• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Nov 30th, 2017


I'm just some dude in high school at the moment. Writing is my stress reliever, so I figured I'd write about ponies. I plan to be a journalist, so I guess this could be good practice.

Comments ( 23 )

Mmm... Thinking of anything wrong with this story...


Nope, nothing seemed wrong to me. It's pretty good XD

wait if you are A positive dose that mean you will become one of those,, things? oh and AWSOME FIC I love it :heart: keep up the good work bro I love your work.
oh and when will the next chapter out?

4820620 Thanks for the support! :twilightsmile: Yes, if you have A blood, you turn into those monsters, but if you have AB blood... just imagine a clever, patient, and bloodthirsty psychopath. :pinkiecrazy: As for the next chapter, that depends. It could be a week, or a week and a couple days. Just be patient, I will update it eventually! :rainbowdetermined2:

okie dokie lokie:pinkiehappy:
oh and no worries I don't care how long it takes I was just asking I don't mind how long it takes,,,,
wait a min,,,,OH NO DASHIE that means she wil turn,,,:fluttercry::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::fluttershysad::raritycry::raritydespair:
now im sad D:

Huh, this reminded me of The Last of Us. You take some inspiration from it?

4823841 Yeah, I did. I was also inspired by DayZ, and I Am Legend. I did attempt to have some "originality" by making variants of the undead intelligent, and making only a certain number of people susceptible to infection. But hey, what can you do?

So I take it Rainbow Dash will be beating people up in this story?

4828311 And shooting, spitting, kicking... basically anything to defend herself.


Not bad, but it could use some editing.

If you use a dialogue tag, you need to punctuate the dialogue with a comma instead of a period—question and exclamation marks are unaffected. Also, the word on the other side isn't capitalized unless it's a proper noun. If it helps, treat the dialogue and the "whoever said" as the same sentence.

Incorrect: "I like pie." He said.
Correct: "I like pie," he said.

Incorrect: "I love pie!" He said.
Correct: "I love pie!" he said.

If an action tag is used, the dialogue's punctuation is unaffected.

Incorrect: "I like pie," he stuffed his face.
Correct: "I like pie." He stuffed his face.

Other than that, there were several awkwardly worded phrases, a few verb tense errors, and most of the sentence structure was repetitive and choppy. The mistakes were pretty mild compared to some of the stuff I've seen—for starters, there's no LUS and only a little saidism use.


It's just me nitpicking, but I think the Rh antigen is important enough to at least mention, even if they're saying it doesn't matter as far as the infection goes. A+ donor and A- recipient is a bad combo.

4834408 Thanks for the review. I eventually reread my chapters in full "grammar nazi mode" eventually, so thanks for pointing out my weakest points. I'll definitely work to improve them. And thanks for helping me become a better author!


4834487 No problem. Thanks for not throwing a fit or just deleting my comment.

Maybe pony blood is different enough that the disease won't change her. Looks like we are going to have to find out.

no why dash why!:raritydespair: also great story by the way:pinkiehappy: im looking forward to the next chapter

Hmm.....DayZ crossed with The Last of Us and MLP....

Anyway, i've been waiting for this to update! You know how many different scenarios were going through my head about Dash and that bite?

5006103 Thanks for being patient, even though it took forever to update. :twilightblush: By the way, how many scenarios went through your head? It took me a while to research and come up with mine.

5006961 I was thinking along the lines of amputation....

CODY NOOOOO!:pinkiesad2::raritycry: he was my fav character:raritydespair: why do bullets have to do so much damage GODDAMN YOU BANDITS !!:flutterrage::raritydespair::pinkiesad2::fluttercry:

Okay. I just finished the first chapter, and here's what I have to say.

It's not that bad. In fact, I'd say it's good, but not extremely so. There quite a few grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. Your setup was excellent, and the pacing of this chapter seemed to be on point as well.

One thing I will say though is that there are a few parts where I know you're trying to transition by using the large space between paragraphs. However, some readers may not be able to notice that, and that will confuse them. My suggestion is to use a horizontal break to show that these two parts are separate from each other.

God, she is adorable.

Also, while that last comment made me chuckle, it also made me wary. Some people are not very fond of human/pony shipping, myself being one of them. Very few times have I found one that is well written and sensible. Keep this in mind if that's what you're aiming towards.

But if not...bonus points for the funny sentence. :rainbowlaugh:

5202588 Thanks for the review! I'll be sure to add those horizontal breaks later. Also, don't worry, shipping is not my goal in this story.

Uugh, with this new favourite system, this fic got completely lost within the sea of fics. It was on page three!

Anyway....fucking Hell...Dash just got bitch slapped by reality.

They just can't catch a break can they?

Login or register to comment