Golden Graham is a young pegasus stallion who owns a bed and breakfast in the middle of Ponyville, and where he works alongside his childhood friend and all-around party-mare, Creme de Menthe. As the town's fame grows in the wake of all the goings on with the Elements of Harmony, more and more visitors begin to frequent their quaint cobblestone streets, and Graham finds himself swamped with work, finding it difficult to enjoy his free time anymore.
So finally, he decides that he's going to take some time off every week to enjoy himself and spend some time socializing with friends. And it just so happens that his old friend from high school, Higgs Boson - a nerdy unicorn who loves science - is looking to start up a Myths and Mayhem campaign.
Soon enough, Creme de Menthe gets invited to join, and she manages to rope her friend Lemon Meringue Pie, a professional pastry chef from Manehattan, to join the game as well during her weekly forays to Ponyville. The game also strikes the interest of a young foreign unicorn mare named Rising Sun, a visiting diplomat from the land of Haysia, as well as her escort, Stainless Steel - an obsessive compulsive pegasus who serves in the royal guard.
Art by GrandpaLove.
i didn't read the whole fic yet , but for now there's the same problem with every chapters :
add more more spaces between each paragraphs , it makes the chapters easier and better to read
SWEET CELESTIA!
TOO MANY OCS!
Implying he didn't get his cutie mark until high school? Is that intentional?
You get points for that one though
While I appreciate having somewhere to match up names to pictures, having the bio as well here seems both like spoilers and an info dump. I feel like I might have been better off not opening this chapter, the main chapters following are doing a good enough job introducing these characters. Now instead I'm looking for indications of Golden's crush when he's interacting with Creme, wondering when Higgs and Sun are going to meet, etc.
This sentence seems a bit muddled, I think the following sounds better?
I think it's pretty widely accepted that you don't need a hyphen here, just as with 'everybody'
Also, you've used both 'sweetie' and 'sweety' so I'd advise sticking to the former
Alright, I started reading this to see if it deserved the rating, and actually wasn't disappointed. Sure, it is a lot of new characters to take in at once, but my only major gripe would be lack of a real hook. To put it simply, we need a reason to want to read about the interactions of your more pedestrian characters, because often the stories about the less pedestrian are more interesting. We're still pretty early into this, and your 'Meet the Cast' chapter has already revealed some of your plans romance wise, but it comes down to whether this will be more entertaining to read than an equivalent story, except with the Mane 6 in the same scenario.
I think I will continue to read this, if only to see where these characters go, but I can understand the rating. You certainly have talent as a writer; I only spotted two potential errors, and these OCs aren't actually that bad. Not paragons of originality by any means, but they're a far cry from the Mary Sues you tend to see in fics with an OC main cast.
I have no complaints with your storytelling, only the story you're telling
I find myself liking this a surprising amount. Well done.