The window through which we perceive life is what defines our experience of it. We are only aware of a small fraction of what our senses pick up. We can all choose how we see the world.
Flim and Flam hightailed it out of Ponyville to avoid making another mistake, though doesn't stop them from selling their 'merchandise' to anypony who needs it.
When the brothers travel to the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange, they meet a vendor who not only tells the truth without conning others, but could also teach them a lesson or two in honesty.
Editor: Goatmeal
Proofreader: Wing Dancer
Page generated in 0.099 seconds
Total duration
1,128 users online
1,678,817 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A fun story that I enjoyed reading. Nice work!
4746658 Thank you!
This was a nice story. It isn't spectacular, but, it was good.
To start, the pacing has improved. Each scene doesn't feel rushed.
However, the story... needs work. Now, I want you to read this story and see why two thousand words was all it needed.
I know I should've told you this after you published, "Conniving Draconequus", so, I'll say it now.
Just like there, the pacing has improved as well. But, the problem is, is the fact that even though each scene isn't rushed, the story on the other hand, is.
It's kind of the same thing here. To start, that scene with the Flim Flam brothers on the train wasn't needed. I believe that the story would've worked without them. And yeah, I know, you need to have a thousand words before publishing it, but that's why I'm here (I hope I'm not showing off when I'm saying that.). Anyways, it would've been better if it focused on Peachy Pitt instead of the Flim Flam brothers. Why? Because we already know how they are. Flim would never ask if Flam was sure about their decision because they would pretty much do it if this was a good deal. That's why I argue that it would've been better if the focus was on Peachy. If that were the case, and if you introduced her appropriately, and maybe even giving her honest trading some focus and attention, then that would've made for a better story.
The last thing I'd like to talk about, is the ending. To be honest, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great either. I mean, really? Vomiting in their face is going to prove to the ponies that confidence doesn't come from a drink. I mean granted, it made her vomit and not boost confidence; But, why didn't the ponies that bought it throw up, too? But hey, that was the problem the original episode this was based on had as well. But, on the bright side, that little speech Peachy said, was well thought out. Mainly because the ponies in Equestria tend to be very gullible at times. I mean, they turned against the Apple family in "Super speedy cider squeezy 6,000" and pretty much bought the tonics without any skepticism in "Leap of Faith". So, I guess it made sense that she gave them a little speech to remind them that you don't need special drinks to lift your spirits.
So, overall, this was an improvement. It has a few mistakes, but it was a good story nonetheless.
4746927 Gotcha!
That outta teach them. The last place they can go: the griffin territory! Or far far away. I'd like to see then try to scam griffins....
4746990 That wouldn't end well.
4747001 I should've added that. To be honest, I should have cut out some stuff.
4747020 Wait it did?
4746938
Oh, and I fixed my review a little (Specifically, the sentence with link in it.) so I can make myself more clear as to what I was saying.
4747031 You made yourself very clear. So, are you going to review every story that I make?
4747038 Okay, I will! Oh my Celestia, I did!
4747045 I'm pretty proud of myself.
4747042
Not really.
I don't want to be a bother, you know.
Again, I only critique in order to help and as a hobby. I don't do this often, as you can see.
4747060 This was the second time that a story of mine has been featured.
4747062 You're not being a bother, maybe reviewing other stories is what you do.
4747068
Oh...
4747083 That's all, nothing too bad.
4747094
Yeah.
4747114 But thanks for the reviews though.
4747121
You're welcome.
This is really good!
I just have one thing though. In my opinion it would sound better if you placed this:
Before this sentence:
Then it would end on a more conclusive note and just sound better overall. I know it's a minor thing but I just wanted to let you know my honest opinion. You earned a fave anyway.
4871657 Thanks, Midnight!
4871678 You're welcome, Scoots!
Hmm, mixed feelings on this one. A solid storyline and it's always good to see the brothers again, but the vomit thing was unpleasant and actually writing "TIME PASSAGE" is really clunky. So, not voting either way on this one.
It's okay, I mean , the description made it sound like it was going to be a redemption story so when it turned out to be a 'average pony does mane 6's job for them' story it left me feeling a little cheated. Good job other than that