Wet Dreams

by totallynotabrony

Chapter 18

I have to say, about the last thing I expected were ninjas. Moose ninjas. Worse, they had somehow teamed up with the pirates into some sort of the-enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend collective.

I stared across the water at the hostile ship. There were a couple dozen moose aboard, versus our crew of seven ponies, one dragon, and a bird.

Admiral Falcon gave me a look as if to say, You get us into the gosh-darndest messes, asshole. I thought his mixing of swear levels was a little unwarranted, but then I was sometimes guilty of it myself. What a piece of fucking poop.

Twilight had dropped to the deck and was making scared squeaky noises. Fluttershy was doing something different, although her noises were closer to crying. I rolled my eyes. “Look, we might be about to die, but you aren’t helping! Get up and fight!”

Rainbow, for perhaps the first time in her life, pleased me by actually responding to my command. She flew off to take the fight to the enemy while I touched off a full broadside of cannon fire. A couple of the cannonballs actually hit the other ship, which was great considering they hadn’t really been aimed that well.

I knew I couldn’t get the cannons reloaded all by myself, and the rest of the crew didn’t really know much about how to do that anyway. I bitterly regretted not forcing them to run practice drills.

With not many other options, I swung the wheel over to present the other side of the ship to fire the other half of our cannons. As the bow turned through the wind, an enemy cannonball nearly took my head off. It was only reflexes and luck that gave me a happy ending. Probably not the same qualities that would get you a happy ending from an Asian hooker.

I saw Rainbow distracting the moose, so I guided the ship a little closer to make a shot easier. I was just about to touch off the cannons when they spotted us and fired a barrage of their own.

Splinters flew everywhere and our masts came down. I was a little surprised to be alive. That surprise quickly turned into terror when both ninja and pirate moose began pouring over the rails.

“Prepare to repel boarders!” I shouted.

“Too late!” yelled Applejack.

I drew my cutlasses and prepared for battle. We were outnumbered and the moose had more weapons. I cut my first attacker down, but then tripped over his body and found myself at the business end of a katana. The ninja tensed in preparation to make sushi out of me, but then he got hit in the face by a falcon. I took the opportunity to stick the moose in the gut. Admiral and I shared a quick wing-hoof high five and went back to the battle.

Unfortunately, the same situation quickly occurred again, but this time Admiral wasn’t around to save me. Instead, my attacker got hit in the face by a dolphin.

I looked around. Dozens of the sea creatures were coming aboard. Twilight was still on the deck squeaking quietly. I figured she must have learned to speak Dolphin during her time with them. I had no idea whether she had meant to summon them, but I was happy that she had.

I tossed her limp form onto my back and picked my way through the crowd of fighting moose and dolphins. The ponies, Spike, and I made it aboard the moose ship which by now was abandoned. Admiral Falcon joined us.

We watched the battle for a while. I almost touched off the cannons but refrained when I remembered all the gold that was still in the hold aboard Bacon. Eventually, the dolphins won out, and we went to meet them.

“Fancy seeing you again, Twilight,” said one of them.

She nodded. “Hello Bottlebutt. Sorry I wasn’t much help trying to take over that island.”

He waved a flipper. “No worries. Stupid prophecies anyway, right?”

“Wait a minute,” I said, “Bottlebutt?”

“We can’t all be noses,” he explained, with a touch of sadness I thought.

“If you help us fix up our ship, we’ll gladly give you this one as a spoil of war,” offered Twilight. Bottlebutt accepted her offer, and soon we had all the dolphins doing woodwork and cleaning the dead moose off the decks.

Dolphin carpenters aren’t much for ability, but they make up for it with enthusiasm. Soon, we were ready to go again and the dolphins were happy to sail away in the moose ship. Why exactly dolphins needed a ship was a question that never really came up.

“So, you speak Dolphin, huh?” I asked Twilight.

“I didn’t think I could, but apparently I can.” She looked bewildered. “I didn’t mean to. I guess just whatever nervous noises I make are subconsciously cries for help in dolphin language.”

Weird. Anyway, after we parted ways with the dolphins, we continued sailing on to Equestria. The pirate/research ship Bacon had served us well. It was a heck of a lot better than the old wreck Celestia had initially given us.

We were all in high spirits upon entering the Fillydelphia Naval Yard, the place where we had started this crazy trip. Unfortunately, they took us for pirates, research notes be damned.

Princess Celestia came to get us out. She was a little concerned about our lack of communication on the trip, and we were still debating whether to tell her what had happened to her student along the way. Twilight was unsure how it would sound that she disobeyed her Captain, was made to walk the plank, joined the dolphins, and invaded the shore.

In fact, there were a lot of things that had happened in international waters that we all didn’t want to tell Celestia. She seemed to sense this, and took us for a walk down by the water. I wasn’t sure whether she thought we would loosen up with some sea air, or what. I'm sure we were all thinking about the gold, too. I know I was. Hopefully, I would get to keep it. The ponies would probably want to divide it into fair shares. Heh, they were so cute when they were trying to be fair.

“You all seem quiet,” the Princess observed. We said nothing. Trying a different tactic, she chuckled. “I suppose I could break the ice. Would you like to hear a funny story about Twilight?”

“Yes!” said everyone who wasn’t a purple unicorn.

“Well you see, there was this one time in magic kindergarten…”

Twilight opened her mouth to say something but only managed a nervous squeak. A dolphin jumped out of the water and hit Celestia in the face.

Author Note: Well, that was a weird story. Want more? Try the original, A Dream. Now with 50+ chapters and all the lovable Valiant you could want!

Comments

[averagejoey2000]

Dat title HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [Deadpan] name it the shagwagon]

3

2

1

kmnhpkmhnkhmppphhphpph hahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[The Grey Pegasus]

A power to summon a dolphin from anywhere would be awesome.

[TrueBolt]

Ship names....
The Unicorn? (TinTin hehe!)
E.S. Founder? I dunno where that came from.... (Equestrian Ship)
Seamare.
T.S.S. Quest? (Twilight Sparkle Ship)
...................... I got nothin.

[Majk]

Absolutely ridiculous story with an ending that made me faceplant into my bacon&ketchup sandwich(that got messy).
Not only that but Dreams are updating again? It's like christmas comes early. Here's to more shenanigans with one hooman-turned-pony that's totally not interested in bucking other ponies.

[AssortedCreme]

...The cover image for A Dream is Valiant kicking a ninja in the face, isn't it.
static.fimfiction.net/images/story_images/13723_r.jpg

[ohmy]

Wow. Who the fuck hires a untrained crew?

[Derpy_Dragon]

Holy dolphins bitch slapping Celestia, Batman. That was hilarious.

[KenSES64]

1588811 Yes A Dream is updating again. Which he somehow made a chapter for Crystal Empire part 1 before it came out. And yet he claims that he doesn't work for Hasbro. Sorry Mr. totallynotabrony but, THAT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE!!!

[Archmagejay]

Twilight opened her mouth to say something but only managed a nervous squeak. A dolphin jumped out of the water and hit Celestia in the face.

priceless

[Discount Irish]

I feel as though the last few chapter were just you snowballing it...that's the right term, isnt it? Whatever.
Point being, i've noticed you tend to do that at the end of fics, as if you were just getting bored with it.
Although, I could just be thinking a bunch of random shit after that FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC premier I watched earlier.
My favorite part about it was *banned*

[totallynotabrony]

1601284 Yeah, I do kind of do that. My problem is that I get so eager to move onto the next project that I just kind of hand-wave stuff.

[Discount Irish]

1601304
Eh, well, an ending is an ending (besides that other, horrible one you tried to pass of as an ending for the Vampire Cheerilee fic awhile back).
ONTO THE NEXT ADVENTURE

[fedback]

this was beautifull

[dafiltafish]

i suppose this would make more sense if i read the original

i guess it was okay.

[themultiversewatcher]

2143575 I looked at sentences that use the word sapient and those that use the word sentient. Sapient seems to be used to describe ideas, while sentient describes forms of life.
An example using the word sapient as an adjective, "He was a source of valuable insights and sapient advice to educators"
An example using the word sentient as an adjective, "This is seen to be harming a living sentient being."

[totallynotabrony]

2143726 Yes indeed. I've pretty much always used the guideline, "If it has a brain it's sentient, if it can talk it's sapient"

[Wubadubdub]

I lost it at the title. holy fuck

[metallusionsismagic]

2

I walked away to the supply department to aquire the things on the list.

acquire
3

“That could be important. Our luck depends on it”

missing end punctuation
4

“Chraaage!” I gurgled around the handle in my mouth.

Chaaarge, unless it represents his garbled exclamation.
7

Working together, the other ponies managed to the broken mast set upright

to get the
This story just kept getting better, right to the very end!

[thatonerandombrony]

1711493 I actually died!

Also,
Oh Valiant, you magnificent douche you.

Also also,
Umm...(baby cries in background.)

[AppleTank]

4522150
*squeak*
Flying dolphins ensue

[thatonerandombrony]

5861000 ah, thank you for clearing that up. Also, when can we expect the next chapter of a dream? I am expecting it to be bad as s, since it's been over a week since it could have been up.

[totallynotabrony]

5861685 It updated three days ago, bro. I'm on a delayed schedule, releasing each chapter one week after the episode airs.

[thatonerandombrony]

5864116 really? Huh it never alerted me like it used to...

[Lancerlot]

1592037
Finally, we know what Twilight is princess of... Dolphins!
Hey, it could have been a lot worse... The slot for Queen of the Crayfish is still open.

[dragonstj]

7077153 CRAYFISH HURT MY FINGER 12 YEARS AGO OR SO!! FUG Q, CRAYFISH!!!