1
Twilight gasped as her eyes shot open. She blinked once, twice, and by the third time her brain realised she was indeed awake. She stayed there, lying under the blankets, lost in the post-sleep drowse that permeated her mind, until she finally registered the sound of raindrops falling outside.
“Ugh…”
She clenched her blanket with her teeth and turned around, fruitlessly trying to find the trail of her fleeting sleep so it could take her back, but the increasing hammering sound of the rain against her window assured that she wouldn’t make it.
“And here I thought I could get to sleep in on my day off.”
She remained in bed, groaning as she stared at the wood ceiling of her room. She could try to get some more sleep, but the abrupt awakening had jolted her brain. Had she been dreaming? She wasn't even sure about that. Knowing that staying in bed would be useless, she kicked the blanket off her with unconcealed exasperation.
“Huh? Wha...?” Spike's sleepy voice came from the foot of the bed. Slurred. Muffled by Twilight’s blanket.
“Oh, sorry Spike,” she apologized as she got off her bed. Wrapping the blanket with her magical aura, she pull it away from Spike and, giving it a thorough shake, she stretched it over her bed. “And good morning.”
A tired grumble was his only reply.
“Since we’re already awake, I was thinking we might as well start the day.”
Twilight walked towards her mirror and brushed her mane, fighting with the knots in her hair until the comb managed to pull through them. Spike for his part managed to gather enough willpower to get off his bed.
“I thought you said that we would have this day off,” the little dragon said, stretching until his back gave a satisfying crack. “What, with the storm and all. I mean, we've been cooped up in the library sorting those new books and organising the shelves for most of last week.”
“I know what I said, but the storm has just started. It likely won’t pick up much strength until the afternoon." With that, she walked up to her window and pulled the curtains. "Right now it’s just like any light summer rain.” Not a moment had passed since she spoke when thunder roared outside, catching both of them by surprise. “At least, that’s what the weather team said.”
Spike crossed his arms and gave her an unimpressed stare, to which Twilight could only respond with an apologetic smile.
“Besides, if we wrap up anything that has to be done we can spend the rest of the day in front of the fireplace with a cup of hot chocolate.” Satisfied with the result, she laid the comb down and looked at Spike. “What do you say?”
Her assistant mulled the thought for a moment before an eager smile appeared on his face. "Can I put those little quartz marshmallows on mine?”
Twilight giggled and rustled Spike’s spines. “I don’t see why not. Right now though, it’s time for breakfast.”
With a brighter prospect for the day, the pair made their way out of the room and down the stairs.
“What would you like to eat, Twilight?” the little dragon asked as he opened the kitchen cabinets in search of his cooking implements.
“Oh, I’d love some toast, maybe with some eggs and hay bacon,” Twilight answered.
“You got it!” Spike replied as he took out frying pans and pots.
“Or what... about...” the unicorn trailed off.
Spike turned around, waiting for Twilight to bring the food to cook. "What was that, Twi?"
The unicorn rummaged through the few contents of the fridge. “Spike, when did we last go out to get groceries?”
"Uh... Last weekend, I guess," Spike said as he walked away from the stove. "We're out of food already?"
“Unless you count half a carton of milk, an empty pizza box and what I suspect is some kind of cheese as proper food, then yes. We're out," Twilight said in a sardonic tone.
"Huh... Guess we've been stuck in here for longer than I thought," Spike mused out loud.
Twilight took the carton of milk and closed the door, “How come we didn’t realise that we were running out of food?” She enveloped two glasses in her magic and brought them to the table, and poured some milk for both.
“Well, we’ve been quite busy this past couple of days with those new books.” The dragon downed the glass of milk in a single gulp before speaking again. “Plus, there was that food fair at the market last week, so we were eating outside with the girls almost daily.”
Spike was right, the past week had been more than a little bit hectic. Not only had the arrival of new books clogged up Twilight’s time—who had insisted to read all of them before organizing them and adding them to the library’s index—but Spike had also gone on several gem-hunting trips with Rarity due to an influx of orders for new dresses over the last weekend, all of which had led to their current predicament.
Twilight looked at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall. It was little over eight o'clock.
“It’s still early, and the storm hasn’t picked up much strength yet,” she mused out loud.
Spike did a double take at that. “Are you thinking about going to the market?” He looked at the pouring rain through the kitchen window before turning to face the unicorn again with eyes bearing a mix of worry and disbelief. “Really?”
“Maybe,” Twilight replied before finishing her glass of milk, “although... considering this downpour has been scheduled since last month, I think its' likely that some of the merchants could have decided to stay at home."
"Oh, doesn't that sound cosy," Spike whispered.
"Ha ha... I think the best thing to do would be going to Sugarcube Corner and grabbing breakfast there.”
Spike beamed when he heard this.
“That should last us for the rest of the day, or at least until the afternoon.” She gave her assistant a warm smile. “What do you think?”
“Count me in, Twi. Let’s go.” After saying that, he jumped from the chair and ran out the door with blatant eagerness.
Twilight took the glasses to the sink, and opened the faucet, letting the water rinse the leftover milk. They would grab some breakfast from Sugarcube Corner, go through the market to see if they could buy some food, and then spend the rest of the day cleaning up and resting inside Golden Oaks. Maybe go visit some of the girls, if the rain waned.
It should be a nice day.
Even though it hadn't been more than a few hours since the storm had begun, the downpour had already caused the ground on the road to the market to soften. As Twilight’s boots sank into the soft soil, she let out a grumble. “This makes you wonder why the Mayor doesn’t approve my proposal of replacing the dirt roads with gravel,” Twilight mused while sidestepping another puddle in the road.
“Are we there yet, Twi?” Spike asked as he tried to steady the umbrella above them.
“We should be getting there already,” she said while squinting. “Actually, we should already be—” Twilight stopped talking as she looked around.
The Ponyville Market was usually a lively place, filled with happy ponies going on about their days; and even though Twilight had expected a few absences on account of the rain, she couldn’t have imagined that almost half of the usual vendors wouldn’t be here. It was odd, to say the least, and more than a little unnerving, in all honesty.
“—here,” she finished.
“Well,” Spike said, “seems like Sugarcube Corner it is!”
Twilight frowned at the eagerness in her assistant’s voice. “I just find it weird that so many ponies decided to just not show up.” Her eyes focused on the heavy grey clouds above them. “It’s not as though this is a storm, or anything. It’s just a twelve hour downpour to help the crops and the grass around Ponyville.”
“Maybe they took it as an excuse to take the day off and sleep in,” Spike mused in a nonchalant tone as he rubbed his claws on his chest.
“Very funny,” Twilight replied.
She eyed the stalls, looking for familiar faces amongst the sparse groups of ponies who had ventured into town in spite of the weather. There was the cherry vendor wearing a trench coat, the honey vendor, who hadn’t taken out her bees, and the celery stalk vendor was there too, making sure none of his produce would get soaked in the rain. And yet nowhere she looked could Twilight find—
“G’mornin', Miss Twilight!” said a cheerful voice behind Twilight. “Mornin', Spike!”
They turned around and saw the small Apple Bloom wearing a raincoat.
“Hello, Apple Bloom,” greeted Twilight.
“Hi, ‘Bloom,” replied Spike from atop Twilight’s back.
“I don’t see your sister at the market; did they decide to stay at home?”
Apple Bloom frowned and twisted her mouth. “Well, y'see…” She kicked the ground with her hooves, letting the rest of her sentence fade away.
The filly’s reaction further worried Twilight's already shaken mind, which immediately started to think of possible scenarios that would make Applejack stay at home, none of which were particularly positive. Walking towards the little filly, Twilight spoke in a soft tone. “Apple Bloom… Is everything ok?”
“Well...” Apple Bloom kicked a loose pebble on the ground before continuing. “Ah... I can’t say for sure.”
Twilight and Spike exchanged brief looks of concern.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” asked an increasingly confused Twilight.
“She didn’t want to tell me,” Apple Bloom said in a tone that was both worried and annoyed, “when I woke up this morning, everyone was runnin' around the house like crazy!” She waved her hooves in the air for emphasis, “Applejack shut herself in the livin' room and Big Mac wouldn’t let me in.”
That wasn't how Applejack normally acted, not even when facing a problem. What could possibly have happened for the normally level-headed farmer siblings to react in such a way?
Apple Bloom looked back towards Sweet Apple Acres for a moment before facing Twilight once again. “She came out later and told me to find you, Miss Twilight. My sister would like you to go to the farm as soon as you can. I don’t know what’s happenin', but Applejack sounded really worried.” She then trotted towards Twilight and touched her hoof with her own. “Would you please help her?”
Twilight stared into the big, shiny eyes of the filly. She could see confusion and fear in her, and she wanted nothing more than to offer her some comfort. Whatever she could extend without knowing what had happened, she would give. With the best smile she could muster, she spoke again. “I’m sure everything will be alright, Apple Bloom. Maybe they just need my help to move that big rock they found on their land, or fix something with magic.”
That much was a stretch and she was well aware of it. Judging by the filly's description, whatever problem Applejack had was far more serious than broken furniture; not to mention that Big Mac would be more than capable of moving that rock. Still, it seemed to do the trick, if Apple Bloom’s soft smile was any indication.
“Thanks, Miss Twilight,” she said, still smiling. “It’s gettin' late, though, and I have to go to school.” She backed a couple of steps and spoke again, “Goodbye, Miss Twilight. And thanks for the help. Goodbye, Spike.”
“Goodbye, Apple Bloom,” both replied in unison.
They remained silent for a moment, staring at the filly as she left.
“What do you think happened, Twi?” asked Spike.
“I don’t know, Spike,” she said, “but I intend to find out.”
“We’ll skip the market, then?” Spike said.
“No, you go ahead without me.” Twilight levitated her coin purse and gave it to Spike. “You have the list and here’s the money, see who has come to the market and buy what you can, I’m going to check on Applejack right away. If what Apple Bloom said is true, then I don’t want to waste time.”
Twilight’s horn began glowing, and her magic aura surrounded Spike, she lifted him and moved him to the ground as a magical barrier appeared on top of her and made its way down, encasing her in a bright bubble of lavender energy.
“This should be enough to protect me from the rain.” Twilight moved around to check her mobility. “Go do the shopping; I’ll head down to Sweet Apple Acres.”
“You got it!” exclaimed Spike as he stood upright and gave a salute.
Twilight smiled and galloped towards the farm. Before she was too far, however, she stopped and yelled, “And I don’t want to find out that you bought another tub of ice cream!”
Spike sighed and walked to the closest stall with a lethargic pace.
Apple Bloom stood under the porch of the schoolhouse, shaking the water off of her raincoat while she thought about the events of the morning.
Things had been just... weird. Normally Applejack or Big Mac made sure to wake her up, but today it'd been the sound of heavy hoof steps that stirred her from sleep. She was used to the old farmhouse creaking due to hurried steps. Work on the farm began at sunrise, after all. But there was something odd about the way everypony walked. It wasn't the usual hurry to get ready for another day of work. They were... what was that word? Frantic. They ran from one place to another and then stopped for a moment, only to start running again, never leaving the farmhouse.
The filly removed her raincoat and entered the schoolhouse. She did try to ask what was happening, but nobody would talk to her.
Applejack ran into the living room as soon as Apple Bloom got down from her room, and Big Mac stood by the door and wouldn’t let her pass. Her brother was silent, he had always been, but this was different from his usual silence; it was almost as if his lips had been glued together, and the way his eyes darted back and forth around the house told her that something was definitely not right. Granny Smith wouldn’t tell her either.
Granny Smith...
Even though she was quite advanced in age, she was always happy and energetic, but this morning, for the first time since Apple Bloom could remember, she had seen her grandmother as an old pony. Frail, small, and even a bit scared.
She didn’t like this, she didn’t like it one bit.
She made her way to her desk and sat there. Class was yet to start, so she looked around for her friends.
“Hi, Apple Bloom,” said a cheerful white unicorn.
“Hi, Sweetie Belle.” Apple Bloom turned to the pegasus trotting towards her. “Hi, Scootaloo.”
The trio of fillies began chatting cheerfully and, for a moment, Apple Bloom forgot about the troubling morning she had had.
“I still got to work on my water cycle model,” Scootaloo said. “I just have to find a way to prevent it from leaking.”
"Big Mac always says a good heap 'o duct tape can fix any leak," Apple Bloom said. Then thought back for a second before speaking again, "Or a weldin' torch."
The group shared a small laugh, but were soon interrupted by a new arrival.
“I’d be amazed if you manage to finish that thing in time,” said a snarky voice, “haven’t you been at that little project of yours for weeks now?”
The three little fillies begrudgingly turned around to see Diamond Tiara trotting towards them with a smug smile on her face.
“Hey!” Scootaloo began batting her wings and pointed a hoof to the pink earth pony. “It’s not my fault that this project is difficult, I’ve been working really hard on it,” she protested.
“Oh, I’m sure you have,” Diamond Tiara said in a mocking tone. “But you’ve been working so long on it, and have been talking about it so much; it would have to be the best thing ever not to disappoint.” A malicious smirk formed on the filly’s face.
“Why you…” Scootaloo began, but was interrupted by Apple Bloom.
“You’re just mad 'cause nopony liked your project about trade and commerce!" she shot back at the bully.
Diamond Tiara was about to respond, but she was interrupted by the door opening, and Cheerilee walking in.
“Good morning, students,” their teacher said as she entered the room. “I’m glad to see that most of you could make it.”
With that, Diamond Tiara huffed and trotted back to her seat in the back. The other students went back to their seats as well and waited for the class to begin.
“We’ll be going at a slower pace today, we wouldn’t want to leave your classmates too far behind.” She sat on her chair and withdrew a book. “Be sure to let them know what we’ve done today if you see them.”
“Huh, that’s weird,” Sweetie Belle said in a low, soft voice.
“What’s weird, Sweetie Belle?” asked Scootaloo in a not as low voice.
“I figured a few ponies wouldn’t come due to the rain, but…” the unicorn trailed off.
Apple Bloom felt something grip her stomach as she looked around the room. She wasn't quite sure why, but the uneasiness she had felt since that morning became a heavier pull inside her.
“…I didn’t think a third of the students would skip class!” Sweetie finished.
Twilight arrived at Sweet Apple Acres just as the storm was picking up strength, and made her way to the farmhouse. The wind rustled the leaves of the trees of the orchard, and the increasing rain turned the dirt road into a muddy trap.
Still, Apple Bloom had made it clear that this was an emergency, and Twilight was more than happy to lend a helping hoof. She assumed that everyone would be inside due to the heavy rain, so she went straight to the farmhouse, and knocked on the door. She didn’t have to wait too long until Applejack opened the door.
“Hello, Twilight,” Applejack greeted her friend with what Twilight could identify as forced cheerfulness. Whatever their problem was, it must have been a serious matter.
“Good morning, Applejack,” Twilight said as she released her protective spell and made her way into the Apple home.
It didn't take long for Twilight to confirm her worries. The mood in the house was far different from the usual warmth that characterised the Apple family. She saw Granny Smith sitting on her rocking chair and looking through a window at the rain pouring down outside.
"Good morning, Granny Smith," Twilight said.
The elder mare didn't react right away, it took her a moment to acknowledge someone had even arrived at the house. When she finally noticed the unicorn in the living room, she gave her a smile and a greeting in return.
"Hello, dear," Granny Smith said, "how nice of you to come visit us."
“Apple Bloom asked me to come over as soon as I could. She said it was an emergency,” Twilight said, hoping that she could find out what exactly had happened that morning.
Granny Smith's façade crumbled in an instant, and yet Twilight was surprised when she recognised the expression on the mare's face. She had expected many things: worry, unease, confusion, perhaps even fear. Definitely not sadness.
Granny Smith looked sad, and seeing the usually happy and energetic old mare in this state was more than a bit shocking for Twilight. She snapped back to reality when she felt Applejack nudging her on the side.
"Ah, yes... Your sister said it was urgent, but she couldn't tell me what exactly happened," Twilight said, grateful to see her friend, but just as grateful for being given a distraction from Granny Smith's odd demeanor.
“It is an... emergency. Sort of.” The downcast tone in the farmer’s voice did little to ease Twilight's growing concern. She motioned for the unicorn to follow her to the kitchen.
“Does this have something to do with you being missing from the market this morning?” Twilight asked in a low voice as they stepped out of the living room.
“It does,” Applejack replied in a monotone.
“Applejack, you're not one to beat around the bush.” Twilight caught up with Applejack and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Tell me what’s happening, is everyone ok?”
“I think… I think it’s better if you see it for yourself, sugar cube.”
The uneasy feeling inside of Twilight grew even more. It was unusual for her friend to beat around the bush this much.
Applejack opened the door to the living room and moved aside so Twilight could go through. What waited for her in there was nowhere near what she could have imagined. Lying on the couch, resting under a blanket was a yellow coated mare that Twilight recognised.
“Golden Harvest? What is she doing here?” She knew all the farming families in Ponyville got together quite well but, considering the heavy downpour of that day, seeing the owner of the second largest farm of Ponyville here instead of dealing with her own chores was unexpected, to say the least. Could she be the one with the problem Apple Bloom mentioned?
“She came to the farm early this mornin', she was pretty shaken and, well...” Applejack’s words lingered in the air as she walked towards the couch, stopping a couple of strides from it.
“Golden? Wake up, girl. Somepony's here to see you.”
The mare stirred in place almost immediately. It was obvious she hadn't been actually sleeping.
“Huh…? Oh, M-miss Sparkle.” Golden Harvest gave a small jump once she saw Twilight, but she winced and immediately lied back, almost as if she was trying to sink into the couch. “It’s good to see you…”
This whole situation was already beyond Twilight's levels of tolerance for abnormality. She wasn’t particularly close with Golden Harvest, just familiar faces in a small town; they occasionally made some small-talk in the market but never anything beyond that. But seeing the farmer like this, clearly shocked and disturbed, compelled Twilight to help her.
The unicorn got closer to her and knelt in front of the couch before speaking again.
"Hello, Golden," Twilight said, trying to be reassuring as the mare in front of her was clearly under a lot of stress, and she was more than willing to help a pony in need. “Tell me what happened.”
“I… I’m not sure...” her eyes darted around the room, as if searching for something that wasn't there, before she continued. “I just woke up this morning and…” she trailed off and closed her eyes, almost as if she was actively forcing herself to speak.
Dozens of different scenarios went through Twilight's mind, but nothing really added up. What happened? What could have possibly scared Golden Harvest, and by extension the Apple family, to this degree?
“I don’t understand...” she shied away and pulled the blanket tighter around her body, but Twilight guessed that it wasn’t due to the cold. “Why is this happening to me?”
“Golden, I think it would be better if you just showed her,” Applejack spoke again from her spot behind the unicorn.
Before Twilight could ask Applejack just what she was talking about and why she was keeping her distance, Golden Harvest gave a hesitant nod and propped herself up, letting the blanket slide off.
Twilight focused her attention back on Golden Harvest. Her eyes scanned the mare sitting on the couch, trying to figure out what was wrong. And then she saw it.
Or rather, didn’t see it.
“I’m scared, Twilight.” The mare's words barely registered as Twilight’s mind went numb.
Thunder roared outside of the farmhouse.
Golden Harvest’s flank was bare.
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This setup was alright, I think it could use some work though. Here's an alternate ending I wrote, remember to give me 50% credit for the entire story when you decide to change it.
4736020
My God...
That's brilliant!
You got a couple tense slippages here-
*sink
*come
I'm pretty sure you want stove, not oven. Stuff goes in the oven, but on the stove and Spike is pulling out frying pans to put on it. That and you correctly mention him turning the stove off several lines later.
But you have me intrigued now.
...huh, looks like that cutie mark remover potion that was joked about in 'The Three Sisters: Families are like Fudge' first chapter is actually reality here...
Intriguing idea and you built up the atmosphere beautifully.
Also....
THAT WHAT YOU GET DIAMOND TIARA YOU LITTLE *squee*!!!!!!
Sorry...
Just hate bullies
4736144
4736522
4736493
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I'll work hard to make it even better.
4736144
Thanks for that, I'll edit it soon enough.
Yes, very good story. If it continues with this quality, I will most likely fave.
Like another said, you built up the atmosphere excellently.
Its well written, everyone seems in character and the Idea is interesting. I think Ill keep my eye on this one.
This is interesting so far. I look forward to seeing more.
Following this story. I like the idea and am interested in seeing where this goes.
The coverpage title pic is AWESOME. Think you could ever make ME a cover page?? Pleeease??
Wonderful story so far. I'm looking forward to more
I just noticed one error.
It should be an, not en.
You got a great start right there, and I'm interested to know what you have up next. Though aside from one misspelling, I noticed that you forgot to give Applejack and Apple Bloom their accents, and that Diamond Tiara comes off as less mean, in spite of you using the term evil to describe her, which actually is a bit over the top to describe a filly. Other than that, keep doing what you've doing.
4737445 Hmmm... You're right.
That's a pretty big overlook. I'll work on it once I'm done with Ch. 2
And regarding Diamond Tiara, I suppose I was just projecting, since that's the same criticism I've received several times about this story. I started planning this back in mid-February. I'll work on it, there's still room for improvement.
Also, your name is fitting.
The town's reaction seems a little over the top, but it's not exactly the first time Ponyville would have overreacted to something.
Excellent work on this story. Despite a few grammatical errors here and there, in addition to the lack of a southern twang, this is a wonderful story idea. Considering that Golden Harvest could barely stand, and her Cutie Mark was missing, I'm assuming that this story is building on what happened with Tirek?
4737904 Funny thing, I actually began planning this fic three months before the Finale.
You could imagine my reaction when I saw the last episodes.
4737138
4737431
How did you not see it? I specifically started reading the story because I was expecting it from the description and title.
My main question, although I suppose it will be answered soon enough, is how many ponies have been affected with this ailment/disease/curse? At least so far, it would appear to be many but not all ponies.
4737935 wow. That's a downright conspiracy.
4738012 Answers will come with the next chapter.
Many questions will come too, I think I should clarify that.
4738014 That, or I can predict the future.
this is a good story but you shouldn't have the first chapter centered around a big reveal that was given away in the description.
ill be keeping an eye on this one
Alright, I gotta say you absolutely nailed Spike and Twilight's relationship. Dunno why that's the main thing I noticed about this story, but their dialogue felt so natural I swear it could've been in an episode.
Good job, bub. I'm watching this story to see where it goes.
Well, I'm following this.
4739142
Yeah, I mean, having the thing that you use to define your identity more than anything else besides your name and appearance stripped from you isn't dark at all amirite
4737904
Library's still there.
4737508
IKR?
Well if you've been planning this for that long, I'll be expecting a lot from you.
So Cutie Mark Theft...
Please let this not be one about "one and only destiny"...
4739685 Shut up man! Don't you know that cutie marks are the only thing that can make a pony useful!? I mean, Applejack would probably still be able to buck apples without one, but how would she know that it was what she was supposed to do without a tattoo on her butt!? HOW WOULD SHE KNOW!? IT'S NOT LIKE SHE COULD GO AND DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO!
So insensitive.
While not exactly an original concept, you've made it pretty interesting so far. You're also pretty good at writing scenes and dialogue so that they feel normal, rather than feeling forced and artificial. In fact, you're better at that than most of the folks around here.
I'm putting this on my "read later" list to keep an eye on it.
4739586 Yes, I know. I was referring to when Tirek first appeared and stole pony magic.
Interesting premise. I'll be looking forward to seeing where this goes.
o no, how will she remember what her talent is now?!
and poor applejack, without the image of apples on her flank, who is she? a slave to the government that's who!
no identity, they lost it all... everything that makes them who they are- oh, wait. It's only a tattoo so that they know what their talent is when they do find it. Yeaaaaaah. A terrible thing indeed!
The cover art reminds me of Blind.
The cover art reminds me of The Blindness.
4737445
4737508
You don't need to write the accent though. We know she has an accent, and being that this isn't an audio-visual medium, we don't need you to express it through the dialogue.
At the very least though, if you insist on doing it, please don't use "Y'all" when you mean "You". "Y'all" means "You all". "You" written in a southern accent (Which, again, speaking as someone with a southern accent, is REALLY F**KING WEIRD) would be "Ya".
4741263 Finally someone made the connection.
The cover (and to some extent, the story itself) is inspired by the novel "Blindness".
It might be kinda hard for anyone to start singing "what my cutie mark is telling me" when they aint got one ...
Seriously though, as soon as I found out the problem contained missing cutie marks my first thought was the screwed up spell Twilight cast right before she grew her some wings... Did Twilight cause this? or did someone else?
Nice set up. I'll be following this story.
Hm, I guessed it at the last second! Though, you had me going for almost the entire chapter
This is interesting. The slice of life tag fits the story very well so far!
Whoa, chilling opening premise.
Love the sense of tension and mystery about it. Definetly giving this a follow
Move up to the period the line above.
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Move after the end " marks the line above.
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Move up to the period the line above.
____________________
That same paragraph. Same solution as above.
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The only problem I have with this fic, and it's a big one. Is that you randomly break paragraphs, and it's not even a full break, it's just moved down one line. You need to watch that on your future chapters. Make sure everything is structurally sound.
Other than that, this is an interesting premise, I was thinking this was going to be one of those fics where a pony tries interacting with others, and they don't see him/her. But this is so much more awesome. To literally wake up one morning, and find out your Cutie Mark, what shows everyone what makes you special, the greatest moment in a ponies life / social identity. To just up and disappear. That is the most psychologically horrifying things ever. I can't wait to see what happens next. Just watch those paragraphs please.
Let us watch.
Let us see. 
Let us silently judge the Author... 
4742569 Thanks for the feedback, I'll keep that in consideration while writing Ch. 2
4742603 Great, no pressure then.
4741276
You really didn't need to point it out. It's a given that fans would know how to write a Southern accent to some degree. And while it's not mandatory, there are a lot of reasons emphasizing the Southern accent is strongly recommended, and it all has to do with the credibility of the character.
Having it there would more likely convince reader that the Applejack they are reading about is as genuine as Applejack they've seen in the show, because the accent gives the character personality and depth. Also an AJ speaking like an average Joe is less likely to be believe than one without the accent because she would only feel like a flat imitation. Giving her an accent also makes it easier for the reader to get invested in the story. With the accent, the reader doesn't have to keep reminding himself that this is Applejack.
The less effort it takes to understand the words and context, the more energy and emotion the reader can invest in a story. The same can apply to Rarity and Luna as well.
So even if it isn't an audio-visual medium, TV still is. Because fan fiction is based on TV and other kinds of medium with sound, you need to be as close as possible to the source for a story to be believable.
Applejack on TV has an accent, so must Applejack in fan fiction have one.
4742569 What do you mean by move up to the period the line above? That makes no sense.
4742720 There's some formatting errors. They're not visible in the snippets but there's some extra newlines for no apparent reason.
4742720
I'll give an example [hint. Read the sentence before the fix.]
See how the paragraph is broken after "with her hooves."
To the period the live above. Is talking about the period after hooves. Where it'd turn the broken paragraph to a full paragraph.
4742677
Awesome. I'm looking forward to it, so far this fic all in all is put together rather well. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with it.
4742879 I think I'm following you but not really sure. It should all be one paragraph is what you're saying, right?