- Member Since 8th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Aug 18th, 2016
Avox
I like to pretend that I know what I'm doing.
Avox
Joined 8th Dec, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Marshal Twilight · 7.6k words · 96 6 · 2.5k views
Featured In9
- Celestia & Luna4,435 stories ·2,702 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
- Doubled Fun722 stories ·413 members
Celestia Is The Best Pony2,577 stories ·2,887 members
The Princesses2,291 stories ·914 members
The Last Roundup70 stories ·497 members
Origin Story Archive177 stories ·48 members
X Handled Seriously3,191 stories ·236 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.101 seconds
Total duration
995 users online
174,076 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I've added this to my read later section, Avox. I'll be sure to shower you with praise eventually.
WELP.
Gonna be honest, I have to read something with a description that awesome. Will read in a bit.
(also you seem vaguely familiar, do we know each other?)
I quite like this - it's an interesting concept that touches on a lot of ideas that I really like.
I think the main issue I have with the story is that you didn't really experiment with the idea more, really. You introduce this faceless deity, but that's all they are - faceless. There isn't really much to it as a character. I feel like the story would be more interesting on the whole if there was some subversion to the usual 'benevolent goddess' type. It's also a little inconsistent - they're presented as a benevolent deity, yet does horrible things like create Discord just in the pursuit of creating an interesting story-universe, which in itself is awesome, but still doesn't really fit with the rest. More exploration of it as a being would have been cool, I guess. I dunno. I might be misinterpreting it.
Still, this is a really cool story. It does the deity thing in a way I really like, and the writing is pretty top-notch, so have a fave and a thumb.
Also:
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100227131935/ratchet/images/0/01/RatchetCiT-transparent.png
Imagine what she will do to you, her former maker AND tormentor, if she is not.
5127625 I apologize in advance.
5128025 Maybe? I've commented on a handful of your stories, so you might just recognize my name.
5128100 Thanks for the feedback! Honestly, I wasn't really sure where how this would be received, so I'm glad that I was somewhere on the right track. Oh, and I'm glad somebody caught that Ratchet and Clank reference, too.
I didn't like this one.
First, the dialogue was rather weak. For instance, when 'god' entered the house to find the parents dead. Her reaction and words would have better fit finding the dog having shat the carpet rather than a scene of blood and death.
Next, Luna. I'm trying to understand why you included her at all? She could have been completely written out and the story would have hardly changed. Somepony else could have been at Discords mercy, and the Nightmare could have been just the entity, and nothing would have changed. You seemed to include her just because you felt like you had to which you didn't because...
The complete alteration of canon. You changed everything for no real purpose that I could see. The Elements of Harmony not existing until Twilight and co., Celestia defeating Discord on her own, and everything else just seemed unnecessary. All of the 'lessons' she learned could have been done without changing things. The first two being the biggest issues I have.
With all of that, I was left disappointed more than anything else.
5135701 Thanks for the feedback! In all honesty, this is a very weird premise, so I never expected everybody to like it.
Though the dialogue, at least on the part of the narrator, was intended to sound stilted. It was an attempt to keep him aloof of the ponies, due to having been alive for centuries and centuries longer—death wouldn't have nearly as much bearing on him as it would them. That, and he already knew exactly what to expect upon entering the room. So it was at least partially intentional in the narrator's case, though I can definitely see where you're coming from. I'll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever go back to rewrite this.
I do disagree with you about the inclusion of Luna and the AU elements, though. The point of the story was the AU. This was my weird little way of telling of Celestia and Luna's past and future, which is why Luna is there—she will take Celestia's throne once she ascends, along with having been her sister throughout the whole beginning of the story. I was willing to rewrite canon, yes, but I wasn't willing to outright refute it by removing Luna, or anything along those lines. Whenever I changed something, I offered a small explanation. The (im)plausability was part of the fun of it, for me at least.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment!
5135873
I get that with the AU stuff. It's just, with Luna, you all but wrote her out anyway, leaving her always couped up in her room. It would have been a simple thing to make her an actual part of Celestia's life. It just seemed... unfair? to her. I don't know. Maybe I'm too attached to the rise and fall and healing of Celestia and Luna's relationship, and seeing them like this, where they don't seem to actually mean anything to each other, ruins that for me. I mean, yes, they are sisters, but they are more than that, or they should be.
Does that make more sense? Maybe?
Sorry, I'm really not trying to argue, or tell you how to write. It just bothered me the whole time I was reading, you know.
5136016 That makes a lot more sense. She is written of to the side, mainly because Celestia's role kinda demands the spotlight. I definitely could've given her more to work with, though.
Now this was interesting. I would have liked to see more about the deity, but this is still a pretty cool AU origin story on its own. Have my fave for the good read.
I added this to my "Read Later" a loooooong time ago, and just read it. It was incredibly well written, and a very good story. Thank you.
Hehe.
Especially love the fact that while Celestia is slowly guiding Twilight towards her own goal, she herself is being guided towards someone else's goal.
A nice read and fun headcanon.