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Twilight and Rainbow Dash both clash on the bloody battlefield of the Everfree Forest. This battle will be the defining point of the 2ed Equestrian civil war. Will the New Lunar Republic win? Or will the Solar Empire crush the rebellion? And during this battle can Twilight and Rainbow really do the unthinkable: To kill the one you love.
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I hate to be nitpicky and please don't take this the wrong way, but this needs to be combed over a few times. There were a lot of grammar mistakes and they were very distracting which is a shame because the story itself was very good, but the fact i had to keep correcting the sentences as I went kept me from enjoying it fully. That being said, it was still a interesting read and has potential as long as it gets polished up a bit. I wish you luck in any of your future endeavors. Have a like.
4722237 Thank you, and I completely understand. I will get a prereader soon to go over this story. Also, I'm glad you liked it :)
Realy great so far but I agree with Runewalker. You should fill us in on how this all started and why they became enemys.Cant wiat to see future chapters.
Just from reading the premise alone I can already tell this story is far from complete. It is also mistagged. What you have written is very firmly outside the realm of slice of life. A war setting is not normal day to day. Having to face your love as an enemy is not day to day. A choice of loyalty to heart or country has far reaching scope that probably could affect the outcome of this was, this is of national scope. Firmly in "adventure" territory.
Even if you change the tags to be correct, this is still a terrible fic without me having to read a word. There is no combination of 2506 words that can properly tell the story you've described. As others pointed out already, you don't get to just say, "there is a war going on, it sucks." You have to establish how and why your alternate universe is so different than the real Equestria that the sisters are fighting, and most importantly why your chosen main characters find themselves on opposite sides of this conflict.
There is simply far too much story involved in this idea to fit. The fact that there are so few words tells me it is beyond rushed.
I would like to just thank you all so much for the feedback and such. Also, I will be writing a Preface so to give you all the added bit of info you all request. :)
This sounds like it needs a dark tag...
honestly, i feel this story deserves to be expanded upon. maybe not with anything that happened before the first chapter, but a lot of things after it would make this story very interesting. like, maybe twilight and rainbow travel around and begin to see just what the war has done to so many people. maybe they see secrets that were kept from them by their respective princesses in order to insure their loyalty. you know; stuff like that.
Good story, aside from the spelling mistakes. Good show.
8.7/10
This story was excellent. I especially liked the happy ending. I say this because this story could easily have ended with a very unhappy ending and so it makes me happy that, even though it is an alternate universe, the relationship between Spike and Twilight Sparkle hasn't changed to the point where he would kill her. Here are some songs that I thought would go excellent with the story:
and
This line: "The New Lunar Republic, baby!" Spike flipped off his sister, then took to the skies
i need more chapters of this. what happens after the war? where do rainbow and twi go?
I'M THE 1000TH VIEW!!!!!
D'aaaaaaawwwwwwww! This brought happy tears to my eyes and they then went back in.
Pretty good
great story but sequel needs to happen
Soooo..... it’s basically a “Romeo and Juliet” kinda plot?? Cool :)
Never liked sun plot anyways. Too much wrong with her. Very little going the right way
Hello writer.I'm a Chinese.Could I translate this article?