Meeting with the Headmaster
Twilight Sparkle and young Spike made their way up two stories of stairs to the main doors that were fortunately wide open for them as they, meaning Spike, carried their bags through into the Main Hallway.
Still eager to worry, Twilight, as much as she might want to, didn’t stop to admire the center of learning, and instead tracked her way through the school to the Headmistresses Office to keep up with her meeting. They passed through the Main Hall, the Auditorium, up a few flights of stairs up until the top floor, past several class rooms before they finally were before the great carved oak doors, with the image of two winged unicorns, one carrying the sun, one carrying the moon, detailed into it’s face.
Twilight took the moment to double and triple-check her appearance before daring to knock.
“Can you just knock already?” Spike asked. “This luggage isn’t getting any lighter.”
“Spike!” Twilight whispered harshly.
“Is that you Twilight Sparkle?” An elegant voice came out from behind the door.
“YES!” Twilight Sparkle cried.
“Oh, please, do come in, and I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Yes Ma’am!” Twilight said, before pausing and grasping the brass door knob, and opening the door.
Inside was a magnificent office, graceful paintings, proud bookshelves, ancient artifacts adorned it’s walls, at the center was a great wooden desk covered in paper, and sitting royally in a high-backed chair, framed by the sunlight coming from the windows, was Headmistress Celestia. A regal woman, her skin pale, she had a white suit on, with gold clasps. She as a tall woman, beautiful, not looking a day over thirty, she had smooth sun-blessed skin that radiated with health. She had brilliant pink-magenta eyes, that glanced up from her work to Twilight, her right eye was covered by the bangs of her short-cut pink hair. She smiled demurely at the sight of her new Student.
“There you are.” She said, placing down her pen, and leaning back. “Please, do come in, the both of you, have a seat.”
“Yes Ma’am.” Twilight said curtly, doing as instructed pulling a leather chair, and sitting down, as Spike did the same, dropping Twilight’s bags.
“It’s good to finally see you here Twilight.” She said with a calming voice. “I trust the journey here from Canterlot went without any trouble.”
“Oh, no, not at all!” Twilight said.
“Well, there was that thing at the statue.” Spike muttered.
“Spike!” Twilight whispered harshly.
Headmistress Celestia gave a musical chuckle. “I trust you mean the statue at the foot of the Academy?”
“That was the one.” Spike said with a huff. “Met a bunch a crazies.”
“Spike!”
Celestia chuckled. “You know, there is an old myth about that statue, they say those who meet for the first time under that statue are destined to become bound by friendship.”
Twilight laughed a little nervously. “Well, here’s hoping it’s just a myth…”
Celestia’s eyes hardened a little. “You did receive my letter, correct? I meant what I said about making friends while you are here. The people who come here are diverse, and come from all corners of the globe. It would do you well to know them, befriend them.”
“O-of course Headmaster…” Twilight said.
“But enough of that for now- You’ve had a long trip, and I’m sure you want a rest, and converse. And then in a while, you can feel free to have a meal in the cafeteria later.”
“Thank you Headmaster, I’d like that.” Twilight said.
***
As much as she wanted to follow Headmistresses Celestia’s direction, she knew that becoming a good Huntress didn’t involve making friends. It involved diligent studying and training. She could work with others, that would be all that she would need.
She enjoyed her conversation with the Headmistress. It was a very gratifying experience, even if Spike didn’t stop his snarking. In the end, Celestia almost had to force Twilight to the Cafeteria to make sure she had eaten something that day, so far she hadn’t.
And so, she was in the Cafeteria, a brightly lit by the skylight, with many tables and seats where prospective students were milling about, grabbing something to eat. Twilight picked up a tray, filled it with a balanced diet, and sat down at a table far from anyone else, hoping to have a quiet meal to herself, and relax.
“Hey new best friend!” Fate was not so kind. The pink-haired maniac from earlier saddled up beside Twilight with a tray loaded with nothing but sugar, and a glass of milk. “I’m so glad I’ve found you again! I was worrying about where you ran off to in a hurry like that, but good thing Ol’ Pinkie Pie found you!”
Twilight groaned and sunk her head into the desk.
“I’m so looking forward to spending all of the semester together this year! And the next one! And the next one!” This continued until Pinkie Pie ran out of the number of semesters they would logically take together. During this Twilight wondered if she finished her meal quickly, then the nuisance would leave her alone. “And then after that we could be Huntresses together! I can’t wait.”
“I can…” Twilight muttered, digging into the paltry meal.
***
Spike meanwhile, had decided he had snacked enough, and opted to stay in Celestia’s office instead of go for lunch, and while Celestia escorted Twilight to the Cafeteria, he thought to himself that her fancy chair looked rather comfortable.
And this is how Celestia found Spike curled up in her chair behind her desk when she returned.
“Oh, I’m not interrupting your nap, am I dear Spike?”
“Hm, huh? Oh, no.” Spike said yawning.
“Feel free to stay and relax, you must have had a tiring journey after all.” Celestia said, grabbing the chair Twilight was sitting in.
“You’re right.” Spike mumbled, keeping his eyes closed. “Twilight was up all night worrying about everything.”
“You must have had it real tough.” Celestia said with a smile.
“Basically. Twilight would be dead without me.”
“And of course, after today, you will be off to Canterlot, will that be right?” Spike grunted in response. “I can only imagine what that poor girl will do without her loyal younger sibling at her side. Or what you would do with all the free time, all by yourself at home.”
Spike opened one of his eyes at this. “You know, I’m not one of those weirdos who’s secretly in love with their older sister.”
Celestia chuckled. “No, I didn’t say that. But you do care for her, don’t you?” Again she got a grunt as a response as Spike tried to continue napping. “Well, if you’re perhaps wondering why I’m bringing all this up; I happen to be in need of an assistant myself.” Spike cracked his eye open again. “I’ll be honest, I just want someone to do all my busywork, a gopher, but I handle a lot of important work, I need someone I can trust, and you come highly recommended. You are capable, competent, and loyal. I’ve already discussed the idea with your parents, you’d continue your education here, beside your sister, but you’d be allowed to stay with your sister, and of course I would compensate you for the work you do for me.”
Spike didn’t respond too quickly.
“Feel free to weigh it over in your mind. It is your decision, though quite honestly, I want you to say yes.”
Spike groaned a little. “Eh, I’m just not sure. This is the kinda thing I let other people decide for me.”
“Well dear Spike, you’ll have to get used to making your own decisions eventually.”
Spike opened both his eyes, wiping them, and trying to wake up a little before thinking some more. “…And I would get paid?”
“Oh, handsomely.” Celestia said. “Much more than what you are getting currently, which I’ve been led to believe is little-to-none, certainly enough to keep you stocked in Rock-Candy for most of your time here. In fact, there’s a delightful candy and pastry store somewhere in town, I’m quite fond of the Cake they serve there.”
“Hmm, you drive a hard bargain Celestia.” Spike said, extending his hand over the desk.
“I’m glad we came to an agreement Mr. Sparkle.” Celestia said with a smile, shaking Spike’s hand.
***
Twilight was quite disappointed to find out that ‘her new best friend’ wasn’t easy to shake as she had hoped. She had been quietly eating her meal, while her new compatriot talked ceaselessly about ever topic under the sun, somehow vacuuming her tray of sweets down her stomach when a normal person would pause for breath, not bothering to let Twilight interject any opinion of her own, that is if Twilight had felt like doing so. Which she didn’t.
“And then-“ Twilight could feel that this girl was gearing up for another long tangent, so Twilight seized her chance.
“I-!” She said, standing up. “have a meeting to go to with the Headmaster. I have to go now.” With that, she took her tray, putting it in it’s proper place, and left the cafeteria.
“So! Where are we going?” Pinkie Pie asked, as soon as Twilight thought she was alone.
“I don’t know about you, but as previously stated, I have a meeting with the Headmaster. Alone!” Twilight said, storming off.
“Well, we can go together can’t we?” Pinkie Pie asked, following her through the halls. Twilight figured it would be best just to head to the Headmistress’ Office and be separated there, than to try to argue with her.
“Fine, fine.” Twilight said. “But I don’t want you banging into me any more, got it?” Twilight said, just before she rounded a corner, and found her face smashed between a bounteous bosom.
“Howdy.” Said the bosom with a country twang. Twilight found herself picked up by her collar a foot off the ground to be put face-to-face with the blonde giant from earlier. “Ah, it’s the bookworm.”
“Hey! That was rude of you!” Pinkie Pie cried. “You bumped into my new best friend! Apologize.”
“Excuse me?” Applejack asked. “But if ah’m not mistaken, this here bookworm done bumped into me.”
“You apologize!” Pinkie Pie cried.
“Will you shut up!” Twilight cried.
“I suggest y’all apologize, an’ back off, before I do somethin’ you might regret.” She said threateningly.
“Of course!”
“Never.”
The next thing Twilight knew she was thrown out an open window into the courtyard. She rubbed her head, and tried to reorient herself before Pinkie Pie soon followed and landed on her.
“Get! Off!” Twilight cried, her frustration mounting. The pink girl tumbled to the ground. As annoyed as she was, she was rather surprised she wasn’t more sore. She found out this was because she had landed on another student. “Oh I’m sorry!” Twilight cried, getting off her promptly. Pinkie Pie for her part simply looked over Twilights shoulder. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, I’m fine darling.” She said getting up. Twilight recognized her as the fussy girl from earlier. “Oh, but my hair-“ She noted, now all mussed up. “And my dress-“ Which was now dirtied and no longer pristine white. “And my nails!” At this point, she was starting to get hysterical. “Oh! Everythings been ruined! I can’t go to the admittance ceremony like this! And after I tried so hard to make myself presentable.”
“Um… there-there?” Twilight said, completely unaware of how to respond.
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head!” Pinkie Pie cried, grabbing a hold of her. “We can totally fix this!”
“You-you really think so?” Rarity asked.
“I know so!” Pinkie Pie said. “Just trust good Ol’Pinkie Pie!”
“Well… I do have some make-up and spare clothes in my luggage… oh, but I put so much effort putting it away.” Rarity said.
“No problem!” Pinkie Pie said grabbing her, and pulling her up. “Oh! But we have to hurry! Away……..” With that she sped off faster than the human eye could track. Where they went Twilight didn’t know. She was simply left out in the open alone.
“What just happened?” She asked herself. She sighed. “Don’t get yourself worked up Twilight, there are bound to be some weirdo’s here. At least you are alone. Now you can get back to the Headmistress’ Office.”
She set off to follow her own advice.
***
“Ah, Twilight, there you are.” Celestia said, as Twilight entered, skimming through a small novel. “I trust you had an enjoyful meal?”
“Something like that…” Twilight said, noticing that Spike sleeping in Celestia’s chair. “Spike!”
“Don’t worry Twilight, I thought dear Spike deserved a rest after helping you so much today.” Celestia said.
“Oh, okay then.” Twilight said.
“I’ve already had your luggage moved.” Celestia said. “In a few more hours we’ll have the admittance ceremony. I still have a few things to take care of here in my office. Perhaps you and dear Spike here could take a tour of the grounds, I do believe you have had a good nap Spike?”
Spike grunted.
“Of course Headmaster.” Twilight said.
***
“So-“ Spike grumbled as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. “How you liking the magic school?”
“It’s not magic Spike.” She lectured him. “The courses here are much more general. Music, Fighting, Marksmanship, History, Science, in addition to Magic Classes.”
“Whatever.” Spike said. “How are you liking your general school?”
Twilight groaned. “Ugh, the longer I’m here, the crazier the people here seem.”
“That bad huh?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, well, I’ll get through it. I can just study by myself and I’ll be fine.” Twilight said. “I won’t let other people ruin my time here.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Spike said with a small grin. “Hey, by the way, you’ll never guess.”
“What?”
“Celestia offered me a job.”
“…wait, what?”
“Yeah, she said she wanted me as an assistant!” Spike said.
“You?”
“Yeah me! I mean, I do all your busy work anyway. She said she just needs me to be a busybody, so the same kind of trifle you make me do. Except she pays!”
“The Headmaster is going to pay you to do her busy-work?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah, basically.” Spike said with a smile. “I mean, she says I’ll still do homework and stuff, so that’s a bummer, but she said I can stay here!”
“You’d rather be here in Ponyville than Canterlot?” Twilight asked.
“Well yeah.” Spike said. “I dunno, it seems nice enough here, I bet doing school-junk here will be easier than in Canterlot, and look just as good, with how much you ramble on about it. I dunno, sounded good to me. I mean, Celestia said she already talked to the folks, so I figure they must of thought it was a good idea too? Twilight?”
Twilight simply gave him a hug from behind.
“Hey! Twilight! What gives?”
“Nothing!” She said with a smile.
***
Eventually the day began to grow long. After Spike had tired himself following Twilight, who had been content and ecstatic to go through empty classroom after empty classroom, the bell rang throughout the halls, warning all the prospective students that it was time to head to the auditorium, which of course sent Twilight into a panic.
“Come on Spike! We can’t be late!” Twilight cried, dragging him through the halls.
“It’s just the warning bell, the real thing, probably won’t be for another fifteen minutes.”
“Oh hush! I’ve had enough things go wrong today, bumping into all kinds of strange people, I want at least one thing to go right today!”
“Then you may want to watch where you’re going!” Spike retorted, just before Twilight almost knocked over a girl covered in mint green.
“OOF! Sorry! Sorry! Why does this keep happening today?” Twilight cried.
“Twilight?”
“Huh, yes, do I know you?” Twilight asked.
“Lyra?” Spike asked, peering around Twilight.
“Spike, is that you?” The girl asked. She was dressed much like Twilight was, a little more formal, lacking the shawl, witch’s hat, and the sweater vest, and all in mint green, much like her wild shoulder-length hair, which had a white streak in it.
“Hey Lyra!” Spike said. “Sorry about Twilight, she’s been panicking again.”
“You know eachother?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, she went to your school after all.” Spike told her.
“Oh, yeah, sorry for not recognizing you at first. And slamming into you.” Twilight now remembered Lyra as one of those girls who had tried to ‘friend’ her at the Canterlot Prepatory Magic School for Girls.
“No biggie.” She said with a wide smile.
“What are you doing in Ponyville?” Twilight asked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing. My parents didn’t have enough money to send me to Canterlot Academy, so this was the best place they could afford you?”
“Oh, I got an offer from the Headmistress for a personal tutelage, and I couldn’t say no.” Twilight said shyly.
“Really? It’s just that with your grades, you coulda gone anywhere…anyway, this place is nice. I suppose we were both heading to the Auditorium though, for the admittance ceremony, weren’t we?”
“Oh right!” And with this she was off through the halls at a much more modest pace, accompanied by Lyra who didn’t bother her with more chatter. She hadn’t been expecting to see anyone she knew from Canterlot, if she remembered correctly Lyra could be quite a pest while she was busy studying, but at least she knew her, and if anything, she was certainly the most sane person she had ‘bumped’ into today.
Together they entered the auditorium, where most of the newer students were packed in, thankfully with no chatter between them. They found some seats, and sat down, the grand hall full of chatter. “So, how long until something happens?” Spike asked.
“Probably another half-hour.” Twilight answered.
“Well in that case, I may as well take another nap.” Spike said, laying back. It never ceased to amaze Twilight how many opportunities a lazy lout like Spike would take to sleep. He may be a growing boy, but he needed to be up at least for a small time of day.
“Could you at least not snore!” Twilight said, giving him a shove.
“Hey, I haven’t even gotten a chance to sleep yet!” Spike cried in protest.
“Then who’s-“ Twilight looked around for the horrendous snoring that was very successful on grating her already frazzled nerves. She looked behind her to see, yet again, one of the girls from earlier today, particularly the tiny rainbow-haired runner, passed out, with her feet propped up disrespectfully on the seat. Next to her was the shy pinkette who sat very still and quiet.
“Hey!’ Twilight said, causing her to jump. “Can you tell that friend of yours to stop snoring!” She said harshly. Lyra turned to see what the fuss was about.
“Um… um…”
“Hi, I’m Lyra, nice to meet you.” She said earnestly. “What’s your name.”
“Uh…” She said, keeping quiet for the longest time.
“Can you just tell your friend to quiet down? It’s gonna annoy my sister to no end, and I need some zzz’s my self.” Spike said turning around.
The girl seemed to brighten up much more upon Spikes introduction to the scene.
“Oh hello there, you-you’re a bit young to be attending the ceremony aren’t you?” She asked.
“I’m with her.” Spike said nodding to Twilight. “We met earlier at the statue.”
“Right, that’s when Rainbow Dash ran into all of you.” She said. “Sorry that she did that to you and all your friends.”
“Trust me, none of those girls were my friends.” Twilight said.
“Sounds like you’ve had quite the eventful day Twilight.” Lyra said with a grin, to which Twilight simply groaned and panted.
“I’ll try to tell Rainbow Dash to quiet down.” The girl said softly.
“Good.” Spike said, grabbing a bag of rock-candy out of his pocket.
“You still have some of that junk left?” Twilight asked.
“I always carry some extra in case of emergencies.” He said, putting a small chunk into his mouth, and largely crunching on it. “Want some?” He asked, offering to the pinkette girl.
“Oh, um, thanks.” She said, cautiously taking the smallest peace she could find. She then shook the smaller girl next to her, who turned over and grumbled.
“What is it?”
“You’re snoring again.” She said much more eloquently than when she was talking to the rest of them.
“So?”
“It’s annoying the people around us.”
“…fine.” She muttered, turning over and ceasing her snoring.
Twilight simply shook her head. She was glad the nuisance was no gone, but she could hardly believe the girl would bother to lazily sleep away the attendance ceremony, certainly she wasn’t going to get very far from here.
Several minutes later in the dark auditorium, she could see Headmistress Celestia gracefully walk on stage, her very presence got the young students to quiet.
“Welcome.” She said once things had calmed enough. “It is wonderful to see so many new faces here at my Academy. Each and every single one here today surely has their own unique reason for being here today. I can only hope however that during your time at my Academy that you all have a wondrous experience, as students, as friends, as people. However your tutelage here won’t be easy. We expect you to do your best, and while we will help you to achieve that, your time here will most likely be harrowing. We live in a dangerous world, and here we see up close and personal some of its darkest corners, and we must not flinch when we see it. It is up to you and those around you to stand strong during these moments, and if you falter not- then no matter where you go when you leave these halls, you will be stronger for it."
"That is a wondrous speech, or so I’d like to think. Which is why I use it every year when I see new faces enter these halls. As nice as it sounds, I shall now have to be a little more direct. This is a Hunstmen Academy. People come here to learn how to fight monsters, creatures that have evolved to kill us and consume us. And not every person in this room has come here to do that. I won’t bother to dissuade you, any who has come here is resolute in their decision. But tomorrow we shall put you to the test, it won’t be easy, and it will be very dangerous. There is no shame in failing but any who do so shall be immediately expelled from these halls. Never to return. And so following the customary speeches, and introductions, we shall take to the cafeteria for the night. We have taken your weapons from your luggage, and put them in armory for tomorrow, you shall awake at dawn, and there you will receive further instructions on what is necessary to attend this academy. That shall be all.”
***
The rest of the continued to go on, but it was all stuff Twilight had already read up on before coming in the first place. It lasted quite a while, and by the time it was over the sun had set despite it being in the middle of summer. Twilight was separated from Lyra before they reached the Cafeteria, and Spike had his own arrangements set up with Celestia, so he left as well.
The boys and girls each had their own dressing rooms close to the armory to change into their sleeping clothes, something that was a little naive, but not something Twilight was unthankful for. Twilight herself simply wore a button-up pajama shirt, and pajama bottoms. She did her hygiene before grabbing her star-studded sleeping bag, and brought up an old textbook on her Scroll to read before she fell asleep.
Around here were the hundreds of other students, male and female, milling about, socializing, making connections meeting and greeting, and the like. Twilight felt quite uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping next to hundreds of strangers, much less actually doing, but it was just one of those things, she was going to have to get used to while she was here.
At least if she stayed off to one corner she wouldn’t be bothered by anyone else. It was almost like a sleepover.
“Hide me!” Twilight was disturbed by her reading when a girl with curls in her hair dived into her sleeping bag, and closed the top.
“What are you-“ Twilight was silenced by a hand in the dark before she could continue. With a thought she conjured a magical light to brighten up the darkness of her sleeping bag, seeing the girl was in a white nightgown, with some kind of green gunk smeared over her face.
“Shh! She’ll hear us!” She whispered.
“Who?” Twilight asked, ripping the hand from her mouth.
“This pinkette girl who’s been following me all day. She absolutely ruined my hair earlier, and she refuses to leave me alone!”
“This girl never shut up with no sense of personal space?” She asked.
“Exactly.”
“I know who you’re talking about.”
“You’re that girl from earlier! With the luggage carriers!” Rarity said recognizing her. “Fancy bumping into you. You fell on me earlier.”
“Yes, sorry for that, but that’s how I got rid of her, now what are you doing in my sleeping bag? Get out!”
“I’m hiding.” Rarity explained. “Sorry, I didn’t have much time. I don’t normally do this kind of thing anyway.”
“I don’t care, I prefer sleeping alone, now get out!” Twilight said, forcing the girl back into the open air.
“Fine, fine.” Rarity said.
“Um, excuse us…” Came a wispy voice. Twilight turned to see the two girls from the auditorium. The pinkette was wearing a beige nightgown, much looser than the one Rarity had, meanwhile the shorter girl had a baggy blue t-shirt, and a pair of shorts that were so short they were almost hidden from view.
“Yes? What do you want?” Twilight asked harshly as she was trying to get back to her book.
“We’re going to be sleeping over here.” Said the short girl gruffly. “There’s no room everywhere else.”
“Fine, do whatever you want, just don’t snore, I need my sleep for tomorrow.”
“Hey!” She said, before the pinkette whispered in her ear. “She did? Fine…” She said, laying down both their sleeping bags. Rarity left, and the two girls thankfully kept to themselves, and it almost seemed like Twilight could relax.
“Howdy.” Accompanied the thud of a worn-out sleeping-mat. A secondary thud came when a blonde giant landed on it, in a white tank-top and a pair of shorts. Twilight glared at her.
“What?” She asked. Twilight chose not to respond, and focus on her reading. “Hey, ah remember you, the bookworm. Hows the current fare? Get thrown out any more windows.”
“I am ignoring you.” Twilight informed her.
Applejack shrugged, turning to see the other two girls. “And it’s the shrimp and the mute too.”
Rainbow Dash growled, but was held back by Fluttershy. “Ah come now, if’n you lot can’t take some ribbing, how can you expect to be fighting Grimm?”
“Grimm don’t talk.” Twilight noted.
“Now ah thought you were ignoring me?” Applejack said, to which Twilight refused to respond.
Silence was maintained until Rarity returned with her sleeping bag. “I think I’ve still lost her, I hope you don’t mind if I sleep here, I don’t think she’ll come this way.”
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” The raucous laughter came from Applejack, clutching her sides and rolling around. “What in the heck is that on your face!?”
“It’s a soothing skin mask.” Rarity said coolly.
“It looks like mud.”
“That’s because it is.” Rarity said.
“Your nuts.”
“I was thinking the same thing.” Said Rainbow Dash, to which Fluttershy giggled.
“Quiet you!” Rarity said. “I’ve had more than enough of a stressful day today, I shan’t have you ruin the rest of it. Now I’m going to sleep here, and I don’t want any disturbances.”
“There you are!” Cried a chipper voice two of the girls there knew to dread. Within half a second a pink-haired girl with a white top and pajama bottoms laden down with balloons. “I’ve been looking all over for you!” Twilight gave a loud groan, and shrunk into her sleeping bag, wishing that it would be tomorrow already. “Oh my! Everyones here! It’s like a big sleepover!”
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AJ seems........ mean
To me the line breaks make it easier to read. Besides it seems to be about the same as the line breaks with the story on fanfiction.
4710198
Yeah, and I think it works there, because it's less spread out, because the 'pages' are wider, here it seems too spread out by comparison, and it seemed a little more pleasant to my eyes at least. Course I'll wait to see what everyone else says.
...why do i want to see AJ pick on the equilivent to a Faunus and get put in her palce by
Johnthe Titan in her team the guy being nicknamed Dreadnought or Bezerker depending on who you ask...the second name ONLY coming into play when you try and do harm to his friends4715657
I have no idea.
Hmm…how will you implement the Mane Six in one team? Or two teams with two extras. Or will a team consist of six members and not four?
4717872
Six members to a team. Seemed the easiest way to do it to me.
Not to sound harsh here but there are something's that you should really look at.
First is your use of commas. In one sentence you used six or more. Commas are used to break up long sentences but not paragraphs.
This is what I was talking about.
Other than that the story is looking pretty promising. You have managed to combine the two worlds better than I could have. Keep writing and accepting feedback so that your skills get better and better with each chapter. I hope this helps!
4717872 I personaly would like to see the mane 6 split up. you know originality.
I don't think you get Applejack. So far in this story, Applejack is basically a bully. She's like Cardin, and she's not supposed to be like Cardin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but during Celestia's speech after she says a quote, she said "That was a wondrous speech,"
I believe it should be corrected to "quote"