This is just so smooth. Is this what Apple Ale tastes like? Because it's totally worth drinking in every word of this story!
I like that each chapter is a nice break in transition too. So keep doing what you're doing. I'd sooner take small chapters with consistent updates than big ones with months gaps that can risk burning out the author.
I have to say, you know how to cut off a chapter. Chapter 4 had the mother of all annoying cliffhanger. xD But in a good way. Every chapter is pretty focus giving ever scene in a short the focus it deserves. From Silver's fight with Diamond that takes a fanon troupe and DOES something different with it, more believable with it, and sets up a nice mood for intrique and wondering where they stand now.
Where the three CMC stand, though Sweetie's a bit cliche moment seems cliche where she ends up, I enjoyed her unique taste in boyfriends there. And that S1 in your face Scootaloo helps add enough tension to a scene.
Though this all is pretty much TEEN so far with nothing major as of yet, Diamond only now about to go into what many are sort of expecting from the decisions she's made, I do wonder what sort of life DT will be getting into later on. Sounds exciting!
I see no fault in the writing myself. It flows beautifully. Grammar looks solid. And your consistent with how you use your substitute for an em dash -- and at least in my opinion you don't overuse the ellipses. It really shows, much how just reading your first chapter alone, how much care you're putting into every scene.
Such a refreshing read. I hope to see a complete tag on this eventually. Nothing is most sexy than an author who goes through and completes epic multichapter stories without breaking between chapters for years on end.
LOVE this story's characters and how they talk. How Babs and Scoots hooked up could even work as a side story much like Spike and Sweetie down the road if you ever felt like expanding on this universe as well.
I'll stop gushing now. It's good to see something really put in some TLC into a story like this. Mature, Dark, AND Adventure... with Diamond Tiara?
Just amazing. Thank you for writing this. Babs Scoot is adorably funny. The whole chill way Babs rubs a hoof between Scoots wings on her back is just adorable.
love this so fare but I do feel bad for sweetie is he with her because he loves her or just because she looks allot like the sister? (not a glass have empty/full type person but there is probable a good reason its half)
undeserved cliffhanger is undeserved. this is not just to the author, but the site as a whole: QUIT PUTTING CLIFFHANGERS AT THE END OF SHORT CHAPTERS! and I don't mean just short, I mean chapters that don't even have a full scene in them before reaching the end. seriously, this has got to end.
I'm on the side thinking the cliffhanger is undeserved. Nothing of real substance happens in this chapter. Diamond Tiara goes to the others. That's not enough; this could easily have bee combined with her actual explanation and flowed much more smoothly.
I'm more worried about what Diamond Tiara, somepony with serious self-esteem issues, might do whilst drunk on what must be the hardest and most frightening night of her life.
"Surprise," Babs announced as she set the box down for all of them. "Apple Bloom and I would like to present to you: Sweet Apple Acres Apple Ale."
Oooh, this should be fun.
"Fine," Diamond Tiara huffed as she grabbed the bottle. She brought it to her mouth and took a long drink. The alcohol burned her throat, but she found that she liked the taste of it. It was kind of like drinking a slightly sour apple. "You want to know why I came here?" she asked. "Well..."
Awww getting drunk before joining?
Already one of us!
*idonotpromoteunderagedrinkingornormaldrinkingforthatmatterbecausethatstuffsmellsandtasteslikeabsolutecrap
I bet her father kicked her out because she didn't want to take over the family business.
more like she ran away from home cause dear old dad thinks its to dangerous.
Also CLIFFHANGER!
I really like the progression rate of this story
No offense meant, of course, but these four chapters could have easily been condensed into one. Still, I love he story so far, and would like more.
This is just so smooth. Is this what Apple Ale tastes like? Because it's totally worth drinking in every word of this story!
I like that each chapter is a nice break in transition too. So keep doing what you're doing. I'd sooner take small chapters with consistent updates than big ones with months gaps that can risk burning out the author.
I have to say, you know how to cut off a chapter. Chapter 4 had the mother of all annoying cliffhanger. xD
But in a good way. Every chapter is pretty focus giving ever scene in a short the focus it deserves. From Silver's fight with Diamond that takes a fanon troupe and DOES something different with it, more believable with it, and sets up a nice mood for intrique and wondering where they stand now.
Where the three CMC stand, though Sweetie's a bit cliche moment seems cliche where she ends up, I enjoyed her unique taste in boyfriends there. And that S1 in your face Scootaloo helps add enough tension to a scene.
Though this all is pretty much TEEN so far with nothing major as of yet, Diamond only now about to go into what many are sort of expecting from the decisions she's made, I do wonder what sort of life DT will be getting into later on. Sounds exciting!
I see no fault in the writing myself. It flows beautifully. Grammar looks solid. And your consistent with how you use your substitute for an em dash -- and at least in my opinion you don't overuse the ellipses. It really shows, much how just reading your first chapter alone, how much care you're putting into every scene.
Such a refreshing read. I hope to see a complete tag on this eventually. Nothing is most sexy than an author who goes through and completes epic multichapter stories without breaking between chapters for years on end.
LOVE this story's characters and how they talk. How Babs and Scoots hooked up could even work as a side story much like Spike and Sweetie down the road if you ever felt like expanding on this universe as well.
I'll stop gushing now. It's good to see something really put in some TLC into a story like this. Mature, Dark, AND Adventure... with Diamond Tiara?
Just amazing. Thank you for writing this. Babs Scoot is adorably funny. The whole chill way Babs rubs a hoof between Scoots wings on her back is just adorable.
love this so fare but I do feel bad for sweetie is he with her because he loves her or just because she looks allot like the sister? (not a glass have empty/full type person but there is probable a good reason its half)
Hah, she got kicked out of her house.
Probably from her less-than-stellar announcement of joining the guard to her father.
(Speculation, mind you.)
~Skeeter The Lurker
I am intrigued
undeserved cliffhanger is undeserved. this is not just to the author, but the site as a whole: QUIT PUTTING CLIFFHANGERS AT THE END OF SHORT CHAPTERS!
and I don't mean just short, I mean chapters that don't even have a full scene in them before reaching the end. seriously, this has got to end.
4916934 dud the end of this chapter is a classic flash-back transition so the scene is complete.
I'm on the side thinking the cliffhanger is undeserved. Nothing of real substance happens in this chapter. Diamond Tiara goes to the others. That's not enough; this could easily have bee combined with her actual explanation and flowed much more smoothly.
I'm more worried about what Diamond Tiara, somepony with serious self-esteem issues, might do whilst drunk on what must be the hardest and most frightening night of her life.
SPIKE KICKS ASS... and technically owns sweetie belles.
Oooh, this should be fun.
And cue flashback!
Diamond Tiara reminds me of Monkey.D.Luffy.