Setback in Central Texas
April 13th 2012
"Brave new world!" my headphones blared as I walked through the wooded area on the northern end of campus. Through the trees, I could see a clear blue sky. A nice breeze accompanied the perfect sky. As a certain Mr. Bueller once said, “How could I go to school on a day like this?”
It was Friday the thirteenth, and I decided that if I was going to have bad luck, I might as well have it outside of class. I chose to enjoy an unlucky day by taking a walk over to the local taco joint. I thought taking the scenic route through the little nature trail thing my school had would be nice as well.
Hmm, wonder what else I should do today? The question bounced around my head as I walked along the trail. It’s Friday, so homework is definitely out of the question. There’s always laundry. Oh, I could play Uprising; I really should get back to beating that. Hmm, do I have enough time to write? I admit it; I’m a fanfic writer. I write My LIttle Pony fanfics, but it’s all in good fun. After all, I have ideas I want to write about, and people want to be entertained. Simple as that.
Well, there’s the crossover and Reality Break. I scratched my head as story ideas filled my head. Maybe it was a good idea that I took the scenic route; I have a tendency to zone out when I think about writing, so it probably wouldn’t have been smart to be near a street in that state of mind. Yes, I think I’ll write about...
My thoughts were cut off by a loud thud-like noise.
“Geez!” I exclaimed as I pulled out my earbuds and looked for the noise’s source. “Fricking construction. Even when I don’t have a class, it bothers me.” One of the big buildings on campus was currently being renovated, so I assumed that was what had caused the noise. “Heh,” I thought about all my friends back at school, “that must have scared the crap out of everyone in class.” I then look at the sky and blinked a few times. Either my mind was messing with me, or the sky was now neon pink.
“Ugh,” I took off my glasses, cleaned them, and rubbed my eyes.“I need to stop staying up late. It’s messing with my head.” I placed my glasses back on my head and looked up at the sky. It was blue and clear once more. “Well that was odd,” I said to myself as I started to walk toward the restaurant again. “Maybe I’m coming down with something.” Before I had taken even five steps, I noticed something else was wrong. The forest had lost its natural woodsy smell and it had been replaced with the scent of...
“Fudge?” I asked myself as I took another whiff of the air just to confirm what I was smelling. “Maybe I caught a bug or something.” I started to turn around to head back to my dorm. “I should probably just go lie d-” a murmur interrupted me.
“What the hell?” Okay, first this morning had been enjoyable, then it had been annoying, and now it was downright bizarre. I walked towards the source of the murmuring as the scent of fudge grew stronger. What I saw made my mouth drop. “Oh my god!”
There, in the middle of the forest, was a girl in a white dress, probably no older than eight, lying facedown on the ground. “Jesus!” I ran over and immediately checked her pulse. Oh god, oh god! I pushed back her hair, uncaring of its odd two-toned purple color, and pressed my fingers to her neck. Thankfully got a pulse. Oh thank g- oh crap! What do I do now?! As far as emergency aid training went, checking pulses and the heimlich maneuver were all I knew, and trying anything without proper training would probably make things worst.
Shit! I need to call an ambulance! I cradled the girl’s head in my lap and kept it steady with one hand while searching for my phone with the other. Damn it! Where the hell is it?! I stopped my search when the girl murmured something. Her lips moved, but she was whispering too softly for me to hear. I bent my head down to listen closer.
“Appa... Scoota...” she mumbled.
“Hey, come on! Stay with me kid!” Oh god, don’t die, please don’t die! Suddenly, another loud thud-like noise filled the air. For a second, the world flashed pink again. “What the hell?” Something is wrong, very wrong. Another murmur broke my thoughts, but it hadn’t come from the girl. Instead it had come from close by. I gently laid the girl down on the forest floor and got up to search for the source of the other murmur. Please be someone who can help!
I found the source of the second murmur just a few feet away. It was another little girl, face down in the dirt just like the other one. I got scared; unconscious kids could only mean one thing in my mind. There’s a pedo on the campus! My eyes darted around for something I could use to defend both the kids and myself. I spotted a moderately sized stick and grabbed it.
I then looked at the new unconscious girl. She appeared to be about the same age as the other girl, and was wearing an orange t-shirt and jeans. I picked her up and got ready to get the other girl as well. I have to get them out of here before whoever did this comes back! As I shifted her around to a proper carrying position, I noticed that her hair was an odd purple hue. I’ll worry about it later. I just need to get them out of here! Suddenly, a scream cut through the forest. “Oh no!”
I rushed back to where I found the first girl and raised my stick to fend off any assailants, but then I saw she was screaming while looking at her hand. “Apple Bloom! Scootaloo! Help! Help!” The girl frantically looked around and tried to get up, but fell down. Then she saw me. “Ahhh! Monster! Girls! Anypony! Help!” She started crawling at a fast pace away from me.
“Oh crap!” I instantly dropped the stick and rushed over to her. “It’s okay! I’m not gonna hurt you!”
“S-s-stay away!” She stopped crawling as I neared her, and began flailing her arms at me. “D-don’t make me u-use my horn!”
I raised my free hand up to show her that I meant no harm. “I’m not gonna hurt you, but we need to get you out of he- did you just say horn?”
“Yeah!” The girl yelled at me as she began to bring a hand to her forehead. “Can’t you see i- Ahhh!!”
“What?! What’s wrong?” I was probably panicking just as much as the girl. I expected some crazy pedophile to start attacking us at any second.
“M-my horn! My horn!” The girl was now using both hands to feel her forehead. “It’s gone! Oh sweet Celestia! It’s gone!”
Horn? What the hell? She... she must just be drugged or something. To my chagrin, the girl under my left arm started flailing and landed a lucky hit right in my jaw. My vision faded out for a second as I slumped to the ground.
“Let go of me!” She yelled as she squirmed from my grasp. As I rubbed my jaw, she kicked me in the side; for a little girl without shoes it was quite a kick. “You stupid monster!
“Scootaloo?!” The girl in the white dress exclaimed. I was still trying to get my bearings back.
The purple haired girl stopped attacking me and looked over at the girl in the white dress. “Sweetie Belle?! What happened to you?!”
“I don’t know, but I woke up and I had these things on my hooves,” she said as she wiggled her fingers.“My horn was gone too!”
“What?!”
“And you lost your wings!” The girl in white pointed a shaking hand at the purple haired girl.
I had my bearings back. But now I was even more confused. Sweetie? Scootaloo? Oh Jesus, they think they’re ponies! I was about ready to slap myself to check if I was dreaming or something.
“My what?!” The girl turned and looked at her back and screamed. “No! No, no, no!” Then she turned to me. “You! You must be the monster that did this!” She jumped on me. I was unprepared, and got my glasses knocked off and my face slapped to hell. “Give me back my wings you jerk!” I then felt something hitting my chest as well.
“And my horn!” The other girl yelled as she wailed on my torso.
“No!” I pleaded between attacks, “I’m not gonna hurt you! I swear!” A third loud noise interrupted me, and the girls stopped their assault.
“W-what was that?” The girl in white looked around.
“I don’t know,” The purple haired girl replied.
“Both of you!” I yelled, trying to imitate my father as best as I could. “Be quiet!” It must have been a pretty good impression, since both the girls instantly shut their mouths. I got up and wiped my mouth, getting blood on my hand. The purple haired girl had managed to split my lip a little. “Listen very closely to me, I’m gonna go see what that is. If you see a bad man, or if a bad man attacks me, run. Okay?” The girls nodded as they moved close to each other. I grabbed my glasses and went to investigate the latest noise.
It was a young girl, like before, but this time in a yellow shirt and blue overalls. A pink bow was sticking out of her red hair. “What is going on?”
“Apple Bloom!” The girl in white called out as she rushed past me over to the unconscious girl. “Oh no, not you too!”
“Hey!” I yelled at the girl. “There might be a bad man out here, you need to either stay put o-”
“Sweetie!” The purple haired girl rushed past me and ran over to the other two girls. “What’s wrong?” The girl looked at the scene in front of her, “Is that who I think it is?”
“Uh-huh,” ‘Sweetie’ replied. “Nopony else has a mane or a bow like that.”
“I...” the purple haired girl started to cry, “I’m sorry! This is all my fault! If only I hadn’t told you both to come to the forest, this wouldn’t have happened!”
‘Sweetie’ patted the girl on the shoulder. “It’s ok, at least we didn’t lose each other.” She started to cry as well. “We’re the Crusaders aren’t we?”
“Yeah... but,” the girl said looking around as tears cascaded down her face, “where are we? And how are we gonna get back?”
“I’m sure we’ll figure it out,” ‘Sweetie’ reassured her friend as she, too, cried.
No. I... I must have gone loopy or something. In the chaos I hadn’t noticed it, but now that the forest was quiet again and the girls were all huddled together, my mind started to put the pieces together. In front of me were three girls, all the same age, with very familiar hairstyles, voices, and clothing. One had been talking about a horn and the other had been talking about wings. If it hadn’t been for the attack I’d just received, and my still bleeding lip, I’d have thought I was having the strangest dream of my life. I pushed my own delusions out of the way and focused on important stuff. Getting these kids safe is what matters first. “Is she ok?” I said as I slowly walked over to the girls.
“Stay back!” The purple haired one yelled at me. “I’m not gonna let you hurt us anymore!”
I stopped, raised my hands, and sat down to show that I wasn’t going to do anything. “There, see? I have no weapons on me. I just want to make sure you and your friends are safe.”
“Why would a monster want to help us?”
“I’m not a monster, I’m a-.”
“Big monster that kidnaps ponies and turns them into other monsters!” The girl yelled back at me while staying near the unconscious girl.
“Scootaloo,” ‘Sweetie’ spoke up as she held the red haired girl’s head in her lap. “Maybe it really does want to help us and it just found us here.”
“But look at us!” ‘Scootaloo’ stuck her hand into ‘Sweetie’s’ face, “It has these things, too!”
“Maybe the light got it as well?”
“Oh, crud!” ‘Scootaloo frowned, “I didn’t think about that!” She then turned to me. “Look, I’m really sorry about bucking you, I just didn’t know what was going on!”
“It...” What the hell do I say? This can’t be real, it can’t be! “It’s fine, let’s just get you and your friends someplace safe.” Before I could get up and get the girls to safety, the red hair girl squirmed around a little.
“Ugh,” she said as she began to come out of her sleep. “Where... where am I?”
“Definitely Apple Bloom.” ‘Scootaloo’ looked down at the girl.
“Scoo...Scootaloo?” The girl started to open her eyes. I noticed they were a light amber hue, which was another uncomfortably familiar thing about the girls. The girl fully opened her eyes and screamed. “Scootaloo!?” She jumped up and pointed a hand at ‘Scootaloo.’ “I-is that really you?!” Then she saw her hand and screamed again. “W-what... what is this thing? What’s going on?!”
“I don’t know!” ‘Scootaloo’ yelled back. “I just remember trying to catch you and then I woke up in this pony’s hoof things!” She pointed her hand at me.
“We also kinda hit him a little.” ‘Sweetie’ looked apologetically at me. “I’m really sorry about that mister... you’re a mister right?”
“Um, yeah,” I replied.
“Sweetie Belle?” ‘Apple Bloom’ looked at ‘Sweetie’ with wide eyes, “Oh thank Celestia! I...” Tears started to well up in her eyes. “I was so scared I’d lost both of ya!” She stumbled over to the other two and gave them hug. They all started crying and hugging each other. “I guess even if we look like this, we’re still the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
“Yeah,” Sweetie sniffled. “we’ll always be.” The girls all wiped their faces and then looked at me. “Mister, do you know how to get back home?”
I took a deep breath. I must have hit my head or something to be imagining this. It was too surreal to actually exist. But if this really was happening then... NO! You did not do this! Jane... Jane was just joking about the Drosselmeyer stuff! I... I just need to check. “Okay, take this with me slowly. First off, what are your names?”
“Sweetie Belle.”
“Scootaloo.”
“Apple Bloom.”
“If it’s hard to remember,” Scootaloo said, “you can just call us the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”
“I see.” Oh John, you’ve really gone off the deep end this time. “I was afraid of that.”
“Why? What’s wrong?” Apple Bloom asked.
Maybe... maybe they just got drugged by a pedo or something and were made to act like the CMC. Yeah, he dolled ‘em up and then... Crap! If that sicko is still around, I need to get them out of here! “I’ll explain later, for now we just need to get you three to a safer place. Can you walk?”
“I... I think so,” Sweetie replied.
“Me too,” Scootaloo said.
Apple Bloom looked at her feet. “I think I might need some help.”
“Okay.” I got up and walked over to her and squatted down with my back facing her. “Get on my back, I’ll carry you.”
“Ya... ya won’t drop me?”
“I...” Just go with it John, what matters is that you get these kids to somewhere safe, “I pinkie-promise.” I pushed up my glasses and stuck a hand over my right eye.
“O-okay then.” Apple Bloom crawled over and onto my back.
“I’m gonna hold your legs okay? You just wrap your ar- er, hooves around my neck, but not too tightly, got it?”
“Got it.” Apple Bloom lightly crossed her arms around my neck as I used my legs to push off the ground. “Oh, it’s like when Applejack would give me pony-back rides.”
“Just watch your head okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Got ‘cha.”
“Come on you two, let’s get going.” I signaled for the girls to follow me as I started walking away.
“Right,” the girls simultaneously replied as they got up. I led the group out of the forest and onto the edge of campus. The sky was back to normal now. Screw Friday the thirteenth being unlucky, it’s downright insane.
Look, ma, Ponyfall!
It's not garbage! Characters seem to be mostly in check, the self-insert doesn't make me want to cut you, there was no socially-unacceptable actions like tit-groping (or worse), and the humanified ponies reacted more or less as one would expect from a talking horse that is now humanoid.
In short, a flying start. If this is representative of the level of quality Ponyfall now carries, it has redeemed itself in my eyes, at least a little. At any rate, I'll keep an eye on this one, and gladly.
Have fun explaining why you have three girls to everybody else!
Ponyfall seriously isn't my thing, but since I heard the group was trying to improve the quality of its stories I thought I'd check this out... and I've gotta say, this is the first one of these that I've actually enjoyed! The Cutie Mark Crusaders are nicely in character and the writing is fairly decent. Most importantly, whilst I don't think I'm ever going to be a fan of self-inserts, yours didn't make my skin crawl, unlike some of the ones from the other Ponyfall stories (I'd rather not say which ones ); that counts for a lot. I thought the whole pedo thing was overplayed, but that's just me.
It's good when a story pleasantly surprises you. This was definitely one of those times
Ponyfall is looking good. Also nice job you did keeping the CMC in character. Awaiting next chapter.
What's up with all the people hating on ponyfall?
Anyway nice story.
Finally a Ponyfall story worth tracking!
Looking good thus far. Seeing the Crusaders' reactions to their new situation and surroundings should be... interesting. I'm not sure if it'll be adorable, hilarious, or mind-scarring. Or some combination thereof. I'm also not sure if it would be a good idea to show them the clip of their talent show performance, but the idea is too hilarious for me to ignore it.
Let's see... the sudden smell of fudge in Central Texas... did a Lambs Candy truck crash would be my first thought. I might have to keep track of this one just for the idea that it takes place in area that I'm familiar with, being from Central Texas.
And I for one do not have a problem with the Official Ponyfall fics, most so far seem to be damn good. So I expect you to do the same.
Finally something else than that never-ending ''we find naked unconsious girl in an alley/the bushes and we take it in'' or something. The characters are solid, everything else seems in check too... and a intro in Equestria I had not seen something like that.
But... some things are still the same like all the other ponyfall fics out there:
-a brony finds them (or someone with knowledge about MLP)
-a youth finds them
-no one seems to go to the police but just takes them in.
I'd have to say that of all the Ponyfall fics I've read, this one is probably the best. Writing is solid with good flow and little to no spelling or grammar errors. At least as far as I could see. The CMCs were all in-character as well. You've earned a track and thumbs up.
439757
To everyone who said this was a good ponyfall fic,
Be sure to send thanks to the rest of the official ponyfall team as well. We've had people preread and edit the hell out of our fics. Especially Slorg .The mods asked up to step up our game and we did. Expect the ponyfall fics that have already been published to be updated to meet our new standards and expect all new ponyfall fics to maintain the same level of quality you've read here.
Personally, I'm just glad people are liking it. That shows that our collab is back on track Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make the Crusaders breakfast pray for me people.
439583
patience on the police stuff, I did try to call an ambulance at least before all hell broke loose
Oh noes! What are they gonna do when they discover that humans never get cutie marks?
And don't try to tell me that they won't discover that in a while, 'cause I know what EXACTLY what's gonna happen then:
-CMC try cutie mark activity. (In public)
-They make idiots out of themselves & John. (In public)
-They take off their pants to "check their flanks." (IN PUBLIC!)
-John says "HELL NO!!!" and comes clean.
XD Still wish I had gotten in before the head honcho said no Cheerilee... I was okayed by the rest of the chat the night before that announcement was made, but that wasn't fast enough. So, sadly, I do not get to do Cheerilee... *Sighs* Oh well. At least you don't have to worry about me trying to find you because you have her students! xD
439348
well, he could make up a lie that one of them is his cousin, and the otehr 2 are her friends
Looking good. Nice to see that people are, for the most part, actually reading the story before jumping on the down-vote bandwagon.
As Fullmetal Pony stated, every PonyFall story is being revamped. Bear in mind that most of the adult ponies will still be without clothes at first (because they don't generally wear clothes, of course). Those scenes will be a bit more tasteful, however. Some adult humor? Yes. Random groping for no apparent reason? No.
We're attempting to make all pony reactions a bit more realistic as well. Some people will think to call the police, others won't. Some ponies may handle their new body fine, others won't be able to walk for a while.
Anyway, good to see a warmer reception than usual.
440893 When was THAT announced!?
Well it looks like Ponyfall has gone from one of the most horrible things I have ever read to mediocrity. So congratulations to the editors that was a hell of a jump.
439292 Yay for RD tit groping!
442612 Like... Forever ago? Over a week ago. April... 3rd, I think.
444487 Very helpful. :P
Wouldn't they all be naked? And he's carrying one of them though a forest...
Iron Sides APPROVES!!!
I'm am going to wonder how he is going to get them onto the campus... I mean really if he takes them back to his dorm or some place similar, people will likely think he is a pedo or something.....
439292
I quote everything you've said, good sir. And I add this:
Tit-groping is best way to wake up a girl. It's confirmed.
:
I know the CMC ponyfall would be nice and sweet .
I'll track this becase I hope for some fun reading about main character babysitting them
Have a few hearts because you make me believe that people wathing MLP are not weirdo pervs again
intresting so far
Reviewed your fic: Come on you martyr...
Drosselmeyer as in this Drosselmeyer?
469058
Indeed! Ho-ho!
Sweetie!
Scootaloo!
Apple Bloom!
Scootaloo?
Apple Bloom?
Sweetie Belle?!
John! Now lets get the fuck outta here!
Hehe insane. We approve of it
Tbis was good, although I have one big problem with almost every Ponyfall so far; HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR THE CHARACTER TO CONNECT THEM TO MLP. If I found a naked girl in the forest with purple hair with a lavender stripe, the absolute first thought would be HOLY SHIT, IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE. Other than that running problem, I've liked this whole Ponyfall thing. And for the people who keep scolding the groping, shut up. You're an extremely willfull man if you wouldn't think about it.
It's alright... The prologue was wonderful. Then you suddenly have some Texan, automatically thinking about pedos.
A bit tacky. And it felt like you said that, so he won't be considered a pedo....but it sorta seems like the opposite...but yea....
Anywhoooo... I'm curious. I loved the prologue, so that's why I'll read some more. Let's see whut happensssss
Man, I can't believe I'm just now getting to this...Anywho, I love it. This is War was perfect background music for the beginning!
439292 Yay for Pinkie Pie tit groping!
548743
No, you wouldn't, you would think either two things, weird girl who has purple hair and is naked, or drugged cosplayer who thinks their a pony. If you immediatly thought twilight sparkle, you have a mental problem.
455351 I did that to a friend of mine once, and didn't get slapped.
Thank Celestia I had my "Sorry, the tent's small" excuse prepped beforehand.
Johns face when he heard the CMC talking to each other.
fuuu.us/256.png
And his thoughts to it.
fuuu.us/394.png
Bronydragon
Well you have my attention now I want to do a fic like this... Rainbow Dash falling ffrom the sky or Discord sending the Mane six to earth... in human form? Yeah... how do I explain that to my parents?
I probably would have shouted "FUCK IT!" and left them in the forest... for a few minutes
Thank christ they appeared clothed.
2113142
O_O... Why would you even think about that?
For a pony fanfic writer it took him a lot longer to put the pieces together than I figured.
Huh, look at that. Kid Icarus: Uprising reference? Good game. Played it, beat it, completed the treasure hunts, and I've even got an FiM crossover of it.
Also, out of all the Ponyfall stories, yours seems to be the only one in which the humanized ponies were found fully clothed. Any explanation or just for the sake of some convenience?
2368275
well considering age of CMC... yeah we want no pedo here do we? Still it is bit odd that Mane Six all appear naked but CMC crusaders aren't... I wounder if it would be better if all of them appeared clothed...
why didn't they turn up like the rest did????
2271614
There is a reason for that partly explained in TheSlorg's part of the collab.
I wonder if when the ponies start meeting up later in the story, they make note of everyone except the crusaders being naked when they arrived. I suppose I shall find out soon enough.
But I wanna hang out with the cutie mark crusaders and i wanna now! P.S. I was trying to imitate Applebloom. you know 'I wanna cutie mark and i want it now!" See Applebloom wants to hang out with me too but she can't so she's sad.
WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!WAREHOUSE 13 REFERENCE. HE SMELLED FUDGE!!!