The Call
For any pony that would have wandered near the chambers of Princess Luna Equestris this evening, they would have heard the gentle scritch-scratch sounds of quill on parchment floating down the stairs.
Paperwork. The lifeblood of any government. And one of the more horrific aspects of Princess Luna’s rule, at least in her opinion. But she attacked it all the same. Petitions and proposals, possible laws and the pomp and circumstance of office. All were subject to the Princess of the Night’s wrath. And quill.
While she would normally see too such tasks in her office, tonight she desired a little more seclusion as she worked. A warm breeze drifted in through the large window, gently tousling both her mane, and the tips of the stacks of paper that lay all around her.
Her mind wandered as she scribbled away, the red reading glasses she used to help keep herself focused on task finding themselves inadequate tonight. A sad sigh escaped her lips, the quill’s journey across the page stopping as Luna’s mind turned back to happier days.
She would guard the night, her sister the day and share a meal together during the hours when they were both awake. She remembered the nights when she and Celestia would stay up late, tinkering over laws and how the nation for their little ponies would function. And then they ruled, side by side, at least at first. But now all of that was gone. Even the Elements of Harmony hadn’t brought her sister back to her.
That last fact was a particularly bitter pill for her to swallow. She had so hoped...dared to believe, even….
A soft chime drifted from the chaotic collection of memories and keepsakes that dominated her room, pulling Luna from her morose thoughts. Flicking her gaze that direction, she reached out with her magic, carefully sifting through a pile to find what was continuing to sound like a note from a delicate bell.
It took a few moments, but she plucked a small carved stone disk with a purple jewel set into its center from its fellow items. The glowed on a cycle, the chime sounding again each time the purplish light reached its crescendo.
She blinked. It had been a very long time since she had seen a magical peep out of that item.
Frowning slightly, the princess set it down and scribbled off a quick note, tapping her horn to the parchment. The note coiled up and shot off through Canterlot Castle, a series of commands transferred to subordinates.
With that taken care of, Luna floated the disk back over to her. Extending her magic once again, she brushed it against the gem and vanished.
- - - -
In another part of Equestria, another would be monarch was staring down her own crystal and stone trinket. For Celesia, the light was an intrusion upon her plans, but one that she couldn't ignore.
“Zecora!” She commanded, enhanced voice echoing through the halls, “There is something I must see to. Continue with the preparations for Canterlot. I shall return as soon as I am able.”
“My liege…” The zebra began, only to be cut off by a raised hoof.
“Zecora….I appreciate your concern and desire to follow me.” She responded, with a softness to her voice that was uncharacteristic, “But this is a matter that I will need to handle myself. Continue with the plans.”
“As you say.” The Zebra bowed.
- - - -
My little pony, My little pony
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh...
My little pony
Friendship never meant that much to me
My little pony
But you're all here and now I can see
Stormy weather; Lots to share
A musical bond; With love and care
Teaching laughter; It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete!
You have my little ponies
How'd I ever make so many true friends?
- - - -
The smell of sugar and fruit filled Lyra’s nostrils.
They were familiar scents for anypony that spent a good deal of time in Bon Bon’s Confectionarium, and for Lyra in particular. Though, usually she was smelling them in her marefriend’s mane during romantic moments.
This was a stark contrast to what was happening tonight.
Lyra had joined Bon Bon in the back room slash kitchen of the Confectionarium, where the earth pony was up to her hocks in making candy.
“Okay!” She smiled, watching the beige colored mare rush from stove to counter and back again, stirring pots, and arranging molds. “How can I help?”
“No, no! I got it under control!” Bon Bon shook her head, grabbing a spoon in her teeth and rapidly stirring a pot of fudge.
“Bon Bon! Let me help!”
Huffing, Bon Bon turned around, fixing Lyra with a look that was half glare, half pout.
“Do you think I can’t do it?”
“What?” Lyra blinked, sputtering in shock, “No! Of course not! I just...I just wanted to spend some time with you, doing your special talent.”
Bon Bon considered that for a moment, before breaking into a smile, trotting over to her and nuzzling Lyra’s neck. “Okay.” She tilted her head up and turned the friendly nuzzle into a deep kiss, holding it for a few moments before pulling away, “Grab that pot of cherry candy and fill those lollipop molds...sugar buns.”
Chuckling, Lyra picked up the pot in her aura and began to slowly fill the circular molds, while Bon Bon returned to stirring her fudge. The pair soon settled into a rhythm, Bon Bon giving instructions, and Lyra following them.
“Pass me those chopped walnuts if you could?”
“Walnuts!” Lyra grinned, the small bowl spinning through the air, even as she kept rapidly stirring a pot of grape flavored candy. Landing next to Bon Bon with a slight thunk on the wood, the candymare didn’t miss a beat.
Pouring the fudge onto a cool marble slab in one smooth motion, she snatched up the nuts, dumped them into the mix and began to fold. As it solidified, she quickly lashed out with a knife cutting it up into a mass of delicious looking fudge squares.
Lyra loved watching her work. In the kitchen, Bon Bon just kind of...flowed. Quiet smile on her muzzle, she constructed candy like an artist painted, like Lyra composed music. It was beautiful, watching her take joy in something so normal.
The scent of burning sugar interrupted her calm musings. Yelping, Lyra quickly returned to stirring before she lost the whole batch.
Bon Bon laughed her musical laugh and bumped her flank against Lyra.
“Focus honey.”
“Okay, okay.”
After falling back into the candy making process for a bit, the two ponies soon found themselves surrounded by trays and racks of cooling candy treats.
“This is a nice supply for the weekend. That was...fun.” Bon Bon smiled, bumping her flank back against Lyra’s, “I should have you make candy with me again.”
“Yeah.” Lyra smiled back, “We should do this again.”
“Umm. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” Came a voice from the edge of the kitchen door.
Both ponies turned, Lyra smiling at the sight of the azure unicorn, with her star studded cape and cloak. Trixie nodded back at the pair, jabbing a hoof Lyra’s way. “Any chance I could borrow Lyra for a little while?”
- - - -
“So, what did you want my help with Trixie?”
Lyra asked as she stepped into the Residency, addressing her friend with a raised eyebrow. Bon Bon stepped in after her, having insisted that she come along for this particular bout of magic testing.
“Well, I found something.” Trixie admitted with a shrug. Her brow was furrowed, like she wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it. “Well, it’s a disk thing. With carvings and a gem. And I can’t work out what it is. And since you're the legend pony, I was thinking maybe you had heard something about this.”
Lyra shrugged. “Sure. Show me what you got.”
Trixie led the way into her office. Stepping inside, she just motioned to her desk with a shrug of her shoulders. “There it is.”
Stepping closer to the desk, Lyra peered down at the strange item before her, Bon Bon peeking around her marefriend to get a look as well. True to her friend’s description, it was a circular stone disk, covered in pictographic carvings, and a small purple gem set right in its center. The gem was glowing softly, casting a purplish light across the wooden desktop.
The pictographs were strange. She had never seen creatures like the ones displayed on its surface. Some of them looked similar to Spike, the young dragon they had met when they found the Elements of Harmony. Admittedly, they weren’t exactly the same. The tails and snouts were longer, and the feet sported a large hook like claw.
The other creatures were divided between two groups. One group was quadruped, with some kind of bony crest covering their necks. The last group was some kind of reptilian looking bat, with long leathery wings and a fang filled snout.
“I got nothing.” Lyra shrugged, “Where did you find this?”
“Well, after all that madness involving the mirror pool.” Trixie explained, with a wave of a hoof, “I thought it would be a good idea to poke around and see if there was any more to find. You know. Try to avoid any more surprises.”
“Makes sense.” Bon Bon admitted, “I think that everypony would like to avoid another horde of copies.”
“Right.” Trixie continued, “I figured that since we found the Elements of Harmony at the castle, that it would be another good place to check.”
“You went back there alone?” Lyra frowned.
“Not alone!” Trixie quickly corrected, “Cheerilee was with me. We found this in one of the other towers.”
Lyra picked the disk up with her magic, flipping it over a few times to investigate it for further markings.
“Strange...I really have no idea what this is. It looks old, that much is for sure.” She squinted slightly, “There’s something odd about the gem though.”
Pushing her magic sense forward, Lyra poked and prodded at the gem, reading the auras that coiled and twisted about it.
It’s like conjuration, but it feels like there’s divination and enchantment there too. But what in Equestria is this strand...
Frowning, she focused on that one spell thread, trying to identify the strange strand of magic that defied identification. A tingle danced down her spine as her aura mixed with that of the item, the purple glow that emanated from the gem surged forward, engulfing her body in a sudden spasm of movement.
A panicked shout escaped Bon Bon’s lips, the earth pony throwing herself forward in a valiant effort to save her beloved from the violet snare. Wrapping her hooves around Lyra’s flank and pulling, she yelped again when the glow surged forward, enveloping her as well.
“Stay calm!” Trixie shouted, in spite of the fact she was beginning panic herself. “I can fix this!”
Her trapped friends began to levitate, hooves leaving the floor, the glow growing brighter.
“Fix it faster!” Bon Bon shouted, her legs thrashing to somehow find purchase.
Lashing out with her own magic, Trixie tried to drag them from the grips of whatever spell had them in its grip. But with a snap and pop, Bon Bon and Lyra vanished.
“Lyra?! Bon Bon!?
As the last swirls of magic faded from the room, a singular thought ran through the unicorn’s mind.
Bon Bon was going to kill her.
- - - -
The world was still spinning for Lyra as she reappeared...wherever she was now. She could feel Bon Bon’s body tucked up against hers, the candy maker groaning as she shook off the remains of her own dizziness.
“Smooth one Lyra.” She grumbled to herself, slowly getting back to her hooves, “Just go and touch the ancient glowing thingie. That’ll work out well.”
“Your words. Not mine.” Bon Bon commented, following suit.
Now that the world had stopped spinning for the two mares, they turned their attention to their surroundings. They were in some manner of cavern, standing atop a three tiered ziggurat that seemed to be of similar construction as the disk Lyra had examined moments ago. Glowing yellow spheres were set into the walls, providing illumination, while a single corridor led out of the chamber.
It had a bleak, almost forgotten feel to it, like an attic that no pony had cleaned out in decades. In fact, it seemed to Lyra that she and Bon Bon might have been the first creatures to stand on the ziggurat in centuries. A fine layer of dust lay over everything, even the light orbs, which lead to a muted cast across the whole room.
Frowning, she tapped her hoof against the ziggurat a few times, hoping it would somehow instantly whisk them back to Ponyville. The construction remained quiet however, the pair still stuck in the room.
“Lyra?” Bon Bon’s voice wavered, “It isn’t working…”
“I know.” She winced, “Hold on, let me take a closer look.”
Turning to her magical senses again, Lyra examined the structure, searching for the tell tale sign of magic. But the aura was as cold as the stone itself. Whatever enchantment had brought them here faded and gone.
“Nothing.”
“What are we going to do?” Bon Bon asked, an edge of fear and panic beginning to creep into her tone, “We don’t know where we are! We might not even be in Equestria any more!”
Lyra was at Bon Bon’s side in a moment, with an affectionate nuzzle to help calm her down. “It’s okay Bons. We’re smart ponies and we’re together. We’ll figure this out.”
Bon Bon nodded, taking a calming breath. “Okay.” With a furtive glance towards the only other direction they had available to travel, she nodded. “I guess we should see where we are?”
“It’s a starting point at least.” Lyra pointed out, trotting for the corridor.
It was plain and unadorned, seemingly bored straight through the rock. Lyra tried to ignore the twisting fear that thrashed about in her stomach, and the voice in the back her head (that, as it often did, spoke in Bon Bon’s voice) that pointed out that she had no idea where on the planet they were right now, and that this was a complete shot in the dark.
Even if they could work out where they were, it might take them years to find a way back home.
Unless Trixie finds a way to get to us. She thought. She could always write Princess Luna and then maybe she’d be able to work it out?
The sound of voices pulled Lyra from her dark thoughts.
“So, sister...what happens now?”
Lyra blinked, Bon Bon immediately drawing close to her side, body shaking slightly.
“Is that Corona?” She whispered.
“It sounds like her.” Lyra admitted, taking another careful step forward.
“We were both summoned. I have to assume that he wished to speak with us both.” Princess Luna evenly responded, “So, we either fight and possibly bring this valley to ruin….”
For a moment the only sound that reached Lyra’s ears was her and Bon Bon’s hooves on the stone floor of the tunnel. But as they approached the end, Corona spoke again.
“A cease fire while within the valley then? At the very least, until we work out what The Watcher wants.” She sounded uncharacteristically unsure of herself.
“Agreed.” Luna said, sounding just as weary as Corona, “I have to assume this isn’t a minor matter.”
Lyra and Bon Bon slowly emerged from the tunnel, to a rather odd sight. Corona and Luna were standing side by side on a simple stone platform, looking down at a collection of lights that hinted at a city. The pair looked more awkward than anything else, shooting occasional glances at each other, but not doing much else.
Somehow, Lyra was expecting a more dramatic confrontation between the two sisters than this. She shuffled her hooves for a moment, shooting a questioning glance towards Bon Bon, who was staring at sisters mouth open in shock, her whole body shaking.
“C-Corona.” She whispered, pushing herself even closer to Lyra’s side, “W-why is Corona here? Why is Luna talking with Corona!”
“I don’t know.” Lyra admitted, nervously biting her lip.
“No. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening!” Bon Bon trembled, the panic threatening to overwhelm her voice.
Lyra couldn’t really blame her, considering her kidnapping at the hooves of Corona. But she hadn’t seen what had happened in Tambelon either. Her experiences in there had proven that there was more to the solar alicorn than the legends.
And she wasn’t attacking Luna right now either.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped out onto the platform, pulling her way out of Bon Bon’s grip as she tried to hold her back. From there, she could see that the tunnel she had just exited was bored back into a natural rock wall, that extended out of view, into the darkness in either direction.
The terrace itself was built onto a slope, and had a set of stairs that lead down towards the collection of lights below.
“Umm. Hi?”
It was bizarre to see a pair of living legends spin about in surprise like that, but a little bit on the amusing side all the same.
“Lyra?” Luna blinked, “And Miss...Bon Bon? How?”
“Strange disk thing.” She shrugged, “I kind of...poked at it. And then Bon Bon tried to grab me and then here we are.”
Corona groaned, kneading the side of her head with a hoof. “Joyous. And where is the disk that sent you here now?”
“Back in Ponyville, with Trixie, I assume.”
Corona jabbed a wing at her. “Return. This place is not for you.”
“Hey! I tried that already. The transporty thing isn’t working.”
“The Watcher must have turned it off.” Luna shrugged, “He has always been protective of this land. Should be easy enough to fix. Let’s go and speak with him.”
“The Watcher?” Lyra blinked, “Princess, what’s going on?”
“It’s a long story.” Luna sighed, “And I do not think that now is the best time to go into all the details…”
“Sister.” Corona interrupted, pointing down the slope, “Some creature approaches.”
Lyra followed her hoof. A small sphere of light was slowly bobbing its way up the hill, most likely from a lantern. While Lyra was somewhat scared and confused over her current situation, the other part of her was rather curious. Even Bon Bon had left the safety of the tunnel entrance to stare at the yellow circle as it moved closer.
The lantern light gradually, almost painfully slow in fact, grew closer and brighter. Its bearer obviously wasn’t in a hurry, Lyra observed. Eventually, the lantern and the creature holding it clambered over the last step and into view.
It was, in a word, strange. It was about the size of the princesses, but that was about where the resemblance ended. Its skin was rough, gray and full of wrinkles from age. A pair of downward pointing, fang like tusks poked from the muzzle that also carried the lantern and, probably most bizarrely in Lyra’s mind, three pairs of nobby like bumps ran down the middle of its head. They were almost like horns, except not quite as pronounced.
It wore a multicolored checkered blanket across its back like a saddle, the edges marked with a beaded fringe that clacked softly as it moved. A torc- forged from what looked like tin- fasted around its thick neck was the only other piece of clothing it wore.
Carefully placing the lantern on the terrace, it looked from pony to pony, blinking as it took in everything.
“Greetings.” He rumbled in a deep, slow, male voice, speaking almost perfect Equestrian, “Celestia.” He bowed his head to her, “Luna.” And to her as well. He then turned his large head towards Lyra and Bon Bon, he carefully observed them before he spoke again, “And welcome, Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon. You may call me Grayback. Everycreature does. Please, follow me.”
Without waiting for a response, the great beast picked the lantern back up and began to trundle his way back down the mountain side. Corona followed after him, seemingly unperturbed by the strangeness of the creature or the situation. Bon Bon looked up at Princess Luna, shrugging helplessly, her eyes asking for some kind of explanation.
“It’s okay.” Luna nodded, “They may look somewhat intimidating, but the uintatherium are no better or worse than any other creature on the planet.”
“I’ve never heard of them.” Lyra blinked, heading down the stairs alongside Luna, Bon Bon at her side.
“That’s because they don’t exist outside this valley. This is the last population in the world.”
“Oh.” Lyra frowned, lapsing into silence as they continued to trot along.
From what she could see of the city as they walked along, it was very large and very old. The buildings were either carved stone, or adobe bricks, constructed in a very boxy style; sometimes in layered tiers with sloping ramps to connect the stories.
Carvings were evident across some of the buildings, similar to what she had viewed on the disk that brought her here, but what was more evident were all of the places where they were being stuccoed over.
But of the creatures that were on both disk and buildings weren’t walking the streets. Just more of what Princess Luna had called uintatherium. Though she couldn’t help but smirk at how they looked just as weirded out by her presence as she was by them.
Eventually, they reached the destination that Grayback was leading them to. Centrally located, it was the largest building in the city; a giant five tier pyramid that towered into the air, each tier protected by a defensive rampart, topped by a crenellated parapet.
It was like a more intimidating version of Canterlot Castle in a way. A structure built by creatures that were not only thought that they were going to be attacked, but who were downright certain of it. And it was through those series of ramparts that they were lead, to the top tier.
Continuing the whole “like Canterlot Castle, but more intimidating” vibe, the chamber they trotted into was arranged like a throne room. Constructed in two tiers, the remains of a stone throne lay crumbled in front of the second tier. Two sets of stairs lead up to the second level where a pillar, carved from black obsidian, ran from floor to ceiling.
The pillar was carved as well. A high relief of one of those bipedal reptile creatures stuck out from its face, arms folded across its chest, head tucked in with its snout pointing towards its claws.
Putting his lantern down again, Grayback bowed to the group. “Please wait here. I will bring tea.” He trundled off again, leaving them alone.
Lyra was about to open her mouth to ask what would happen next, when the pillar began to glow. A moment later an ethereal copy of the carved creature flowed from the statue, solidifying into a more perfect replica a moment later.
He...at least she assumed it was a he- she was having a hard time telling with these creatures she had never seen before- seemed much taller than she was expecting from the carvings, the tip of his snout almost coming even with Luna’s. He was bedecked in golden jewelry; a torc around the neck, bracelets on the arms, legs and tail all stamped with square patterns upon them.
Carrying an ornate staff in one of his clawed hands, he tilted his head, observing each of them in turn. When his eyes landed on Corona, however, the corners of his mouth twitched into a kind of exasperated smile.
“Celestia.” He shook his head, striding down one of sets of stairs. Slowly circling the alicorn, he stared at her flickering mane and tail, raising an eye as he completed the circle and stopped in front of her. “You look ridiculous like that.”
Lyra snorted, quickly biting back the burst of laughter that threatened to follow. Corona shot a glance her way, before looking back to The Watcher.
“Watcher-”
“Don’t give me that! You look ridiculous! What was wrong with the blue, pink, turquoise thing you had going on?”
“It didn’t suit-”
“Yes...I’m sure it didn’t.” He snorted, striding over to Luna next. Corona glared daggers at his back while he conducting the same circular observation, this one much quicker.
Satisfied with whatever he was looking for, The Watcher took a few steps away from the pair, turned to face them again, and let loose a deep sigh.
“So, you two never visit.”
“I’ve been trapped in the sun.” Corona deadpanned.
“You’re not trapped in the sun now. I have to call for help for you to visit?”
“Watcher.” Luna coughed, a frown crossing her muzzle, “Can you tell us about that?”
“In a moment.” He waved a dismissive claw towards her, as he turned his attention to the non princesses of the group.
Lyra couldn’t help but feel intimidated as the strange creature’s eyes took her in. He spoke with both alicorns like they were peers, but he was just one more brick in the castle of crazy that this whole situation was in her mind.
Bon Bon was a little more panicked. It had claws. It had sharp teeth. It had stepped out of a pillar of stone. Every inch of her body was screaming that this creature was wrong.
But a wide smile crossed his muzzle after a moment or two of observation. “Greetings, young ones.” He dipped his head into a quick bow, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Nice...to meet you too.” Lyra grinned nervously.
“Yes. Nice.” Bon Bon followed suit.
“Well, can’t be that nice. I can only imagine how confusing all of this for you right now.” He perked up, smiling all the wider as Grayback came shuffling back into the room, a tray somehow balanced on his nobby horns, “I do have some business to discuss with your rulers.”
“Rulers? Wait…”
“Grayback! Please escort Miss Heartstrings and Miss Bon Bon to one of the guest rooms.”
“Watcher.” Luna interrupted, “I wish to send them home.”
“And we’ll handle that in a little bit. For now, we need to have a conversation.”
Grayback motioned to another doorway with a hoof. “Please. Follow me.”
Sparing another glance back at Luna the pair allowed themselves to be lead off.
- - - -
The Watcher kept the wide smile on his face until Lyra, Bon Bon and Grayback disappeared through one of the doors that lead deeper into the pyramid. Once Bon Bon’s tail flicked around the corner, he sighed, his whole body slumping with weariness as he faced Celestia and Luna again.
Glancing between the two, he sighed even deeper, kneading the side of his head with a clawed hand.
“You two break my heart.”
Celestia and Luna exchanged a glance.
“If you sent the signal just to berate us...” Celestia began.
“Berate? Miss ‘I am the sun!’ is going to lecture me about berating ponies?” He snapped, voice growing more and more angry, “Or would you care to do a repeat performance of your re-appearance at Canterlot?”
“And who are you,” Celestia snapped back, “To tell me how to look after my little ponies? You are hardly one to talk!”
The pair glowered at each other, neither creature moving as their own anger clashed against each other.
“Watcher.” Luna interrupted, “Why did you call us here? From everything I’ve seen as we passed through the city...well, it seems that the uintatherium are doing quite well.”
“For once, I agree with my sister.” Celestia nodded, “From a band of stragglers, to a hidden nation.”
“Oh, yes.” He nodded, “They’re doing quite well. They’ve extended towards the entrance of the valley, built roads between all the villages, crop rotation is working quite well. They’ve come quite far.”
Luna and Celestia glanced at each other again.
“Then...why did you summon us?” Luna asked.
“Because, they found something. Something that neither I, nor my charges can deal with.”
- - - -
For Bon Bon, it felt like the walls were closing in on her.
As much as Grayback was insisting that they were being taken to a nice room, she had her doubts. They were going down into the pyramid...castle...thing. And down in castles are where rulers kept dungeons, not guest rooms.
A stab of annoyance shot through her when she looked at Lyra. Her marefriend had apparently gotten over her earlier nervousness, and was now taking in everything they passed with a wide eyed wonder.
Then again, she always had been a bit of a bard. And even through her fear, she couldn’t help but admit that a lost city of lost creatures was the seed of many a legend. This place must have been fascinating for her.
But right now, all she wanted to do was go home.
“The Confectionarium!” She shouted, realization crashing down on her, “It’s supposed to open tomorrow! How am I supposed to run the shop while I’m here!”
“The Watcher will do his best to assist you.” Grayback rumbled, stopping at a curtain, “But for now, rest.”
Pushing the curtain aside, he gestured to the room beyond.
It looked nicer than Bon Bon was expecting. A large square bed dominated the center of the room, built low to the ground, pillows and blankets piled upon its surface. Two window shafts, built diagonally into the wall, allowed for natural light during the day, while another one of the glowing yellow orbs from the cavern set into the ceiling provided light during night.
“Is it to your satisfaction?” Grayback asked, carefully sliding the tea into a small table, “Can I get you anything else? Fruit? Sweets? Alcohol?”
“Nothing, thanks.” Bon Bon quickly answered, cutting Lyra off, “Will we have to wait long? We’d really like to go home.”
Grayback shrugged. “I can not guess how long the master’s meeting will take. He has not spoken with your rulers-”
“Corona is not my ruler!” Bon Bon barked, taking an angry, emphatic step towards the great beast. Her fear of the situation was forgotten in the heat of the moment, her fury intense enough that Grayback took a shocked step back from a creature a quarter of his size.
“I have been...misinformed.” He bowed his head, “Please forgive my mistake.”
Bon Bon registered the feeling of Lyra’s hoof on her back. “Bonnie. It’s okay. He didn’t know.”
Taking a few deep breaths, Bon Bon felt the rage flow from her body, Lyra’s presence a port in the storm.
“I will inform you as soon as The Watcher can speak with you.” Grayback explained, “Until then, please rest.”
Not waiting for a response, he retreated from the room, leaving Bon Bon and Lyra alone. Lyra nuzzled up to her marefriend, slowly rubbing her back. “It’ll be okay. Princess Luna is here, and she’ll make sure we get home.”
“Yeah.” Bon Bon sighed, trotting over to the bed and throwing herself down on the mattress, “...At least the bed is nice.”
Lyra plopped down beside her, prodding her neck with the tip of her nose. A goofy grin crossed her muzzle, a thought crossing her mind on how to take Bon Bon’s mind of the situation. With absurdity.
“Well, so long as we’re here...want to join the lost ancient temple club?”
A combination of a snort and a giggle burst from Bon Bon, as she rolled onto her side to peer at her significant other. “That’s not a thing!”
It was a simple declaration, backed up with a friendly hoof jab to the shoulder.
“It’s totally a thing! I just made it up.”
Cuddling close to her, Bon Bon shook her head. “At least I can always count on you.”
Wrapping her forearms around Bon Bon’s trembling frame, Lyra hugged her against her body, doing her best to calm the mare’s fear. As the minutes ticked by, Lyra could feel Bon Bon’s breathing slow, and then settle into the kind of regular rhythm that came from sleep.
Lyra sighed, looking out the room’s slanted window. The stars glittered in the night sky, just like they did back home. She yawned. It was late. Snuggling a little deeper into the mattress, she closed her eyes. Princess Luna would probably have more information in the morning.
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Whoops, nevermind, it's up already. I'll add it to the pile.
Oh hey, it's out! I'll have to read it when I get the chance.
Adding to read later list, for sure, very top of the pile. I'd get to it now, but I'm trying to push through my newest project. Have a feeling this one's gonna be good.
Glad to see it up!
So, over all I'm still a bit hesitant, and feel this story risks de-vilifying Corona too quickly, or else conversely just needlessly retreading everything Tambelon already did. I'm also still not entirely sold on some of the prospective lore building-likely to come up, nor the potential implications it could mean for the setting as a whole. I will however give it all time before jumping to any hasty evaluation.
Regardless of any of the above concerns, however, where I can see this fic already shining is in all wonderfully well choreographed character interactions. You continue, as you always, to show a pretty solid grasp of who all these characters are supposed to be and how they're various personality quirks bounce off of each other.
...and now for some specific scene-by-scene feedback.
I will never understand why the overwhelming majority of people insist on ruining perfectly good fudge (and brownies) by always adding nutts to them. No accounting for personal tastes though.
After what happened last time, who could blame her.
I'm not sure it's really needed to mention the mirror pool specifically. Lyra's bardic knowledge is commonly known to her friends by this point, and for Trixie imp articular she'd likely equally recall Lyra's recounting of the legend of Andalantys. Probably enough to just mention that Lyra studies old stories with out mentioning any one in particular, or else mention multiple instances where Lyra's knowledge of legends and lore have come up instead of only singling out the most recent.
Given as they haven't really seen Spike since all the way back at the start of S1, it might be more appropriate to just say the creatures look like dragons in general. In both this and my preceding note, you do want to be wary of bringing up details that aren't really directly relevant to this particular story, lest coninuity nods inadvertently segue into continuity porn. Not saying it's an actual problem here, just that it's something you should always keep in mind.
As mentioned elsewhere recently, I still don't like that nickname within the context the Lunaverse. Just never sounds right coming from our Lyra's mouth. Maybe it's silly of me to fixate on such a seemingly minor thing, but I still intend to always point that out wherever I see it happen.
Hmm... I wonder just how familiar with BonBon Luna should really be? Certainly she's seen her, but should she really be able to recollect her name with out at least pausing a moment to think. Even just rephasing to like "And Miss... BonBon??" might seem better -- The use of a formal title to indicate a lack of immediate familiarity, the ellipsis to represent a verbal pause, and the extra question mark indicating that she's also unsure of the name in addition to being surprised the other mare is even here in the first place.
I do really ever so love it when a character in the midst of an extraordinary situation fixates on a mundane triviality. Lyra works well here as the hero eager to explore new things, while BonBon is just as perfect being the ordinary mare that just wants to get back to her ordinary life.
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I hope that you'll enjoy it. I put a lot of work into this one, in terms of re-writes and everything. But I am very pleased with how its turned out so far.
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Hopefully! And good luck with your project Flicka, I look forward to seeing what it is.
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Thanks Fizzy! You seemed excited about this one from what I posted so far over on the forums, so hopefully the final version will stay entertaining.
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Oh, I see how it is! Now you bring up this stuff rather than in the Writers Workshop when I was asking for it!
In all seriousness though, I am aware of what kind of tightrope I need to walk. Hopefully, if I pull this off properly, it'll leave things nice and dramatic for Penultimate and Final Fall of the Tyrant Sun.
Thanks for the feedback on how I handle the character stuff though! Truthfully, that's kind of the thing I tend to be the most nervous about, writing as part of a shared universe, that I'm somehow going to drag characters massively off track. I've been exceptionally nervous about Luna and Celestia/Corona in this one, because of the afore mentioned tightrope walk.
But hearing that I do handle that well feels good.
And give RDD all credit for the addition of Bon Bon into the fic. Lyra was originally here more as an audience surrogate and the "normal pony" to bounce off the weirdness of the high level character stuff, with Bon Bon being stuck behind with Trixie.
But he pointed out that I could use the Luna/Celestia relationship slash conflict as a counterpoint and way to give Lyra and Bon Bon some relationship facetime. And here we are!
Thanks for the feedback though. I can always count on you to be direct and to the point with the things you think need work.
Okay, finally working through the backlog. Interesting beginning, here. Lots of questions about what's going on, but okay. I share Emeral's concerns about Corona. And no one's changing my mind on her, either.[/dead_serious] But the Watcher, first name Uatu? ;)
Ooooo, a Lost World style island of civilized dinosaurs? Neat.
I gotta say, seeing another immortal peer of the sisters berate Celestia for being Corona was fairly nice. And i'm not quite so concerned about retreading the same ground as Tambelon, largely because I liked seeing that ground covered in the first place and wouldn't mind a second trip.
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He's been absent for that fucking long? God, it's a good thing I never started reading the Lunaverse; I'd have gotten completely fed up with it a long time ago.
Cap. (Title / moniker).
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Everycreature
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So far off to a good start.