Prologue: Attack on Tirek (and also Discord)
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hey, how’s it going? Everything okay over at Canterlot Castle? How are Luna, Chrysalis, and Trixie? Are they alright? I’m sure they are; but it’s always nice to ask anyway.
I’m writing you in regards to my current predicament. So, here’s the thing; I’m in a hospital room at Ponyville General, and I’m not entirely sure how I got here. I have a cast over my leg, and a bandage around my head and waist. Doctor Redheart will be kind enough to send this letter for me, and for that I owe her my deepest gratitude. I’m told that Applejack and Clementine are at home, and are safe and sound. That makes me very happy.
Now then, back to my question. I’m sorry that I ramble on so much. It’s like I get caught in my own little world and write the first thing I think of. It’s kind of a flaw I suppose. I remember the time when I decided to write you a letter about my choice to stay human, but instead wrote a fifty thousand word story with references to things you probably didn’t get. It was kind of embarrassing, but I did appreciate that you read the whole thing. Geez, I’m doing it again, aren’t I? I’m so sorry, Princess.
Anyways, the Doctor’s don’t know what happened to me, so that’s why I’m asking you. I have like a vague recollection of what went down during the last couple of days, which could be surmised as muddled and incoherent. You know, like the Star Wars prequels. Ouch, I just laughed at my own joke and now my sides hurt. It’s kind of mean to say, I mean, I find the movies pretty enjoyable despite all the dialogue about sand… damn it! There I go, on a tangent again. Stupid pain! I blame the pain medication. Sure, it dulls the discomfort, but now I’m rambling on a lot more than usual.
Right, my memory. Okay, I’m going to tell you what I think happened during the last couple of days, and then you can reply back to me if I’m completely wrong, alright?
Here we go.
So, a couple of days ago, you called Twilight into Canterlot, because this great evil called Tirek escaped from Tartarus, right? I was there too, for reasons that escape me, but I remember being in that throne room when it happened. I think I was visiting Chrysalis because she was giving me some foal clothes that she made. You know, Chrysalis is a damn fine knitter, let me tell you. She might be as good as Rarity!
Don’t tell Rarity I said that. She might hurt me.
“Lord Tirek has escaped from Tartarus!” you said. “We must stop him!”
Then one of us, probably Twilight, asked what the big deal was with Tirek, and you decided to open up that neat looking book and talk about his backstory within a good three minutes. I have to say, you summarized his life story quite well.
Twilight, in all her bravery and wanting to prove that she can kick ass (which she already can, I don’t know why she thinks she can’t) volunteered to beat up Tirek, but you sent Discord instead.
Ah, Discord. I didn’t become aware of him until a few months ago, around the time we brought Clementine over to Fluttershy’s house for a little get together. Little did I know, that Discord, the god of chaos, was living under her roof. No one ever told me about this, so seeing that guy really freaked me out. Then he made the chair I was sitting in come alive and attack me… I still think about that day with painful memories.
You sent Discord out to stop Tirek, but that turned out to be a bust, as Tirek made him evil again, and was sucking up all the pony magic in Equestria! By the time he showed up in Ponyville, he was quite large. Maybe if you put me on top of me, you would get an idea about how tall he was.
This is the part where my memory gets fuzzy, and that’s where I need help. This is what I believed happened next.
Tirek showed up when Applejack, Clementine, and I were leaving Sugar Cube Corner, after purchasing some delicious cupcakes. He was smashing his big cloven feet around, laughing maniacally like all super villains are bound to do. I guess he had a pretty sadistic childhood or something.
Applejack held Clementine close, while I told her to run back home. She was about to do just that, when Tirek sucked her up into the air with his magic! Clementine plopped to the ground and cried, which made me more pissed than I already was.
To my horror, I watched as Applejack and the others got their Cutie Marks sucked away! That’s why Clementine wasn’t taken, I guess, as she has yet to get her Cutie Mark at the age of six months old.
“Let them go, you fiend!” I yelled. I would have said something harsher and more vulgar, but Clementine was present. She couldn’t be exposed to the art of swearing yet.
“Never!” he laughed, “Their magic is all mine, and nothing in the world can stop me!”
“Us…you mean.” Discord said meekly. I could see what was going to happen in five seconds flat.
“No…ME!” Tirek shouted, as he enveloped Discord and took his magic too.
See? Totally called it. Then Discord was all sad and stuff. Fluttershy was understandably disappointed. It made me want to punch Discord in the face for being so stupid and making Fluttershy cry.
Just then, Twilight showed up, and transported me and Clementine back to Canterlot. You, Luna, Chrysalis, and Cadance were there. That’s when you guys dropped a huge bombshell on me.
“Matt, we must transfer our powers to you.” You said.
“What?!” I replied back, “Why me? Why not Twilight? She’s awesome!” Twilight then blushed.
Don’t tell Big Macintosh I made her blush. He might hurt me.
“No. He will be expecting an alicorn to fight. But a human, he will not see coming. You are our only hope, Matthew Williams Apple.” You said in that big booming epic voice.
Then, you all surrounded me, and went all flashy lights and BOOM! You infused you powers into me. It was so cool. I felt all important and stuff, just like the time you gave me the Elements of Harmony to fight Sombra with.
“Let’s do this.” I then said, my eyes glowing brightly. I took off into the sky, breaking the Castle Ceiling in the process.
Sorry about that.
“MUAHAHAHA!” Tirek laughed some more. Seriously, what was with this guy and laughing? “I have you now, my little ponies! I will rule the world!”
“No, you won’t!” I screamed, coming out of the sky like a raging Superman.
“What?!” he yelled in confusion.
He didn’t have time to react, as I PUNCHED him dead in the face. He went flying backwards into a cliff utterly destroying it. That punch was enough to get him to drop the magical cage that was holding Applejack and the others. I reunited with my beautiful wife, and gave her a large kiss on the lips. Man, I love kissing her. She does this awesome thing with her tongue that…um…moving on.
“Where’s Clem?” she asked.
“She’s safe. She’s with the Princesses.” I assured her in all of my manly toughness.
“What happened to you?”
“The Princesses gave me their powers. I’m going to kill Tirek to death.” That was a bit of a lame line, but that’s what I remember saying. “You and the others go hide, I’ll take care of that beast.”
“No, Matt.” Applejack panicked and clinged me for dear life. “I don’t wanna loose ya.”
I gave her another big smooch, because I am boss like that. Plus, I look for any excuse to kiss Applejack.
“You’ll never loose me.” I smiled, “Until the end of time, I will always be here.” Man, am I a cheesy yet smooth son-of-a-gun.
I took off into the skies, ready for round two against this monstrous tyrant. I watched as Applejack gathered the others and took off to safe haven. It was then I decided to make my move. I turned to the moving rubble, where Tirek was emerging with a massive bump on the head, and I cracked my knuckles, preparing myself to give him a hell of a lot more bumps.
“How….how do you have such power?” Tirek asked me with a twinge of fascination and fear in his voice.
“Magic…” I crack my neck like a badass getting ready to be badass, “Motherbucker”.
I flew at him with so much speed, that if I was Rainbow Dash, I’d be doing like three….no five…sonic rainbooms, by the time I got to Tirek. When I did, I punched him in the face yet again. I loved punching his stupid face, especially with that look of shock on it.
He went flying back, but he straightened himself out, looking at me with anger and hate in his eyes. He then flew towards me, and I him. When our fists collided, it sent a massive shockwave around Equestria, breaking a few mountains in the process.
Our brawl was the stuff of legends, and we landed blow after blow after blow on each other. Each of his punches may have hurt, but I knew I was hurting him more.
I got the upper hand, upper cutting him into the sky, grabbing him by the horns, spun him around and threw him into the ground. Like a meteor hitting a planet, he hit the ground with a loud and spectacular explosion following suit. Luckily, we were fighting in a wide open field, so collateral damage was slim to none. Maybe a couple of squirrels, but whatever.
Don’t tell Fluttershy I said that. She might hurt me.
Tirek, once a strong and powerful creature, was now just a big fat wussy, squirming on the crumbled ground, as he cannot believe an amazing hero such as myself could beat him so easily. I floated down slowly from the sky, staring at him, as my beatdown wasn’t quite over yet.
“No…please…” Tirek whimpered, as he raised his hand up like a stop sign. “No more…”
“Yes…more…” I said, eyes glowing with delight. I was having one of my murder death kill moments again.
I then proceeded to beat him so bad, that all the magic he stole from the ponies of Equestria poured out of him, and were transported back to his rightful owners. I can’t recall what happened next, though. I think I threw Tirek into a volcano or something. Yeah, I specifically remember a volcano. He fell in and exploded instantly. I guess he was made of gasoline or dynamite or something.
I suppose that after you guys took the magic back, all of the wounds got to me and I passed out. Now, I’m here in the Hospital. I can’t look outside to see how much damage Tirek and I caused, and I apologize if it’s a lot. Hopefully, you and the others will forgive me for such destruction.
So, if I recalled any of that correctly, let me know as soon as possible. Thanks.
Hope all is well,
Matthew Williams Apple
Dearest Matthew Williams Apple,
It is so good to hear that you are well, and have mended quite nicely. Hopefully, Applejack and Clementine will have arrived by the time you receive this letter, and are on your way home to complete your speedy recovery.
As for what you just described, I have to say that you were fifty-fifty with your assessment of what happened the week that Tirek attacked Equestria. You were right on what had happened beforehoof; you did arrive in Canterlot early in the day to pick up some pajamas that Chrysalis made for Clementine, and you were indeed present when I informed Twilight that Discord was going to be taking care of Tirek.
However, what happened after that, I’m sorry to say that none of that actually transpired. We did not transfer our powers to you, as we gave those powers to Twilight. Though a really “epic” (as you so said) battle did ensue, you weren’t a part of it. In actuality, you were as far away from the battle as equinely possible.
Twilight Sparkle described your actions as, and I quote, “The most energetic and foolish display of macho heroism I have ever seen.” When Tirek apparently arrived in Ponyville and captured Applejack and the others, you promptly smashed a chair over his face, and kicked Discord in the stomach while calling him, and this is another quote “You two faced jerkwad.” I suppose you were also correct in censoring yourself for Clementine’s ears.
Upon receiving those injuries, Tirek used his magic to throw you into Sugar Cube Corner, where you were knocked unconscious immediately after that. If you must apologize for damaged property, apologize to Pinkie Pie.
Twilight brought Clementine to us, and she remained at the castle until Tirek was defeated.
I find it interesting that the events you dreamt about sort of matched what truly happened in the fight against Tirek and Twilight. Perhaps the noises that ensued reached your ears, and your brain transformed those sounds into images for your mind. Sadly, it was not your reality.
Hope you feel one hundred percent soon,
Princess Celestia
Matt sits in the living room of his house, reading the letter that Princess Celestia gave to him. He reads the letter with an expression of non-surprise, right on the prediction that what he felt happened was nothing more than a tall tale. Only he could come up with a story where he became an overpowered superhero that saved Equestria in such an epic fashion. Then again, he did help save Equestria once, with the King Sombra invasion, but this was just too much, even for him.
Clementine plays around atop his cast, acting like it’s a fallen tree trunk, laughing whilst gripped on it like a sloth.
Applejack walks in with a mug of apple juice, giving it over to Matt, who takes it without even looking. She peers over his shoulder, glancing at the letter.
“You okay, sugarcube?” she asks, giving him a peck on the cheek.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” he looks to her with a smile. “Just reading Celestia’s response to my letter.”
“What did you ask about?”
“I asked if I somehow was responsible for saving Equestra. I wasn’t.” he pouts in disappointment. “To be honest, it would have been cool to knock Tirek’s hide around like a punching bag.”
“It was pretty cool seeing you hit him over with a chair. It reminded me of the time you hit Sombra with a chair. You always liked hitting bad guys with a chair.”
“True, it’s always strangely satisfying. The last time I did that, though, I was thrown into your barn. This time, I was thrown into Sugar Cube Corner. I kind of feel bad about that.”
“It’s not like you aimed for that place.”
“Yeah, but I should probably help pay for the damages.” Matt looks to see Clementine having the time of her life on his cast. “I see somepony is having fun.” he chuckles.
“Oh, Clem.” Applejack shakes her head, walking over to her. “You might hurt Daddy.”
“It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt. Let her have fun.” Matt assures her.
The sight of Clementine playing around makes him chuckle. She doesn’t know how to talk yet, but he can imagine what she might be thinking. Probably playing explorer like those Daring Do novels, which he and Applejack started reading to her, with the two providing their own voices for the characters.
“So…” Applejack wondered, resting her head on his shoulder, “How exactly did you save Equestria?”
“The Princesses gave me their powers, and I beat Tirek up so hard, he exploded.”
“That sounds awesome.”
“But not true.”
“Maybe not, but it’s an outcome ah like all the same.”
“Still happy you’re married to such a goofball like me?”
“I’m more than happy, sugarcube.” she nuzzles his cheek. “Ya may not have helped the way you thought ya did, but you’re mah hero.”
“Thanks.” Matt smiles, kissing her on the muzzle.
The two look away from each other, going back to watching Clementine now wrestle with his leg like it’s a dangerous anaconda from the Amazon Jungle. They laugh at her determined struggle, and aww at her attempting to bite at the cast with her small teeth.
“You should probably apologize to Discord, though.”
“How come?”
“Ya did kick him in the stomach.”
“He deserved it.”
“Matt…”
“Okay, okay. I’ll apologize to him first chance I get.”
“That’s all I needed to hear.” A mischievous voice said by Matt’s lap.
Applejack and Matt look down to see the head of none other than Discord rise up from the letter, looking at Matt with an expression of disdain. He pulls himself out of the letter, acting like he was trapped in some kind of hole. Clementine looks behind her to see the scene unfolding before her eyes. The sight of the where this creature was coming out of, has made her think that Discord was bursting from Matt’s lap.
With an angry hiss, she jumps onto Discord’s shoulder, biting at him. He yelps in pain at the filly’s jaws.
“Ack! I’m being attacked by a monster!” Discord screams.
“That’s just Clementine.” Applejack responds to him. “And ya kind of had it comin’, visitin’ without permission.”
“Oh, Applejack.” Discord smirks, grabbing Clementine by the back leg, and leaving her hanging in the air, flailing to get a piece of this monster. “I don’t need permission to visit one of my good friends. I can come any time I want. Besides…” he points at Matt, “This rude ruffian owes me an apology for hitting my sensitive little tummy.” His stomach forms into the face of a sad little Discord, complete with a bruised eye and missing teeth.
“To be fair, you did turn to the dark side.” Matt shrugs.
“Oh foof…” Discords stomach says, before the face pops back onto his head, “It was a moment of weakness. Don’t tell me you haven’t had one of those before.” His face scrunches into an accusing frown.
“Everyone has at some point or another. But when I had one, I didn’t put my friends in jeopardy.”
“Hmmm…I suppose you have a point.” he reluctantly shrugs, “But you still owe me an apology. You said you would the first chance you get. So, here’s your chance.”
“Can you let Clementine go? You’re making her upset.”
“Huh?” he looks over at the still dangling Clementine. Her lack of biting at this monster is making her upset. Small tears drop from her eyes as whimpers escape her mouth. “Oh, I see that I am.” With a snap of his clawed griffon like talons, a pacifier pops into existence and into Clementine’s mouth. She pauses for a few seconds, surprised at this mysterious item. Her eyes show annoyance, and she spits the pacifier back at Discord. “Ouch! Who doesn’t love pacifiers?!”
“Clementine doesn’t.” Applejack glares, “Now, put her down, before ah lose mah temper and buck ya in the stomach.”
“Fine.” Discord lets out a defeated sigh, setting Clementine down on the floor. She hurriedly crawls over behind her Mother’s hind legs, looking at Discord with an angered stare. “Feisty little filly, isn’t she?”
“You want your apology or not?”
“Okay. First, let me prepare.” he snaps his fingers again, bringing a small mattress into reality for him to lie down on. He lies on his stomach, hands on his cheeks, and legs moving up and down in anticipation for Matt’s apology. “I’m ready, Mr. Apple.”
“I’m…sorry for kicking you in the stomach.”
“And?”
“And…for calling you a two faced jerkwad.”
“And?”
“And what? Isn’t that all I did?”
“And for allowing your little beast of a filly to bite my shoulder. I might have rabies from her.” he lifts up freshly made test results showing that he has rabies.
“You’re pushing it, Discord.” he sighs, “Sorry that Clementine bit you, sorry you have rabies..." he then smirks a mischievous grin, "Oh right, I’m also sorry for your face.”
“What?”
With a swing, Matt hits Discord across the face with his cast covered leg, knocking him out upon impact. He slumps onto the floor motionless, with the mattress proofing out of existence, causing him to hit the floor face first. If he was still conscious, he would no doubt be producing small cartoonish birds and stars floating around his head. Instead, he’s out like a light.
“Matt…” Applejack once again mutters, “Did ya really have to hit him…again?”
“He called little Clementine a beast. He can’t get away with that.”
“That’s very true. You should still probably apologize to him, when he comes to.”
“Okay…” he mumbles, “You know, he’s really the most annoying reformed villain I’ve ever met.”
“That’s because the only other reformed villains you know are an attractive changeling and an attractive magician. If Discord was good looking, you would have dealt with it.”
“I guess we’ll never know.” Matt playfully shrugs. He sees Clementine give him a smile, before cooing for a lift up by Applejack. “I think little Clem needs you.”
Applejack picks up Clementine, and places her on her back. Clementine kicks her back legs, pretending like she’s riding Applejack as if she’s a faithful steed. Clementine giggles from all the fun she is having.
“Okay, Clem.” Applejack says, “Time to give you some good eats.” She trots away into the kitchen.
Matt looks back at them as they head towards the fridge to find some food; no doubt going to feast on some of that Apple Pie Applejack made a few days ago. Suddenly, he feels a tap on his shoulder from a sharp fingertip…like a talon. He sharply turns back to see not Discord in front of him, but rather a more feminine like Discord, with well-made up eye lashes, a curvier figure, and a face that would befit a mare, rather than…whatever he is.
Unfortunately, this female version still sounds like normal Discord.
“What do you think now, hero?” he says, trying to sound a sultry as possible. Matt isn’t falling for it.
“The voice is off putting. Illusion broken. I’m gonna have to hurt you, now. You're just too weird to remain conscious.”
“Wai…”
WHAP! He’s going to be out for a while this time.
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XD discord did deserve all that he got.
Chairs few!
And FIRST COMMENT :D
DANG DISCORD GOT TOLD by Matt PERSONALY
Max I give you the best of luck at this story I really have be looking forward
And Tirek's got Applejack in a tight spot, but what's this? It's Stumbleman and he's coming to the ring with multiple steel folding chairs. Oh the savagery of the beating he is giving out with those chairs. What is Matt? A WWE Superstar?
4691790 In the background, Queen Chrysalis is jumping around holding up a "Williams 3:16" sign.
4691804 OH HELL YEAH! I love it! Williams 3:16 means I just kicked your ass!
Heh heh, it's funny because he got hurt.
Dang, Discord got owned fives times.
Yes my day has been made
Can't what to see more 
oww Discord 
Have A Great Derpy Day
fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t34.0-12/10543676_548549595250802_43669954_n.jpg?oh=ebd044d16d387594125689a1777fce5c&oe=53C69A70&__gda__=1405544511_da13a856b46eb8dbc41588792bb348f1
yissssssssssssssssssssssssssss
omg i loved the last 2 stories.
It comes to my attention that Matt picked up a sudden urge to hurt people out of the blue. this might disturb me. but nonetheless great work.
also..
“The Princesses gave me their
powers, and I beat Tirek up so hard, he
exploded.”
this line legitimately made me lose my shit.
I laughed so hard at this. Great start!
you better not turn this into a walking dead look alike I know what the last clementine had to go through, onward and foreword I read!
4698459 Don't worry. No zombie apocalypse will occur in this story.
4698477 thank god
I love these stories sooo much! "Human pride!" lol
Yay, Clementine!
4697188 Kidnap his wife or dangle his Daughter around, the hurts will come. LOL
My god, there's a Taken parody in there somewhere.
I liked Matt's version of the Tirek event better.
4701788 I fucking love your profile pic
CAN'T. STOP. LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4736504 please don't cuss
4750551 Why, it doesn't hurt anyone.
derpyrox444 you are right there
nice start.
I have but one thing to say bout the end of chapter 1
nuff said XD
Hah, nothing like some good post cranial trauma hallucinations.
You're pushing your luck, Chryssie.
Just want to take the time and write, 'I think that you're a good writer and story teller' I mean it. The end of October I first found the first story, My New Life in Equestria, as an audio reading on YouTube by Visual Pony. I loved the story by the way, as the romance between Matt and Applejack reminded me of my story, only yours is WAY better written. Anyway, I loved the story so much that I not only listened to your first story again, but looked it up on this site and came across your sequels as well.
Which brings us to this story. I just want to say, I love the Alternative story line you made for your series. Matt's not TOO much of a 'Gery Sue', he's just a normal dude who ended up in Equestria. I like the way you've handled most of the characters, and love the idea of Clementine. Just want to say, whatever happens at the end of this story, thank you for for creating such a fun HIE story, and I hope you see this through to the end.
Take care, don't lose hope, and god bless.