, the only creature who can eat extremely sour grapes and live to tell the tale, the one who’s footsteps even create legends, the one who”-
* * *
“For Celestia’s sake, Daddy, stop with the power fantasy character and move on!” Silene yelled.
The big dragon jumped at his daughter’s sudden outburst. “But he has an epic quest with the Elements of Harmony, and they adventure the world and he does all these heroic deeds and saves the lives of countless ponies and dragons!”
“No. No no no. Nonononono! This is a story about a giant sci-fy jellyfish eating an entire town, not a piece of wish-fulfillment junk. Now skip to the end, because I can tell now that everything up to this point is going to be boring self-insert hack-n-slash of uninteresting conflict.”
“But he turns into a black and red alicorn dragon! I thought you wanted dragons. And you’re going to miss a bunch of important bits!”
Silene pulled the book down and looked her daddy right in the eye. “Skip to the ending, now.”
* * *
“Escalon the Planet Eater!” the mighty Spike the Noble called out from the crest of a hill. The power that radiated from him blinded the giant jellyfish, as if he stared at the sun for too long. “We have quested across Equestria, and we have come back with a solution to solve this problem of ours! Friends, bring out the platter!”
Twilight and the rest of the Elements of Harmony, and Undescribed Pony #1, walked up to the top of the hill. Within Twilight’s magical grasp, there floated a large metal plate, at least several meters across, with mystic carvings etched in the rim. At the top of the plate, there sat Escalon’s greatest fear. He shivered and quivered as his fear twisted inside him and tangled up all his sensibilities. Throughout their questing, the Elements of Harmony managed to find the biggest, plumpest, greenest, ultimate Brussel Sprout they could find. That little devilish fiend was nine and a half inches big!
Why would they do such a thing!? Deep down, he had the urge to knock that brussel sprout out of this world, or maybe throw it in a restroom and flush it away. The only thing that stopped him was the tummy ache of the millennium! He would sooner fester away on this planet and keep the town trapped than have to even think about fretting for his safety against that veggie! He bubbled and bubbled as he tried to establish some sort of communication. Why can’t we compromise? I mean, it’s not all bad inside me, is it? Sure nopony can get out, but they can learn to swim to occupy themselves. Maybe I can distract them with some neon jelly if the get bored. I don’t care, just don’t let the veggie near me!
Yet, his pleas were ignored, and the Elements kept the platter of the large brussel sprout near him. Just looking at the thing made him feel sick. He could feel his jelly swish inside of him, slowly spiraling and mixing. It was building up, a vortex slowly forming and growing stronger by the second every moment that evil little veggie stayed in close proximity. Escalon felt the world start to rotate faster and faster. The ponies trapped in him were swept away in the vortex that was forming, all of them skidding against the walls of their jelly prison. Then, he felt bubbles forming underneath his membrane.
Twilight caught on to what was happening, dropping the platter as she turned back to take cover. “Run! He’s going to blow!”
The bubbles on his membrane inflated like balloons, and the vortex threw ponies at them like glitter. He could feel the pressure building and building. Then, a pony that was flailing for her life hit a bubble in the right spot, popping the bubble and bursting out of the jellyfish. The pony soared through the air, flailing and screaming and covered in jelly as she saw the earth below her come rushing towards her. The Elements scattered as the pony landed right where they were standing. They heard a soft squish, then looked back to see the pony, healthy as a horse, flailing in the pile of jelly that absorbed all the impact force.
The flood gates opened as the bubbles began bursting and unleashing salvos of ponies covered in jelly. The Elements weaved through the torrent of ponies landing around them. Twilight looked up as-
* * *
“Wait, isn’t this just taking care of the conflict?” Silene asked.
Her daddy paused in the middle of the line he was reading. “It’s the resolution. The conflict is supposed to be solved.”
“But isn’t it a little too early to start the resolution? You just entered the climax and your freeing the ponies as it goes on. Wouldn’t it be better to wait till the Elements defeat the jellyfish first?”
“Now you’re just being nitpicky.”
* * *
Even if his world was spinning, Escalon still had some sense of what was going on down at the ground. Although he didn’t want anypony to get caught in the jelly storm, the one pony he was routing for most was Fluttershy. The pegasus jumped and shrieked every time a glob of jelly landed next to her, and she clearly didn’t react well to seeing ponies crawl out of the jelly like zombies popping out in a graveyard.
As much as his tummy ache immobilized him, there was one thing he felt he could do. There was one little creature inside of him that had a tight grip on another pony, trying desperately not to be swept away from the jelly vortex. Escalon redirect the flow around the creature just a little bit, dragging it towards one of the bubbles. The creatures rammed into the membrane, and popped right out in a pile of jelly. He arced through the air, and landed at the feet of Fluttershy.
The pegasus shrieked at the squishy sound the glob of jelly made when it landed in front of her. She rolled up in a fetal position as the creature started digging itself out. “Make it stop! Make it stop! Why would Celestia allow this to happen? Can’t this just… Angel!?” Fluttershy perked up when she saw the little white bunny pop out of the gooey mess. “Angel! You’re alright!” The little rabbit was brushing the jelly out of its fur when the pegasus swooped in and gave him the biggest bear hug she could muster. “I’m so glad you’re okay!”
She didn’t notice, but Escalon watched as an orange pony climbed out of the slush right behind Angel. “Whoa, that was nasty. It’s going to take weeks to get this plutonium taste out of my mouth. Hey, Fluttershy, long time no see! It’s me, Flash Sentry, remember? We met at that place that one time and- Oof!”
The pony received a face full of jelly when Spike the Noble didn’t pay attention to where he was walking and “accidentally” stepped on his head. “Do not fret everypony! I can save us all! I found the brussel sprout!” The mighty dragon held up the giant vegetable high in the air. “I can save the day! Let’s… What’s stuck on my foot? It feels nasty. Oh, it’s just Flash Sentry.”
Escalon squirmed backwards as the dragon wound up for the toss, holding the brussel sprout like a baseball. “Batter up!” the dragon called as he pitched the sprout for the jellyfish’s membrane.
Time slowed down as the nine and a half inch green bullet shot through the air right towards the giant space jellyfish. He had heard of moments where some people would see their lives flash in front of their eyes. As the sprout flew near, Escalon could remember the little moments of his life that led up to this, his mother asking him to go to the store, him jumping in excitement at the anticipated waxing gibbous moon, skipping to the store, skipping back to the store, eating all the asteroids his mother needed for the waxing gibbous moon, getting a tummy ache, trapping a town under his enormous mass, translation problems with the locals, getting a brussel sprout chucked at him. All these moments merged into one super moment that fluttered through his mind as the sprout came within inches of his membrane.
Before he could even blink, if jellyfish even do blink, the brussel sprout broke through.
He felt like he was going to gag when the veggie merged with his jellies. He brace himself for the most repulsive experience of his shortened existence. Oh why jelly gods have you forsaken me!? Why must I go out like this?
He waited for all of insides to implode from the vile green beast, for everything he loved in life to be consumed in a giant green balefire! So he waited, and waited, and waited. To his surprise, nothing was bursting in a grand explosion. It was pretty quiet inside. In fact, the mad vortex that was stirring up his jellies had subsided. It was all calm gelatin throughout his body.
Then he tasted it, the giant green devil veggie that marched through his taste buds and… didn’t taste all that bad. To his surprise, the brussel sprout actually tasted kind of good. It was so good, that he jumped in the air and squealed like a giddy little school girl. Then he noticed that he moved! He could move again. The tummy ache wasn’t keeping him grounded to Ponyville anymore! He was free, and he could free the rest of the ponies trapped inside him.
That little pegasus had a good idea after all. All he needed was a veggie to get him back started. Most of his problems were solved, except for the lack of asteroids he needed to get to his mother. He thought to himself for a moment, and then came up with an idea. What if I have the ponies help me find some veggies, and I can bring them to my mother and she can make a healthy planet salad instead of a junky moon!
* * *
Silene lunged for the book and closed it just as her daddy was about to go on to the next paragraph. “Alright, that’s enough! No more reading!”
The big dragon tried to pry the book back open, but he found that he couldn’t without ripping the entire book apart. “But we still have three chapters left to go. Don’t you want to see how proud his mother will be for having a child that makes healthy eating choices?”
Silene pulled the book from her daddy’s grasp. “No, I don’t. I couldn’t get invested in the character, the plot bored me, you kept shoehorning all these inane morals that contributed nothing to the story, and your deep hatred for Flash Sentry kept coming up. Why would I want to read the rest of it?”
“Well, you kept making me skip past the important parts,” her father stammered. “And it’s not fully edited yet. I know it’s not the best, but I was hoping we could spend some time together and improve it.”
“Daddy, I know you love to write. But this,” Silene waved the book in the air, sending a few loose sheets of paper flying across the room, “This is a rough draft. It’s at the stage where you wouldn’t want it to see the light of day. You wrote other stuff, and you finished that stuff. Why not read one of those books?”
“I thought you would want to get involved in the writing process,” the big dragon said.
“If you wanted that, then why not let me co-write a book with you?” The little dragon tapped the cover of the book. “Editing someone else’s story, especially against your will, isn’t a fun thing to do. That’s why editors get paid a lot of money.”
“Then do you want to help me write something? I can get some paper really quick.”
Silene handed the book back to her father. “I can’t right now. I need to get to my dragon ball match.”
Her daddy slapped his forehead with a claw. “Dang it, I forgot about that. We need to be on our way right now! Who are you playing against today?”
“The Emerald Geckos.”
The big dragon hefted the book onto a nearby table. “Those guys? We’re going to have to go fast in that case. You wouldn’t want to be late to this match.”
“Oh yeah!” Silene yelled as she grabbed her uniform off a chair. “I’m going to break their winning streak single handedly!”
“That’s what I want to hear.” Her daddy didn’t feel too bad that his daughter didn’t take interest in his story, but there was one thing that was nagging him in the back of his mind. “When we get back, if you still want to co-write a story with me, what do you want it to be about?”
Silene looked up in thought as she slipped her uniform on. “I wouldn’t mind writing something like the Saint George story.”
Her daddy chuckled as he flipped off the lights when the left the room. “You know, I think you’d be able to write a great Saint George story, even without me.”
* * *
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The Flash Sentry joke felt forced, but this was otherwise fun. I gotta say though, pink and magenta? Spike had a kid with Pinkie?
4875258 Shame, I liked that joke. Ah well, they can't all be good.
4892672
The stairs joke was far better. :B
Okay, bear in mind this is one person's (unprofessional) opinion and should be taken as such. (And not to mention that humor is subjective, so take this as you will)
(Although the stairs bit was a bit of a trip, pun very well intended. 
) Personally, if you're going to try to be funny, you have to get into a situation that can't help but be funny. (Or have tons of witty snark, and who doesn't love that.)
I have reservations about any work that is labeled 'Comedy' due to the fear that it will try too hard to be funny. Sadly, in this case, I'm proven right.
Although, on a side note, I like the story within a story concept. I plan on using it as a history/world builder side story on a project of my own.And as far as writing style and grammatical concerns go, I give it top ratings.
On the whole: I don't like it, but I could see how others might and concede that it was well written.
4917506 They say that good comedy takes practice. That's what I view this fic as, practice. So any critique in that department is apreciated. Don't get me wrong, I'm still proud of this story, as anyone should be of their work. But to be honest, it was rush job so I didn't go through an editor. Maybe that would have helped a bit. I do apreciate any critique, so thank you for it.
Yes.
Just straight-up, unadulterated yes.
4940541 It was fun writing.
Hahahahahahaaa. Ahem, sorry. Childhood beliefs are just so adorable.
Very nice, good to see Spike is having fun with his kids.
4943451 Hey, if the joke worked.
4944218 Worked like a charm.
Silene wasn't being serious about pony subjugation, was she? Does she know what Twilight is to Spike?
4968747 I saw her as being influenced by her friends in whatever the dragon equivilent of the schoolyard is, who don't have pony influencing them like Spike did. He tries to guide her to a more friendly viewpoint, but it doesn't seem to be working.
4970362
Oh jeez. I hope it's just a phase. Seeing her talk about that when in the rest of the story she's shown to be the straight foil to her dopey dad was really jarring.
4970514 It does give her character I bit of extra depth. You get the straight man in comedy all the time, so that scene reverses their roles for a moment, and adds a bit of depth. Although, I was just using her to poke fun at my own writing for most of the story.
4972595
That makes sense, though I have to say I'm now more interested in a story about this unfortunate prejudice of hers and how Spike would handle it than I am about the jellyfish story.
4972646 Now you have me thinking of some new things to write into a story I was considering to write a while back. I might do it in a couple months, but right now I have two other stories I want to finish in the next few weeks. Great, now you have my mind distracted from those other stories/
SUPER not what I was expecting. I thought I was getting into a story just a tad bit more serious than that. Was not prepared for that degree of wacky humor.
9387181
Huh. I forgot what this story existed.