Wet Dreams

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 3

The sea breeze was pleasant as we tacked through the wind. Somehow, we’d gotten the sails aligned just right and the boat was sailing beautifully.

I was still unsure why the ship was designated as a naval vessel. While the cannons were currently below deck, the mounts were still there. Maybe the only ship the Princess could spare was from the Equestrian Navy.

At any rate, ENS We’re going to kill you all had turned out to be seaworthy after all. I was sorry that I had doubted it.

“I hate this ship!” said Rainbow.

“It’s boring if there’s only eight of us to have a party,” sulked Pinkie.

“The salt air is simply ruining my mane,” moaned Rarity.

“There’s no apples in the food stocks,” grumbled Applejack.

“Or gems!” cried Spike.

“We might be on the run as criminals for shooting that other ship!” exclaimed Twilight.

“Bleceh,” said Fluttershy, who was seasick.

I sighed. “Am I the only one having a good time?”

“We want to go back!” the all chorused.

“…And face a couple dozen angry sailors?” I asked.

Their faces fell. “Right!” I said. “Onward!”

Once I managed to convince Twilight that it was better to carry on with the mission rather than wimp out and go home, she provided a set of directions for me to steer by. With a compass mounted in front of the wheel, that seemed easy enough.

A couple hours later, I said, “This is boring. I want to go home.”

Twilight facehoofed. “You made it so we couldn’t!”

“Oh, right.”

“They probably want to kill us!”

“Haha, yeah, we even named the ship after that.”

Twilight shook her head. “Wait, what?”

“Didn’t you see me go ahead and perform the christening ceremony? Amid heavy resistance, I might add. I deserve a medal.”

“What did you name it?”

I told her. She facehoofed again.

“We can’t do that!” Twilight cried. “I was going to call it—”

I cut her off. “Too late now.”

“We’ll just rename it.”

My turn to facehoof. “Don’t you know anything about the ways of the sea? It’s bad luck to rename a ship, especially without a formal ceremony shoreside.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“Where didn’t you hear it? I thought you read a lot.”

“Well, there was a book about nautical superstitions that I haven’t gotten to yet,” Twilight said.

“That could be important. Our luck depends on it”

“I don’t believe in luck,” she said.

“But…you do believe in magic?”

She sighed. “Okay, fine.”

“Read that book. Read it now,” I commanded.

I got Applejack to spell me at the wheel for a while, and went to get some paint. With a rope harness, I hung over the railing and painted We’re going to kill you all on both sides of the bow.

That done, I ventured below deck. The galley where Pinkie worked preparing meals was there, as was the sleeping area and a few miscellaneous compartments. One more deck down was the bilge and storage area.

I’d seen Twilight sitting on her bunk with her nose in a book, so I figured she wouldn’t mind if I started hauling the cargo of cannons up to the deck.

It was kind of heavy work, but with the magic of simple machines like pulleys, levers, and inclined planes (not to mention screws!) I was able to get everything topside.

“Ooh! Are those for partying?” asked Pinkie, who for some reason was not in the galley.

“No, they’re for fighting.”

She frowned. “But I prefer parties.”

“Someday, a country will throw a war and nobody will come. Until then,” I patted one of the cannons, “we’re armed and ready.”

“I guess I like being armed and ready, too,” said Pinkie.

I nodded. “And on a completely different subject, go make me a sandwich.”

“Okie dokie loki!” She bounced away.

Two hours later, I had gotten everything in terms of weapons ready to go. I wandered down to the galley.

“The bread is alllllllmost ready,” said Pinkie.

“I asked for a sandwich.”

“Yeah, and bread is part of that, isn’t it?” Pinkie looked thoughtful. “Unless you meant some other kind of sandwich. A hoof sandwich?” She drew back her front leg to slug me in the mouth.

“Ah, no. Besides, assaulting the Commodore will get you twenty lashes.”

She held up a pepper shaker. “But apeppering is okay, right?”

“No. You’re a bad pony and you should feel bad.”

“Aww darn. You know, Valiant, you should really lighten up.”

“Commodore Valiant.”

“Okay!”

I suddenly remembered that I’d left Applejack on steering duty for several hours. When I got up to the aft deck, her hat was pulled low, and she was asleep at the wheel.

“Preposterous!” I roared. “We could be going around in circles for all you know!”

“Huh? Oh.” Applejack yawned. “Nah, Ah never move an inch when Ah fall asleep. This here wheel didn’t turn one bit.”

I checked the compass. It was still pointing in the right direction.

“Oh, well then, carry on.”

I went to see about Rainbow. After receiving no response to my shouts, I climbed all the way up the mast to find her asleep, too.

“You’re the lookout! You’re supposed to look out!”

“No sweat. I can do that with my eyes closed,” she said.

“I seriously doubt that.”

“Well, it’s not like there’s anything to hit out here.”

“What about that coastline over there?” I asked, pointing.

She turned. “Huh? Oh, that wasn't there a minute ago.”

I felt the urge to knock her out of the crow’s nest. Pegasi always landed on their feet, right? I refrained, however, because Twilight called to me.

I climbed down and went over to where she was standing. Her eyes were wide with fear.

“I just finished the book,” she whispered in a terrified voice. “There’s…so much bad luck out there.”

“Did you read that part about how it’s bad luck to have females aboard?”

She nodded.

“Yeah, three-quarters of the crew is made up of mares. We’re pretty much doomed.”

Twilight started to hyperventilate.

I sighed. “Just calm down, okay? There’s a shoreline over there. Why don’t we just pull in for a while and hang out?”

She appeared to calm slightly. “That’s the Griffon Kingdom. It’s one of our scheduled stops.”

“Great, two birds with one stone.”

“The book also said killing a bird is bad luck.”

“What evil looks had I from old and young! Instead of the cross, the Albatross about my neck was hung."

“Huh?”

“Just some verse about weird neckties. No biggie.”

Twilight shook her head. “Anyway, set course for land.”

I nodded and went back up to the aft deck. Applejack had gone back to sleep. I carefully extricated her from the spokes of the wheel and set her off to the side. She continued to snooze, standing there stiff as a board.

I shook my head. “Weird. Anyway…” I turned the wheel, and the ship turned to face the distant coastline.

“Prepare yourself, land,” I muttered. “Here we come.”

“Here’s your sandwich!” said Pinkie.

Comments

[The Grey Pegasus]

First.

Ok, carry on.

[AssortedCreme]

My female friend would probably get a kick out of that sandwich gag. I have to be careful how I phase it though, or she'll improvise it on the spot.

[totallynotabrony]

526783
My female friend would ask, "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer a cookie?"

Not because she likes me, because it's less effort.

[Telly Vision]

i can only imagine the awsomeness valient will bring to this place,
also will he be waking up soon , i want to see valient, the mane 6 and spike on earth

[SkyStream]

oh god.... they got so much bad luck.... and boredom.

and although I didn't read Dreams yet, I think I can see why he's not shipped with any Mane 6 yet..... THEYRE ALL CRAZY and so is he...

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Odyssey - Kyuss

"What evil looks had I from old and young! Instead of the cross, the Albatross about my neck was hung."

I'm not sure if that was a reference to Samuel Coleridge Taylor, or Iron Maiden, but I like it either way. Actually, now that I think about it, its both. Carry on.

[Sine Wave]

526783 526835 After reading those comments I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. She punched me in the chest....Didn't think that one through.

I could see Valiant eventually getting with one of the main 6 in this story. What's the expression, "I've been out to sea for a long time."

[AssortedCreme]

528625 In this case I think the expression is something more along the lines of "I need a stallion, and Rainbow won't do it so I'll have to settle for you."

[Sine Wave]

528643 Hauntingly poetic...

[DerpyDucks]

This sorta reminds me of a top gear special.