• Member Since 5th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Nosfrat


Dunno what to say. I almost exclusively read and write AiE romance.

Comments ( 17 )

I never thought I'd be sad to see the equivalent of a Hitler die... ARYANNE NOOOOOO!!!!

Dafuq did I just read

Please click 'more' and read the entire description.

This is a first person Anon in Equestria story, and contains some human x pony action, both romance and clop. Not your thing? Don't read.

Also, the title might be a little misleading as the main plot does not focus on Twilight Sparkle. The bonus chapter however, does (although it's not really canon to the main one).

A few weeks after settling into his new life in Equestria, Anon starts to exhibit strange powers. He ends up discovering that he actually possesses psychic powers similar to magic, which causes his life to turn upside down as a couple of mares start taking interest in him...

Contains: tons and tons of stupid shit, more 'references' than ever, music, romance, sex, action with poor vocabulary, rapey / stalker ponies... well, you know, the usual stuff. Oh, and also an OC (Aryanne) as a main character.

Chapter 2 is more of an epilogue / bonus clop than an actual chapter, and contains futa.

Unlike my other stories, this one does not focus on romance too much. It does contain some, but it's more of a random / stupid / slice of life kind of thing.

Rated Mature for the usual reasons: language, clop, general adult situations, etc.

You know what I just underlined? The only part of the description that's an actual description. All that other shit? We don't need to know it. Put it in the author's notes if you need to. But for the description of the actual story, make it so that people can read it from first glance, and don't muddle it up with trivial drivel none of need to know or care about.

That was pretty good.:ajsmug:

I mean yeah, it has room for improvement with the dialog and pacing but whats here is good.:twilightsmile:

Some of those lines were perfect!:rainbowlaugh:


All in all, not bad Nosfrat:eeyup:/)

I seriously have no idea what to think of this besides that it's glorious and had quite a few laughs, just like I always do with the rest of your stories :rainbowlaugh:

Note time!

But just when I thought I was starting to get accustomed to most of the daily weirdness this place has to offer... (long and hard to read; I suggest rephrasing)
What kind of unicorn would follow me all the way into the Everfree forest and wait for my dumb ass to somehow get lost and end up waking up an ursa minor (Consistency: I thought he didn't knew the name of the beast.)
Apparently having telekinetic powers that activate when ponies touch me in ways they shouldn't is freaky (Apparently it's freaky? wut)
"Oh my Gosh, Anon! I can't believe it..." (missing horizontal bar before timejump in previous line)
and other various magical shit into me. ("various magical shit" singular shit makes this weird; suggestion: remove "various" or rephrase)
I take off the a few plugs that were magically embedded into me, and shrug. (the a few)
Women... Man. Women! (Women, man... Women!)
The white mare, frowns but decides to remain still and silent for some reason... (remove comma after "mare")
I don't know why he thought that giving you some of his powers would help him getting back at ponykind (get back at)
It makes me hungry but shit, it turns heads. ("It makes me hungry, but, shit, it turns heads." seems to be the correct form. suggestion: rephrase it.)
I'm talking over a hundred degrees hot. (Nothing wrong. I just wanted to say: fuck Fahrenheit degrees. All heil the Celsius and Kelvin master races!)
Her smiles falters. (smile)
You're alright? (Is the statememt form intentional?)
Once again I'm in the train, and headed for Canterlot. (comma needed after "Once again")
But you should try the east gate next time, there are eight of them here. (there)
I would probably find myself all the way across Equestria wondering how I got here (there)
She moans and slightly opens her mouth, her hot breath delicately caressing my own lips. (no other lips recently referred to in the context; remove "own")
Suckling on one of her little pony teats, I let go off it with a wet and rather erotic sound (let go of it)
Celestia pleads weakly, remembering me of her presence. (reminding)
My inhibitions are all but gone, ("all but gone" would mean that they aren't gone, right?)
She starts snoring quietly, her tongue lolling out as a strand drool starts spilling onto the bed. (as a strand of drool)
I move back next to the white Earth pony (add comma after "back?")
Our tongues explore each other's mouth and our hands (and hooves) explore each other's bodies (each other's mouths)
Eventually we breaking away for air, and I look into her eyes.(we break away)
She nods silently and positions herself into my lap. (on my lap)
moaning loudly as the tip of my penis scraps against her still sensitive lips (scrapes)
holding each other at tightly as we can (as tightly)
sitting next to me and putting a hoof into my lap. (on my lap)
and where exactly we're currently are. ("we're currently are?")
but there is something other than fear in our eyes, and on our mind. (minds)
Not until you told me what's wrong with you. (you tell me)

I didn't read the description (not included with the downloaded html), so I was expecting a focus on Twi, but Aryanne was cute as fuck. so I didn't mind.

The second chapter was not exactly my cup of tea, but I still enjoyed the aspects of it that didn't directly involve Twi's dick.
Also, I don't think it's technically futa (futanari) when she doesn't have both sets of genitals.
I believe this is called dickgirl.

4912846 I fixed most of the things I didn't comment on.

"Oh my Gosh, Anon! I can't believe it..." (missing horizontal bar before timejump in previous line)
The bar is here, where it should be.

Women... Man. Women! (Women, man... Women!)
It does sound strange out of context.

I'm talking over a hundred degrees hot. (Nothing wrong. I just wanted to say: fuck Fahrenheit degrees. All heil the Celsius and Kelvin master races!)
Heh, 'heil'... couldn't agree more, but after reading so much, I've gotten used to the imperial system and now I'm using it when I write... damn, now that you mention it I feel like a pleb.

Well that's about it, I fixed most of the other things you've mentioned. Thanks for taking the time to do that, there were quite a lot of typos and shit that I didn't catch even after re-reading the whole thing like three times.

And as far as I know, futanari can refer to both, and it sure sounds better than dickgirl.

4912953

Because psychic powers that activate when you're being molested doesn't sound freaky to you? Helpful, but freaky.

It's not surprising that such powers are freaky, which is why I found the "apparently" weird. I think I'd make more sense if he were just stating it matter-of-factly, without the "apparently."
I should've been more clear about it.

Well that's about it, I fixed most of the rest. Thanks for taking the time to do that, there were quite a lot of typos and shit that I didn't notice even after re-reading like three times.

Thank you, I'm glad to be of assistance.
Proofreading or editing a story you already read before is hard, let alone one that you wrote yourself.
That's why there are editors and proofreaders.

And as far as I know, futanari can refer to both, and it sure sounds better than dickgirl.

For reference, here's the Wikipedia article on the subject.
It doesn't seem to be very clear on it, and I don't know much about it since it's not my thing.

Just... what the fuck did I just read??:rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

5056688
I kept asking myself the same as I was writing it.

This.. Was an experience...

OK I have to say this is some funny shit... :rainbowlaugh:

5057591
Egads, but that's a beautiful Celestia...
I'm not reading this story but I'm saving that pic... You drew it yourself, if I understand correctly?

6035273 Nah, I can't draw at all. I just put a bunch of images together, if you click "source" you can find the original artists in the tags.

When Aryanne died I was just like:

RIP *plays Mein guter kamerad*

Okay, Celestia is fine, but you do NOT kill off Aryanne!

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