Chapter 24: The Game Part Three
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR:
THE GAME PART THREE
17
Something warm and wet was falling from her eyes and Luna didn’t notice.
After Discord had turned the alicorn’s head in far too great a distance, he snapped himself away, letting the limp remains of Twilight Sparkle come crashing to the ground. Applejack was the first to reach her and turn her over, a leg still wrapped around her injured stomach. Even from that distance Luna could hear the mare’s incomprehensible moans. Already she was trying to shake her awake. Already she was crying beside her.
The dark alicorn had stopped the charge over and hadn’t even realized it. On numb legs she stumbled the rest of the way, a light airiness finding her thoughts—something she would relate to being in the world of dreams. If only she could fool herself into thinking this was just another one of them, only the very Princess of the night knew better.
“No! No, no, no, no.”
Rainbow Dash and the rest came to a sudden halt near the body. While most only peered at it with muted horror, Fluttershy turned away before openly weeping into Rarity’s outstretched legs. When the oddly still eyes of Twilight became too much to bare, Luna closed them with a hoof. At least now she wouldn’t need to view this horrible scene any longer.
“Maybe now you’ll understand.”
A voice from behind them.
“You all need to end this tonight.”
Luna didn’t want to face that monster anymore. She was tired. She only wanted to mourn for her friend. But if she didn’t try—if she didn’t continue to try—than that same fate would only come to greet them all.
On weak legs she stood and faced the draconequus. He did not look pleased with his work.
He said emotionlessly, “There is only one way this ends, Princess: death. As I have just shown you.”
Luna closed her heavy eyes, another tear escaping one. “Then we will continue until we reach that conclusion—until my very last breath, Discord.” And even though every fiber of her being told her this fight had been lost some time ago, Luna lunged forward with an anguished cry. When Discord would finish with her, then that would leave the other six to his mercy. She thought they should know before the end that someone still fought for them all.
18
Twilight heard the snapping of a branch and felt a sudden roar of pain. Then the world went dark.
While Discord held her in his hands he had closed off her ability to teleport, possibly while holding her horn as he had. But that had happened a long time ago, hadn’t it?
The blackened void changed to one of mesmerizing white, and when that darkness faded so did any doubts or fears left inside her. From that world of despair and sorrows she had been released. She had been granted an early death and now she was being shown just what laid ahead for her.
But it was white and nothing else.
“This can’t be it,” she said, finding she indeed still had a voice in that new place, as well as a body that could move and step on its perfectly white floors. “There must be more to this.”
“And there is Twilight Sparkle,” said a voice in the white. “There is so much more.”
Out of nothing at all came Princess Celestia, her hair continually blowing in a wind of its own creation. She appeared as she always had before—tall, pristine, with that small smirk that would lead one to ponder everything she told them.
Twilight didn’t waste any time with asking why. She only knew she missed her mentor.
“Oh, Princess,” she almost moaned into her side as she embraced the far taller alicorn. “I’ve missed you so much. Equestria hasn’t been the same at all… things are so bad right now.”
Twilight pulled away and peered up, a cold dawning clouding her judgment. “This is just another trick from Discord, isn’t it? I should have thought of that sooner.” She viewed the expanse of white. “Although it is a good one, at that.”
Celestia shook her head gently. “Not this time, Twilight. I may not be real in the physical sense, but it is truly I, nonetheless. Back in the real Equestria, Discord murdered you. That is why you and I are now able to converse.”
Twilight lowered her head to what she would need to think of as the floor. As much as it hurt to hear she couldn’t deny the validity of her words. She had heard a delicate snap and felt a pain in her neck. Then she had ended up here. It didn’t take an academic to fit the pieces in their place.
“What’ll happen to the others? To my friends?”
Celestia looked away. “If Discord cannot be stopped, then the same fate with likely befall each of them. He’s become bent upon his own destruction—perhaps because over time his very identity has been warped.”
“Then why can’t he just do it himself?” she pleaded. “Why does he have to drag everyone down with him?”
“Because a being of chaos would never make it so simple.” She sighed. “I believe Discord has two parts to himself. One that sees what he’s been doing as being too wrong even for himself, and will therefore try to lead him down a path of self-destruction. Another part of him must work on the very basics of natural survival.” She regarded her student. “Discord may want an end to it all, but he will not make it easy. If no one can destroy him for good, then he will continue on until someone does.”
“But we’ve done everything we could!” Twilight said. “We beat his game! We fought back when we were pushed! By now he should have died a dozen deaths!”
Celestia pressed a tender hoof to her shoulder. “But Discord is no ordinary creature. Only stone will stop him for good, just as it has before.”
Twilight disagreed. “But the Elements of Harmony are gone. Even the ones I had been researching for so long only turned out to be a ploy created by Discord. I don’t know of any other way, Princess.”
Celestia answered, “But I do.”
19
The fresh taste of blood found her again. As she grimaced from pain she rose to her hooves, and came to a jerky stance. With just the mere flick of his hand Discord had flung the poor Princess of the Moon several yards away and into the hard and sharp wall of a fallen hedge. By the time she regained her balance, the draconequus was already approaching.
“This game is getting boring, Luna,” he said indifferently. “Even you must be getting bored. So end it. End it now.”
Minutes prior she had yelled for the others to leave the fallen maze, escape if they could. Not a single one of them budged from where they stood—circling the motionless body of Twilight. Luna would happily take the wrath from Discord as long as it was directed at her. She knew he could have ended this long ago with the simple snap of his fingers, but for other reasons he wanted this to last. Grind them all into dust.
“Until my last breath, Discord.”
Still gasping for air she came to greet him.
20
Celestia began hurrying her words. The Princess of the Sun that had graced all of Equestria over a year ago was nowhere to be found. Twilight discovered she was talking to a different Celestia than before—one that desperately wanted to move forward and fast.
The white alicorn continued, “When you and your friends first engaged with Discord in the maze, he was able to turn each of you against the other. When his game succeeded, the Elements of Harmony were then returned to you. But what happened when you tried to use them against him?”
Twilight shook her head, not fully understanding. “They didn’t work. We started the spell but nothing happened at all.”
“And why do you think that happened, Twilight?”
“Because my friends were different ponies at the time; our friendship wasn’t strong enough. Discord had corrupted them.”
“Exactly.” Celestia smiled. “It was not the Elements that failed you that day, Twilight. It was your own lack of friendship throughout the six of you.”
“So how will this help them now? They still don’t have the Elements.”
“I have studied different forms of power for the duration of my life—the Elements of Harmony included. The necklaces and crown that you and your friends wore was nothing but a symbol of the connection between you all. It was an instrument to will your combined power through; it was not the Elements that saved you on that day, Twilight, but your friendship. Anything could become a new Element of Harmony, as long as that spark is there, as long as that friendship remains.”
For a fleeting moment Twilight remembered the tiny pockets of joy she had had while the six of them crowded around in her old castle. The tension had been more than high for an unprecedented amount of the time, but that couldn’t stop her friends from being who they’ve always been. She had loved them years ago and it only took a few hours to learn those same feelings had never changed, even as time had moved on. Even the incredibly grating fact that Rainbow Dash leapt into the maze when she was repeatedly told not to, still caused her to fathom just how much they all cared for one another. Even when defeat must have seemed assured, they had followed her willingly to the end.
Twilight smiled at Celestia, before a shadow crossed her face. “But they won’t know what to do, Princess. The five of them won’t be able to summon the Elements if they don’t know they can.”
“But you do, Twilight.”
“But I’m of no more use.”
Celestia shook her head. “There is much you do not know about alicorns, Twilight. You have died but that doesn’t mean you cannot go back. Several years ago I, too, perished battling an ancient enemy while Luna had been banished. When I passed on, I met an alicorn above even myself. It told me it had a gift to give me—a single gift of life. Each alicorn is only able to do so a single time once they have passed on.”
“So why didn’t you come back when you died at the Empire?” Twilight blurted. “Why didn’t you just give that gift to yourself?”
“It does not work that way, Twilight. It can only be given away, and only a single time. That is the gift I want to give you today, if you will take it.”
Twilight shut her eyes. The atmosphere of the place was beyond anything she could have imagined. Every sense she could interpret only seemed to want more of whatever that place was made of. It was bliss, plain and simple. And now she was being asked to return to a land of blood and death—of monsters and pain. The quick thought of her friends was all it took.
“I will take your gift, Princess,” she answered her. “My friends are still waiting for me.”
Celestia beamed at her warmly. “I am glad, my faithful student. But there is one last question I must ask, before I grant you this gift. And only know that because you are here is it possible.”
“What is it, Princess?”
Celestia paused. “It is whether or not you want to remain immortal, once you return.”
20
Rarity was ascending the creature’s back when he nimbly flicked her away with a single finger. She landed hard in the dirt, getting back to her hooves proving an ordeal.
Luna heard the approaching steps but could barely move her head to angle in his direction. He had knocked her from one end of that field to the other more times than she could remember. Again she had tried her magic on the beast, but he threw it aside as easy as confetti in the wind. She was reaching the end, she knew.
“You are disappointing me, Luna,” Discord called as he came closer. “I was expecting more. I was expecting more from a certain purple alicorn too, but beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.”
Picking her up by both forelegs, he held her beaten and bloodied body before him, almost as if admiring a painting that he had taken a shine to. With miserable eyes she glared at him—if he expected her to beg it was a wish he would never be granted.
“How… disappointing,” he said, sounding deflated himself.
For a few seconds Luna ignored her tormentor, rather choosing to focus on the still body of Twilight in the distance. Every one of her friends had joined in the fight some time ago, only to be hurriedly thrown from the battle. The only one that remained by her side had been Fluttershy, gently cradling one of her friend’s cold hooves in a pair of her own. The tears had dried sometime ago, and now the yellow mare only rocked where she sat. Luna could see her mouth moving but couldn’t hear a word. Was she singing a song to her fallen friend? The thought alone was enough to bring a smile to her face.
Discord caught her grin. “Why do you smile, Princess? Your victory should have come long ago.”
Luna forgot about the creature holding her in the air. Instead she watched as her lifeless ally first sat up before causing the pegasus holding her to scream. Luna didn’t waste anymore time.
With alert eyes she turned back to the draconequus. Then she spat a bloody wad onto his cheek.
21
It had been a gradual progression. Going from a sea of white to a sightless void of black and then finally to a murky gray. This last one she could recall vividly. It was that same overall feeling that had enveloped them all once her and her friends had entered the maze. And that could only mean one thing.
Twilight blinked in succession and was overwhelmed by every one of her senses betraying her in turn. Her sight was of pitch black sky. Both nostrils smelled of dried blood, as well did her mouth (only later would she realize how close she had come to nearly biting off her own tongue when she fell lifelessly to the ground). Next came her ability to hear, and it only brought her sounds of misery: heavy breathing, the cries of more than a few of her friends, and yet was someone singing? The last sense was that of pain, as bad as if a steel rod had been jammed through her neck. Overall it had been a stiff reawakening.
Still she sat up.
“Ow,” she mumbled, before she heard a quiet scream to her right.
A moment later a set of yellow legs wrapped around her sore side, squeezing relentlessly. What little air she had just by then sucked up escaped her like a punctured balloon.
“Oh Celestia you’re alive!” Fluttershy said incoherently, as her entire face enveloped her shoulder. “I thought you were gone and that there was nothing we could do oh please tell me you’re back oh please Twilight tell me your back and that you’re staying for good!”
Twilight absently rubbed a hoof along her friend’s mane. “It’s all right, Fluttershy. I’m back and I’m okay. Maybe another day I’ll explain how, but right now we need to deal with Discord.”
By that point more than a few of the others had made note of her return, so with tearstained eyes they approached her with widening amazement. When Pinkie Pie’s mouth nearly ran itself into the ground and she started forward for an embrace, Twilight stuck out a leg to keep her at bay. At the time she needed what little air she had.
“Twilight? What’s… how?” Rainbow began, before Twilight shushed her with a hoof.
“I don’t have time to explain right now,” she told them, a semi-circle already surrounding the mare, “but all I know is that we actually have a way of defeating Discord now.”
“Really?” Rarity asked. “But how? He’s done nothing but shrug off any attempt we’ve tried! He even killed you with his bare hands!”
“I know, Rarity. But that was when we had nothing to threaten him with. Without the Elements of Harmony, Discord’s near invincible with his magic. To even try and fight him tonight was foolish. Except now we have these!”
Twilight raised her purple tear-drop necklace—the shine of the moon extenuating it’s perfectly cut curves.
When she did, each of her friends looked at theirs in turn. Although most glances only came away with more apprehension than before.
“Beg pardon, dear?” Rarity exclaimed, as a slight twitch found one eye. “My last minute jewelry is about to save the day? I hadn’t realized I was under so much pressure.” She wheezed out a breath. “Or maybe your near death experience only gave you some weird ideas?”
Twilight shook her head. “No. This is it. But it’s not these necklaces that will destroy him—it’s what they represent. Friendship; a bond between us all. We were able to cast Discord to stone before because we harnessed our friendship through the Elements. Now we need to do the same, only through these.” She placed her necklace back down. “It’s not the tool that gives us that power; it’s only when our friendship is strong enough. And now it’s our only chance of ridding Equestria of that monster.”
A rough set of hooves pulled her attention away.
“That’s great and all, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, a little too close to her face. “But I don’t think this new Discord’s just gonna stand around as we blast him to stone! Before he was cocky! Now he’s…” She thought. “I don’t even want to finish that sentence.”
Twilight put her head down, before an idea came to mind.
“There still might be a way,” she said.
22
Discord was talking to her again, but she couldn’t make out more than a few single words. He was rambling—the same topic as he had been going on about all night. At least when he spoke he wasn’t busily tossing her around. She hoped maybe Twilight and the others had made their escape. Perhaps they could find another way to finish him for good. If Luna could tangle with the monster until they were far away from the scene, she would at least be happy with her night’s ordeals.
If she could save them for a time that would be enough.
“Discord!” Twilight yelled.
No. No, why would they stay?
“Your fight is not only with her! Aren’t you forgetting about the rest of us?”
Twilight, what are you doing? The opportunity was yours! Why did you waste it?
The hand that had been gripping her horn and suspending her in the air opened without warning, sending the mare back to the ground. On rocky legs she stood, before she watched Discord turn his back to her. He had found the rest of them. And Twilight was in front.
23
Her gut had already felt like a barren wasteland of toxic materials, but when the draconequus turned to face them all, a new contraption of completely rusted parts began to spin mercilessly right in the very center of her.
Discord’s original expression of boredom and something else—sadness?—melted away as he saw she was alive. A new glow entered both pulsating eyes, like the reaction of some small filly opening a rare gift. His mouth curved into a grin.
“You’re not playing fair, Twilight Sparkle,” he said with near glee. He started over to them, not at all in a hurry. “There are no do-over’s in this game! What other tricks have you been hiding all along?”
Twilight ignored the foreboding figure, instead looking in the direction behind him. “Luna! If you still can, I need you to hold Discord in place! If you can, then we still have a chance of turning him to stone!”
A faint echo followed each word. When too much time passed without a word in answer, a new chill encased the alicorn. From her view she could not see behind the creature. Something dark blue had been close to the ground, but had it moved at all?
Discord halted his march. “Oh this I must observe! How is it you expect to perform such a trick, Princess? I don’t recall some secret stash of Elements left over in the bushes? This I just must see!”
Twilight remained silent. She turned first to her left and then to her right. All five of her friends surrounded her, a hard sheen of determination on each. It would be now or never again.
She told them quietly, “We might have to try it regardless if he can move. We’ll only have the one chance at this.”
Each one of her friends hastily nodded. She could tell a lot more than simple fear was coursing behind each set of eyes. Twilight had never loved them as much as then.
“I’m waiting!” the draconequus bellowed. “What are you—”
But that’s when his words dried in his throat and a pained expression filled his long face.
23
The last time Luna used such a technique had been centuries ago, when her foe had been a beast that could lull a pony to sleep by the simple blink of its eyes. While Celestia had attacked from the side, Luna had held it in place from behind. For the technique to work she would only need to place five contact points along its body, as well as use a large amount of magic and concentration. But if a single point were to slip, the enemy was able to move again.
All four of Discord’s limbs were held rigid by the Princesses hooves, curled tight with each muscle like piano wire. Her horn had always been the last contact point. As long as it graced a portion of the opponent’s neck or head, it still completed the ritual. But because matters had descended as they had—and because she felt very little pity for the creature she was holding at bay—she rammed her horn several inches into the back of his neck. She hoped he could taste its sharp tip on the back of his tongue.
“Arraahhh!”
With muted rage the draconequus froze where he stood, every inch of his long and slender body thrumming with fury. But as long as she retained each contact, he could not move from that spot—or move a single muscle if he wanted to.
“All you ponies are the same,” he irked out. “You all cheat.”
Instead of answering, Luna twisted the horn lodged in the back of his neck. A thin trickle of blood was already stinging one eye.
Already she could feel the tall creature trying to shake her loose. With what little strength she had left, she latched on tighter.
24
“Luna’s got him pinned! We have to do this now!”
Twilight hurriedly glanced at each friend. They all collectively nodded before they gathered in a circle.
“How do we… exactly do this again?” Applejack asked for the group. “It’s been awhile, and last time we actually had the Elements.”
“Just close your eyes and think of what we’ve all shared together,” Twilight said. “The past, the present, and whatever the future holds. It should be enough.”
Before Twilight shut her own eyes she found the worried faces of them all. She, too, couldn’t help but feel the same. Yet it all came down to that moment.
Only a few seconds later did she discover a warm pulse race across her chest.
25
As Twilight as her friends shut their eyes and the necklaces around their necks began to glow an eerie white, the draconequus she was wrapped around steadily ramped up his struggles to shake the Princess away.
A single hoof of hers almost came close to departing from his arm. Any moment now and she would break the fragile contact she held.
“You have not earned this world of my creation, Luna,” Discord said through barred teeth, still staring in the direction of the slowly ascending ponies.
“No,” Luna answered, with what little air remained to her. “Not yet. But in time I will.”
“After I am gone, my lie will only destroy what little sanity you still hold. Once Equestria knows the truth, chaos will cover all regardless of what you do.”
Luna drove her horn deeper, eliciting a choked moan from him. “Don’t believe you are the only one that can create lies that better this world, Discord. I will do what is necessary. Not because it is what I want, but because it is what my sister would have wanted for everyone. For her I will do this.”
“If you even get the chance!” he snarled.
The vibration of his body intensified and one of his arms jumped a few inches. Each one of Luna’s hooves felt as though an unseen force was trying to pull them away. But soon it would be over—soon this whole nightmare could come to a—
The Princess of the Night screamed like she never had before. Her right foreleg fell away from the arm of the beast and instantly a bone inside broke in two. Despite the pain she forced it back onto him and Discord only continued his motionless assault.
“Bit by bit, Luna,” he told her. “Bit by bloody bit.”
Luna closed her own eyes and thought of Twilight and her friends. Any moment now they would cast the creature to stone. It was up to her to hold him while they did. They were relying on her. All of Equestria was.
Discord shouted for them all to hear. “If you turn me to stone, you better break every last bit of me! I swear if you don’t, then I will find a way back and I will never stop until I suck the very last breath from your lungs!”
Vibrating along with the creature, Luna whispered into his ear, “You can’t count on it, you monster. I would have it no other way.”
Even through shut eyes Luna found a blinding white begging for her attention. She opened them, only to find the oddly dark back of Discord filling her view, as the rest of her vision was nothing but a wash of pulsating brightness.
The last thing Discord whispered was, “Chaos needs order,” before the laughter began.
Many a times had Luna heard the gentle chuckle of the draconequus as something interesting would nevertheless catch his fancy. That was not what she heard that night. Every giggle and every snicker and snort came out forced and exclaimed as loud as he could. Near the very end of it all, his laughter almost descended into a scream. The draconequus had no idea what was funny at all anymore.
Only as the wall of white reached its peak, did Discord cease his shrieks.
The thrumming object Luna had latched onto solidified entirely. With a grunt she removed her horn from its body and collapsed to the ground. She had never felt as tired as then.
As she heard the galloping of hooves, she closed her eyes and passed out.
26
Twilight had feared the worst when she came upon the still body of Luna. A few timid breaths later slated her worry. She retreated from her and regarded the large statue that had newly been created. Although the blinding white light had enveloped much of the area, she still had a sense of what Discord’s last image should have looked like, especially given the wails of his last laugh. But finally glimpsing him for the last time, Twilight was taken back by what she saw.
The tall creature almost looked scared—scared and unsure and virtually confused. If Twilight had not known of every heinous act that he had done—and all he was still planning on doing—she might have even pitied him. But not then. Not ever from that day.
Rainbow Dash approached her. “What do we do now, Twilight? You heard what he said. He said if we left him in there, he’d find a way back! You think that’s true?”
Twilight shook her head. “It doesn’t matter if it’s true. He needs to be destroyed for good. I don’t care if the chance of return is possible or not.” She thought. “I will do it. I only need time to think of a—”
“No,” a weary voice conjectured. “I will see that it is done.”
Twilight turned to find Luna awkwardly trying to stand straight. One of her legs had been unmistakably broken, so she limped ahead. Two of the mares helped her along.
“Are you sure, Princess? We can wait; I’m sure we have time.”
“I am positive, Twilight,” she answered bluntly. “I will only rest once this is done.”
Her two friends led her to the front of the statue. Luna closed her eyes and a small spark lit the tip of her horn. A small ball of purple energy shot from it, disappearing into the center of the solidified creature. Like falling sand did the statue crumble from within—the fine dust already blowing away in the breeze.
As much as she thought she might, Luna didn’t even look pleased by the action.
“So what happens now?” Rarity asked the rest. “How can anyone explain what happened to Discord?”
“I will tell them,” Luna said. “I will return to Canterlot—where I should have been all along—and I will tell them that love befell the draconequus.”
“You’re… you’re going to lie?” Twilight asked, a little off guard.
“I’m going to keep a lie going, Twilight,” she said arduously. “Discord’s lie might have been made from the blood and suffering of others but what it created cannot be shied away from. Another lie will let it continue.” She paused. “If the rest of Equestria believed in Celestia and Discord’s love as much as they claim to, then they could also be led to believe that Discord did not want to continue on without her. Maybe he left this world; maybe he did something else entirely. I will leave tales to weave themselves.” She turned to Twilight. “The only thing remaining is the charges against you. While I do not know at this moment what can be done about them, I believe in time we will be able to dispel such hearsay, while keeping a peaceful Equestria intact. But that means you must remain hidden until that is possible—and even that outcome I cannot guarantee for certain.”
Twilight lowered her head. “It is something I’m willing to do, Princess. It never should have been just about what I wanted in life. If it betters Equestria as a whole, then I’ll do what is necessary.” She viewed the collective group. “And if I know that you’ll all always be by my side, I think that’ll be enough.”
The others not keeping the Princess upright hurriedly embraced her before pulling away.
Twilight said to Luna, “I think the sun should be rising soon. Have you ever tried to move it before?”
“Once,” she answered reluctantly. “It wasn’t the smoothest of rotations, but I managed. I will see that it is done, Twilight. I will make good on my sister’s memory. I will do what she would have wanted, and not what I believe she would have.”
The group steadily made their way to the fallen entrance of the maze, most moving slowly and painfully from the battle. Twilight assisted Luna along, while the others trotted ahead.
“Luna, while I was gone I was given a choice,” she told her, “whether or not I wanted to keep my immortality.”
Luna was wise not to ask the other hundred questions she might have had. “And what did you decide?”
Twilight sighed. “I kept it. It was a gift, and soon I think I’ll understand it with more clarity. And who’s to say Discord was the last worry to be found in Equestria? In a hundred years time you and I will still be needed to stop whatever comes. As long as I have my friends for the here and now it should be enough.”
“I am proud of you, Twilight,” Luna said. “And although I don’t believe the memories of tonight will ever be cleansed from our minds, I am happy you chose to remain by my side. As a friend.”
Luna bowed her head and focused her horn.
A few minutes later the tip of the horizon filled with the golden shine of the sun.
EPILOGUE
“I still think we’re wasting our time, dear. We were already expected in the castle a few minutes ago.”
Rarity glanced around hurriedly, roughly toying with the curls in her mane.
Fluttershy approached the tall statue awkwardly, stopping to grind a hoof into the dirt of the Canterlot gardens.
“But…” she started weakly. “But doesn’t he look so sad like that? Don’t you just feel bad for him?”
Rarity said quickly, “Not really.”
“But he already looks like he’s sorry!”
“He looks the same as he did last month, Fluttershy. To my knowledge, statues don’t move all that much.”
“You think…” Fluttershy regarded her friend warily. “You think the Princesses would let him out for a little bit? Like just for some tea and sandwiches? I’m sure he’d be on his best behavior.”
“And then what would happen? Would that lead to a single sleepover and then a weekend away from his stony home? Fluttershy just listen to yourself, I mean—”
Rarity could tell she was making her friend upset. She stopped to wrap a leg around her.
“We can’t just forget what happened with Tirek and him. If we hadn’t have found a solution at the last minute two months ago, what would have happened to us? What would have happened to all of Equestria?” She sighed. “I know he’s your friend and all but he almost got everyone enslaved because he thought it sounded like fun. We can’t trust Discord. We never could and we were being silly to consider him our friend. Maybe in a thousand years a new batch of ponies can give it a try, but I truly don’t want to see him move ever again. I’m sorry, Fluttershy, but that’s just the way I feel about it.”
Fluttershy appeared downcast, then she pulled away to glare up at the stone draconequus again.
“What do you think he’s thinking about in there?” she asked, deflated. “I bet it’s about how sorry he is.”
“I guarantee you it’s something completely different,” Rarity huffed, pulling at her friend’s leg to lead her away. “Probably just another scheme to try and take over Equestria. Well, Discord can dream all he wants!”
Without another word the pair trotted towards the castle, where all their other friends must have been patiently waiting. A lone bird landed on Discord’s motionless shoulder and uttered a single call.
He heard that as well.
THE END
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- naturalbornderpy · 15k words · 162 2 · 3.8k views
- alarajrogers · 1.9k words · 71 3 · 1.8k views
- naturalbornderpy · 3.2k words · 212 0 · 4.7k views
- Jioplip · 5.9k words · 33 0 · 1.2k views
- Smoothmelody · 1.8k words · 8 3 · 475 views
- Note Sketch · 2.9k words · 95 4 · 3k views
- Wellspring · 30k words · 113 4 · 2.9k views
- kleia · 9.8k words · 21 3 · 474 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.188 seconds
Total duration
1,116 users online
2,384,217 hits today, 2,571,732 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nicely done.
Your story had held my attention from beginning to end and had never failed to be impressive. Your characterization was amazing, pacing was good, and the ending was well put together.
That epilogue was a bit confusing but reading it again, I can sorta see what you were doing there. My favorite part of this story was Discord reflecting on his actions after pushing Fluttershy out the window. I was expecting Discord to classically use justification of his actions but he pulled an 180 and saw exactly what he had done
(not that he didn't have an idea earlier of how he was acting).
With this, you have earned yourself a follower.
I wish you luck in all your other writing endeavors.
Still a bit iffy on the whole twillight resurecting from death thing, it was the part that for me made me not like the ending.
That along with, what stopped discord from truly just blinking out of lunas hold?
I must admit I liked the sombra arc a hell of a lot more then the second half. Because with sombra and all that I never knew truly how it would end.
Another thing with the ending is with the mane six at the maze,The big "friendship solves everthing" lamp turned on =/
Great story overall!
4974614 Thank's again for the support. You were around near the very start and I appreciate the encouragement. I find it's always interesting to discover what other people gravitate towards in a story; I'm glad you enjoyed those Discord bits.
I will gladly take your 'follow' and you can look forward to a whole array of romantic comedies and hardcore clop fiction. Obviously from this story you could tell how good I'd be at them. (Just kidding. Maybe I'll stick with darker themed stuff.)
Thanks for reading.
4976871 I will admit, the ending is far from flameproof. Some stuff could have been set up better or perhaps been clearer. I think that's the trouble with having Discord as your primary villain. For 90% of the story he'll be your best writing buddy, getting the good lines and doing whatever the hell he wants. But then at some point you need to get rid of him, and by the concepts set by the show it seems as though there are only two ways of going about it: stone, or befriending. Since my Discord wasn't the most friendliest of varieties, I had to go with the former. In a way, Discord is like one big cheat code. If I killed him with a pencil to the eye, people would probably say that would've been too easy. It's a tricky situation, to say the least. (And in no regard am I above a good ol' Deus ex Machina to save the day.)
With the whole Luna-hold thing, I would label it as a kung-fu like headlock. If she remained all points of contact, no creature could move from her. Including the snapping of fingers or serious magic of any kinds. I probably could have spent more time getting into specifics.
I'm glad you liked the first half better, too. I honestly thought a lot of it felt clipped and not all that smooth. I'd happy that was not completely the case.
Thanks for reading and for giving your honest opinion.
5180506 Yes! Someone else reads Sandman! And I no idea about the filly, foal terms. Thanks for reading.
5239175 Thank you for saying so!
5438628 My first and second most darkest story on this site. I'd like to think I've lightened up since then. Or maybe I only got weirder.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Wait, I thought Discord's statue was destroyed. Why is it still in one piece? (please reply to each comment separately)
5548323 I thought of submitting, but I'm not sure what type of stories get noticed there, as this one's pretty dark and gory.
5548324 This is because that part is the Epilogue, which has already pissed off a few people. The entire story takes place inside Discord's head as he remains a statue. After the Tirek incident, he was cast back to stone and this is what he dreams of, which is odd considering he still looses in the end. My reading of it is that he feels he truly became a villain by joining Tirek, so even in his dreams this is what he becomes. But again, if you think that's all bologna, ignore the Epilogue completely.
Thanks for reading!
5683259 Yep. Totally dead. Not gonna fly out at the last minute with a few scrapes and bruises. Yep. You can totally trust the author when he says that.
5684614 well, looks like I've been had, good show, I just feel stupid for asking a retarded question...
Very nice work. The twist in the epilogue made, in my opinion, a great fic transcend cleanly into one of my all time favorites. I look forward to reading more from you.
5771813 Thank you for saying so. This was my first story on this site, and still remains my favorite. Thanks for slogging through it all!
Ohhhhkay. Looks like it's review time. Not every fic gets one of these out of me, but you got me to read over 100K words, so I think you've earned it.
I want to start with your writing style, because it's a very mixed bag. On the one hand, I think you've got some pretty decent prose. Everything flows nicely, (intended) word choice is good, and it keeps my attention. While some scenes bored me, this was never a fault of the prose itself. The story never felt dry or bland. I was definitely engaged, and I give major props for that. On the other hand, editing was poor, with spelling and grammar mistakes being pretty common, and there being more than a few instances where I'm pretty sure that the word you intended to use was different than the word you did use.
Still on your writing style, there's also the matter of how you approach exposition and show vs. tell. A common occurence of this story was that you would introduce a character, major or minor, then spend several paragraphs expositing their backstory until this exact point where we're first meeting them, and then continue on. Lots of telling, very little showing.
I flip-flopped a lot on whether I liked this in the early chapters, because telling in this manner is fine if used for an effect, and I could kind of see an effect here. You would introduce normally throwaway characters, like the patrons of the tavern, or the guard, or the hapless assassin, and use this technique of exposition to characterise them and get us invested in them before they were killed off. I thought that was kind of clever, even if these backstories did feel clumsily inserted at points. Where I am less forgiving is when this is done with every character.
Twilight Sparkle and Discord in particular needed something more like what Sombra got in the first two chapters - a show of their progression over the ten years since Twilight's Kingdom so that we can see for ourselves how they got like this rather than being told about it by the narrator. The backstory infodumps are good for making us empathise with a oneshot character quickly, but for main characters, who we're going to be spending most of the story with anyway, it's just taking an easy shortcut and it feels lazy.
And speaking of, let's talk characters, because this is another aspect of the story that I'm split on. Your OCs were good, as that backstory exposition technique really worked in getting us to empathise with oneshot characters like Cold Mug quickly, and in the brief moments we did spent with them, their personalities really shined through. I count Sombra as one such OC, given his lack of personality in the show, and I think other commenters are right to praise your portrayal of him. It was a very strong portrayal that added a lot to the story's early running, and he was easily one of the most memorable parts of the fic.
But I'm iffy about how you handled the canon characters. Almost every major canon character had something about them that just felt wrong, whether it be a minor thing or a major one. I get that a lot of these changes were made to show that these characters were older now, or to illustrate the impact of their experiences, but a lot of the times these just felt contrary to who the characters are.
Rainbow Dash, a character definied by her dreams of becoming a Wonderbolt and proving how awesome she is to the whole world, drops out of the Wonderbolts and refuses to rejoin so that she can play happy families. Celestia, ever calm and serene except under the most dire of circumstances, spends ten years of peacetime being paranoid of phantom threats and hunting for potential enemies. Twilight Sparkle, who was so overjoyed by discovering the magic of friendship that it redefined the course of her entire life, gives up on her friends to become a recluse again because "lol immortality". Princess Luna abandons Equestria for an entire year apparently just so she can spend the whole time wallowing in grief, when of the two sisters, she's always been presented as the strong one.
Even Discord suffered from this. I'll give his many acts of villainy (even all the murders) a pass, because they're the point of the story, and I honestly think you pulled them off pretty well, but I cannot believe that any version of Discord would ever willingly subject himself to anything so mundane and boring as sitting in on council meetings or holding court. Discord can't even sit still for ten seconds. Every moment he's onscreen in the show he's using his magic for some kind of visual gag. Yet he spends large stretches of this story just sitting around listening to people. Chaos of the mind is an interesting idea, but it's a pretty poor substitute for actual chaos, and I'm left wondering why Discord even bothered to kill Celestia and take over the country if he wasn't going to use the opportunity to shake things up. Killing Celestia only to replace her and run the country exactly as she would've done seems... pointless. Even for him. Didn't he do all this in the first place because the ponies wanted to change him and he didn't want to give up on his chaos?
I think that Twilight's character was the worst affected by the changes, because it makes the least sense. Leaving aside for a moment how massively cliché the immortality angst is, it's taken to a really unreasonable extreme here. She's so saddened by the idea of outliving her friends that she can't even stand to be reminded of the fact that she looks young for her age? Seriously? She breaks it off with a coltfriend and is left in tears because he tries to celebrate her birthday with her? She can't have mirrors in the house? She won't even see her friends because she'll notice how much older they'll all look? Really now? She's that broken up by looking twenty when she's actually thirty?
If this was an attempt to make Twilight a flawed character, I can't say it didn't work, but I think it worked a little too well. Is it out of character? Hard to call. But it certainly isn't flattering to her character. Twilight in this fic is an overly emotional trainwreck, on top of being a responsibility-shirking recluse and apparently an amnesiac (since she seemed to forget every lesson she ever learned back in Ponyville). The reveal that Discord set her off on her research quest that's consumed all her time for the past ten years seems like it was meant to explain away this discrepency somewhat, but at no point is it suggested that Discord altered Twilight's own mind, so this is still all on her.
And there's the fact that she never stops angsting about this immortality thing for ten years. That should've been more than enough time for her to get over herself. And to stop being mad at Celestia for that matter. The conversation that Twilight had with her friends towards the story's end should've happened a long, long time ago, and it galls me that nobody, not Spike, not her brother, not her parents, not her friends, not the princesses, ever thought to go over to her cottage, slap her in the face, and tell her to snap out of it because she's being an overdramatic crybaby.
Come to think of it, if Twilight hated the idea of being immortal that much, the conversation with Discord where she asked him to remove her immortality should've happened a long time ago, too. She at least should've had a similar interaction with Celestia.
Besides, her worries are based on faulty logic anyway. Immortality is bad because it means she'll outlive her friends? Lots of people outlive all their friends anyway! Being mortal doesn't mean she'll be free from grief. My grandad isn't immortal, but he's still outlived all his friends, he's still attended funerals for people far younger than himself who should've gone after him, and he's still had to deal with all that sadness, because that's what life is like. But somehow, I can't imagine that "Don't worry, you're next," would be much comfort to him at a funeral, because he recognises that life is worth living in spite of grief. Immortality angst is very often the domain of younger authors, because the young still have the luxury of worrying about too much time. But after a certain age, most people will realise that people die, so you deal with it and move on, and people who have less time would probably scoff at this idea that they should be afraid of having more.
Twilight is young I suppose, but I'm still annoyed that she displays such an immature attitude towards her immortality. Even if she doesn't come to the same conclusion, I'd still expect her to at least recognise that it's foolish to push her friends away like this. She's already attatched to them, and there's nothing she can do about that. Their passing will hurt no matter what she does, so why is she squandering the relatively brief time that she'll have with them? That just seems like something that would've caused even more angst further down the line. As it should, because Twilight was being pretty selfish there.
Now to broach a related topic, I want to discuss how the way Twilight and her friends came back together at the end seems really out of place. It seems like you wanted to set up a character arc wherein Twilight started out as the whiny depressed loner that she was for most of the story and then gradually relearned the value of her friendships and to get over her immortality blues. In the end, that's what she did... but it didn't really feel earned. She didn't have any progression until something like the last third or so.
Instead, she spent much of the story in her emo phase, her friends turn up for the climax, and then suddenly she has this revelation and character change after a conversation or two. A conversation which, as I mentioned, feels like it should've already happened. Twilight was a static character for the majority of this story, and stuck in one of my least favourite interpretations of her. The character progression at the end was appreciated, but it was also too little too late. I honestly feel that Twilight's scenes really dragged down the story, which is really bad if she's meant to be our protagonist.
I feel that if you'd wanted to set up this change for Twilight at the end, it should've been a part of your story on the thematic level. This story's themes, as I understand them, are betrayal, inner darkness, and violence as a resolution of conflict. Discord solves all his problems with murder. Luna's immediate reaction upon discovering his betrayal is to kill him. Sombra is killed for good not through the magic of friendship, but through war and bloodshed (and Discord's deceitful actions). This fundamentally contradicts the idea of Twilight and friends using their friendship to defeat Discord again, and it's especially jarring for the fact that Twilight's friends have nothing to do with the story until the end.
I imagine that at some early planning phase, the thought must've crossed your mind that Rainbow Dash needed scenes and a character arc of her own because she was to represent Twilight's friends as a whole and illustrate their importance. Which makes sense on a surface level. All of Twilight's friends are needed to resolve the conflict at the end, so they need to have prior importance to the story. But you can't make up filler chapters for all of them, because that would be a waste of time, so instead focus just on Dash, and have the others make occasional appearances at relevant points.
But this doesn't work, because Dash cannot represent all the rest of the main six by herself, especially when she's just as disconnected from them in the narrative as Twilight is. Dash represents just Dash, just as Twilight represents just Twilight. And Dash's story therefore feels weirdly irrelevant in the face of the bigger picture. She had a coherent character arc with proper resolution, yes, but it never felt like it built towards anything other than its own resolution. Rainbow existed in a vacuum in this story. She had no reason to be there in the maze at the end, Discord never really cared about her presence all that much, and she ultimately didn't contribute anything towards the main story that the other five didn't, other than slowing down dragon Sombra I guess. As a parallel to Twilight and her issues, I guess she works, but again, I don't see the purpose of the parallel. I'm just not sure what Dash's story adds.
What this all builds towards is that the ending is marred by a lack of thematic connection. A story of violence, betrayal and inner darkness with no prior involvement from Twilight's friends cannot end with Twilight's friends suddenly becoming important again and making up with her so that she can defeat the main villain with friendship. Either have a dark, dramatic ending that fits the rest of the story, or have the rest of the story match this ending by putting more focus on Twilight's friendships. But not this. This ending right now is just deus ex machina.
And to keep on the deus ex machina, the ending had another few instances of that. Alicorns being able to revive themselves once was some serious bullshit. That had literally no purpose being there other than to allow you to temporarily kill Twilight for shock value.
I don't buy that it was there to let Celestia pass on the information about making new Elements of Harmony, either, because that's a plot hole of its own. Twilight's Kingdom already established that these six could use the Elements now without their necklaces - the Rainbow Power, or whatever the hell it is. I thought you'd been ignoring that for the whole story because you wanted to avoid an easy solution like this at the end and actually kill Discord in battle, which would be more congruent with the story's themes. Making Twilight not be close with her friends anymore, while not something I was fond of, I thought was an effective way to remove the Rainbow Power/Elements of Harmony from the picture as a solution.
But once the rest of the main six show up to help again, there's no reason why they shouldn't have tried to draw on that power once more. And they did, in the end. Just for some reason, amnesiac Twilight forgot that they could until Celestia reminded her, and somehow got it in her head that she needed some form of jewelery again this time. I don't get it.
These are the big problems, but there are other, smaller ones too. Fluttershy really should've had more prior involvement in the plot, given her connection to Discord and all the things that happens to him that she would've heard about. Cadance seems to be a ghost throughout this story, rarely glimpsed and seeming to have only the most tangential importance, which is really jarring when she should logically have been the next in line for the throne after Luna ran off crying. And Sombra's dreaded repution prior to attacking the Empire seems really unwarranted. I get that the crystal ponies and Celestia would have good reason to be fucking terrified of the guy's return, but I don't understand why Rainbow Dash of all ponies was such a coward until she went fill ragemode in the final battle. She only ever knew Sombra as a big growly smoke cloud.
The epilogue also bugs me. I thought at first that it was meant to be the reveal of why he did all this, showing that he'd feared being put back in stone again even after befriending Fluttershy because they had put him back in stone again before. But according to one of your comments, it was meant to actually imply that the whole story was all him daydreaming? That's... nyehh... I don't like it. It feels cheap and unnecessary, and I think it greatly devalues the story. It definitely renders all the non-Discord elements meaningless if that is the case.
But whatever. I've done a lot of nitpicking and complaining in this review so far, but I do think that this story still did a lot right. I wouldn't have read all the way through if it didn't have some strong positives. Getting me invested and holding my attention for this long takes skill, and it was a real ballsy premise you took on. Not many could make a post-season four Discord this believable as a truly dark and evil villain. After season three, I didn't think I'd ever see a Discord like this again. So kudos there.
All my review really says, I think, is that this story is flawed. But all stories are flawed. Maybe some of the flaws here are more significant than others, but they're attatched to a pretty good core piece nonetheless.
So overall, not bad. Good effort. This gets a like.
Edit:
...Fuck it. I'll give it a favourite, too.
5809909 One good cry later...
26 paragraphs before the one that says, "Not bad." I'll take it.
I'm not naive to this overlong fic's shortcomings. It definitely came off the rails near the end and for a lot of good reasons. This was my first fanfiction of anything and I thought it would be my last. So with that in mind, I kitchen-sinked the bastard and threw in every character I had an interest in, along with a bunch of arcs that didn't add up to a coherent whole.
That's something that's become clear in some of my stories. I twist characters and reasonable reactions in order to get to what I want to do next, oppose of letting character motivations get there. Also, outlining the first half before starting and then hoping the second half would all fall into place. Nope. Not quite.
Stories I've done since this first one have been met with better results. I think because they tend to be shorter and focus on less characters. (And even a few Sombra comedies for some reason.
) I've also worked with a couple editors since this and have learned (I hope) a lot about my own writing style and its shortcomings. It's good to know it's not the worst, but I'll always try to make it better if I can.
I'll probably always love this story, even with its faults. It was the first thing I submitted for public consumption and just felt like a brand new way of writing. Pumping out chapters as fast as you could make them. It was pretty neat.
As a whole, it might have fallen. But there are small scenes and chapters I'll always love, especially when things get terribly dark or twisted for just the right reasons. (Sombra is also a highlight, considering I've written about him like six times now...)
Anyways, thanks for the honest review and more importantly the fact that you read all the way through. It's good to know there's something interesting in my work, but also a lot of room to improve. I hope to do so.
5811927
For what it's worth, for your first ever published fic, you could've done a lot worse than this. There is a lot here for you take pride in, and that's more than most authors on this site can honestly say about their first fics.
6064319 But he's supposed to be the antagonist...
Fantastic fic, loved all of it apart from sombra being removed halfway.
Also the 'twist' at the end lol?
6174236 Thank you for saying so! Yes, it's too bad I had to get rid of Sombra, but by that point in time I thought he'd run his course. Doesn't mean I didn't think about keeping him around anyways because he was so much fun.
And yes... I've gotten a lot of flak for the ending and the epilogue already. 
6182743 Thanks for saying so. I had someone mention the foal/filly/colt thing a while back, but never corrected it due to the fact I must've done in a hundred times or more during the story. This was my first mlp fic and clearly I should've done some research about horse terms before starting.
Even writing hands/hooves/feet felt weird doing it the first time.
Glad you're liking Sombra. He was a lot of fun to write and I've written about him in around seven stories now. (Both horror and comedy, oddly enough.
)
6775084 Thank you!
6878817 I know.
I even thought of bringing Sombra back somehow for the second half, just so he could have some "real" revenge. Sadly, he remained dead.
Thanks for reading!
A very good read, I must say. Mastery of diction and flow, adroit construction of characters, and brilliant foreshadowing all throughout the story has led me to really enjoy my reading. (and makes me not ashamed to say I read it all over the course of five consecutive hours). However, there were just a few points that left me irked and a bit let down.
First, it's more of personal preference, but I wish I could've seen Sombra come back after his PAINFULLY abrupt death, seeing how I am a huge fan of his character, especially your take on him. It all just seemed a little too lack luster for such a mighty king.
This second issue, however, is the fact that you have left a huge hole in your story, mainly pertaining to the Empire Invasion arc. I couldn't help but notice, that in all of the story, that the princess of Love had only been mentioned once, in the time Discord was taunting Sombra of his defeat. But after that, not one single mention of her presented itself, she wasn't even in the Empire she was leading. This was extremely off putting, and even more so that no one ever really seemed to notice. This, as I see it, was your biggest flaw, and is honestly the only true thing you did wrong.
I have also noticed that in the beginning, Sombra had begun to reform himself under layers and layers of snow for an uncharted amount of time.... This was before Discord even got to him, meaning that the Tyrant King was already returning on his own power, without the aid of the Crystal Heart or Discord. That being said, wouldn't it be safe to assume that, if Sombra could come back after his first defeat, all on his own(given more time), then couldn't he do it again? I understand that you did not wan't Sombra to come back after his second defeat... But given the facts(in story)... it would only have been a matter of time before he would return, again.
Anyways, I am done with my nitpicking, I just hope I wasn't the only one who realized these errors... Thanks for the good read.
7134389 Sorry it took me a while to get back to this comment. Glad you enjoyed the story for the most part and you are definitely not the only one to point out some flaws. This story actually has a lot of flaws. Being my first story, I kind of just focused on what I wanted to and didn't pay much attention to everything else. The outline was basically: Sombra wakes up and eventually makes it to the Crystal Empire. How? Doesn't matter. We'll figure that out later.
My love of Sombra definitely came from this story. He has no backstory, so I was basically able to create the best villain I could. I even thought about bringing him back for the second arc, but decided against it.
Could Sombra come back? Perhaps. But the first time he did, he still had a chunk of horn to pull magic from. The second time, he was just a mound of dust.
All in all, this story was a very large test run of sorts. I don't love the "whole" story, but I still love bits and pieces of it. Anywho, thanks for giving it a read and letting me know what you thought.
Finally got through this thing and I must say: Thank you for such a nice story. Well, nice, for a story filled with depression, darkness and death. But you know what I mean.
I'm always happy to read a story not focused on making Sombra a moron of a joke, although in this you went all out on making him as dark as possible. My favourite chapters were the ones following after his escape from the cave and growth back to power. Just to see what he would do next. Such buildup for a villain to find his end so early in the story yet I felt it worked well to lead up to the real antagonist of the story after keeping our focus on Sombra just to make us go "Oh, right, Discord planned this all along."
Although I'm rarely a fan of cop out stories, which this turned out to be with that epilogue, I feel it still works either way whether the reader chose to take in the epilogue or not (I always like to consider that as optional if I don't like the epilogue.) Because it changes everything that happened in such a deep way, just by that one detail in the end.
I liked the pace, the good balance between heavy, light and dark. The new and different ideas for each Mane Six and how their future lives could go differently from how we all expect it to. The ending climax had some deus ex magina to it, but it worked out in its own right. So many twists and turns, working well to keep us all still on our toes throughout the story.
Thank you for a good story.
7336697 Glad you liked it and thanks for the comment.
As I said in a lot of my other comments previously, this story has a lot of flaws, but still a lot of things that I enjoy. It was my first story here and, at the time, I thought it would be my only one here, so I wrote everything I felt like writing. The Deux ex Mach is just that. I thought of it a few days before nearing the end and thought it sounded like an interesting twist. I should've stuck to my original plan, but... too late!
You live, you learn. Or try to.
Thanks again for giving it a try.
7337891 wait you wat didnt luna disolve discord
I thought that I finally found a story where discord comes out on top, due to the fact that he is just to powerful. However that ending had to go and ruin everything. I liked the story, but I despise the ending.
I know its all in his head. but if this story was real and not in his head. id destroy his statue immediately turn it to dust and scatter it all into the sun.
It's a great story though I feel like my favourite parts were from the beginning till Sombra's death as the summary (to me at least) made it seem like it would be focused around him and Discord kind of felt shoved in to replace Sombra as the next villain
shame sombra didnt come back again
Your renditions of Sombra and evil Discord were well worth the price of entry. DannyJ covered most of the plot/characters in detail, so I'll only add that I think you handled Discord's descent well.