Hello, Im Dark Luna Moon! And I will be writing lots of stories over the next few months! Enjoy
The Mane Six had just arrived at Twilight Sparkle's Castle for a four night sleepover.
And when they decide to help Twilight bring the remaining books that survived the battle with Tirek, they discover a book with an odd title..... So Twilight Sparkle decides to read it out loud, and everything seems fine, untill the next morning..... That is.....
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good idea, but really poorly executed
It feels like watching a movie and speeding forward all the "boring" parts
THAT'S IT?
4985127
Going by your word, and the amazingly short word-count, I have to agree with you. This story, on the other hand...
Sorry, this story is pretty terrible, I tried.....
But I'd be happy to get advice from anyone who has any ideas on how to make this story better...
4996723
Nonsense! I think its good and you should continue.
Maybe longer chapters with more detail. That seems to be a good point to fix. Also, alicorns
Thank you!! And yes, you might just be right, but the thing is... I'm not all that good at writing longer chapters.... But I will certainly give it a shot!
1. I think you mean we're.
2. Unless Pinkie is shouting this in response, I would use just an exclamation point.
1. we're again.
1. The beginning quotation mark is missing.
1. Still we're.
1. Strange middle quotation mark.
1. Missing quotation mark.
2. Maybe a question mark?
1. Missing quotation mark.
1. Should magic be capitalized?
1. Another missing quotation mark.
1. Middle quotation mark again.
2. That pause is kind of awkward.
1. A period might be better here.
1. Question mark instead of a comma?
1. Still missing an ending quotation mark.
1. Same question as before about capitals.
1. were this time.
1. The quotation mark in the middle should go at the beginning.
Hope this helps!
I started to read your story today and I really like it hope to read more soon