Shattered

by SilentBelle

Every Day

Shattered
By: SilentBelle

Every day I wake up to the soft light of dawn sifting through my dusty old window. I blink at the light and lay upon my creaking bed, and the first thing that comes into focus is an array of posters plastering the oaken walls of my room. Their blues and yellows catch the morning light and somehow shine back brighter than before.

I'm always caught for a moment, stunned by their dazzling colours, even creased, worn, and bleached by sunlight as so many of them are, they stand out so perfectly against the stark wood behind them. The Wonderbolts in these posters are just about all nameless to me—I don't care for their names, names never mattered. But each pony is caught with their wings spread wide, with naught but clouds and sky around them. So fierce and tense are their smiles that I can't help but wonder what it could be like. That moment.

Those colours, blue and yellow, they mean more than just the Wonderbolts to me. They mean the expressions on those other ponies' faces. The colours are freedom in the open air, and the comforting embrace of sunlight. The colours are bravery, speed, and all the things dreams are made of.

Below the numerous, worn posters, a stray glare of light always catches my eye. A new wooden picture frame holds a sheet of glass, smooth and perfect, behind it and the glare, I can make out another form. She's a pony I could never forget, even if she's eclipsing the sun, her proud silhouette would always be enough.

My eyes settle upon the picture of Rainbow Dash. She's caught falling, her wings spread from her side effortlessly. The pure bliss with which she falls through the sky never ceases to amaze me.

How could somepony be so perfect in a single instance? While the posters may be what the stuff of dreams are made of, this picture is the dream. It's what I hoped to be.

It kindled something inside me, when I first saw the picture. I hadn't ever felt that way before. It was an urge to know what it was like, to be in that moment. It was something beyond just curiosity. It was fascination. What does it feel like to fly like that? What does it mean to be free? How can I do that?

I still want to know.

I've tried flying on my own. I spread my wings and flapped them madly until I collapsed from exhaustion, and I gave up that day. It was hard, the hardest, most frustrating thing I'd done. But the next day, I saw the picture again. Rainbow Dash, she was so at ease, so sure, and so unwilling to be anything other than what she was in that moment. And there was that feeling again, it hurt worse than my aching muscles had. I knew I wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't trying as hard as Rainbow Dash had, so I kept at it. I pushed and pushed and pushed, as hard as I knew how.

With every beat of my wings I could feel a mounting doubt weighing down upon me. I wasn't getting better. I could hear the voices of those fillies mocking me for trying, they were certain I would never succeed, they gave words to my doubt. So I looked to my friends, and they only asked me to stop.

But if I stopped, how could I ever know what it felt like to wear that expression? If I stopped, how would I know that feeling of freedom? I want to know it, even for just a second. I have to. For just one moment.

So I pushed on, through exhaustion and pain. If I stopped they'd be right, my doubt would have won. I couldn't let that happen. Rainbow was the most determined pony I knew. If I wanted to reach that dream, I'd have to be just like her.

But I did stop. When she arrived, her free and unbridled grin was absent. Only a concerned and sad face looked at me. Her chromatic mane was still upon her head, and her wings were loosely scrunched to her sides, twitching with unease. In that moment, she wasn't the mare in the picture anymore. She wasn't.

“You're you, and I'm me. Scootaloo, you don't have to be like me,” she'd said.

Of course I don't have to be like her. Dreams aren't like that. It's my choice isn't it? But what if I do want to be like her? What if I want to know what it feels like to be somepony who can do something that they love, somepony who can ride the skies freely? What if I want to be able to keep pace with her? To fly alongside her? To be her equal and share in what she loves to do? To share that moment... What if that's my dream? What if that's what I want?

I take a good look at the picture, flaring in the morning sunlight. Who is she? How can I be like her? How can I experience that moment? Never has the picture seemed more distant, or more beautiful to gaze upon.

Am I supposed to give up on this? After all the hours I've spent, am I not good enough? If I didn't feel that pressure of doubt, would that have made the difference? If I could fly... wouldn't she be cheering me on? Shouldn't she encourage me to try and reach that dream even now? Why would she say such a thing?

'I don't have to be like her'? I don't have to have this dream? Isn't that backward? We were always told to find our dreams and chase them down. These posters and these pictures, isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Shouldn't she want me to have this dream?

I do have it, and I can see it so clearly. I know what I want, and I'm reaching out touch it, but the glass holds my hoof back. In this moment I'm reaching for it—I always have been since I saw it—but it won't reach out past its frame. It won't meet me halfway... After all, it's just a dream... and dreams can't be reached. So, what's the point?

In this moment, she's left me shattered. And every day, I wake up from my dream to see discoloured wood, where posters once looked down upon me. And my eyes are drawn to my bedside table where her picture remains, caught in sunlit motion, blurred from my tears, and cracked from shattered glass.

Every day, I wish I still had a dream.

End

Author's Note:

A piece inspired by two things: Firstly, Midnight herald, whose work has left me wondering how he can create such powerful character pieces in so few words. Secondly, Rameslack's beautiful artwork that I used for the cover.

Art that inspires art is a beautiful thing.

Comments

[Tai Ichi]

Nice one, but there is are two words that shouldn't connect in one of the sentences.
...they stand out so perfectlyagainst the stark wood...
Just saying .

[Rametep]

What a lovley picture you got as a coverart

[nioniosbbbb]

I got nothin... Absolutely nothing... Not that i could say anything if i had... This is good... Very good.

[Gleaming]

This was a very good story, well done.

[SilentBelle]

4708337 Heh. Thanks for pointing that out. Writing and editing a story at four in the morning will do stuff like that. Thanks for reading.

[Tai Ichi]

4708812
I know the feel, first time I edited something I completely forgot (well I didn't know at the time) to edit it. Which destroyed the entire lay-out of it. no italics, no bolds, no nothing.

The moment I realised it, I was like

But nevermind that,

again, nice story

[TwiwnB]

I like the story. (given the subject, how could I not?)
So I took the time to read it over and over to try and decipher it the best I could.

I do have some questions, some for my own curiosity, others as writing hypothesis. I just want to say that those questions are sometimes very nitpicking, as I'm interested in some very tiny details you wrote.
If by any mean my questions were to offense you, please ignore the whole thing and just tell me to delete it, which I'll do immediately. I'm only driven by curiosity. I'm not criticizing (hell, I couldn't do half as good of a job), I'm trying to understand how you did what you did and why you did it a certain way. I'm also conscious that you wrote that early in the morning and that you did not seek absolute perfection.

Lot of spoilers ahead...

First question:

my dusty old window

my creaking bed

You seem to want to create sort of a sad atmosphere by showing the poverty of Scootaloo's room. It might have been to contrast with the shining posters, but:

Below the numerous, worn posters,

Seems not.
At a moment, I thought it was to reflect an old Scootaloo looking back at her past, but it's clearly not that either (the whole things is pretty much just after "flight to the finish").

So I'm wondering why you made that choice. Given that you were writing at 2 o'clock in the morning, it might have just been the mood of the moment, but I wonder if there was another intention behind that choice. Was there?

Second question:

And every day, I wake up from my dream

Every day, I wish I still had a dream.

I didn't pay too much attention to it at my first reading, but the repetition might create sort of a bias in your message, because, if the reader is focused, you pretty much say: "I wake up from my dream (aka: I have a dream), and I wish I still had a dream".
Of course those two dreams have nothing in common, but why not having chosen to say "And every day, I wake up from my sleep..." or something along those lines?

And if I touch this point, it's because I thought at first that you wanted to talk about the compensation of real life through phantasm, as Scootaloo would have replaced flying in the real world by flying in her dream world, with its consequences. But as it doesn't seem to be the case, I do wonder, once again, if it was intentional or if it's due to the time the story was written.

In a way, but way less important in my eyes, is the repetition of "shattered", as I cannot find clue pointing to you wanting to create an analogy there (the broken glass representing the broken dreams and hopes, but not Scootaloo herself).

Third question:
I would like to know how you structured the ending, from:

Of course I don't have to be like her.

To:

After all, it's just a dream, and dreams can't be reached. So, what's the point?

For what I understand, you chose the following progression:
1) what if this actually is the dream I've chosen?
2) how can I achieve that dream => seems redondant, as it is what has occupied the whole second third of the story.
=> picture seems distant
3) should I give up?
4) shouldn't I be the one who choose my dream?
5) illiusion breaks and Scootaloo gives up
=> she reaches the picture

Wasn't the intention beyond the second message "why cannot I achieve that dream"?
Is it intentional to come back to the idea of "choosing one's own dream" ? Or did it come under the flow of the writing?

The parallel between the distance between Scootaloo and the picture and between dream and reality is superb by the way...

Fourth question:

but it won't reach out past its frame. It won't meet me halfway. After all, it's just a dream, and dreams can't be reached. So, what's the point?

You chose to write it all in the same paragraph and I'm wondering about the impact on the rythm of the story. The sentences are all about the same length and end with a "period" (weird name for "."). So there is about no reason for the reader to change the pace of his reading.
But there is a clear need for a pause between the observation:

It won't meet me halfway.

And the realization:

After all, it's just a dream,

There is, at least for what I can feel and understand, a clear change in tone and mindset. From the sad disappointment ("I can't reach it") to a more cynical and bitter acceptation "Dreams can't be reached.".

My guess would be that the paragraphe is meant to be read while slowing down until the "After all, it's just a dream". But I'm surprised that you didn't use would it only be the ellipsis ("...") to mark the little pause.
Even more as it is the central point of the story (as Scootaloo gives up), explaining the use of the past at the beginning:

It's what I hoped to be.

What was your intention? How did you write that part?

***

As for the content... I think you made a good portray of of a child who gives up on her dreams.

I could hear the voices of those fillies mocking me for trying

That part is one that I would have liked to see expanded. The peer pressure when it comes to dream ("You can do it" or "You should give up") is central in such cases and is represented here almost only with Rainbow Dash. Exploring why we mock those who try to achieve something seemingly out of reach would be very interesting.
That said, it would have been very hard to do just that with a first person narration.

Somehow, I would add a fifth question there: why didn't you mention, even very indirectly, that Scootaloo had gotten rid of all her Wonderbolts' posters? I know it's cliché as hell (the show did it), but the destructive phase is part of the process of mourning.

[SilentBelle]

4708852 Let's see if I can answer these well enough. But before I do that, I'll say that half the stuff I add into the story, I don't put in simply because I'm intending to use it as a certain literary device, but usually it's because the writing and word choice often feels right. And yes, it was early in the morning, so I might go over this after work today, read it aloud to myself, and do a bit of nitpicking with the words until it sound just how I want to read it.

The first question: Choosing those two lines: "Dusty old window" and "my creaking bed". They were chosen, not to accentuate poverty (though it could be implied), but it is more to display that she's neglecting those wooden objects because they are not what she cares about. I think she'd really rather want to live in a cloud home. So she doesn't dust her windows, and she's not looking for a new wooden bed. And even the posters play into this. The posters are the stuff dreams are made of. They are old, and I think they fueled her own dream a long time ago. All these things are meant to contrast with that pristine photograph.

As for question two: The repetition of the word dream, instead of using 'sleep', it was very much intentional. I originally had it as 'sleep', but this played out better to me when I changed it. Every day she wakes up from her dream, implying that every day she wakes up and sees that photograph and that wakes her up from chasing that dream. I felt the repetition made the final instance stronger.

For the third question, that was more of a flow of writing thing. These are questions that are similar to ones that I have thrown at myself, regarding writing. The way I chose this section was far less intentional, and more derived from the flow of the moment.

For the fourth question: That's a very valid point and I will definitely tweak that bit there. It definitely read slower in my mind, and my own strategy of using as few ellipses as possible, in order to enhance their overall power in the story was probably to blame for that one. I'll fix that right away.

As for the fifth question... I don't think she would throw away the posters, simply because they aren't what she's chasing. Her focus was on RD, and this harkens back to the posters being worn and more along the lines of the thing that lead her to reach after Rainbow Dash. It might make sense to add that though... I can see the merit in having her take down the poster that are 'the things that dreams are made of' in an attempt to stop herself from forming another passing dream.

I think I may just add that.

Thanks for these questions, they've made me think about my own work and what choices I made as I wrote (most of the choices are split-second on the go sort of things, but they do nonetheless have reason for being chosen). Thanks for reading,

~SilentBelle

[TwiwnB]

Thanks for all those answers .

I think she'd really rather want to live in a cloud home.

That is a good point. Now I can understand the intention.

every day she wakes up and sees that photograph and that wakes her up from chasing that dream.

This is very interesting for me. Thanks ^^.

and my own strategy of using as few ellipses as possible

Which is a good strategy. Another alternative could be to create a new paragraphe with the "After all...". There are probably other alternatives, but I'm not really the creative type...
Still, now I know it wasn't intentional in that sense.
[edit: actually, the double ellipsis feels counterproductive when re-reading that part. I'm not sure about it (and in no position to read it out loud), I'll rely on you for that. I still would like to apologize if I made you hurt the story there... => as I said, I can't really help better the story in any way, I was just trying to learn.]

in an attempt to stop herself from forming another passing dream.

This is taking it one step further. And thus creating a contradiction (which is a normal contradiction as the human mind sort of works that way) where Scootaloo would wish for a new dream while destroying the tools to find one.
Good luck with that, it seems pretty difficult to make it work.

***

Once again, thanks for all those answers:

they've made me think about my own work

So did you answers for me .

[Midnight herald]

Wow, if i was part of the inspiration for this, I must be doing something right. The quiet, understated and almost doomed way you show Scootaloo giving up on her dreams was very well-handled. And I loved how Rainbow, even after accidentally hurting Scootaloo though a miscommunication, was still clearly an important pony to Scootaloo. Even if Scootaloo is having trouble showing it or even acknowledging it, it shone through pretty strongly that she still idolizes Rainbow, albeit in an incredibly unhealthy way. You really nailed the overall tone of despair, too. A very powerful piece, and I'm honored I somehow managed to spur you into writing this little gem.

[97xxfastbike]

Beautiful... I wish I had enough of an education to give me ability to say how amazing that was!

However,
(Why is it that criticism is sooo D@%# easy?)
I do have one thought: In your last paragraph.

In this moment, she's left me shattered. And every day, I wake up from my dream to see discoloured wood, where posters once looked down upon me. And my eyes are drawn to my bedside table where her picture remains, caught in sunlit motion, blurred from my tears, and cracked from shattered glass.

You seem to be switching to present tense in the bold. And I believe that is a good direction to go. My humble opinion for your consideration, is to change everything from "In this moment," on to present tense. "And tomorrow, I will wake from my dreams to see...etc."
To me, it works, and seems powerful.
Anyway, my two cents for your consideration.
What you wrote is far beyond my ability and I applaud your work. Thank you.

[dancing mop]

Ah, so you're dabbling in First-Person now (This is the first I can remember)? Damn, you're gettin' good at this writing thing. At this point, you've pretty much got introspective soul-searching on the part of the character nailed down. I mean, hell, you made this little gem in what, two, three hours? It seems to be second nature to you now. So that's awesome.

[SilentBelle]

4712040 An hour and a bit, with half an hour of editing.

[dancing mop]

4712160

[PresentPerfect]

Very nice work, I love the emotional punch of that single line of dialogue. :)

[NobleValor]

Whoa.

[L3gion]

I decided to read this on PP's recommendation, and I'm glad I did. I'm most impressed by the emotional punch you were able to pack into such a short story. This story is exceptionally well written, powerful, and touching.

Keep up the good work!

[SilentBelle]

5038043 Thanks, I'm glad it's been as well received as it has.

[Cold Spike]

The only thing this fic makes me wonder about, how would you write the polar opposite of it? How could you take something so articulate and make it just as positive feeling? If Scootaloo woke up one day and had an entire story sequel to this, in her universe but everything changed for the better for her and still make the fic interesting and memorable. That is my dream.

[SilentBelle]

5297176 Well, I think it would be quite possible, to continue from this story and tell a story about how she manages to overcome her own inability through sheer determination and hard work. Once she flies a little bit she falls in love with the feeling and devotes herself to being able to experience it. After that, it would become something of a coming to terms with her own abilities, as they would be substandard compared to most pegasi. But in spite of that, she'd still love the feeling of flight.

It would be kind of neat to write, and you could even think of a neat cutie mark she might receive when she realizes what her dream is.

[Cold Spike]

5320845 I'd read it. Cause in this one it's her bring shattered to the point where her world seems irrelevant to think about, which doesn't feel good.

[Howling Wolves]

You're still so young Scootaloo, don't let the disappointment of one dream keep you down for long.

There's always another one waiting just over the horizon. :)

[Hedonism Bot]

4709271
And on that note, I couldn't help but notice the story repeating the "you don't have to be like Rainbow Dash" line, while also putting forth the idea of Scootaloo yearning for the experience of flight. If someone is struggling with being unable to do what they'd like to do with their life, then playing the "you're just different" card is utterly unhelpful, if not insensitive.

5297176
Seems like it should be a simple matter to hook Scootaloo up with some assistive device to get flying. That or point her towards a career which would make good use of her talents and passions, but not require flight (think "The Washouts", minus the devil-may-care attitude towards safety).