Octavia and Vinyl are roommates in college, but when a great tragedy befalls Octavia. The path that the event sets into motion might change many ponies lives.
Chapters (1)
The Cellist
Joined 12th Aug, 2013 ·
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Not bad I think your doing very well sofar I just caught a few things that I think you should fix or remember to do in the future.
-indent, always do it you've got the format right it's just I think it'll look a bit better if you do it
-italics, use them when your writing letters or having characters think.
-info, always have your facts right. For example, VINYL SCRATCH IS NOT YELLOW, sorry if your going to write a FANfic then you gotta know what color they are. Honestly I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how you have the colors wrong, all you have to do is type two words into your search engine.
-Sudden descisions,
Overall if you make this a long story then I hope to read it soon, I hoped this helped and am looking forward to seeing the next chapter.
Till the next one
-R
Thank you, I should have indented the paragraphs and stuff.
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/DJ_Pon-3
That's the source I used when I started making this story. She's supposed to be an off white color but I went with the pale yellow instead of an off white, but just so you know I was going to make her dye her coat white when the action and stuff started happening. As a kind of disguise. Maybe I'll just reverse it. I don't know right now.
Were you going to say something else about sudden descisions?
4709694
Must of forgot about it. It was about midnight so that may have been a reason. Sudden descisions are pretty much when some one goes like this:
(Using same examples)
She wonders why she's tired and without even pondering it, she remembers.
No pondering, or thoughts she just makes a out if the blue descision.
Same thing, though if you had before shown a prized record you could've put it in the collection she tried saving making it that much more important. Another thing to do is if you want to reference something do this,
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/DJ_Pon-3
Do what you did except tap the link, then paste it in the URL link and it'll come out like that, taking you directly where you were.
Anyways I still think you should indent your thoughts for the characters, any book you look at it'll have that and it won't look like they're saying it out loud. If you have any questions or want any help, just reply or PM me.
Till the next one
-R