Some years after Sweetie Belle and the other cutie mark crusaders earned their cutie marks, Sweetie Belle notices Spike coming over to her house so much for Rarity. She's always wanted to sing for him, or cook for him, and just play with him for once. She always asks him if he wanted to do something,but he says no. Is there anyway Sweetie Belle can win him over?
Yes, Spike has wings in this Fanfiction!
Also I would love to thank all the people who made the SpikeBelle ship come true!
Chapters (2)
EEEeeeepretty good
4710951 ty it took me awhile
This is pretty good, points for spikebelle. Although you should add a bit more dialogue between the characters and add some more description. Otherwise keep it up bro.
4711174 Thnxs for the advise!
Majority of this story reads like a 'call and response' one character says something, another character responds immediately, next scene please. I can't feel the character's emotions and thoughts as the situation unfolds. Try adding in more small actions like scratching of noses, nervous tics or giggles as that is what would happen when one talks to a crush for example.
Spend also, a bit more time in regards to detail. Don't be too eager to rush the story. Descriptions of appearances, locations and emotions, spend more time on these things so that the world is filled in and alive, populated, rather than being a mere stage for your characters to act out your story.
Basically, your story is now a skeleton, bare bones and un satisfying. Work to put meat on the bones so as to give the reader something to chew on.
Courage, diligence and tenacity writer :)
Are you going to continue?
4766368 YEs but I'm on vaca!
4778219
ok
Spike has wings? That's one way to get me to read a story instantly.
I'll like this, but a few minor problems, mostly it seems a little too rushed. I mean for example, Sweetie moving in was supposed to be a surprise, but Rarity acts as if she was expecting it.
5108033 True true. Thanks, but I'm not continuing with this story. You can take it up if you want.
What? No more chapters? I was liking it
5182161 I may do it, but I might not. So, stay alert.
5182186 Oh I will. And you'll have an editor should you need it.
5182208 kk XD!
5182208 Btw, I'm going to my dad's today, so, yeah.
5182351 Then I'll have to wait for your next post
5182369 it shall be tonight
5270742 And chocolate milk rained from the heavens. WOOHOO!!
5270762 XD!
5272180 You sir, are flipping lovable lol. I just can't explain it.