Chapter 1
“Umbra! Oh Umbraaaaaaa!” Came the feminine, singsong voice of Eris, the half-draconequus. Her long, snakelike body practically draped over a sofa as she called out for the shadow-walker. Her body was similar to that of a normal draconequus, although her limbs were symmetrical; her legs were goat hooves and her arms were both like lions’ paws. Her horns were much like a chinese lung dragon. The only thing that was not the same on either side of her were her wings. One was leathery and shaped like a bat’s wing while the other was feathery like a pegasus wing.
Her bored expression only set more as she called out once more. “Umbra! Come on… I’m bored…”
WHOOSH
“Eris...please, remove your hooves from my sofa. Cleaning it every time you decide to pop in is getting repetitive and tedious.”
She turns her head to look at him, “You know that I paid for this one…” She replies with a small smile and half-lidded eyes. “But that’s not the point… I’ve come here for a request.”
Umbra sighs, pinching his forehead area, “I do realize that but it’s in my house, I use it, therefore it’s mine...Request? What request?”
She lets out a sigh and moves her hooves off the couch before smirking and slithering her way over to him, coiling around him once. “Would you mind oh-so-terribly to give your favorite Half-draconequus temporary admin status?”
“...Yes. I could very well lose my job for that, and then who would you mooch off of, hmm? Not to mention that I’d be immediately annihilated if I lost my position as a SysAdmin…”
“Well… I don’t mean with the same abilities as you… being an orderly chaos spirit and whatnot… Just enough to make my own Displaced… not quite the same amount as that Merchant fellow… just two.” She says with puppy-dog eyes.
Umbra stares back, completely unfazed by the female’s antics. “You can already do that, Eris. It’s not my fault you haven’t figured out a way to use your Chaos magic to travel through the Void and pull anything with you...even if the Void is a cesspool of Chaos and Paradox already… are you sure you inherited your mother’s intellect? I recall Fluttershy being much more...intelligent... when she was your age.” The last part was delivered not in a deadpan, but in as smug a manner as possible, with a smirk literally tracing its way across his face.
Eris’ eyes widen in realization. “Wait… Daddy lied to me…?” Her face twists into a little scowl as she starts pacing around the room. “Of course he did! Stubborn old goat… HE told me that Chaos magic wasn’t strong enough to do that!” She lets out a small growl, “I am going to wring his neck the next time I see him!”
Umbra chuckles, “Discord has, across an infinite spread of Universes, across an infinite spread of Time, done exactly what you want to do...just by snapping his fingers and thinking that it’d be...Chaotic. I suppose you, being half pony, couldn’t do it so simply, eh? Oh, and by the way...consider his neck wrung.” Cue Evil Smirk™.
…
Meanwhile, in Fluttershy’s cottage
Fluttershy nearly has a panic attack when out of nowhere, her husband’s neck is twisted a full forty two revolutions around, involuntarily. She then notices the small card fluttering to a stop in front of her face. She reads it aloud, “One neck wringing...deliverer: Umbra Shadow-Walker… commissioner: Eris?”
“Oh my, I wonder why our daughter would do such a thing?”
Discord lets his head spin back at a dizzying speed, catching his cheeks once his neck is back to its proper position and lets his eyeballs spin around a few times. “Oh… That’s just what I needed, You know Fluttershy, I’ve had that pain in the lower part of my neck for a week straight and just couldn’t figure out how to get rid of it. I’m going to have to thank Eris later.” He says with a smile.
…
Back at Umbra’s House a.k.a Right Across Ponyville
Eris lets out a happy sigh as she leans up against Umbra again. “You know… You’re so… interesting… no, fascinating… no, that’s not it either… Oh, what’s the word I’m looking for…?” She begins to twist her face into an adorable pout. “It’s so amazing to see anything as interesting as a living shadow like you.” She finally decides.
“I know, you’ve told me this approximately three hundred times since I met you...three years ago.” More deadpan from the living shadow. “And you come over like, every three days…”
“Maybe I just want you to make sure you don’t forget it.” She snarks before going over to a small square table in the middle of the room.
“I have not forgotten it at all...every single incarnation of you that I’ve met in my… seven… no… eight… no… thirty? Yes. Every single incarnation of you that I’ve met in my thirty thousand millennia of existence has told me the exact same thing. It’s actually starting to seem like a Multiversal constant,” Umbra snarks back, also moving to the table.
She sighs with a slight frown, “Then I guess you don’t want to help me?” She asks in a way that sounds more like a statement.
Umbra, for some reason still being an appeasing dumbass despite his lifetime of experience, quickly responds, “I never said that–”
Eris’ expression almost snaps, the sound was actually something close to it, into a smile as she leans in really close, literally beaming with enough joy to rival Pinkie Pie. “Really!?” She quickly wraps him up in a tight hug, “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” She squees.
“...What the hell have I gotten my black ass into this time?” Umbra complains.
(It’s not racist because Umbra’s actually a shadow! *insert laughter*)
“Okay… Since daddy’s too much of a meanie to teach me… can you show me how to do it?” Eris asks as she sits back down in her seat, bouncing a little like an energetic foal.
Umbra rolls his eye spots around the perimeter of his face, “Fine.” Though spat out, said phrase contained nothing but resigned cooperation and reined in amusement.
She smiles again, making a squeaking sound as she looks on eagerly.
“Right. This is different from my power, and your father’s power, given that I am basically a full on deity that literally hacks his way into victory, and your father is just a 3D representation of the Chaos Magic that permeates the Multiverse.”
Her smile widens just a hair, “I understand, I think I just need the basics and I can extrapolate from there using my own technique after a bit of practice.”
Umbra nods sagely, closing his eyes into crescent slivers of white light. “Very well. First: collect as much power as you think is necessary. Given that you have Chaos Magic, that is much less that you really think it is right now. Just a drop will do.”
She nods just a little, snapping her fingers and making a quill and notepad appear out of thin air to take notes.
“Second, imagine casting your power into a Void, and, given your specialty, hooking onto the most chaotic beings that your power level can retrieve.”
She holds a paw up like a student in a classroom as more of the surrounding room features have mysteriously changed to look like one.
“Nice attention to detail. Step three is simple: actually do it. Your imagination will help the process. Don’t pay attention to the casting, just focus on the results. Don’t stress your mind too much about ‘what-if’s and ‘maybe’s. Just do it. It’s that simple.” Closing the textbook in his hand that appeared with the classroom, Umbra shucks off his ‘teacher’ outfit and instantly reverts his living room to it’s original state. “There, lesson finished. Got everything?”
She lets her paw droop as she lets out a small whine. “Aww… there was so much potential in that scene… with me as the awkward, yet attentive student and you as the bold and strict teacher who has the secret attraction for me that you can’t let any of the other staff know about…”
Umbra smirks and ‘ports away, his voice coming from everywhere and nowhere as the room shifts again. “You mean...something like this?” The scene in question is an empty classroom with the words ‘DETENTION’ scrawled on the blackboard, Umbra striding in with his teacher outfit on. “Good afternoon, miss Eris. You’re in detention for blatantly trying to seduce a teacher.” Another smirk, this time almost… teasing?
She smiles with sparkles in her eyes, like an anime, as she leans forward on the desk and lets her tail flick back and forth a few times. “Yeah… just with a bit more… Oh… Authority in your step, like you control the room and are going to punish me for the disobedient student I am.” She replies as her smile fades to a saucy smirk.
“Well then–” Umbra strides over to the teacher’s desk, which bears a name-plate with his name on it, curiously, and pulls out a rather large, wooden paddle. “–how about some corporal punishment, then?” Another smirk, this time showing a hint of strict authority as well.
“Ooh!” She squeals happily as her tail gives another flick. “Yes… that’s perfect.” She replies.
“Then come over, miss Eris. You don’t want to waste more of my precious time, do you?” Umbra beckons her over with a single finger, sitting in a large, straight-backed chair. “Come now, miss Eris. Prolonging it will only make it worse on you.”
With a snap of her fingers she’s gone in a small, white flash and reappears wrapped around Umbra and the chair, nuzzling the side of his face. “Will you promise to always be there for me?” She whispers next to where his ear would be.
“Of course.” He whispers back, sending shivers down her spine, into and through her tail.
She smiles a bit more of a genuine smile, no smirk… no boisterous energy… just a simple smile before she snakes her way onto his desk, masking that smile with a sultry smirk again. “Then do as you wish…” She says quietly.
Umbra smirks again. “Then...–” And suddenly, everything is exactly the way it was before, with Umbra now holding the front door open for Eris. “– I think you forgot, Eris, that I am completely asexual...and that I love pranking you. Now, run along, I’m sure your parents will start to wonder just what we’re up to...it’s almost midnight.”
Her eyes widen a bit in surprise before she shoots him a glare. She stands up with a frustrated growl. “Do you know how long it’s going to take to get over this?!” She throws her hands into the air before stomping out, “You’re such an ASS!”
“You’ve said that about me about two hundred times in the last year...when you first started these advances...and yet, you always come back within a week...even after I’ve said those exact words...this also happened two weeks ago. I’ll see you later, Eris; I have work to do.”
She stomps a few meters, turns, shoots him a glare, and vanishes in a small flash.
Later that evening, or morning, whichever you prefer.
...
Eris had her chin on her paws as she stared out at the night sky, tears in her eyes as she just gazed at the moon.
“Why? Why do you keep doing this to me Umbra…?” She manages to say with a cracked voice as a few tears fall from her puffy eyes. “Can’t you just once… Just… once… be with me… for me…?” She stares at the moon for a few more seconds before turning away from her window to collapse on the bed, once more crying herself to sleep, once more… going to bed cold and alone.
...
Two weeks later
“I’m still mad at you.” Glare.
“I know you are. Do you still need to practice before you actually go with the process?”
We now take a break to examine the thoughts in Umbra’s mind:
I know she wants me to be with her...but...I...I don’t know if I should...Gah! What the hell should I do!? Shitty Romance Novels, you have failed me!
*Testing… Testing… Is this thing on?*
Eh? What’s that bolded text in my head?
*I’m your Reasoning speaking, am I coming through clearly?*
Where the piss have you been!? I thought I lost you way back when I first went through that portal to Equestria! Do you know how much shit my Id made me do!?
*... No… No I do not, but FEAR NOT! I am back! That portal was some trippy stuff, got lost in the Homestuck Cluster for a while until everything got put into Orderly-Chaos. Took me forever to find you again. I think I got lost again somewhere in the ‘Your Human And You’ Branch.*
My condolences.
*Yeah… anyway… mind catching me up on what’s in the now?*
Fine...infodump authorized...initiating...have a nice day...there, you’re caught up.
*Radical bro! Let’s see… so… you have a lusty draconequus going after you…?*
Yup
*Tubular… and you have a war that you have to mediate?*
More like a petty spat between two individuals that can actually hurt me, but yes.
*And all of them are Displaced that were put in the Equestria Cluster by your… co-worker? The Merchant?*
Uh-huh
*And now you don’t know whether to let this woman closer?*
Yup...are you just going to keep asking questions that you already know the answers to while interspersing said questions with shitty 80’s slang? Because seriously, that slang is really shitty. And 80’s
*You’re just jelly because I decide to embrace our heritage, and that depends… are you going to lose me in the Homestuck Cluster again?*
Heritage!? What heritage!? I barely count as a 90’s kid! Remember!? Oh yeah, and no, I’m not losing you again. You’re safely anchored in my head...unless I do the ‘Split Psyche’ trick… then you get your own body…
*But that’s not nearly as fun as talking to yourself… Anyways… What’s your issue with letting her get close? Besides, Homestuck wasn’t as fun without the main part of my emotions… when you’re just Reasoning, Homestuck is a big ol’ headache.*
Well...first, sounds to me like you developed a bit of a personality, good on you, Second… I dunno man… I know how she feels about me… it’s just… something keeps holding me back… wait… there. Problem solved. My ‘Fear of Relationships Due to Frank Inexperience’ Parameters were acting way up. Okay. I’m good. Let’s solve this problem...right now...yeah… Just activate the goddamn scene break already, author! GAH!
*Just remember… She’s used to you being a total ass to her… so such a sudden change may actually have an inverse effect to what we want, understand?*
I get ya, low and slow it is.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming:
“Wipe that smug look off of your face, you jerk.” Another glare, this time less intense as Eris starts focusing a bit more on the small frisbee-sized mirror in front of her.
“You got this?” Umbra surprised Eris by actually delivering the phrase with some measure of concern, rather than a condescending deadpan, or a smug tease.
Eris took a deep breath and let it calm her nerves as she slowly let it out. “I think so…” She replies evenly as she lets her forefinger tap the surface of the mirror, making it ripple like a small puddle. Her expression almost snapped again to the boisterous smile before she reigned in her emotions so that she could get the mirror to focus on the Earth Cluster.
“Keep in mind that your powers make this sort of thing notoriously unpredictable in terms of who you get, so don’t be disappointed in the results. Just be glad that it’ll work.”
She gives him a smile before snapping her fingers and getting a few books materialized onto the table next to the mirror. “I gotcha.” She replies. “Although I did notice a few interesting things about this particular Equestria compared to the Earth Cluster.”
“Wha’ abou’ it?” This was delivered with an apple stuffed into Umbra’s...mouth. Even though he didn’t need his mouth to speak normally…
“Well…” She begins, opening the book that was labeled ‘Dungeons & Dragons Player’s Handbook™’
“Oh hell no. What the hell is that. Where the ever-living fuck did you get that!? NO NO no no NO! I will–”
“I was just noticing a few things between this Equestria and the lore of this game that are pretty similar… so… I was… kinda hoping… that… well… we could… use one of the Earths that was going to… well…” She begins rubbing her paw nervously.
“... Why am I such a goddamn sucker for the women in my life? What am I, a typical Teenage Shonen Hero? Gods, it’s pathetic.”
“I wouldn’t go that far… but I was hoping we could use one of the Earths that was facing like… an Apocalypse of some kind and just… give two humans a second chance at life here?” Eris replies with half a wince.
“... Yeah sure why not. Reel ‘em in. I’ll stabilize so you don’t go too off target, though you might still miss a little.”
She takes a small breath and gets a confused look on her face as if thinking something over. “Umbra… What would they look like without their bodies? would they just be kinda like two wispy spirit thingies?”
“More like a ball of light in some sort of random color befitting their personality, but with smoky wisps coming off. Why?”
“No real reason other than I was curious…” She replies before sticking her hand into the mirror to grab two souls that are close to one another.
“Looks like you’re pretty much on target… be wary of any unexpected developments, though. Chaos magic, however little I can use, is really finicky, and tends to backfire if used without anything weird as the intention. This should be sufficiently odd to mitigate most of the mutations, though.”
“Well… since they’re from a universe with no magic… why not make them, essentially, magical creations…? Make one a wizard and then make the other some sort of magical healer?” She suggests, “That way there’s a bit of Chaos and a plan…”
“I’ll handle the magic part...though with that Chaos pulling them here, I wouldn’t be surprised if something went wrong.”
She gently pulls her hand out of the mirror, with two little pinkish spheres, “I’m sure nothing too bad happened… Care to help me make physical forms for them?” She asks with an eager smile. “I’ll even handle their starting equipment…” She offers.
“Toss ‘em over, let me start… you got one of each gender, right?”
“Well… That’s what I was aiming for… they were pretty close together so I could only assume that they belonged to the same her- I mean, were a couple… But they’re both pink, so I don’t really know…”
“Pink is an indicator of Pacifism, not gender… I’m sensing two distinct genders, but the chaos is interfering with my ability to tell which is which… can you tell?”
Eris sighs, “I’m still surprised you can tell the gender difference…”
Umbra sighs as well. “Well...hope they don’t mind too much if I fuck up their genders… here we go, two basic humanoid templates. Extra features, Eris?”
“Yeah…” She starts, putting a paw on her chin. “I want them to be compatible with the rules on divine sparks… and… lets see…” She poofs up a copy of the Races Of The Dragon™ handbook and starts perusing the pages.
“How about we make Dragon-Themed Heroes?” Umbra asks as he glances at Eris’ book.
As she reads she turns so that she can drape her hooves over the edge of the couch and lay her head against his arm. “Any color patterns in particular? I was thinking maybe green primary scales for the male with purple secondary scales, and then purple for the female’s main scales with pink secondaries.”
“Go ahead, they’re your Displaced after all. I’m only here in case something goes really wrong.”
“Well… Since you’re technically helping me I’d say that they are our displaced…” She says as she starts getting a bit more comfortable on his arm.
Umbra decides to let her stay on his arm...it was quite a nice feeling, after all. “I suppose so, but you’re doing most of the work here. I’m just supervising and giving encouragements, sarcastic as they may be.”
She nods, letting her tail flick back and forth as she continues reading. After a few minutes the book finally closes with a snap and all the books poof back to where they originally were. “Alright! Twentieth level wizard and cleric… with fifth level character gear. Technically the cleric will have an advantage since he’ll only need his holy symbol to cast his spells… while the wizard will need herself a spellbook.”
“So...who exactly is the Cleric’s deity, anyway? And what symbol will they use?”
“Do you mind getting in contact with Tamara? I can fashion a nice wooden seven pointed star, just let her know she’s going to have a new cleric.” Eris replies as she starts to sit up.
Umbra’s eyespots transform themselves into a two-point, inward spiral. “... Give me a moment… Right, she knows. We’re technically also the Cleric’s deities now too… somehow.”
“Yeah… but deities use that whole rank system and stay within their own specific Universe/Multi-Plane Worlds… And they get stronger with more followers, we don’t.” She points out as she starts to stretch. “You know… I really liked this…” She says with a smile.
“Hmm? Liked what?”
“Oh! One last favor… could you help put them in their bodies and make sure they appear close to each other? They’re strong enough to not really have to worry about dying easily… but… I’d rather keep them together…” Eris requests.
Umbra sighs a little. “You and your romantic tendencies… But yeah, sure. Your lucky I’m also a bit of a romantic too.”
“Oh I can just see it now… both of us sharing a beautiful castle, being taken care of because we created the strongest heroes in Equestria…” She sighs as she drapes herself over his lap.
“Why a castle? Do you want to be a Princess too?”
She smiles up at him. “I wouldn’t mind being your Princess…” She chuckles, holding out the two souls for him to put the finishing touches to.
“Right… Well, looks like everything is working well enough… let’s pop these in, shall we?”
And with a strange, vibrating POP, The two souls are absorbed into their new bodies, settling into place almost immediately.
“‘Kay, they appear to be stable… they should wake up soon, too… now we just wait.”
Eris lets out a happy sigh, “I hope our children don’t have anything too bad happen to them on the first night…”
“...Wait, CHILDREN!?”
As soon as Umbra finishes his sentence, the Wizard, a female Dragonborn wakes up, immediately jetting into wakefulness and noticing her new body.
“Holy shit! What’s going on here!? Are these scales!?” She pauses as she recognizes her own voice. She begins slowly patting her own body, gently as the gravity of what happened begins to set in. Her movements stop and the clearing is as silent as a graveyard for exactly 3.14… seconds. “...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
And with that scream, a chain of events is set into motion that could not be stopped, even by the will of the gods.
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4687819 Got it, thanks!
Please for the love of fuck tell me they fucked up their genders. PLEASE!
4687889 Stay tuned for the next episode of Super mario- er... I mean Eris And Umbra!
Once upon a time I read this story, I then immediately napalmed the multiverse it was set in and walked away whistling a psychotic tune of human superiority. (In case you didn't guess, I doth hate humans being transformed into others species with a passion greater than Hitler's.)
4691268 everyone's a little bit racist, to which I say, whatever floats your boat.
there are even stories that I prefer not to read, so I understand.
4692420 It's not racism if it's true. For instance: Humans exist, dragons don't. Thus humans are superior by merit of existence.
4692447 Yet in a different world, it could be the exact opposite, to me... Superiority is governed by how well you do in a given situation. While yes, they may be draconic on the outside, they're still human on the inside with more human mindsets than dragon mindsets.
Which is why I'm guessing that the moderators decided to have me add the Human tag before it could pass moderation.
4692474 Still, unconsented transformations rub me the wrong way. Like vore. But vore rubs everyone the wrong way. Now excuse me while I use mind bleach on the word vore. Nightmares HO!
4692480 Well, I am sure if they had the choice between becoming dragonborn or staying on the dying planet... they'd probably choose dragonborn anyway. but hey, that's your opinion, and that's not something that I can change.
4692645 I'd choose death. Mainly due to if there is a heaven, I could theoretically ask god to place me down in a new universe complete with a fresh start. Ya know, provided he isn't the asshole he is in the bible.
4692704 And that's just the thing, you never know if he is like that. and sometimes you just gotta work with what you've got and keep on going without worrying about the stuff you can't change.
4692880 Well if religion is a lie and there is no afterlife, then I'll settle for going Buddhist and trying to achieve enlightenment before eighty, otherwise then its deals with void beings.
4692885 Which is why I'm not really a religious person myself, I just try to keep going from day to day.
4692921 I riff on every religion I can get my hands on, but on the off chance they are right, I wanna be prepared. But then again, one of my plans involves all sorts of fuckery, genetic, technological, and reality, so that might lead me to new horizons. Provided I can get off my fat ass and actually put them into motion.
4692928 If you ever want someone to give the story a look as an editor or pre-reader just drop me a message and I'd be happy to take a look.
4693017 I'm talking real plans here, not fanfiction, though I do have one of those that might need proofing. Seriously, if I put my mind to it, I could, over the course of several thousand years, make the entire human race be collectively purple. That isn't bragging, its fact, meticulous planning trumps everything but the impossibly lucky.
4693130 yeah... and the impossibly lucky tends to be the heroes of a story
4693198 Good thing the heroes only show up around the end stages, generally when my super weapons are being deployed, at multiple sites across the globe.
4693204 just to do their thing where they press one button to simply collapse the network and making the villain go
"...now... why in the world did I put that button there?"
4693207 Actually that button sprays boiling hot coffee on whom ever presses its crotch.
4693278 yeah, now you just need two big red buttons, right next to each other.
one that launches every nuclear warhead in your arsenal while the other makes a mean cup o' joe.
But you have to make sure the buttons look identical
Hail Eris! Thine chaotic being is best character!!