damn... all that effort and Hakem decides to be a coward. He uses a damn gun instead of a blade or hammer.

Oh, you bastard...

There's a title of a non-MLP fanfic that I think fits what is going to happen in the next chapter
"The Dragonbourne Cometh!"
Spike's going to have a 'Harry Potter' dream and then he's going to get very, very angry. (And possibly a little greedy)

Not surprise bastard went with a gun. Come on Spike, if there is any time to go dragon it's now!

5837176

you expected him NOT to be a coward? i'm surprised he hadn't devised some way to wuss out of any kind of fight completely.

5838687

As I said it was fun to read, but it wasn't without its issue. The big one being AJ and Rarity, they didn't seem to care who they affected with constant flirting and what not. It kept reminding me of one of those couple that make out in public and openly talk about what they did to each other last night.

It happens with people sometimes. In a relationship like that, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, and you'll say or do things that you don't realize were effecting a third party in the slightest.

Plus then both do it in front of Spike. Which is just messed up.

Again, it's a matter of not thinking about it. To a reader, sure, it might be, but in the characters' case, it's just them bantering and not intending to hurt him. Later chapters even state this.

Another, was that Spike was such a pushover that was just pathetic. I understand trying to be supportive and such. but to openly admit you're an errand boy was just too much.

This is a coming of age story for him. The entire point is to get him from a pushover to someone with grit. The Spike from the earlier chapters is not the same Spike in later chapters.

And lastly, I know this is a bit of a nit pick. but the fact that you constantly mentioned that Spike has no attraction towards his female friends. now I'm not saying he should be all oggeling them; that would be weird, but to have no reaction to seeing someone of the opposite gender in various forms of dress. Or to have the individual not react to Spike seeing them in such a statex is just odd.

I'm not sure if you have any female relatives, but if you do and you've ever caught them naked, odds are you won't feel an attraction towards them. That's because people you grew up around as children or you see as family won't be sexually attractive to you. In addition, Equestria in this world is very much based on early Greek society, which is why AJ and Rarity getting married isn't that much of an issue, and why the girls are so laissez faire about clothing around Spike and the other girls. It's just something that doesn't matter as much in family settings due to culture. Spike even mentions things along that line in several chapters regarding it.

Its loke they don't even see him as a man. Which, when you think about is pretty messed up.

Except, of course, they view him as a brother, and therefore, not really someone to hide their modesty around due to the influences of their culture.

Thank you kindly for the comment, though. I do appreciate it, and I appreciate you taking the time to read through some of the story!

5838472
oh i fully expected him to be a coward. I still hate it though.

and then he hears her voice screaming, and the screams of the harem girls ringing in his ears, thrusting upon him an image of pain and suffering upon them like no other. He could only lay there and listen, growing madder and madder as his mind spun about what would be done to the one he loves, and then... a snap.

Was pretty weirded out by Spike turning female and getting groped but stuff still got going, so...

We get all this buildup on this sexy bombshell and the first real clop we get is a tg spike.

Tease.

An update! Well, time to wait another month or two or ten for another update

Well written, and suspenseful.

There were a few instances of writing that was over detailed, and should be toned down, with very few other errors.

Keep up the good work.

5844253
And how! :D

5848496
Maybe not, boss. A little under halfway on editing for the next chapter. Expect it soon™

5850514 for realzies?

5850549

Yep. Actually have it up on my tabs right now. Will probably have it done right after I do a bit more work on The Laughing Shadow's sequel, so exceptionally soon™

5850565 thanks!