Simultaneously able to type 94 wpm and still take five years to finish a story. If you're feeling generous, throw a ko-fi at me.
Big Macintosh has loved Fluttershy for a long time. In fact, he was ready to propose the next chance he got.
There was only one small problem. Turns out Fluttershy is betrothed already, to another pegasus. And why are they calling her Warbringer?
Either way, Mac isn't about to let anything stand in his way of being with the one he loves.
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I shall be watching this
Can we kill this bastard please? Killing him sounds like a GREAT idea.
Somepony's asking for a buck to the head.
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Or a buck to the baby makers so hard they never work again. Or just flat out killed. Second option is most appealing.
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I totally agree with you guys, on all points. I hated Skyblaze the minute I started reading Chapter 2. He's an obvious racist (who's being stupid enough to insult Earth Ponies in a town that was founded by a family of them, no less), who's messing with a mare who has some very powerful friends (the local Spirit of Chaos and Princess of Friendship, anyone? And let's not forget the two who rule Equestria. Honestly, I can-not wait to see what happens when Discord gets ahold of this jerk)), and who is highly regarded by the whole town! To say nothing of the fact that she's a former Element of Harmony!!!
And all of that is leaving out a certain red-coated farm-stallion who's very much in love with our Flutters.
Yeah, I don't see this ending very well for him.
Especially when Big Mac gets actively involved with things.
To
quoteparaphrase a wise man: "This guy, Skyblaze, is an asshole!" I can't wait to see how Discord handles this guy...4734801
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In the interest of full disclosure, this was originally written around season two; Discord isn't around yet.
he might show up in the sequel though
4735435 Ah, okay. Didn't know that. Care on, good sir.
(Well, he actually is around. He's just kinda..."stoned"...at the moment.)
(And yes, I went there. So sue me.)
Just thought of something, though: if this was written around Season 2, then that means that Shy still is the Bearer of the Element of Kindness. Which means.........
And don't even get me started on Big Mac's feelings on all of this!
And that's good to know.
Next chapter. Soon. Please.
4735435 What? No Discord?! Well, for all of us bronies who swear fidelity to The Golden, Winged Goddess of Kindness, SKY BLAZE, HAVE AT THEE!
See, my favorite types of stories are the ones that make you emotional. Like this. Skyblaze makes me want to murder him. But, I don't know why, but I sort of feel like you're trying too hard to make him look like an asshole. I don't really care though, because this story is great so far.
Also, I DEMAND MORE UPVOTES FOR THIS STORY!!!!!!
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Thanks!
There's a delicate balance between showing that someone is supposed to be disliked and having them needlessly kick dogs, and I might have gone a bit overboard for my first time writing this kind of character.
Then again, it doesn't look like anyone's going to lose any sleep over what's going to happen to him, so I guess there's that…
4736575 No character could ever surpass the special place in hell I hold for Egg White from "The Peculiar Journal of William Klaskovsky"/ "Cruelty of Kindness." P.S. do yourself a favor and never read "Cruelty of Kindness."
..This Skyblazer guy..
He's going to end up with a crushed ribcage.
I can feel his future screams of pain.
They are glorious.
Wow, what a jerk! I sure hope Big Mac springs into action.
I should have commented on this earlier:
That display pic you chose made me come down with the "D'awwws".
I'm looking forward to seeing Skyblaze get his comeuppance. And oh, hey, look, there's Rainbow Dash, a paragon of Pegasus...ness. And she's not real happy about the whole racism thing either. And oh look, it's the Princesses! Skyblaze, you're not going to be having a good time.
Also, "mud ponies". Must remember that one in case I need another epithet for my own flagrantly racist pegasus associated with Fluttershy in a Fluttermac fanfic. Other terms: dirt pony, dirtkicker, groundbound, unclean, hoofwalkers.
I do have to question Skyblaze's wisdom in thinking Fluttershy would be anything like a warrior.
- I mean, Warbringer Bloodbath.
...fuck... We just went into RomCom territory here...
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We won't stay there long.
Oh snap!!
And I'm really enjoying the story, please... continue, my good sir
4741552 Thank Faust!
One thing that's been bugging me: correct me if I'm wrong, but I'd expect the warlike Pegasus nobles to be more or less egalitarian, especially given their preference for mares who are in fighting trim. Where'd Commander Douchebag here get the "make me a sammich, retard" attitude? Has he been hanging out with Blueblood's social circle or something?
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That would be a logical conclusion, especially from what we've seen of the Hearth's Warming Eve play; but I'll say (for the sake of my story) it's a case of convergent evolution. With fewer responsibilities and less battles to fight, the nobles of both unicorns and pegasi spend most of their time sparring and ordering ponies around. Through the years, this has led to entitled little princes running around thinking that the world owes them everything, including a beautiful mare of high breeding. Modern influence from the unicorn culture has also led to the pegasus nobles desiring mares to be more eye candy than equal partners, and most of the older nobles look at this practice with disdain and call it toxic and detrimental to pegasus society.
And maybe sometimes ponies are just born tools and there's nothing you can do but punch them in the face. :shrug:
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Figured it was something along those lines, but I wanted to check. Thanks.
In a number of places a lot of character reactions are explained directly to the reader. This can be a nasty habit in writing, since it kills any connection the reader might have with the characters. Good writers can work these in through character interactions/clever wording.
Spoiling what's going to happen on the next line can be annoying, since spoilers. (Things like "But the worst was yet to come", etc.)
Skyblaze seems a tad "too stupid." It's kind of evident fluttershy has been living alone in ponyville for some time, yet he assumes she can't find her way around a market. Big Mac also responded with a "yeah" in this chapter. (like he dropped his accent)
Not sure what to think about the name "Warbringer Bloodbath," in short it seems a bit over the top. (The two words talk about completely different concepts)
This is just my take on it. Ugh, looks like you got me into editor mode. Either way take of it what you will. Hope this helps.
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The first thing that came to mind as I read the first paragraph was that picture that says something like, "You can't just tell the audience what your character is feeling! That makes me feel angry!" I laugh, but maybe I shouldn't… is there a really bad example I should fix?
I was trying for more controlling than stupid, more of a 'I'm here, you don't need to think anymore' thing. Then again, if he just came across as stupid, I'm not entirely disappointed.
I found two 'yeah's that now have been fixed. Thanks. Not sure how those slid by…
Warbringer Bloodbath is supposed to sound a little excessive. I was hoping to get a little -snrk- as a reaction for that, and maybe draw a little contrast between pegasus tradition and Mac's simple affection.
Editor mode is good. That means you see something worth saving in the story; so thank you for that.
4734801 "former element of harmony" Sorry for this probably stupid question, but.. Why? Aren't they Elements of Harmony anymore? (I stopped watching the episodes after season 2 or 3, the path the series took annoyed me...)
Other than that, really awesome story!
Sorry for my bad english.
4735435 Yay, a story I'm still up-to-date with
!
4751868 Easy answer: I made that comment before bahatumay answered me and told me that this fic is set/written around Season 2, which I didn't know at the time of my comment. So I basically jumped to a very erroneous conclusion, and he (she?) corrected me on it.
So, yes, she still is the Bearer of the Element of Kindness. And the other girls are still Bearers of their Elements, as well.
A fact which, among other things, is gonna get Skyblaze's butt kicked, and him put in his place.
By Big Mac.
Hard.
4753147 I meant in the series :P.
4755648 Ah, okay.
Well, they were still the Bearers of the Elements up until Part 2 of "Princess Twilight Sparkle", the Season 4 Premiere 2-parter. They returned their Elements to the Tree of Harmony so that it could be restored to its original power (the way it was when the Princesses found it and took the Elements so they could defeat Discord with them) so it (and they) could beat back the Plunder Vines (which Discord was responsible for) and restore the Everfree Forest to the way that it had been during the time that the Princesses lived in their original castle there.
But they still had them in Seasons 1 through 3. And Season 2 is pretty much when this story happens.
Sorry for the confusion about all that.
4756107 Ah, okay, thanks for the reply!
4756275 You're quite welcome!
Need...more.....
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Sometime today, I promise.
Cant wait for the next part.
You have my attention. And the fight between Big Mac and Skyblaze was awesome, as well as hilarious! I look forward to more chapters.
~ Super-Brony12
..Wait, did Skyblaze actually break the rules?
Wahaha. He got what he deserved!
I'm surprised Biggie didn't put Skyblaze through a Twist o' Fate, a 619, or better still, a Rock Bottom. Skyblaze would be in a world of hurt after one of those...
Two awesome chapters! And even if it is a story which main characters are Fluttershy and Mac, I do hope Rainbow gets a bit more "screen time" next chapter
Pwned
To quote Jim Ross, GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY!
Skyblaze got macked big time.
I loved the part "Fart on him! Fart on him!" It was to funny.
Lol!! Yeah, Mac's a little heavy.
Well, that was brutal. Completely deserved, and I hope Skyblaze doesn't hit anything until he hits ground and hopefully breaks some important things, but brutal.
I'm not really sure what caused the pomfing after Mac slammed Skyblaze into the ground. Was it a bunch of pegasus mares popping wingboners, or was it just fainting into clouds?
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Wingboners is what I'm going with.
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That's up for your interpretation.
it's totally the first one