- Member Since 5th Apr, 2013
- offline last seen Apr 9th, 2020
Phoenix Warlord
A lover of Halo, Star Wars, Ponies, Fallout, and many things. Has many pony waifus. 1/2 of Warfire Writing Studios
Phoenix Warlord
Joined 5th Apr, 2013 ·
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Secks
4718583 No shit Sherlock... The tag wasnt obvious enough...
Very nice, it's a good balance of rough and passionate.
Nice story. I have no other words for this.
4718583 Haha, nice.
4719285 Thanks! I"m glad you enjoyed it!
4719744 Thank you, I'm happy you enjoyed the story!
What was with all of the stuttering?
Well that was.... interesting.
Overall good story but the excessive stuttering hurts the overall flow. I can see it being used early when the assistant is still shocked and nervous but afterwards it really should die off. Coco herself, having planned the encounter, shouldn't stutter at all. Just some hopefully helpful tips for you. Overall the story was pretty good though
4722947 It was her panting from her orgasms.
4723008 In the good way or not so good way?
4723435 Ah I see what you mean. Well, it was her panting from her orgasm, that's for the stuttering. We'll cut back on them for the future. Glad you liked it overall! Thanks for the comment!
4726746
That's a pretty flimsy reason, especially because they both did it.
Not to mention the run on sentences, oy vey....
Good way. It wasn't bad by any means at all. It's, somewhat perfect. Maybe write more stories like this. Putting readers in the shoes of the protagonist was a grand idea.
4726746
If I might offer a suggestion: tone down the stutter and slip in some orgasm-noises like "ah," or "oh." As it stands, it just sounds like they're f-f-freezing th-their f-fucking t-t-t-toes off.
4735606 I think I'll keep that in mind for next time. Thanks for the criticism, I'll take it in mind.
4727600 Thanks! I appreciate the comment! There will be more of these stories coming!
Well, you've got spelling and punctuation errors in the first paragraph, so I can already see that this isn't for me. Oh well.
s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-777429-2-mlfw7821-y__all_don__t_say_by_mamandil-d5e36kb.png
4797731 Nice one. /)
4800363 (\
So, by chance could you PM me the pic that gave you the inspiration?
I liked this story,
though I was kinda hoping Coco was a bit more dominant towards the reader, but that's just me 
Good job either way 
5136957
Thanks for the comment and glad you liked the story!
5137447 your very welcome
Felt a bit rushed all in all.
7463603 I-I-I kn-know!
Thanks for the watch also! 
4847599 Hi there! Just sent you a PM about where I got the inspiration for the story!